There is no better celebration of late 90's Hip-Hop excess than the video for "Been Around The World" by Puff Daddy Feat. Ma$e and Biggie

The video starts with a limousine rolling into view. Next, a shot of a plane, with its doors opening automatically. The limousine screeches to a halt, and a door is opened, as a single white dove flies out of the vehicle. Going down the steps from the airplane, we see MA$E, with his arms wide open in a gesture of brotherhood. Cut to the limousine, with a shot of Puff Daddy looking pensive. He begins to walk towards the plane: the camera focuses on his feet, which are protected by COWBOY BOOTS! “What’s up baby, you got that for me?” Puffy questions, as Ma$e opens a little box containing cash and the music sets in. But OH NO!! just as our two heroes start to engage in amiable conversation, a group of sinister looking black cars approaches!! Already one step ahead of their foes, Puffy & Ma$e quickly step into the plane, and off they go!!!

From the inside of this ever-so-luxurious vehicle, Ma$e treats us to a stirring sermon about the evil of playa hatin’, while sitting on a comfortable leather couch and doing some very odd gestures with his hands. Where will the plane take our valiant protagonists, though? It flies past Egypt, Libya and into Tunisia, while Ma$e takes off his sunglasses and Puffy moves in to sing the chorus. Some reticent attempts at dancing are made, but these are cruelly interrupted when the ship’s pilot (who kinda looks like Wyclef Jean) jumps into view and out of the plane, parachuting himself into safety. Now, we all know that Puffy and Ma$e are men of many talents, but alas piloting a plane is beyond even their awesome abilities, and so the dynamic duo is forced to follow the wretched pilot’s actions and parachute out into the desert. Obviously thrilled by their smooth landings, Ma$e and his mentor decide to DANCE IN THE DESERT! The sight of this is so utterly beyond human comprehension that I couldn’t possibly attempt to describe it. Suffice to say that, as is often the case when man tries to reach for the stars in this gutter we call “life”, the two hero’s strutting of their respective funky stuff results in intervention from the authorities. A bunch jeeps drive into sight, and a group of alarmed looking soldiers quickly step out of them and run towards an open-shirted Puffy, while Ma$e, with his well-known brand of, erhm, unconventional dancing moves, seems to have accidentally walked off into some corner.

“You are invading foreign territory!” the soldier’s leader shouts; for the purpose of clarity, this is subtitled in English for us viewers, as is Puffy’s reply “what’s happening, my brother?”; Ma$e, who still has his hands up, seems as surprised as we are by Puffy’s eloquence of speech in the soldier’s language. However, Mr. Combs soon reverts to English, with a gently scolding “now don’t act like you don’t know nobody, uh? It’s me!” A smile of giddy recognition flashes across the soldiers’ faces, as their joyful cry erupts: “PUFFY!” Our two fearless protagonists are whisked off into the jeeps. “Well, that went well”, you might think, but careful, true believer, all is not yet won: while the jeep travels across the desert, the watchful eyes of that mysterious pilot are highlighted in the sky to remind us that danger still lurks around the corner.

But for now, it is time to celebrate! Puffy enters the ultra-snazzy party going on at the royal palace that he has been lead to: heads turn to appreciate the sight of this mysterious stranger in the shiny suit. Cut to His Royal Highness himself, enjoying the festivities from the comfort of his throne: “I hope you’re enjoying the party” he tells his beautiful daughter (J-Lo!) sitting next to him; “It’s beautiful, daddy, thank you” she replies. “He is so handsome” the young princess then confides to her maid, as they both look at Puffy throwing mad poses while talking about his status as a rich young black male “and he moves so well.” The camera then cuts to Puffy introducing a tuxedoed Ma$e making dance moves with his fists, presumably to distract from the inevitable question “but who’s that asshole with him?” that either the princess or the maid would have had to pose sooner or later. Well aware that all eyez are on them, the duo continues to boogie down: if you look real carefully, you can see Puffy doing that little dance that he stole from Michael Stipe circa “Losing My Religion”. Uncontrollably attracted to this exotic display of dancing ability, the princess slowly moves down the stairs, while the camera pans to a sinister figure with a veiled face. As he drops the veil, the awful truth is revealed – it’s the pilot! He discreetly takes out a capsule and drops a liquid into Lopez’s drink. Puffy, who until then had been busy spinning around, immediately notices the rogue’s vile action and storms up to the stairs where Jenny was just about to drink from the cup, removing it at once. Commotion ensues, as the pilot tries to escape but is quickly captured by three fat guys wearing fezzes (sp?). The crowd cheers as our gallant hero kisses the princess’ hand and then joins his sidekick in a slow motion shot of them taking in the partygoer’s shouts of acclaim (though why Ma$e thinks they’re directed at him I’ll never know.)

How to end such a masterpiece? Both Puff Daddy and Ma$e know that there really is only one acceptable way: synchronized dancing. And so this is what they give us, as the camera fades to black and our minds are transported back from the wondrous world of late 90’s Playa Rap and into the drab existence of our daily lives. But for those four and a half minutes of bliss, Puffy, I salute you.