famously bad lyrics

"Dangling Conversation" Simon & Garf. epitome of middlebrow literary allusion. infamously cited by Christgau in the late 60s as proof that rock lyrics ain't poetry.

Up & Coming/One to Watch: Train. excruciating. somebody please steal this clown's rhyming dictionary

The Human League's "The Lebanon" is often quoted, so is (with more justification) Sting's "Russians".

On ILX at least the most referenced is "I Just Shot John Lennon" by The Cranberries. In fact we have a full time staff member who exists simply to mention it on threads.

if "i just shot john lennon" is ilx's #1, surely "do they know it's christmas" is #2?

Abracadabra
I wanna reach out and grab ya
Abra, Abracadabra
Abracadabra

This is where we need Steve Allen reciting this stuff like it's Shakespeare.

YEAH YEAH YEAH

do the clam
do the clam
grab your barefoot baby by the hand
turn and tease
hug and squeeze
dig right in and do the clam

you can't get your heart to spin
on the outside looking in
moon ain't gonna last all night
let's work up an appetite

YEAH YEAH YEAH

do the clam
do the clam
grabyour barefoot baby by the hand
turn and tease
hug and squeeze
dig right in and do the clam

everybody's got the beat
listen to those happy feet
ain't you glad that you found out
what the clam is all about

YEAH YEAH YEAH

do the clam
do the clam
grab your barefoot baby by the hand
turn and tease
hug and squeeze
dig right in and do the clam

(repeat to fade)

(but they're so much fun!)

"itchycoo park", "i can hear the grass grow", and most of the UFO club era british psych had some dumb-ass lyrics

SOOOOOOOTM!

My favorite bad line of recent memory opens the Backstreet Boys' "Incomplete":

empty spaces fill me up wit holes...

empty spaces fill me up with holes...

It's about anal sex, silly!

i read the news today oh, boy
About a lucky man who made the grade
And though the news was rather sad
Well, I just had to laugh
I saw the photograph
He blew his mind out in a car
He didn't notice that the lights had changed
A crowd of people stood and stared
They'd seen his face before
Nobody was really sure
if he was from the House of Lords

I saw a film today oh, boy
The English army had just won the war
A crowd of people turned away
But I just had to look
Having read the book
I'd love to turn you on.

Woke up, got out of bed
dragged a comb across my head
Found my way downstairs and drank a cup
and looking up, I noticed I was late
Found my coat and grabbed my hat
Made the bus in seconds flat
Found my way upstairs and had a smoke
Somebody spoke and I went into a dream
Ah

I read the news today oh, boy
Four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire
And though the holes were rather small
They had to count them all
Now they know how many holes
it takes to fill the Albert Hall
I'd love to turn you on

YEAH YEAH YEAH

do the clam
do the clam
grab your barefoot baby by the hand
turn and tease
hug and squeeze
dig right in and do the clam

you can't get your heart to spin
on the outside looking in
moon ain't gonna last all night
let's work up an appetite

YEAH YEAH YEAH

do the clam
do the clam
grabyour barefoot baby by the hand
turn and tease
hug and squeeze
dig right in and do the clam

everybody's got the beat
listen to those happy feet
ain't you glad that you found out
what the clam is all about

YEAH YEAH YEAH

do the clam
do the clam
grab your barefoot baby by the hand
turn and tease
hug and squeeze
dig right in and do the clam

(repeat to fade)

-- m coleman (lovebu...), May 9th, 2005.

True story: that song was co-written by Ed Wood's one-time girlfriend Delores Fuller.

(by the way, Dave, it doesn't help that I heard this on the bus just this morning and thought, wow, what a great song).

xpost.

But Bernie Taupin has to be in this discussion. Here's one of his best/worst:

When are you gonna come down
When are you going to land
I should have stayed on the farm
I should have listened to my old man

You know you can't hold me forever
I didn't sign up with you
I'm not a present for your friends to open
This boy's too young to be singing the blues

So goodbye yellow brick road
Where the dogs of society howl
You can't plant me in your penthouse
I'm going back to my plough

Back to the howling old owl in the woods
Hunting the horny back toad
Oh I've finally decided my future lies
Beyond the yellow brick road

What do you think you'll do then
I bet that'll shoot down your plane
It'll take you a couple of vodka and tonics
To set you on your feet again

Maybe you'll get a replacement
There's plenty like me to be found
Mongrels who ain't got a penny
Sniffing for tidbits like you on the ground

ha! true to form:

It was the fearful night of December 8th.
He was returning home from the studio late.
He had perseptively known that it wouldn't be nice.
Because in 1980, he paid the price.

