Slyvester on Audioslave

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I usually hate gimmick reviews, but Nick’s Audioslave review in Pitchfork today may be the funniest thing I’ve read anywhere recently, though functionally useless as a review (but maybe it didn’t need to be functional anyway, if record #2 sounds like record #1. does it? I haven’t heard any singles yet though eventually I won’t be able to avoid them). Nick, you should’ve pitched this to McSweeney’s.

― Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Thursday, 26 May 2005 12:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Record #2 definitely sounds like Record #1. Worst mid-tempo rhythm section ever. Yes, play the one bass note. Yes, keep playing it. Yes. Yes. Oh yes yes yes. AND MORE CYMBAL PLZ.

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 26 May 2005 12:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Nick rated this more than 5 points higher than the other Audioslave in the archive. Splain please.

― Dominique (dleone), Thursday, 26 May 2005 12:40 (twenty-one years ago)

MORE CYMBAL

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 26 May 2005 12:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Zach De La Rocha : the rest of teh Rage :: Morrissey : the rest of teh Smiths

Ned Raggett to thread with stunningly obvious comment.

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 26 May 2005 12:44 (twenty-one years ago)

(Other than GET BACK TO WORK PLEBE.)

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 26 May 2005 12:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I love Brad Wilk's drumming. Not enough to buy an Audioslave record, though.

― Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 26 May 2005 13:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Ned Raggett to thread with stunningly obvious comment.

Where to begin.

Actually my coworker Tom and I yesterday were noting that the clear reason why RATM (thankfully) took years between releases had to be good ol' Zac dlR, if only because since the breakup Audioslave have done two albums and toured quite a bit while Zac has released...um...er...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 26 May 2005 13:08 (twenty-one years ago)

How many threads re Nick's reviews start "I usually hate gimmick reviews, but..." ? He's the master (though I haven't read this one yet.)

― Mark (MarkR), Thursday, 26 May 2005 13:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyway, I like the idea of someone being named Sly Vester. It's like a Fritz Leiber thief.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 26 May 2005 13:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I liked the first album! I'm going to listen to this and like it, probably.

― edward o (edwardo), Thursday, 26 May 2005 13:09 (twenty-one years ago)

The review is ok, but not quite as good as the Louis XIV review which was hilarious. Audioslave-Chris Cornell imparticular-is an easy target.

― Jockey, Thursday, 26 May 2005 13:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I hated the review, but how does he justify the score? If, as David R. claims, "Record #2 definitely sounds like Record #1," and, as Dominique claims, "Nick rated this more than 5 points higher than the other Audioslave in the archive," well, where do those five-plus points come from? Cuz the review says nothing whatsoever (except that Chris Cornell's lyrics are--shockingly!--vague and pseudo-spiritual).

― michaeln (kid loki), Thursday, 26 May 2005 13:38 (twenty-one years ago)

haha omg wtf

― strng hlkngtn, Thursday, 26 May 2005 13:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Give me the power, child. Give me away, 'cause I'm down on my knees today.

― The Sensational Sulk (sexyDancer), Thursday, 26 May 2005 13:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I want to be the father of the infant child that stars on TV.

― The Sensational Sulk (sexyDancer), Thursday, 26 May 2005 13:54 (twenty-one years ago)

this review is totally absurd.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Thursday, 26 May 2005 14:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Wow, how embarrassing! On the other hand, I think I will now have to start calling him Sly Vester. Thanks, Ned!

― Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Thursday, 26 May 2005 14:01 (twenty-one years ago)

absurd in a weird way, but absolutely taking hit and miss to a different sort of level here.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Thursday, 26 May 2005 14:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Sly Vesper

― Ian Riese-Moraine's Plateau Rouge! (Eastern Mantra), Thursday, 26 May 2005 14:17 (twenty-one years ago)

That's one of those fake made up LA names, right?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 26 May 2005 14:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't think he was trying to hit or miss! Like, er, Audioslave, he was just doing his own thing and not worrying about the reactions of haters.

God, Audioslave is a HORRIBLE name for a band. Or for anything. They'd have been better off calling themselves Citizen.

― Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Thursday, 26 May 2005 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Entity.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 26 May 2005 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't remember the last time I played the first Audioslave record......probably the second time I played it, actually.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 26 May 2005 14:21 (twenty-one years ago)

My general experience with Audioslave has been limited to "That's a loud riff, wonder who's caterwauling...oh right."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 26 May 2005 14:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Even Entity would be better!

I don't mind the 'slave when I hear them on the radio. It took weeks and weeks to accept this. Not life-changing, but not offensive either.

