All-new clever and dismissive music crit one-liners needed

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

I'm fucking sick and tired with the "dancing about architecture" quote, the Frank Zappa quote, the David Lee Roth "Elvis Costello" quote, ad infinitum, ad nauseam.

They're all quotes that people throw out there to feel clever about themselves, but they've been so beaten into the ground that it's time to take them out back, shoot them, and come up with some new ones.

Your suggestions please...

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 22:29 (twenty-two years ago)

If Elvis Costello indeed said that, then why does he occasionally write about music?

― Jazzbo (jmcgaw), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 22:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I like throwing in "I see dead people" at the end of reviews of reformed bands and posturing old posers (Janes Addiction, etc). Feel free to steal that.

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 22:35 (twenty-two years ago)

They're all quotes that people throw out there to feel clever about themselves

So let's make new ones so we can feel more clever than them!

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 22:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Uh, that's what this thread's about.

― bent fabric (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 22:38 (twenty-two years ago)

no shit.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 22:41 (twenty-two years ago)

"I hate people who think they're so clever. How can I show them that *I* am the one who is really clever?"

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 22:42 (twenty-two years ago)

be clever.

― cozen (Cozen), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 22:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll get my coat...

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 22:43 (twenty-two years ago)

"I hate people who think they're so clever. How can I show them that *I* am the one who is really clever?"
-- oops

I'd like to hear someone who just said "I hate people who think they're so clever" try to tell me why that's not what they meant.

― Stupid (Stupid), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 22:45 (twenty-two years ago)

What's irritating is when people attempt to be clever by pulling a smart-alecky quote off the shelf that we've all heard a thousand times. It's like hearing the same joke over and over again.

It's time for all new ones.

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 22:48 (twenty-two years ago)

'Elvis. Pah. All he did was guess what Tom Jones would be doing in fifteen years time.'

― pete s, Tuesday, 20 January 2004 22:49 (twenty-two years ago)

oh, stop being so goddamn defensive for once. you might learn something. at least this thread is trying to be more useful than the average "use other" threads.

― bent fabric (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 22:49 (twenty-two years ago)

(multiple xposts)

― bent fabric (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 22:50 (twenty-two years ago)

"Oh yeah, buddy? Well, that's what she said."

― M Matos (M Matos), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 22:50 (twenty-two years ago)

"I used to fuck music like this in prison"

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 22:53 (twenty-two years ago)

"Nobody ever asked The Smurfs what kind of music they liked to sing".

― jazz odysseus, Tuesday, 20 January 2004 23:13 (twenty-two years ago)

"Melodies are like horses - you don't really need one"

― jazz odysseus, Tuesday, 20 January 2004 23:15 (twenty-two years ago)

"I could swallow a blank CD and shit out a better record than this".

― Nom De Plume (Nom De Plume), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 23:22 (twenty-two years ago)

'IN MY PANTS!'

― omg, Tuesday, 20 January 2004 23:24 (twenty-two years ago)

"Meh, I prefer their recent stuff."

― Stupid (Stupid), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 23:26 (twenty-two years ago)

"There are only a few truly gifted songwriters in the world today, and if your last name isn't 'Springsteen', you're not one of them".

― jazz odysseus, Tuesday, 20 January 2004 23:27 (twenty-two years ago)

(to be used by anyone with access to a time machine who wishes to write a mid '90s review comparing the former unfavorably with the latter)

"Hype may cause foolish people to come down on the side of the Blind Melon camp, but as for me, I stick with the Mellencamp."

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 23:32 (twenty-two years ago)

"The sensible man hates music with a passion, for it reveals to him all that he lacks".

― jazz odysseus, Tuesday, 20 January 2004 23:36 (twenty-two years ago)

"What good is a hit single if it was never released?"

― jazz odysseus, Tuesday, 20 January 2004 23:37 (twenty-two years ago)

"It may not be that you dislike this song, but rather that it dislikes you".

― jazz odysseus, Tuesday, 20 January 2004 23:39 (twenty-two years ago)

"The best thing you can say about that band is that they owe money".

― jazz odysseus, Tuesday, 20 January 2004 23:41 (twenty-two years ago)

"i would rather snap this album in half and stuff it up my anus than ever listen to it again"

― the surface noise (electricsound), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 23:41 (twenty-two years ago)

"If no one hears a hit song, does it make a sound?"

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 23:41 (twenty-two years ago)

'Interesting music is so boring.'

― omg, Tuesday, 20 January 2004 23:44 (twenty-two years ago)

"Few things compare to the sound of records without inner sleeves".

― jazz odysseus, Tuesday, 20 January 2004 23:45 (twenty-two years ago)

'Music which distracts you from sex is dud'.