John Lennon died. [X6]

With a Smith & Wesson 38,
John Lennon's life was no longer a debate.
He should have stayed at home,
He should have never cared,
And the man who took his life declared,

He said I just shot John Lennon.
He said I just shot John Lennon.
What a sad and sorry and sickening sight.
What a sad and sorry and sickening night.
What a sad and sorry and sickening sight.
What a sad and sorry and sickening night.

Ah, ah ah ah, ah...

I just shot John Lennon.
He said I just shot John Lennon.
What a sad and sorry and sickening sight.
What a sad and sorry and sickening night.
What a sad and sorry and sickening sight.
What a sad and sorry and sickening night.

Ah, ah ah ah, ah...

Ding-a-dong every hour, when you pick a flower
Even when your lover is gone, gone, gone
Ding-a-dong, listen to it, maybe it's a big hit
Even when your lover is gone, gone, gone
Sing ding-ding-dong

That Cranberries song is pure McGonagall.

Said epiphany saved me from a lifetime of unnecessary toil. Of one variety, anyway.

Good lord. That is as good a lyric as there is.

ummm...NO. Oh, wait, HELL NO, and in fact I can't imagine why I didn't think of that during the Black Feminist Critic debacle, since I think of its suckiness the rest of the time

"Do you like tennis?"

Possibly the worst lyrics I've ever heard.

Never heard this one before. Hadn't thought that it could get any worse than "Zombie."

Jaysus.

"I Just Shot John Lennon" really does belong in it's own separate universe of bad. All of the other songs named on this thread are famous in their own right ("Perfect Kiss", "Day in the Life", "Goodbye YBR", etc.) in that everybody knows the tune and can sing along. They're famous songs *despite* their bad lyrics.

OTOH, "IJSJL" is famous ONLY for its bad lyrics. I can't even remember the tune anymore, but I can nearly recite the lyrics from memory.

Also -

Oasis - Little James

"Little James, We're all the same
They always seem to look to us
But we weren't meant to be grown ups
Thank you for your smile
You make it all worthwhile to us

You live for your toys, even though they make noise
Have you ever played with plasticine
Or even tried a trampline
Thank you for your smile
You make it all worthwhile to us

I'm singing this song for you and your mum that's all
'Cos it wont be long before everyone is gone

Sailed out to sea, your mum you and me
You swam the ocean like a child
Life around us was so wild
Thank you for your smile
You make it all worth while to us

I'm singing this song for you and your mum that's all
And it won't be long before everyone is gone "

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go
Jamaica

Off the Florida Keys
There's a place called Kokomo
That's where you wanna go to get away from it all

Bodies in the sand
Tropical drink melting in your hand
We'll be falling in love
To the rhythm of a steel drum band
Down in Kokomo

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go

Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo
We'll get there fast
And then we'll take it slow
That's where we wanna go
Way down to Kokomo

To Martinique, that Monserrat mystique

We'll put out to sea
And we'll perfect our chemistry
By and by we'll defy a little bit of gravity

Afternoon delight
Cocktails and moonlit nights
That dreamy look in your eye
Give me a tropical contact high
Way down in Kokomo

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go

Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo
We'll get there fast
And then we'll take it slow
That's where we wanna go
Way down to Kokomo

Port Au Prince I wanna catch a glimpse

Everybody knows
A little place like Kokomo
Now if you wanna go
And get away from it all
Go down to Kokomo

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go

Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo
We'll get there fast
And then we'll take it slow
That's where we wanna go
Way down to Kokomo

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go

Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo

...

I think that's actually a really brilliant line! The "and stuff" is a really great touch - it implies the narrator isn't particularly articulate and maybe shouldn't be one to put her down.

(admittedly a very drunk puppy who's been trying to hump your leg for years.)

I’ve got what you want
But will you be here tomorrow?
I’ve got what you need
We’re moving too fast, why bring me sorrow?

