Meltdown: if you were curating, who would you choose?

ok, ok, manga then

Pray, G, spat my babymomma have
you not forgot to wind up the muthafuggin clock ? ----
Damn, Bitch! cried my father, making an
exclamation, but taking care to moderate
his voice at the same time, ---- Did ever
a ho, since the creation of the world, in-
terrupt a playa with such a silly question?

2) Tanya Stephens, Ce'Cile, Lady Saw

3) An evening with the Stone Love Soundsystem

4) Total Confusion: Superpitcher, Michael Mayer, Tobias Thomas

4) 23 Skidoo, Roots Manuva, Rodney P

5) Find requisite technology and revive Bill Hicks

6) Kano, D Double E, Tinchy Stryder

7) Matthew Herbert, Dani Siciliano, Soft Pink Truth

8) DJ Rupture/Donna Summer

9) Scritti Politti/Junior Boys

10) AGF/Vladislav Delay/Luomo

11) Jimmy Cliff

12) Q-Bert, Cut Chemist DJ Shadow, Radar & Z-Trip

13) Mary Margaret O'Hara

14) Four Tet/Manitoba/Coleen

An amorous discourse in the suburbs of Hell: The films of Chris Marker

The Rustle of Language: David Thomson, Paul Morley, Geoffrey O'Brien and The Pinefox discuss contemporary prosody.

Al Green vs Joni Mitchell.

Emo Phillips sets the controls for the heart of logic.

A New England: Theresa Tzara's odyssey through the new towns of England, soundtracked by The Clientele.

Caetano Veloso performs with Call and Response.

Maybe his solo stuff ain't all that (I prob expressed some hate round these parts bcz of it) but there's lots of reasons to like him.

my Meltdown evening:

AMM with derek bailey (morning)
AMM with dizzee rascal (afternoon)
AMM with pinefox (he will read passages from finnegans wake whilke amm perform passages from cardew's treatise, with laser show and pics of the score on a big screen).

*winky*

2. The London Simfonetta with live dancing provided by the cast of Starlight Express and that wierd old guy alternatively known as "The Thinnest Man in The Pub" and "Dave the Rave" who walks purposefully around town looking decidedly creepy. (Smallest Camden pub avaliable)

3. Fuck-You Nu-School Poetry with Rob Sheppard and Matt Fallaize. No music, no visuals, just shut up and listen you philistineous shitheads. (Millenium dome, 20,000k PA)

4. "If brains were cereal you'd be Snap Crackle and Duh" - A retrospective of the TV series California Dreams introduced by Lee and Herring. Guests include the cast of Saved By The Bell, but, peversely, no Dreams. (Albert Hall)

5. Morr Music LoveUp1 - Notwist, Lali Puna, Mum, Komeit - extra visual delights provided by intensely sculpted men and women benchpressing unbelievable weights and the best examples on chavscum.co.uk reading the Daily Star to a man dressed to look like butcher. (Queen Elizabeth Hall)

6. ILX live - 100 cast-iron regular, 100 now-and-agains and 50 collared-off-the-street 15 year old Kanye West, John Cena and Slipknot fans all talk over each other whilst Andrew furiously edits the audio into the correct ILX shape to be broadcast over the PA whilst solemly adding "Show All Details | Subscribe | RSS | Moderation Request | New Answers Logout | Settings | Problem? || Search | Random | Users | FAQ | Log | Admin Log" at the end of every piece. Background tapestry made by the kids of St. Phlebas Primary of that pic of Momus nude.(Queen Elizabeth Hall)

7. "How Many Men Have Seen This Heaven?" - a new work from Ben Elton using the songs of cheating fuckrat Chris De Burgh. Stars Martine MacCutcheon, Will Mellor and Andy "Firestrike" Gilchrist (Albert Hall)

8. "I'm Sorry We Need The Air" - Chris Moyles sits in a seat in the middle of the stage, gagged and sweating, whilst the entire invited audience explain exactly why he's about to be shot full of stonefish venom. Musical interludes by Peter Andre and Skrewdriver.

9. Me and Jim playing video games on a massive big screen in the Albert Hall whilst the crowd whoop and cheer at our l337 sk!117_. Music by Kid 606 and surviving relatives of Terry Thomas (albert hall)

10. Valentine Records LoveUp 2 - Megarider, Performance, Shirokuma. Visual entertainment provided by watching Simon Cowell be slowly lowered into a pit of hungry and ill-informed bonobos.

11. Me and my girlfriend get a meal cooked for us by Nigel Slater and Hugh Fearnley Whittingthingy. Our cats get a meal by Rick Stein. Fuck you, I'm curating. (Albert Hall - invite only - no invites)

12. Morr LoveUp2 - B Fleischmann, Console, Christian Kleine. Even larger men and women than at Morr LoveUp 1 will benchpress cars, small planes and even entire branches of Dixons. More chavs too, except this time they will be reading the Sun to a bunch of drunken squaddies.

13. S-Night - Styrofoam, Solvent, Skanfrom, Sonic Youth, Sebadoh, Squarepusher and Stereolab all play their individual 3 hour intepretations of the letter "S" simultaneously whilst sexing in a stairwell full of stew. (attendance highly discouraged - "Thurston, Thurston, Lou Barlow's in Kims ASS!" "Beat up on him, Lee" etc.) (A Stairwell in Soho)

14. Lynskey (band set), Panel Beater, The Piss Shivers, Daymaker (The New Airborne Millenium Dome which will fly across the city depostiting mid-range ecstacy tablets and 8th of Thai bush to one and all)