A Reluctant, Unsolicited, Narrowly Poetic Screed Against Nu-Country, with Obligatory Autobiographical Context

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OK, here's the thing

even back when i said i didn't like country
when my Uncle George
(see 'Cemetery of Life' cassette by Cut Above, Polyamory, 2003) decided to challenge my love for all things Neil Young
(who he introduced me to in the first place)
by playing me the Flying Burrito Brothers,
my ten year old,
Carcass T shirt-wearing self knew,
instinctively,
to hate this ridiculous music

but i loved it, even then,
as i wrinkled my nose
and made fun of the song titles

i've always loved country music

i have loved old school country,
'outlaw' country,
'alt' country
(see big Bloodshot faze, freshman year, Purchase College)
and even some nu-country

which is where i wanna focus

these days i listen to more nu country than ever because that's what's on the radio
and i like it better than classic rock
because at least some of the nu country
is nu to me

and there is so much about nu country i want to like,
mostly because underneath all the songs
are personalities
bigger and more absurd than even the most ridiculous professional wrestlers

i mean, have you ever picked up an issue of a country music magazine?
it's a male porn tabloid
with american flags
and blondes

(gwar or tim mcgraw
or tiny tim
i dig that ol’ sensationalism / escapism
now and then
ok?
ps america rulz)

but i want these men to follow Ira Louvin’s tradition
Johnny Paychek's tradition,
David Allen Coe's tradition,
hell,
even the Bocephus (family) tradition,
and be BADASSES.
drunks womanizers and
outlaws.

Now, i don't mind a tear jerker -
i quite like that "Mud on the Tires” song by Brad Paisely
which is totally shmaltzy
but somehow affecting
in a Tommy Bolin kinda way

but so much of this shit on the radio
(and i'm talking about the lyrics, mostly,
but also the arrangements and instrumentation
that might have a Martian believe
that Cyndi Lauper's 'True Colors” LP
was the benchmark by which
all recorded music be judged)
is so inarguably and overtly
LAME
i can hardly stand it

and the thing is, i really wanna put a bumper sticker
for 107.7
'The Frog'
on my work truck
if only to prove
that despite my having never worn orange,
i have some (adopted) hometown pride
and that i like country music
at least better than classic rock
mostly

But i can't

as long as shit that goes
"If Heaven was a bed, it'd be a nice bed"
or some such bullshit
is being beamed into my life

it's like when i saw Metallica in Rip! magazine
before i ever heard then
and i knew their reputation
i knew they were the kings of metal
and i knew they were the benchmark
by which all recorded music was judged

and in the picture
they had their shirts off
and they were smiling goofily
and pouring Jagermeister all over the place
and i remember thinking
"jeez, guys
you're the kings of metal!

show some class"

At least Nikki Sixx
had class

you know what I mean?

― lisalisaandblueoystercultjam, Thursday, 27 January 2005 23:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Well
Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer
Crayons go up one drawer higher
Rewind Barney for the fifteenth time
Breakfast, six naps at nine
There's bubble gum in the baby's hair
Sweet potatoes in my lazy chair
Been crazy all day long and it's only Monday
Mr. Mom

Football, soccer and ballet
Squeeze in Scouts and PTA
And there's that shopping list she left
That's seven pages long
How much smoke can one stove make
The kids won't eat my charcoal cake
It's more than any maid can take
Being Mr. Mom

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 27 January 2005 23:55 (twenty-one years ago)

i liked that song until i realized that he was only staying home cuz he lost his job. not cuz he really wanted to. then he would have been a true rebel!

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 27 January 2005 23:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Bellamy Brothers - Get Into Reggae Cowboy Lyrics

SEND BELLAMY BROTHERS RINGTONES TO YOUR CELLPHONE

I was walking down Broadway
New York, New York
Tony Llama boots and a Stetson hat
Proud to be a country boy
Just then a messenger called me
Rasta man on the road
He said "You gotta get the rhythm of the islands
Help me carry my load"

Chorus:
You've got to get into Reggae Cowboy
Shuffle them boots on the street
Get into Reggae Cowboy
Feel that Reggae beat
hey hey hey hey

His message hit me like a brick man
First I laughed, then I cried
Somewhere between Jamaica and Nashville
I realized I'd live my life
These days I sit in my garden
Soften frames on a steel guitar
Beautiful rhythms on the tradewinds
Blowing in to a Florida farm

― chuck, Friday, 28 January 2005 00:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha, put that on a mix next to Ernest Ranglin's cover of "Everybody's Talking"!

― What's this place, Biblevania? (natepatrin), Friday, 28 January 2005 00:31 (twenty-one years ago)

so ps lisalisaandblueoystercultjam (great name by the way), you do know that james hetfield was just in the cmt outlaws concert (and that half of poison and cinderella have moved to nashville), right?

