"Young men wish for expertise on only two instruments, the electric guitar and the saxophone, since both involve fiddling at the pelvic level."

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This reads like a bad parody of a letter from the 1950s!!!!!

"We must assume that the minister's appetite is not for contemporary symphonic music, but rather the kind of minstrelsy that involves, above all, beat, a diminution of melodic line, primitive harmonic structures and a constant avowal of "lurv" in the . . . libretto. This is a taste that is suitable to the untutored, lusting condition of youth; much of the devastation that is experienced by men in the process of growing up is due to the sense of self-betrayal they feel when civilisation entreats them to turn aside from such anthems of reproduction and become cultivated and gentle at last. Beat Radio is for scumbag youth in an open-windowed car tearing down the high street. It offers a sonic illustration of the action of coitus, and is often performed to an antic imitation of that action. Young men wish for expertise on only two instruments, the electric guitar and the saxophone, since both involve fiddling at the pelvic level."

But it's not from the 1950's it's a letter in today's Glasgow Herald!!!!!!! Today!!!!! In 2004!!!!!!!!!!!

Which begs the question- if a mature man like myself can keep abreast of the popular music gramphones and discourse on tha megamighty netwebby, what's stopping folk like this?!?!?!

(Actually, I've noticed, he comes from Paisley- that might explain it!!!!)

― Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Monday, 24 May 2004 09:13 (twenty-two years ago)

That would also explain why ladies wish for proficiency on the accordian. And why they go for guys that play the harmonica.

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 24 May 2004 09:15 (twenty-two years ago)

How do they explain turntablism?

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Monday, 24 May 2004 09:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Don't forget it's not just the guitar, but the electric guitar!!!! And all you disk jokey, forget those gramophone "decks", what you really need is a saxophone!!!!!

― Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Monday, 24 May 2004 09:21 (twenty-two years ago)

It's not "they", Sick Mouthy, it's some letter writer, who appears to have access to today's Herald via a chance encounter with Doctor Who's Tardis in the 1950s!!!!

― Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Monday, 24 May 2004 09:22 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't think he would understand turntablism anyway, he probably still uses wax cylinders!!!!

― Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Monday, 24 May 2004 09:23 (twenty-two years ago)

That's what you get for buying the Glasgow Herald

― Dadaismus (Dada), Monday, 24 May 2004 09:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Just as well I read the website instead!!!!!

― Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Monday, 24 May 2004 09:41 (twenty-two years ago)

i can't believe you never forget the exclamation marks. what if you have some bad news you want to share?

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 24 May 2004 09:46 (twenty-two years ago)

I USE BIG LETERS!!!

― Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Monday, 24 May 2004 09:47 (twenty-two years ago)

haha!!!

― zappi (joni), Monday, 24 May 2004 10:09 (twenty-two years ago)

do you like the band called !!! ?

― zappi (joni), Monday, 24 May 2004 10:13 (twenty-two years ago)

!!! is ruining my moral fiber

― Be sure to Loop! Loop, Loop, Loop. (ex machina), Monday, 24 May 2004 12:01 (twenty-two years ago)

But what of cylinderism???

― briania (briania), Monday, 24 May 2004 12:26 (twenty-two years ago)

how would this fellow interpret making music on a computer?

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 24 May 2004 21:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Is the author referring to Beat 106, do we think? If so, you know he's right (!!!).

― scotstvo (scotstvo), Monday, 24 May 2004 21:47 (twenty-two years ago)

this reminds me exactly of the guy who wrote "the decline of american civilization" ... something about how ours (not his) is the first generation to grow up listening to music at the tempo of coitus!! the horror!!

― vahid (vahid), Monday, 24 May 2004 22:26 (twenty-two years ago)

probably his editors should have hipped him to slow jams, too.

― vahid (vahid), Monday, 24 May 2004 22:27 (twenty-two years ago)

three months pass...

shit, shoulda added it to this thread instead

http://thighswideshut.org/videos/sax.gif

― JaXoN (JasonD), Thursday, 26 August 2004 19:36 (twenty-one years ago)

female guitarist spotted!

― sexyDancer, Thursday, 26 August 2004 19:39 (twenty-one years ago)

bwahahahahahahahahahahahaa

― peter smith (plsmith), Thursday, 26 August 2004 19:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Either that's a female dwarf guitarist spanking a Chippendale doing suggestive things with a sax, or that's a wonky GIF anim from that hilarious "concert" in The Lost Boys!!!!

― Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Friday, 27 August 2004 10:23 (twenty-one years ago)

one year passes...

Anyone have the full text for this letter?!

― +, Sunday, 13 November 2005 18:49 (twenty years ago)

okay, never mind, found it here:
http://web.archive.org/web/20040609232323/http://www.theherald.co.uk/features/16659-print.shtml

― +, Sunday, 13 November 2005 18:52 (twenty years ago)

Cylindrism in action:

― joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Sunday, 13 November 2005 19:10 (twenty years ago)

This is a worthy addendum to that "Female Bassists" (= female masturbation) theory of a coupla weeks back.

― Myonga Von Bontee (Myonga Von Bontee), Monday, 14 November 2005 08:28 (twenty years ago)

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