You’d better believe
I can satisfy your wants and needs
So trust in me
And happiness is guaranteed
Now I’m gonna show you
What I’ve got in store for you, my love
You’re gonna get a sample
It won’t be very much
Then you’ll know what’s in store for you

You’re gonna get a sneak preview
Of what I’ve got in store for you
A sneak preview
You’re gonna feel what I can do
Here’s a sample of my love
A sneak preview
I’m gonna give some love to you
Here’s a sample of my love

I want to believe
That you are 100% for me, baby
I want to be sure
Don’t leave me doubts and maybes

If you wanna make love all night
You don’t have to come into my life
I’m gonna give you love and affection
Ooh, just keep moving in my direction

Here’s a sneak preview
Hmm, what I got in store for you
Hey, a sneak preview
You’re gonna feel what I can do
Here’s a sample of my love
A sneak preview
I’m gonna give some love to you
Here’s a sample of my love

I’m gonna make you happy
Fulfil your every want and need
I can be your friend
Be everything you want me to be

I wanna take it slow
Because moving too fast just might break my heart
When I know for sure
We’re on solid ground, we’ll never part

You’d better believe
I can satisfy your wants and needs
So trust in me
And happiness is guaranteed
Now I’m gonna show you
What I’ve got in store for you, my love
You’re gonna get a sample
It won’t be very much
Then you’ll know what’s in store for you

You’re gonna get a sneak preview
Of what I’ve got in store for you
A sneak preview
You’re gonna feel what I can do
Here’s a sample of my love
Hey, a sneak preview
I’m gonna give some love to you
Here’s a sample of my love
A sneak preview
Got in store for you

I'll be a good girl to the world
If you want me for your girl
I'll be a freak for you

What would my mommy and daddy do
If they could hear me say to you
I'll be a freak for you

I'll do anything
If you show me how
I'll be what you want
You just ask me now
I'll do what you need
You will see
I'll wear the sexiest things I can
Just because you are my man.

THE UNQUESIONABLE TRUTH - PART ONE by Limp Bizkit

"i am gripped/by what i cannot tell/
have i slipped/or have i merely fell.

these lyrics still drive a shard of intense unpleasantness deep into my brain when i contemplate them for more than 2 seconds. They sound cool when sung, just don't attempt to follow the tenses in any logical fashion. It's my favorite song off of that album, though.

"i've got soul, but/ i'm not a soldier"

Anything by The Game.

or the grammar

horse with no name is really among the worst:

"I've been riding through the desert on a horse with no name
It felt good to get out of the rain
In the desert, you can remember your name
Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain...
NA NA NAA...NA-NA-NA-NAAAA...NA NA NAA, NA"

i want to hear that ding-dang-dong song.

naughty naughty/loud and bawdy/t-t-t-t-tease me
take it easy/hug and squeeze me/i'm a naughty naughty guy

"Generals gathered in their masses
Just like witches at black masses"

I was surprised when I searched the thread and found this hadn't been mentioned yet.

"A Day in the Life" has fantastic lyrics. It does not belong in this thread.

Dave Barry used to make fun of Neil Diamond's "I Am I Said" for these lines:

"I am," I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair.

And I have to agree that those are pretty bad. Also, whoever said "Light My Fire" is 100% OTM.

"Generals gathered in their masses
Just like witches at black masses"

The rest of the lyrics of the song (as well as the kick in the ass the music provides) pretty much overcompensate for the "sin" of rhyming masses with masses.

Only time will tell / if we stand the test of time

Rainbow - All Night Long:

I saw you standing down by the stage
Your black stockings and you see - through dress
Your mouth is open but I don't wanna hear you
Say goodnight
You're sort of young but you're over age
I don't care 'cause I like your style
I don't know about your brain but
You look all right

I have to admit a guilty pleasure love for the line "don't know about your brain but you look all right"

The most recent atrocity I've heard: Ashlee Simpson's La La

You can dress me up diamonds
You can dress me up in dirt
You can throw me like a line-man
I like it better when it hurts

Oh, I have waited here for you
I have waited

You make me wanna la la
in the kitchen on the floor
I'll be a french maid
When I meet you at the door
I'm like an alley cat
Drink the milk up, I want more
You make me wanna
You make me wanna scream

You can meet me on an aero-plane
Or in the back of the bus
You can throw me like a boomerang
I'll come back and beat you up

Oh, I have waited here for you
Dont, keep me waiting

You make me wanna la la
in the kitchen on the floor
I'll be a french maid
When I meet you at the door
I'm like an alley cat
Drink the milk up, I want more
You make me wanna

You make me wanna la la
in the kitchen on the floor
I'll be a french maid
When I meet you at the door
I'm like an alley cat
Drink the milk up, I want more
You make me wanna
You make me wanna scream

--It makes ME want to la la, whatever that may be.

That Rainbow lyric is even better in the context of the T&A video for the song.

