Help Me Find Nice Things To Say About Music I Don't Like

When in doubt....just be vague: "They're the type of thing you like if you like that type of thing!"

1) Everyone on the planet has exactly the same experiences as you, so if they hold a different opinion, they must be an idiot
2) Everyone likes a gag. Crack wise on how there are a large number of bands nowadays called The (Something)
3) Be sure to point out how reality TV is killing off real music
4) If it has guitars in it, it sounds like The Strokes
5) Unless it's acoustic. Then it sounds like Belle and Sebastian
6) Spell-checking is for pussies.
7) Refer to the editor by his first name. That creates an informal atmosphere that's perfectly welcoming to an outsider
8) All albums should be rated 8/10.
9) Unless it's "The Grey Album". That saved hip-hop.
10) Man, that Coldplay are one miserable bunch of guys!

Chart has an opening in its editorial department for a reviews editor, responsible for
all music reviews.

Duties include managing music submissions, assigning reviews, writing, editing,
administrative duties and being an active participant in the music community by
regularly attending shows and events.

Candidate must possess extensive knowledge of Canadian and international artists
and labels. A broad base of interest in various musical genres is key. Also required:
music writing experience, excellent writing and editing skills, superior organizational
and communication skills, ability to meet deadlines and manage time effectively. A
positive, personable attitude, excellent people skills and the ability to work well with
others in a team environment is essential.

Mail cover letter and resume to Human Resources, Chart Magazine, 41 Britain St.,
Suite 200, Toronto ON M5A 1R7. Or email — no attachments please! — to
[email protected].

Deadline for submissions is April 23, 2004.

marginally funny, but not helpful.

I'm trying to be positive, so as to not alienate people. My college is small (1400 students) and in a small town, and I am the first music writer they've ever had. My ability to get people to come to shows that I'm actually really excited about hinges on my audience not thinking that I'm one of those "elitist indie snobs".

I've already met my self-imposed bad review quota for my negative coverage of a band called CrB (which is a clever abbreviation for "Campus Rock Band", I shit you not)

Somebody go listen to those mp3s and tell me something nice i can say. Please, I'm desperate.

39) it's "at least better than that American Idol crap"
40) the band is very "tight," e.g. they can actually play together
41) you could always talk approvingly about their musical equipment, e.g. "the guitarist plays a really cool silver sparkly Danelectro"
42) "they're really nice guys"

All of which means "this sucks, don't get anywhere near it," but at least mitigates the aforementioned threat.

I generally spend 75% of my alloted space writing about really great shows and 20% giving faint praise to mediocre mostly local stuff. Before i took the job it was 90% mediocre mostly local stuff, 10% top 40 CD reviews, and 0% great shows. It was all written by staff writers who didn't know any better.

I don't even like writing about music! I took the job because I was just tired of seeing amazing bands come through town and get no preview coverage or even show listings. If someone else would do it, I'd be more than happy to let them, but no one wants to!!!

They never wash their hair either. Indie kids stink. Do you know, I actually heard some of them snigger when I got excited about the new Kelis single on Monday. Huh.

Dom - we just got the Scan in our office today. Your news editors are illiterate!

*not that well, obviously

Heed this advice. Best serious advice yr gonna get.

Although Dom's posts are hilarious and oh-so OTM

Scan is Lancaster. The news editors get confused between singular and plural nouns (alumni/alumnus AARGH) and in their standfirsts they begin each word with a capital letter.

Oooof

49. SCAN gave three pages and a front-cover to a live gig by the Fun Loving Criminals. In 2004.

I shout at my music editors all the fucking time to cover more proper music, and this generally results in huge pervy pictures of the Sugababes and Jamelia to accompany 50-word single reviews.

Her most memorable move was writing a 300 article about the horribly misogynist film "The Secretary".

Our women's officer has been into the union building once this wole year.

http://cdbaby.com/cd/magdalen

I forgot to tell you the other reason I am trying to be positive: if i maintain a friendly relationship with the people who set up shitty shows, they will allow me to access their deep pockets and bring better people to campus.

It is however primary among the reasons why New Labour will still be a driving political force in ten years' time :(

Of course, after you lose credibility for appearing to like crap bands and the pockets dry up from no one paying for show, it won't matter. Then you'll graduate and it really won't matter. I'm sure there's a way you can stay friendly with your organizers without compromising your reviews. Maybe you should join the concert committee?

All their crap shows are free. There is no concert committee. It's mostly done by a hired person chosen by the administration, though i've been able to get the college radio station to sponsor a couple shows.

make your promoter buddies happier and do reasonably objective PREVIEWs rather than critical REviews. Reviews are usually the best reading, but don't serve that great a purpose on the business end of things.

that's exactly what i do actually. i only write reviews when the editor asks me to.