If _____________ went on American Idol, what would the comments be?

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1. Joanna Newsom
2. Wayne Coyne
3. Scott Walker
4. etc.........

― Jeff-PTTL (Jeff), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 15:40 (twenty-one years ago)

2. Wayne, your voice is awfully nasal. Try singing more from your diaphragm.

Plus, you're rather boring to look at on your own. Maybe you need some kind of schtick, like puppets or masks or giant robots or something.

4. Patsy Cline: I like your voice, great old-school vibe. But couldn't you sex up your look a bit? Y'know, miniskirt, belly shirt, fishnets?

― The Mad Puffin (The Mad Puffin), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 15:45 (twenty-one years ago)

5. Frank Sinatra

Simon: Awful. Just awful.

(Frank leaves crying)

― David Allen (David Allen), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 15:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Ashlee Simpson: Simon "voice, performance, fine titties, great ass, this bitch got the whole package"
Randy: Sho nuff

― lukey (Lukey G), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 16:20 (twenty-one years ago)

lukey, that's really, really stupid; Ashlee Simpson would get absolutely savaged by both Randy and Simon unless she went in on one of the two days out of the calendar year that her fragile chords actually function.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 16:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Nellie McKay

Simon: You're just too...PERKY
Paula: You've got such a good soul!
Randy: I ain't feelin' that dawg.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 16:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Johnny Rotten, singing Four Enclosed Walls.

Simon: (explodes)

― dave225 (Dave225), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 16:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Now that's funny.

Ian Curtis.

Randy: cheer up, dog.

Paula: yeah, you really need to get out more.

Simon: why don't you just bloody go home and hang yourself?

― The Mad Puffin (The Mad Puffin), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 16:57 (twenty-one years ago)

dave225 OTM

What would they say about Elizabeth Fraser? I think they'd find some way to diss her.

― Ian Moraine (Eastern Mantra), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 20:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Wasn't Randy Jackson formerly of Journey?

― Huk-L, Wednesday, 19 January 2005 20:45 (twenty-one years ago)

(Liz Frazier finishes singing)

Randy: Um, what are you saying?
Simon: Were there words in there? Honestly, that was just amorphous warbling.
Paula: I HAVE A GRAMMY!

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 20:46 (twenty-one years ago)

(Different Randy Jackson.)

(He also wasn't one of the Jackson Five.)

― The Mad Puffin (The Mad Puffin), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 20:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Um, that's the same Randy Jackson. He mentions it about 50,000,0000,000 times per AI season.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 20:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Hmmm. I stand corrected.

Ummm. Pete Shelley: "Dude, you sing like a GIRL."

― The Mad Puffin (The Mad Puffin), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 20:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Paula: I HAVE A GRAMMY!
Classic.

Roy Montgomery
Jamie Stewart
Don van Vliet
Ari Up

― Ian Riese-Moraine (Eastern Mantra), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 23:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't make up any ideas of my own as to what the responses would be as I've never seen American Idol, having pretty much avoided television for the past four years.

― Ian Riese-Moraine (Eastern Mantra), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 23:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Did Randy Jackson ever have a solo joint?

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 23:23 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost, dan I was being both ironical, and attempting to suggest that Simon bases his judgements on visual attributes as much as on vocal ones

― lukey (Lukey G), Thursday, 20 January 2005 13:36 (twenty-one years ago)

If Mark E. Smith went on American Idol, what would the comments be?

― earlnash, Thursday, 20 January 2005 14:43 (twenty-one years ago)

"You are shabby and you cannot sing"

"Thanks, but we do the judging!"

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 20 January 2005 14:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Bob Dylan sings a tiny fraction of a single measure, punctuated by a short off-key squark of harmonica. His microphone is cut off and Simon Cowell begins making his attack.
He is suddenly taken aback by Dylan comes back with a even better comeback.
Thus begins an epic insult battle of galactic proportions. In the end, the other panelists run from the room in terror, Simon Cowell is rendered hoarse from the yelling (Dylan was already rendered hoarse by being Bob Dylan) and the audience is baffled but strangely entranced.
The episode gets great ratings and Bob Dylan becomes the new William Hung.
Next weeks episode: Lemmy Kilminster quickly ends his "debate" with Simon Cowell by slamming his fist all the way through Cowell's skull.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Thursday, 20 January 2005 17:07 (twenty-one years ago)

"If Mark E. Smith went on American Idol, what would the comments be"

Pink Floyd are....short.

― Masked Gazza, Thursday, 20 January 2005 17:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Rufus Wainwright:
"Do your folks know you do this?"

Neil Tennant:
"Have you thought about a career in, um, maybe journalism?"

Howard Dean:
"Love that maniacal scream! Honey if you had bigger tits, tats, and a belly-button ring, you could go far!"

Condaleeza Rice:

“You have no apparent talent, qualifications, or reason to exist, and yet I can tell by that look in your eye that you will go far once we get back in my dressing room.”

― mottdeterre (mottdeterre), Thursday, 20 January 2005 17:44 (twenty-one years ago)

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