I shall now call them "The 'Slave" for my own amusement, and because it's a better name.

― Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Thursday, 26 May 2005 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

That review is not funny.

― mcd (mcd), Thursday, 26 May 2005 14:25 (twenty-one years ago)

"The 'Slave" sounds like something you call a late nineties modern rock station.

"DUDE! It's Fucko and the Wank here on the morning show on THE SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE. We got some Twistd coming up here..."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 26 May 2005 14:26 (twenty-one years ago)

ha ha ha ha ha

coming to a Sirius radio station near you...

― Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Thursday, 26 May 2005 14:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I approve of this Chris Cornell-mocking review. I approve of most, really. Possibly all.

― miccio (miccio), Thursday, 26 May 2005 14:38 (twenty-one years ago)

i prefer amateurist's "audioslavé".

― dan (dan), Thursday, 26 May 2005 14:58 (twenty-one years ago)

It would've been better if they transposed the "a" and "l". "Been BURNED by nu-metal poseurs and sub-emo titty twisting? COOL OFF with the RED HOT new record from Audiosalve!"

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 26 May 2005 15:08 (twenty-one years ago)

The review is amusing but not one of Nick's best, I don't think.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 26 May 2005 15:12 (twenty-one years ago)

"Fucko and the Wank"

Hahahahahahaha

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 26 May 2005 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't wait to read the new M83 review that's done in the style of a warning label on children's tylenol as read by Scruff McGruff the crime dog sailing in a time machine through a space vortex, writen in French, translated into German and then English, because when I don't follow it everyone can go "omg talk about thick headed" and snicker behind my back.

― Look like he just rolled out of bed, Thursday, 26 May 2005 15:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I haven't read this review because I hate Pitchfork since everything I've read there has been full of irrelevant crap, highly uninformative, and often ill-informed.

― Austin Still (Austin, Still), Thursday, 26 May 2005 15:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Nick's big breakthrough for the fork is that he doesn't stop being cute and have a paragraph or two of 'real review' at the end. Audioslave doesn't deserve anything but a few cheap jokes, and that's all they get.

― miccio (miccio), Thursday, 26 May 2005 16:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I actually thought the review of the FIRST Audioslave album was better only in that it really nailed their aesthetic.. music to be played to at volleyball matches. Volleyball rock. PERFECT!

That said, I haven't heard the new Audioslave, but if it is just more of the same, then the review is apt.

― donut debonair (donut), Thursday, 26 May 2005 16:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Although it must be more of the same but BETTER if it got a full six points more.. ah, fuck, can we just write a filter that will eliminate the pitchfork point ratings? they don't mean shit anyway.

― donut debonair (donut), Thursday, 26 May 2005 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

music to be played to at volleyball matches.

Hahahahahaa

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 26 May 2005 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

The real bummer about Audioslave for me is that every once in awhile there's a few seconds of rock that make me remember how awesome Soundgarden was, then it goes back to crap.

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Thursday, 26 May 2005 16:57 (twenty-one years ago)

That's one of those fake made up LA names, right?

Ned, I don't think you understand my actual problem with "Nick Sylvester's" comment regarding my name.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 26 May 2005 16:59 (twenty-one years ago)

ooh can I say again that I think Audioslave would be way better if Rod Stewart sang lead? Oops, just did.

― miccio (miccio), Thursday, 26 May 2005 17:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Audioslave would be better if Tom Petty sang lead.

― donut debonair (donut), Thursday, 26 May 2005 17:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Audioslave wouldn't change one iota if David Coverdale did

― miccio (miccio), Thursday, 26 May 2005 17:07 (twenty-one years ago)

No, that'd be an improvement, too.

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 26 May 2005 17:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I used to really like Chris Cornell too, but yeah he's pretty intolerable in Audioslave.

How about Axl? Now that would be interesting!

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Thursday, 26 May 2005 17:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Ned, I don't think you understand my actual problem with "Nick Sylvester's" comment regarding my name.

(Apologies; I couldn't resist the cheap shot against him, good sir.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 26 May 2005 17:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Right, but I don't think he had "fake L.A. name" in mind when he made the initial comment. It had nothing to do with "L.A."

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 26 May 2005 17:31 (twenty-one years ago)

OK, I'm missing some minor drama here. What's up with this?

― donut debonair (donut), Thursday, 26 May 2005 17:39 (twenty-one years ago)

A couple of months ago, I think Nick accused Spencer of posting under an alias, making a comment along the lines of, "What kind of name is Spencer Chow?" And now every time a thread about Mr. Sylvester is started, Spencer brings this up. I thought this was actually settled in the initial thread, but I guess not.