― chuck, Friday, 28 January 2005 00:38 (twenty-one years ago)

and ps scott, sorry but this is the song mr. mom WISHES it was:

Saturday Morning Confusion

- Artist: Bobby Russell
- peak Billboard position # 28 in 1971
- Words and Music by Bobby Russell*

Here they come, warmin' up
I hear the pitter-patter of little people on the livin' room rug
Whoa is me! There goes the TV
Now it's Popeye and Pluto, Batman and Bozo
Don't spill the corn flakes, they'll break at lunch break
Home from the office, why did I stop to have a beer with the boys?
Now my head's 'bout to pop

It's a Saturday morning confusion
If you think you can sleep, it's illusion
'cause you'll probably get a rude intrusion from Harry the dog
Harry the dog is as big as can be
'n' Harry the dog had puppies last week
We couldn't tell if it's a he or a she, now we know

It's a Saturday morning confusion
If I could just get to the bathroom
And get a cold rag and an aspirin to help how I feel
But here come the twins and they're screamin' at me
What is the deal to turn off the TV?
"Go ask your mother and quietly, your daddy is ill"

There he is-Cousin Jack
You got the leaf rake, too, keep at it till I get it all back
Hangin' round my yard, snoopin' in my garage
I tolerate 'im because he's my cousin
He's nice to the kids and Harry just loves him!

It's a Saturday morning confusion
And if I could just hide in my attic
So I couldn't hear my wife yellin' "Take 'em all to the show"
I'll take the whole neighborhood to the show
I'll just walk out in back where the money-tree grows
Grab me a handful and off to the show we'll go

It's a Saturday morning confusion
And if I could just get a transfusion
Or maybe go hide in the bedroom till five o'clock
Let it be known that at five the TV
Is gonna be tuned to the Game Of the Week
And that goes for dogs and twins and the whole family

It's a Saturday morning confusion
It's a Saturday morning confusion day is done

Cousin Jack, in his yard cooking steaks on a grill that I'll never get back
The twins in front of the TV, Harry with his fam'ly
Sis on her date and Mom at the door smiles as she surveys the sight
For the first time today, the kingdom is quiet

LORD, LET US THANK YOU FOR SATURDAYS
AND MAY THEY REMAIN OUR FRIENDS!!
'cause I work all week long
Be strong till they're grown
And next Saturday then, we'll do it again

― chuck, Friday, 28 January 2005 00:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Chuck, did you ever get any feedback from Wenner about your review of the 'Have a Nice Day' series? I always imagined his head exploding after reading the line "These songs are our roots."

― Rickey Wright (Rrrickey), Friday, 28 January 2005 03:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Too bad I wasn't there to sweep up the remains.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 28 January 2005 03:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Or the aishes.

On a related note, what's appropriate attire for the Toby Fuckin' Keith/Ted Fuckin' Nugent show coming soon to our local indoor stadium? Blend in or stand out?

― briania (briania), Friday, 28 January 2005 03:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Obviously, a Weezer "If It's Too Loud, Turn It Down" T-shirt.

― Rickey Wright (Rrrickey), Friday, 28 January 2005 03:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Together with my traditional Arabic shemagh, that should make a fashion statement.

Have any ILMers attended one of these shows, or have plans to?

― briania (briania), Friday, 28 January 2005 03:38 (twenty-one years ago)

"SEND BELLAMY BROTHERS RINGTONES TO YOUR CELLPHONE"

I really hope that's a lyric.

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 28 January 2005 03:40 (twenty-one years ago)

there is always crap
in any genre at times
but there's always gold

like the new single
by jo dee messina "my
give-a-damn's broken"

― Haibun (Begs2Differ), Friday, 28 January 2005 04:13 (twenty-one years ago)

wow, toby keith and the nuge?? sounds killer. maybe i'll try to catch that tour - i had NO idea they were touring together. I don't even like Toby Keith but I think that'd be the ice cream sandwich / Imitation of Life of 'guilty pleasure' tours

― Roger Fidelity (Roger Fidelity), Friday, 28 January 2005 04:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, I'm trying to comp my way in, of course. I'll post the results if I succeed.

― briania (briania), Friday, 28 January 2005 04:22 (twenty-one years ago)

I just saw Jay Leno trying to embarrass this runaway-looking waif ina nan Army jacket, getting her to dance for the sidewalk cam. But she picked out "Redneck Woman," and forced Leno to swingdance with her, and he did it, not as well as she did, but pretty well! Right there on Melrose. So take your face away from the ILM tit, and find some Bellamy Brothers at teh Salvation Army store, now's not the time for yr whine (autobio is *not obligatory; thanks, though)

― don, Friday, 28 January 2005 05:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry, i just had a caffeine flashback got my teeth.But now I'm on a Love Crusade with Big & Rich's womannikan (per "Save A Horse" vid. Peace out yall (Go Hawaiian, it's the only way to fly).Gnight.

― don, Friday, 28 January 2005 05:48 (twenty-one years ago)

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