Modern Talking to thread:

Deep in my heart, there's a fire a burning heart
Deep in my heart, there's desire for a start
I'm dying in emotion
It's my world in fantasy
I'm living in my, living in my dreams

You're my heart, you're my soul
I keep it shining everywhere I go
You're my heart, you're my soul
I'll be holding you forever, stay with you together

You're my heart, you're my soul
Yeah, a feeling that our love will grow
You're my heart, you're my soul
That's the only thing I really know

Let's close the door and believe my burning heart
Feeling allright, come on, open up your heart
I'll keep the candles burning
Let your body melt in mine
I'm living in my, living in my dreams

Will Smith, "Wild Wild West"

once upon a time, in the West

Madman lost his damn mind, in the West

btw, the "mulatto/albino/mosquito/libido" part of Smells Like Teen Spirit is fantastic. I'm also confused by the mention of Spill the Wine.

"you don't want to see my hand where my hip be at" redeems WWW

oh wait

The whole Ghost/Toast Park/Dark debacle in Des'ree's Life.

Billy Mack is a detective down in Texas
(clap, clap, clap, clap)
you know knows just exactly what the facts is
He ain't gonna let those two escape justice
He makes his living off the people's taxes

does ZZ Top deserve mention for rhyming "tush" with "much?"

Nobody wants to see us together, but that does not matter no, because I have got you - Akon

this is pretty wretched. if it's not 'famously' bad, it should be:

It was January, 1963
When Johnny came home with a gift for me
He said I bought it for you because I love you
And I bought it for you because it's your birthday, too
He was so very nice, he was so very kind
To think of me at this point in time
I used to think of him, he used think of me
He told me to close my eyes
My gift would be a great surprise
I saw tears were in his eyes
He never meant to hurt me
Oh, God, Johnny, don't point that gun at me
There's so many ways our lives have changed
But please, I beg, don't do this to me
Johnny, don't point that gun at me
Can I save my life at any price?
For God's sake won't you listen to me?

And though he was ashamed that he had took a life
Johnny came home with another wife
And he often remembered how it used to be
Before that special occasion, 1963
There's too many ways that you could kill someone
Like in a love affair, when the love has gone
He used to think of her, she used to think of him

He told me to close my eyes
My gift would be a great surprise
I saw tears were in his eyes
But he never meant to hurt me
Oh, God, Johnny, don't point that gun at me
There's so many ways our lives have changed
But please, I beg, don't do this to me
Johnny, you keep on using me
Can I change my life for any price?
Oh, Johnny, won't you listen to me?

He told me to close my eyes
My gift would be a great surprise
I saw hatred in his eyes
But he never meant to hurt me
Oh, God, Johnny, don't point that gun at me
There's so many ways our lives have changed
But please, I beg, don't do this to me
Johnny, you keep on using me
Can I change my life for any price?
Oh, Johnny, won't you listen to me?

I just want you to be mine
I don't want this world to shine
I don't want this bridge to burn
Oh, Johnny, do you miss me?
I just want to feel free

I will always feel free

I will always feel free

I will always feel free

I will always feel free

Lots of the lyrics on Innervisions are terrible, but some of the couplets from this really take the cake:

A boy is born in hard time mississippi
Surrounded by four walls that aint so pretty
His parents give him love and affection
To keep him strong moving in the right direction
Living just enough, just enough for the city...ee ha!

His father works some days for fourteen hours
And you can bet he barely makes a dollar
His mother goes to scrub the floors for many
And youd best believe she hardly gets a penny
Living just enough, just enough for the city... yeah!

His sisters black but she is shonuff pretty
Her skirt is short but lord her legs are sturdy
To walk to school shes got to get up early
Her clothes are old but never are they dirty
Living just enough, just enough for the city...um hum

Her brothers smart hes got more sense than many
His patiences long but soon he wont have any
To find a job is like a haystack needle
Cause where he lives they dont use colored people
Living just enough, just enough for the city...

Living just enough...
For the city... ooh, ooh
(repeat several times)

His hair is long, his feet are hard and gritty
He spends his life walking the streets of new york city
Hes almost dead from breathing in air pollution
He tried to vote but to him theres no solution
Living just enough, just enough for the city...
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

I hope you hear inside my voice of sorrow
And that it motivates you to make a better tomorrow
This place is cruel no where could be much colder
If we dont change the world will soon be over
Living just enough, stop giving just enough for the city!!!!

La, la, la, la, la, la,
Da ba da da da da da da
Da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da da da
(repeat to end)

i just overheard a song that apparently contains the line:

"life is hard
and so am i"

:/

Yup, that's 'Novocaine for the Soul' by Eels - that definitely is the lyric.