Distilling the quintessential 80's song

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Sports columnist Bill Simmons says
"In my opinion, a quintessential 80's song should accomplish five things:

A. It should make you think that, except for the rare exceptions -- like the Killers or Franz Ferdinand -- they don't make music like this anymore.

B. It should be happy and moody at the same time, the last song you would ever hear before driving your car off a bridge.

C. It should have a definite beat -- you could dance to it, clean your car to it, drive 110 MPH to it, etc -- and it should definitely sound like something that could have been used in Miami Vice (in an opening montage or a "driving around Miami and checking out hot chicks" scene, not a car chase or a "Tubbs hangs out in a strip joint and pretends he's Jamaican" scene).

D. It should make you question your own sexuality for about 0.87 seconds before you say, "Ah, screw it, it's a good song."

E. It should be dated, cheesy and a little overdramatic ... but not so much that the song isn't still enjoyable even now"

Thoughts?

― gspm (gspm), Thursday, 27 January 2005 21:34 (twenty-one years ago)

His thoughts:

1. "The Promise," by When In Rome
2. "Suedehead," by Morrissey
3. "Uncertain Smile" by The The
4. "A Forest" by The Cure
5. "The Killing Moon," by Echo and the Bunnymen
6. "Age of Consent," by New Order

― gspm (gspm), Thursday, 27 January 2005 21:35 (twenty-one years ago)

#5 otm

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Thursday, 27 January 2005 21:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Major Tom (Coming Home) by Peter Schilling?

― Snappy (sexyDancer), Thursday, 27 January 2005 22:13 (twenty-one years ago)

(world of) lust and crime- peter schilling?

― noizem duke (noize duke), Thursday, 27 January 2005 22:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Depeche Mode - "Strangelove"

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Thursday, 27 January 2005 22:16 (twenty-one years ago)

DM OTM, except I'd do "A Question of Lust."

― joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Thursday, 27 January 2005 22:18 (twenty-one years ago)

okay, that one's better - I just couldn't think of any of their other big hits

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Thursday, 27 January 2005 22:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Why the hell is a sports columist opining about the quintessential 80's song?

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 27 January 2005 22:21 (twenty-one years ago)

it is part of his schtick. he is kind of an entertainment sponge.

― gspm (gspm), Thursday, 27 January 2005 22:33 (twenty-one years ago)

After that description I was sure he waas going to mention Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart...

― blawa (blawa), Friday, 28 January 2005 02:08 (twenty-one years ago)

i cant quite imagine driving around Miami and checking out hot chicks listening to the killing moon

― jake b. (cerybut), Friday, 28 January 2005 03:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Talk Talk -- It's My Life

― Nic de Teardrop (Nicholas), Friday, 28 January 2005 04:01 (twenty-one years ago)

You can't dance to "Killing Moon" or "Question Of Lust".
The first song I could think of to fit all those criterias perfectly is "Inbetween Days" by The Cure. More happy/moody than "A Forest" anyway.

― Seb (Seb), Friday, 28 January 2005 04:09 (twenty-one years ago)

By his own criteria, he probably should have picked "There Is a Light That Never Goes Out" instead of "Suedehead" (look at criterion B again -- the setup for "There is a Light" is sitting *right there*). Also, if he wanted Frankie in there (and why not), he could have used "Two Tribes" instead of "Relax". I can't imagine "A Forest" appearing in "Miami Vice", plus, it's not happy and moody. It's just moody. He should have picked "In Between Days" or "Just Like Heaven". Otherwise, his picks (again, judging by his criteria) are all pretty good.

All in all, it's an interesting take.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Friday, 28 January 2005 22:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Simmons I peg (rather than have pegged or am continuing to peg, which involves other activities) as one of those guys who was a casual listener of his Boston KROQ equivalent, aware of what was going on, been to a number of shows, but was never a music geek as such. Which is quite all right, that's the way most people are, and why not?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 28 January 2005 22:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey! Why's this thread's title change???

― Mr. Snrub (Mr. Snrub), Friday, 28 January 2005 22:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Couldn't they just merge NBA Live and Grand Theft Auto and set it in Portland? Not only could you try to win the NBA title with the Blazers, but you could have missions between games: Raise pit bulls to fight against Qyntel Woods and his dogs; steal pot from Damon Stoudamire; fight the Portland police when they catch you asleep in your car at 4 a.m.; frame Ruben Patterson for a felony assault; switch your urine with the ballboy's urine before an unexpected drug test; assassinate Dick Bavetta before he referees your game against the Knicks; and so on. And during games, you could inexplicably charge into the stands and start punching spectators -- it would be just like randomly attacking people in Grand Theft Auto. Of course, the ultimate goal would be to overthrow David Stern and take over the league.

(By the way, I think I would pay like $3,000 to play this game.)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Oh man, that's classic. I love ESPN.

― Mr. Snrub (Mr. Snrub), Friday, 28 January 2005 22:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Because we like to fuck with your mind, Mr. Snrub.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 28 January 2005 22:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Wait a sec - did this thread disappear, & then reappear all rejiggered?

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 28 January 2005 22:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes. No. Perhaps.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 28 January 2005 22:36 (twenty-one years ago)

The Quintessential 80s Song: "West End Girls"

― Mr. Snrub (Mr. Snrub), Friday, 28 January 2005 22:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Between this & Dan's thread, I think my shit has gone AWOL.

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 28 January 2005 22:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I head BOC's "Shooting Shark" the other day and WOW does that have the 80s sound covered.

― Austin (Austin), Friday, 28 January 2005 22:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't see any change in the thread title. is there some confusion with the previously started thread about urgent 80s songs? 'course that would only be the next thread for those using the blog view rather than the new answers view.

anyhow, Depeche Mode - But Not Tonight. for my money it hits on criteria B and E moreso than Strangelove or Question of Lust.

