How would one stop a band?

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I mean, really. Once they get started, they're hard to put an end to.

― spittle (spittle), Thursday, 9 September 2004 05:53 (twenty-one years ago)

(your yoko joke here)

― spittle (spittle), Thursday, 9 September 2004 05:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Steal their van?

― Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Thursday, 9 September 2004 05:55 (twenty-one years ago)

angry mob and pointy sticks

― frenchbloke (frenchbloke), Thursday, 9 September 2004 06:21 (twenty-one years ago)

"Taxi for These Animal Men"

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 9 September 2004 06:22 (twenty-one years ago)

HOME TAPING IS KILLING THE MUSIC INDUSTRY

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Thursday, 9 September 2004 06:23 (twenty-one years ago)

cattle carcass pon the tracks

― autovac (autovac), Thursday, 9 September 2004 06:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Fretless bass

― wtin, Thursday, 9 September 2004 08:16 (twenty-one years ago)

TAKE AWAY THEIR HEROIN

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Thursday, 9 September 2004 09:02 (twenty-one years ago)

No!

You should use heroin and groupies as bait to lure them into a disused warehouse somewhere!

Then when they're safely inside, slam the doors behind them and lock them in.

If you wanted to, you could then send a ransom demand to their record label; possibly enclosing a drumstick, a guitar string and an old set list still with a bit of gaffer tape stuck to the top to prove that you have the band; to show them that you're ruthless and will stop at nothing!

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Thursday, 9 September 2004 09:49 (twenty-one years ago)

hire evil robot clones to go back in time and push them off a cliff

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Thursday, 9 September 2004 09:59 (twenty-one years ago)

eat them

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Thursday, 9 September 2004 10:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I have an unpleasant suspicion that eating them would only be seen as a sign of encouragement!

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Thursday, 9 September 2004 10:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Find someone who's prepared to marry the drummer.

It's managed to stop just about every band I've ever been in.

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Thursday, 9 September 2004 10:12 (twenty-one years ago)

i'd like to see a band TRY to rock out from inside my small intestines.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Thursday, 9 September 2004 10:21 (twenty-one years ago)

no band i know has EVER pulled it off.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Thursday, 9 September 2004 10:23 (twenty-one years ago)

they start to wear down as the stomach acid kicks in.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Thursday, 9 September 2004 10:24 (twenty-one years ago)

they sometimes try to poke me with guitar strings but their guitar strings just disintegrate.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Thursday, 9 September 2004 10:27 (twenty-one years ago)

if theres anything left of them by the time they reach my colon it all turns to crap.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Thursday, 9 September 2004 10:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Good grief!!

(you shd perhaps write a song about this)

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 9 September 2004 10:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Offer the drummer a lucrative publishing deal.

― mzui, Thursday, 9 September 2004 10:32 (twenty-one years ago)

you shd perhaps write a song about this

wow, you are so right!

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Thursday, 9 September 2004 10:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Does this have something to do with Wyld Stallyns?

― Dale the Panopticalist (cprek), Thursday, 9 September 2004 10:39 (twenty-one years ago)

"no band i know has EVER pulled it off."

Strange - most of the bands I've known would have included this amongst their top ten recreational pursuits.

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Thursday, 9 September 2004 10:43 (twenty-one years ago)

"Offer the drummer a lucrative publishing deal."

Get him married first and you'll only need to offer him a job stacking the shelves in Waitrose for £4.85 an hour.

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Thursday, 9 September 2004 10:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Write a scathing, pithy review of them in your fanzine.

― Michael Philip Philip Philip Annoyman (Ferg), Thursday, 9 September 2004 10:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Put MP3s of their entire catalog online. Lie and say the band gave you express permission to download.

― mike a, Thursday, 9 September 2004 12:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Become their manager

― Marco Damiani (Marco D.), Thursday, 9 September 2004 12:12 (twenty-one years ago)

"Put MP3s of their entire catalog online. Lie and say the band gave you express permission to download."