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 26 May 2005 17:51 (twenty-one years ago)

And now every time a thread about Mr. Sylvester is started, Spencer brings this up.

Dave, you're not being fair to Spencer -- I'm obviously the one who brought it up here, for example, however hamhandedly.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 26 May 2005 17:59 (twenty-one years ago)

You're right, Ned - I should've said that it ALWAYS gets brought up whenever a NS thread starts, regardless of whether it's Spencer, or you, or my mom. (And, really, mom, get off the internet.)

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 26 May 2005 18:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Stop Or My Mom Will Get The Internet Off

(sorry)

― donut debonair (donut), Thursday, 26 May 2005 18:08 (twenty-one years ago)

(you don't know the half of it!)

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 26 May 2005 18:09 (twenty-one years ago)

PERVERTALISM

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 26 May 2005 18:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I probably would have brought it up. He never really explained why he said it, so I'll just keep reviving. As for his writing, it's typical snide superior Pitchfork, but usually well done and occasionally funny. I don't think his pieces should ever be in the reviews section since they usually say nothing about the music - they should be in a feature or an op-ed section.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 26 May 2005 19:24 (twenty-one years ago)

The Game interviews The Arcade Fire

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 26 May 2005 19:27 (twenty-one years ago)

spencer let it go, man

― strng hlkngtn, Thursday, 26 May 2005 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh Jess, now you gonna hate on ILMerz to back up tha Pitchfork? You ain't BAD anymore!

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 26 May 2005 20:32 (twenty-one years ago)

HO!!!

http://www.digital-broadcast-channel.com/biographies/images/jackson/bad.jpg

― miccio (miccio), Thursday, 26 May 2005 20:40 (twenty-one years ago)

play volleyball like a man

― noizem duke (noize duke), Thursday, 26 May 2005 21:06 (twenty-one years ago)

i just want everyone i like to get along peacefully! IS THAT SO WRONG??

― strng hlkngtn, Thursday, 26 May 2005 21:09 (twenty-one years ago)

the children

what

about

the children

― donut debonair (donut), Thursday, 26 May 2005 21:10 (twenty-one years ago)

there's plenty of my uh "fellow pitchforkers" you could happily diss

― strng hlkngtn, Thursday, 26 May 2005 21:12 (twenty-one years ago)

and before anyone jumps all over that it just means that i like nick and know him marginally (just through working with him, mostly) and there are plenty of people who write for pitchfork that i have no connection to whatsoever. (i thought the review was funny, btw, but he's also written stuff that i haven't liked. the weezer thing, for instance.)

― strng hlkngtn, Thursday, 26 May 2005 21:15 (twenty-one years ago)

you really should have started dancing in a many-buckled suit and grabbing your crotch instead of defining your position on pfork, jess. THAT would show Spencer who's bad!

― miccio (miccio), Thursday, 26 May 2005 23:08 (twenty-one years ago)

i just want everyone i like to get along peacefully! IS THAT SO WRONG??

http://www.neverland-valley.com/neverland-valley/video-clips/videos/06_bad/bad/pix/bad_058.jpg

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 26 May 2005 23:33 (twenty-one years ago)

(that's Blade on the right there)

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Friday, 27 May 2005 00:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought it was Money Train!

― miccio (miccio), Friday, 27 May 2005 00:13 (twenty-one years ago)

pitchforkers can't jump

― strng hlkngtn, Friday, 27 May 2005 00:14 (twenty-one years ago)

omg that shit was funny

― Matos-Webster Dictionary (M Matos), Friday, 27 May 2005 00:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm a fuck machine with only one speed: fuck.

okay, this is funny.

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Friday, 27 May 2005 05:25 (twenty-one years ago)

My coworker picked up the album and I was looking through the credits. What is more amusing -- the fact that Rick Rubin and Brendan O'Brien worked on it, making it the ultimate Early Nineties Experience, or the fact that failed American Recordings power-pop dweeb Jonny Polonsky was credited with engineering assistance?

"Get your ass in gear, Polonsky! The band want their bagels and until you earn back your advance for that Hi My Name is Jonny crap, YOU WORK EVERY MINUTE!"

"Yes sir." *cries*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 27 May 2005 05:29 (twenty-one years ago)

three weeks pass...

Is It me or are the mainstream media the only one's that seem to be digging on this thing?

I Yawn in the face of slowly dying novelty.

― ZionTrain (ZionTrain), Friday, 17 June 2005 19:05 (twenty-one years ago)

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