― gspm (gspm), Friday, 28 January 2005 23:36 (twenty-one years ago)

The Quintessential (read best) 80s Songs (ever):
Cliff Ricards - Wired For Sound
Elton John - I'm Still Standing
Nothing comes close.

― elwisty (elwisty), Saturday, 29 January 2005 00:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Wait a sec - did this thread disappear, & then reappear all rejiggered?

I started a second thread about this. When I was alerted to the existence of this original thread (begun yesterday), I asked the mods to delete mine, which they did almost immediately.

Because we like to fuck with your mind, Mr. Snrub.

Either that, or I am lying just to fuck with your minds. Whatever works best.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Saturday, 29 January 2005 02:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Nova Heart by The Spoons is all that stuff. If only they'd been able to make more songs like that, instead of y'know, Romantic Traffic.

― Kim (Kim), Saturday, 29 January 2005 02:37 (twenty-one years ago)

what were the singles from fgth" liverpool " ?

― flittchen, Saturday, 29 January 2005 02:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Air Supply - "All Out of Love"

― sundar subramanian (sundar), Saturday, 29 January 2005 04:35 (twenty-one years ago)

That one always sounds more like the seventies to me. It probably was early eighties though, yeah?

― Kim (Kim), Saturday, 29 January 2005 18:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I still say "Obsession" by Animotion is the song which most embraces everything Eighties.

― Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Saturday, 29 January 2005 19:06 (twenty-one years ago)

"All Out of Love" was 1980, it turns out. I can sort of see why it would sound like the late 70s though. (Tangentially, was someone at Undergrads really into that era? Key emotional moments always seemed to be soundtracked with things like this or "Eye In the Sky".)

Sherriff - "When I'm With You"?
Gowan - "Criminal Mind"?

I don't think I've seen a Miami Vice episode but these probably wouldn't have been on the soundtrack. But were "Suedehead" or "A Forest"? For "checking out hot chicks in Miami" scenes? May have actually been an interesting show then.

― sundar subramanian (sundar), Saturday, 29 January 2005 20:27 (twenty-one years ago)

"Rockit" anyone?

― harshaw (jube), Saturday, 29 January 2005 21:05 (twenty-one years ago)

More brilliance from my man Simmons:

Not only does Scot Pollard look like Morrissey, he was actually dressed like him on the bench. That led to three straight hours of Morrissey/Pollard jokes from me and my buddy Nick, including knee-slappers like "Teammate in a coma I know, I know, it's serious" and "It was a good lay-up, good lay-up ... it was a good lay-up, good lay-up." I'm not proud of these jokes, but if you were looking at Scot Pollard and remotely familiar with Morrissey's career, you would have laughed.

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Saturday, 29 January 2005 22:52 (twenty-one years ago)

And my vote is Soft Cell's "Tainted Love," which fulfills A thru E.

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Saturday, 29 January 2005 23:46 (twenty-one years ago)

one year passes...

I'd tell everyone here to relax to Relax... Frankie Goes to Hollywood, man, the epitome of the 80's style internationally speaking.

― Christian F, Sunday, 21 May 2006 16:36 (twenty years ago)

Seriously now, it's Tainted Love, people. Rebel Yell might work too.

― musically (musically), Sunday, 21 May 2006 16:46 (twenty years ago)

Baltimora - Tarzan Boy

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 21 May 2006 18:05 (twenty years ago)

Perhaps too obscure, but my vote goes to:

Department S: Is Vic There?

― kornrulez6969 (TCBeing), Sunday, 21 May 2006 19:02 (twenty years ago)

Perhaps too obvious, but a-ha's "Take on Me" seems to fit the criteria. God knows that Morten Harket and his dreamy Swayze hair made me do coy double-takes back in the day, and the song itself has drama and cheese in equal bounty.

For an edgier pick, how about "I Love a Man in Uniform"?

― Simmons B. Kestrel (sleestak), Sunday, 21 May 2006 20:16 (twenty years ago)

'Voices Carry' or any number of 'Til Tuesday songs.

― avery keen-gardner (avery keen-gardner), Sunday, 21 May 2006 20:50 (twenty years ago)

go west: 'we close our eyes' surely.

― Enrique IX: The Mediator (Enrique), Monday, 22 May 2006 10:49 (twenty years ago)

"Everything Counts" by DM.

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Monday, 22 May 2006 11:10 (twenty years ago)

Johnny Hates Jazz "Shattered Dreams" C/D !!!!!

This song is not only ubiquitous -it is ALWAYS being played on the radio somewhere and has been since it was released- but also almost completely anonymous in its way. If you walk into a store/restaurant/office and its playing, you won't even register its sounds as music. It is simply a part of the environment, like the trees and furniture and sidewalk. You will very rarely find yourself even making note of the fact that it is a song entitled "Shattered Dreams" and that it was a big hit in the late 80's. You will never ever find yourself singing along to it or asking someone to "turn this one up!" And yet it is always around. Like a cloud or wallpaper or your grandma. It has assimilated and insinuated itself so thoroughly into the fabric of daily life that it almost ceases to exist. For almost 20 years it has worked its strange inoffensive magic on our sleeping brains. What has it done to us? When a song is both there and not there, who pays the price for forgetting? The cocktail waitress? The line-cook? The temp worker in payroll? The drywall man? When will we all remember the common dream that we all share? Who will rub our eyes and make us notice, for perhaps the first time, the bluejay and the oriole outside our window? And their georgous flight from the trees to the sky above.

― scott seward (scott seward), Monday, 22 May 2006 11:32 (twenty years ago)

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