― pete s, Tuesday, 20 January 2004 23:47 (twenty-two years ago)

dude i was being OFFENSIVE. get it straight.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 23:50 (twenty-two years ago)

(sorry. I'm in a really pissy mood)

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 23:52 (twenty-two years ago)

OMG OTM

― sym (shmuel), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 00:55 (twenty-two years ago)

"A person only sings Rock if they can't sing Jazz, and a person only sings Jazz if they can't fuck".

― jazz odysseus, Wednesday, 21 January 2004 01:11 (twenty-two years ago)

"Like Proust and his madelaines this record will make you remember all that other shit that you hate." ( I read a lot of litcrit that mentions Proust and his madelaines-is that even how you spell madelaine-and it's a great crit cliche cuz you only have to read like 5 pages of Swann's Way to use it.)

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 01:29 (twenty-two years ago)

"I don't read reviews."

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 01:57 (twenty-two years ago)

"If Jim Jones had played this record over the Jonestown P.A. he could have saved a lot of Kool-Aid."

― Mark (MarkR), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 04:08 (twenty-two years ago)

"Why don't you have ___(insert crappy musician here)_______ shit directly into your ears instead? It'd have the same result."

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 04:11 (twenty-two years ago)

"They're full of energy, but then so is a bottle of Lucozade"!!!!
"Tip to any new 'funky' combos- 'rare groove'... isn't."!!!!!!!!!
"They're ROCK 'N' ROLL personified, but then so is Bill Hailey and The Comets"!!!!!!

― Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 09:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Henry Rollins once said 'the only thing that ruins music are musicians', there's a guy who needs to check his backyard.

― mzui, Wednesday, 21 January 2004 13:49 (twenty-two years ago)

"Mr. Casablancas, how would you like smacked? "

― dave225 (Dave225), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 14:18 (twenty-two years ago)

"I don't like stuff that sucks."

― rainman (rainman), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 14:36 (twenty-two years ago)

"Melodies are like horses -sometimes you have to walk them across the bridge"

― Luigi Vampa (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 14:49 (twenty-two years ago)

"This is like pop music on the Atkins diet. The sugar has been leeched away and all that's left is protein and fat which, as Dr. Dean Ornish tells us, isn't good for the heart. This rock'n'roll hurts my heart and leaves me with halitosis and a touch of constipation."

― Mark (MarkR), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 14:49 (twenty-two years ago)

'You can take a listener to water, but you can't make him drink'.

― omg, Wednesday, 21 January 2004 14:53 (twenty-two years ago)

I've had diarrhea with more consistency than this band.

― Luigi Vampa (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 14:54 (twenty-two years ago)

'Elvis. Pah. All he did was guess what Tom Jones would be doing in fifteen years time.'

LOL. I've used similar about Slint verus Mogwai, but it was intended to big up the latter.

― Jim Robinson (Original Miscreant), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 16:50 (twenty-two years ago)

this is so frickin' funny. i wish I could add to it.

― Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 21:53 (twenty-two years ago)

I personally never get tired of variations on the "Shark Sandwich? Shit Sandwich" less-than-a sentece review style. Like J.D. Considine's review of the band GTR, "ttl sht".

Peter Gabriel's Hit? Shit!

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 22:43 (twenty-two years ago)

jazz odysseus is ADORABLE

― 2 Pretty 4 Porn (DarrenK), Thursday, 22 January 2004 02:07 (twenty-two years ago)

In discussing her beloved Bob Dylan, Patti Smith once said "I never waltzed in his garbage." As much as she loved him, she refused to make apologies for him when he made a crappy record.

― Carrie Turner (cjt), Thursday, 22 January 2004 02:55 (twenty-two years ago)

"this loud and ecstatic thing is the sort of emphatic and ridiculous
cathedral of cheese that makes me laugh about those drippy saddoes who like to worship number-327-with-a-bullet whitebread beatles/byrds/beach boys tribute records as 'perfect pop'. perfect pop where, grandad? some planet shaped like a second-hand record shop where dancing's been banned since all the women fucked off to earth ?"

gary mulholland on 'dreamer' by livin joy.

― piscesboy, Thursday, 22 January 2004 13:54 (twenty-two years ago)

"Never afraid of speaking his mind, ______ has done it again, bravely taking a typically hard-nosed stance firmly against Ted Turner's controversial practice of colorizing classic black-and-white Shirley Temple motion pictures"

― Scott, Thursday, 22 January 2004 20:29 (twenty-two years ago)

"Guaranteed: No-one who has listened to this record will ever be able to describe it as unlistenable."

― Scott again, Thursday, 22 January 2004 20:48 (twenty-two years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.