As Nick says, the Guide is produced for the Guardian by
The Press Association so, as a never-to-be-repeated service to Gatinha, I've copied out today's reviews, which are not particularly off-the-wall or scathing (except about the Idols).
This week's reviewer is the peerless Lauren Laverne.
Track of the week
The Earlies - EP4
Oboes, cellos, Mercury Rev-esque psychedelia, a deft lyrical touch, a tune more gorgeously soothing than a head massage from Helena Christiansen and all shot through with spine-tingling little slivers of electronica. That's the first three minutes. After that it gets really good. By the sounds of this EP, God smiles upon the union of Manchester lads Giles and Christian and Texans JM and Brandon. And if it's good enough for the big fella… Lo, their spaced-out, seductive "Manxas" grooves shall surely charm the pants off everyone.
The Darkness - Christmas Time (Don't Let The Bells End)
Everything that the Great British Christmas should be about: bad hair; outfits that Dave Hill would have rejected on the grounds of gaudiness; a choir of pasty, boss-eyed kids giving it some alongside a Lycra-clad cockrocker; jokes about bell(s) ends. It's all there. Strange, then, that the finished product should fall somewhat flat, lacking their usual killer chorus. On the upside the intro is on one of those, like, double guitars? Which is pretty cool.
The Idols - Happy Xmas (War Is Over)
One of John Lennon's worst ever songs covered by 12 of the UK's most annoying singers. The addition of a bell tree (one of those things that sounds a bit like a xylophone and goes "whoosh") and 16 extra notes per line by each Idol ("And so this I-I-I-S Christ-m-ah-eu-eh-haheyussss!") combine to achieve a strange synergy whereby something inexorably destined to be appalling plumbs hitherto unimagined depths of terror and putridity. Which leaves one feeling thoroughly soiled yet strangely impressed.
Michael Andrews feat. Gary Jules - Mad World
Allegedly recorded in just three takes when Jules happened to be in the same studio as Andrews, who had been employed to provide the score for Donnie Darko. The latter said something like, "Fancy doing a quick cover?" and one of the year's true gems was created. Jules' beautiful voice and Andrews' understated, ethereal accompaniment take Tears For Fears' glumtastic electro original into an entirely different dimension, stripping away the bombast of the lyrics and imbuing them with genuine emotion.
Kaito - Should I
It was probably a good idea of Kaito's to escape to the US and make a bit of a name for themselves touring with the likes of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and the Rapture before unleashing this mega-fast, ultra-cool 10" of fury on an unsuspecting British public. Otherwise we may have been distracted from the wonder of their essential, lissom, Shonen-Knife-meets-XTC-round-the-Buzzcocks'-house punk stylings by the fact that they're from Norwich. Partridge! Ha!
― chris j (chris j), Saturday, 13 December 2003 14:13 (twenty-two years ago)
The best one was a few years ago, when the reviewer described brian molko as looking like a 'fat girl with mumps'. Generally, it's not as hardass as it used to be (see also, j perretti's club page, tv reviews, soap reviews) and thus not as much phun.
― Pashmina (Pashmina), Saturday, 13 December 2003 14:20 (twenty-two years ago)