Things that happen when elevator music replaced by Judas Priest/GG Allin/Marilyn Manson/evil satan gansta rap

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Children and the elderly experience uncontrollable acts of spontaneous human masturbation... frogs rain from the sky, women swell up and give birth to 10 pounds of tropical fish... water fountains and doorknobs infected with gay germs... shrill glam metal shrieking suddenly really cool again...

― sucka (sucka), Sunday, 27 July 2003 15:48 (twenty-two years ago)

most people wouldn't even notice the difference.

― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Sunday, 27 July 2003 15:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I love the notion of gay germs though. And "spontaneous human masturbation" as the last word in transgressive apocalyptics.

― nestmanso (nestmanso), Sunday, 27 July 2003 17:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Maybe so, but nevertheless, I would ask you to avoid the word 'transgressive' in the future as it upsets me.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 29 July 2003 21:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I wonder if little toddlers smile broadly after hearing some Nu Metal hack being played over the grocery store PA and yelp "Coookie Monster on the radio in the ceiling, mommy! Cookie Monster on the radio!"

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 10:44 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm just relieved it was only human masturbation and they didn't involve the frogs or the tropical fish or an under-age goat that happened to be passing.

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 10:48 (twenty-two years ago)

In a bizarre and even more alarming turn of events, gangs of young people dressed all in black and covered in tattoos and piercings; or wearing expensive trainers and designer jeans that are many sizes too large for them and their baseball caps the wrong way 'round; begin to congregate in shopping centres, around large portable hi-fi systems , to listen to the latest releases by Ray Conniff, The Boston Pops Orchestra, James Last, Mantovani, Paul Marriatt and Klaus Wunderlich.

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 10:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Sign of the Apocalypse #362.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 10:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Things that happen when elevator music replaced by Judas Priest/GG Allin/Marilyn Manson/evil satan gansta rap
Then you know you're in Hot Topic and not the Gap.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 11:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Following the revelation that; after spending several days listening repeatedly to one particular track on The Very Best Of Perry Como; a gang of teenage youths have been seen in Marks & Spencer purchasing comfy slippers and nice zip-up cardigans with suede elbow patches; a Court is informed by the experts witnesses who have been analysing the lyrics to "Hot Diggity (Dog Ziggity Boom)" that, when the track is played backwards, the words ".... get a good stable career in insurance or accountancy, get a mortgage and settle down with a nice sensible girl" can be clearly heard.

Increases in the instances of teenagers found smoking pipe tobacco are also being blamed on what the tabloid press have now dubbed "The Easy-Listening Menace"

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 11:16 (twenty-two years ago)

when the track is played backwards, the words ".... get a good stable career in insurance or accountancy, get a mortgage and settle down with a nice sensible girl" can be clearly heard.
Actually...*thats* what you hear when you play GG Allin's "Eat My Fuc" backwards. The Perry Como rekkid has the following subliminal message in the lyrics.
"Satans by bud. Satans my pal. I have tea a crumpets every Sunday with SAAATAAAANNN."

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 11:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Apologies Custos, you're right of course - it's just soooo easy to get those two things confused isn't it?

Accountancy and Satanism I mean?

Well, both obviously involve selling your soul for starters.

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 11:52 (twenty-two years ago)

"Help Stamp Out the Scourge of Charteted Accountancy!"

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 11:58 (twenty-two years ago)

I need to be exorcised.

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 12:38 (twenty-two years ago)

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