Interesting theory. Why do you think this would work? Because everyone would download the band's material instead of buying it, so they'd make no money; or because if all their material was (apparently) available to download legitimately for free, everyone would assume that the band must be crap and not bother with them?

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Thursday, 9 September 2004 12:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyhow, the only sure way to stop a band is....

Get them to have a massive hit with a ropey cover version.

Game over!

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 9 September 2004 12:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Are yyou entirely sure about that, Mark?

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Thursday, 9 September 2004 12:21 (twenty-one years ago)

What's at the end, and what's stoppin it, and what's beyond what's stoppin it?

― 57 7th (calstars), Thursday, 9 September 2004 12:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, stew, but the originals were good to great songs. The cover has to be of a song that was not much cop to start with.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 9 September 2004 12:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I was thinking the former - that everyone would download their material instead of buying it, thereby leaving them broke. But the latter theory works as well! Whatever it takes.

― mike a, Thursday, 9 September 2004 12:33 (twenty-one years ago)

"Yeah, stew, but the originals were good to great songs. The cover has to be of a song that was not much cop to start with."

The entire careers of any number of 90's boy-bands to thread!

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Thursday, 9 September 2004 12:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Obviously in any decent self-respecting universe you'd be right Mark. Unfortunately however....

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Thursday, 9 September 2004 12:37 (twenty-one years ago)

**well I don't consider them bands** (haughty Rush Fan voice)

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 9 September 2004 12:41 (twenty-one years ago)

You could do it in the style of that Steve Albini article. Get a major label to sign the band to a "development deal." The band will be overjoyed - finally, they're THIS CLOSE to the dream! However, make sure you put a clause in the deal memo that prevents them from releasing anything, anywhere, that isn't label-approved. The catch, of course, will be that NOTHING the band puts out will be deemed label-worthy. Eventually the band will break up and the members will be too dispirited to form other bands.

― mike a, Thursday, 9 September 2004 12:41 (twenty-one years ago)

(Hmm, both of my suggestions draw on legal means. Can you tell I'm preparing for a career in IP law?)

― mike a, Thursday, 9 September 2004 12:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Give them the Mercury Music Prize.

― hobart paving (hobart paving), Thursday, 9 September 2004 12:54 (twenty-one years ago)

UK: Give them a Brits "Best Newcomer" award.

US: Set Courtney Love to "stun".

― mike t-diva (mike t-diva), Thursday, 9 September 2004 12:59 (twenty-one years ago)

1990s - make Pete Waterman dump them from his label
2000s - make Pete Waterman sign them to his label

― hobart paving (hobart paving), Thursday, 9 September 2004 13:00 (twenty-one years ago)

oh my god the band is called Lit and my name is...

― ...The Lady Ms Pamela Anderson-Leerex (lucylurex), Thursday, 9 September 2004 22:47 (twenty-one years ago)

force them to live at the bottom of the sea and then if they try to use their gear they will be electrocuted. well, except for the drummer.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Thursday, 9 September 2004 22:48 (twenty-one years ago)

cancer

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 9 September 2004 22:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Become their manager and make them play in undesirable locations until they get frustrated and give up.

― Elisabeth (Elisabeth), Friday, 10 September 2004 04:01 (twenty-one years ago)

force them to live at the bottom of the sea and then if they try to use their gear they will be electrocuted. well, except for the drummer.

I sense a new hit series... "MTV Unplugged... Underwater"

― wetmink (wetmink), Friday, 10 September 2004 05:39 (twenty-one years ago)

"Become their manager and make them play in undesirable locations until they get frustrated and give up.

Well, it worked for Malcolm McLaren....

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Friday, 10 September 2004 08:12 (twenty-one years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000000W7U.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― m0stly clean (m0stly clean), Friday, 10 September 2004 17:47 (twenty-one years ago)

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