C90 - Masturbation

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Buzzcocks - Orgasm Addict : Radiohead - Thinking About You : Violent Femmes - Blister In The Sun : Redd Kross - Jimmy's Fantasy : Cyndi Lauper - She-Bop.More examples of songs about wanking,please.

― Damian, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

di-vinyls-i touch myself
Pansy Division - Take it Slow ( although more of a handjob song)

― anthony, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

touch myself - divinyls
girls of porn - mr bungle!!!
We got gushin' gonads, tingling tushes Hairy balls and hairy bushes S & M, whips and chains Pregnant ladies with menstrual pains We got hand jobs and nipple tweaks Finger bangs and slappin' cheeks We got rape, necro & both ways And lots of hung studs for all you gays We got incest & bestiality too We got Sade & the sweetest taboo We got girls who'll eat your pee and poo And guys who'd love to fuck your shoe There's she-males, lezbos, & shaved beav And D-cup mamas with so much cleave Senior citizens who love to watch And sniff those skid marks from your crotch - yeah!

― chaki, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

"Myself", GG Allin
"Porno for Pyros", Porno for Pyros
"Strippers", Body Count
"Centerfold", J Geils

Song I'm sure is about the self-loathing manifested by compulsive onanism - "March of the Pigs", Nine Inch Nails (if inadvertent, even better)

Songs everyone thinks are about compulsive onanism - "Whip It", "Beat It", "The Stroke", "Pump it Up"

― dave q, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

the story of onan is about premature ejacualtion and its realtion to avoiding duty. it has no connection to masterbation dave

― anthony, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Doesn't Love Resuurection by Alison Moyet have that line 'I want you to grow in my hand'?Weezer's Why Bother could be added to the list as well.

― Damian, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

'Nance Music' by the Prima-Donnas. Well, it's about how listening to the Prima-Donnas will help you have sex so you no longer have to wank, is that close enough?

For some reason, I'm pretty sure that The Tindersticks have wanking songs, and I _know_ Momus will, I just can't think of any right now.

― emil.y, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Pictures of Lily - The 'oo.

Teenage kicks - The Undertones.

Darling Nikki - Princr.

Chariots of fire - Vangelis.

― Billy Dods, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Oh, and COME ON people, 'Turning Japanese' by The Vapors- the greatest masturbation song ever!

― emil.y, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

and others I forgot - Three Times A Day and Homemade by Sebadoh.

― Damian, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

"Dancing With Myself" - Billy Idol
"Blister In The Sun" - Violent Femmes (heh heh...)

― Dan Perry, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

"Cruise Your New Baby Fly Self" - Girls Against Boys

― flavia, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

MK Ultra - "All We Have"

"I jerked off, I jerked off..."

Pretty straight forward.

― Brock K, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Everly Brothers - All I Have To Do Is Dream

― Spencer, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

All About Chad - "majored in masturbation, phd in procrastination, my hands are tired and I'm all out of inspiration"

James Kochalka Superstar - "Bathroom Buddies"

Alice Cooper - "Muscle of Love"

― jel, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Green Day -- Longview.

― Sterling Clover, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

"Pink Thing" - XTC (from Oranges & Lemons)
Don't be fooled. Its *not* about a baby.

― Lord Custos, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

"Palm of Your Hand" by the Buzzcocks (off TRADE TEST TRANSMISSIONS) -- not actually masturbation, but handjobs. Sorta close.

Isn't there a line in Billy Joel's "Captain Jack" about staying at home and masturbating while his sister goes out on a date? What an asshole he is.

― Alex in NYC, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

what about that misfits song about jackie o and he goes "masturbate me!"

― chaki, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

if ned 's not gonna say it I will:

marc almond's hymne to masturbation: mother fist

mother fist never gets angry mother fist she never gets bored etc.

and futher back in his cataloque: catch a fallen star by marc & the mambas, contains some mentioning on masturbation

there is also a karaoke song from momus' stars forever cd: what's the cultural meaning of coming in an old sock

brilliant

― erik, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

(early) Fleetwood Mac - Rattlesnake Shake.
Genesis - from LLDOB, the song about erogenous zones has the lyric "mankind handkinds through the blues."

― nickn, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

if ned 's not gonna say it I will

Momentary glitch in brain. SOMEBODY DESTROY MY HEADACHE. I thank you.

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Surely Onan is about coitus interuptus and not premature ejaculation? Such pedantry, biblical at that would not normally cross the keyboard of this militant athiest non-pedant unless it meant I got to mention Fad Gadget's 'Coitus Interuptus'. Which it has.

― Alexander Blair, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Wasn't Diamonds Are Forever about a penis? Or am I making this up?

― Freudian Schlipah, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Faith No More - Jizzlobber,Tubeway Army - Everyday I Die.Billy Idol has denied that Dancing With Myself is about wanking,he said it's about the decline of disco.

― Damian, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Elvis Costello, "Pump It Up." Duh.

― M. Matos, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

"One More Minute", by the ever-embarassing Weird Al, has one of the best lyrical passages concerning this subject: i guess i might seem kind of bitter
you got me feeling down in the dumps
cos im stranded all alone in the gas station of love
and i have to use the self-service pumps And of course The Flaming Lips' "She Don't Use Jelly" should be in there as well....

― Adam, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I Like Wanking - The Gaps
Lotta Imagination - Shaft

― hamish, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

frankie goes to hollywood---"relax (dont do it)"

― chameleon, Tuesday, 12 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

High & Mighty - Hands on Experience

― Honda, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Mother Fist and her Five daughters. Great title, not such an amazing song. Momus once said 'Masturbation is the absolute kernel of what i do!' So, everything by Momus.

― Daniel, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

The Jellyfish -- "He's My Best Friend"

― Sterling Clover, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Jellyfish was going to be my suggestion too

My hands a five leaf clover Its palm Sunday over and over...etc

― mms, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

anything by blink 182 surely

― fran, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

just remembered: "Tonight I should have stayed at home, playing with my pleasure-zone"

― Spencer Chow, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Billy Idol LIES LIKE DOG.

― Dan Perry, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

DEVO! Surely the most pro-wanking band of all time??? "Whip It", "Jerkin' It Back & Forth" and "I Need A Chick" is not about wanking, but id beautifully desperate.

― 1 1 2 3 5, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

DEVO! Surely the most pro-wanking band of all time??? "Whip It", "Jerkin' It Back & Forth" and "I Need A Chick" is not about wanking, but is beautifully desperate.

― 1 1 2 3 5, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

praying hands, don't forget praying hands.

― ethan, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Pink Floyd - See Emily Play

― Ben Squircle, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

the cramps - "under the wires", about making dirty phone calls("I got so many hang-ups! I got so many hang-ups!"), duran duran - "girls on film"

― fritz, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Dunno of these qualify....

Cactus - The Pixies

The Short Answer - Billy Bragg With the immortal line "All my friends from school introduced me to their spouces, while l'm left standing here with my hands down the front of my trousers" (it sounds better said in an essex accent)

Roxy Music - In Every Dreamhome a Heartache

and several songs by the bloodhound gang. probably.

― baxter wingnut, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

"Whip it," despite the seemingly obvious sexual innuendos that can be applied to it, is actually a satirical statement on "self-help" sloganeering," and not a paean to yanking one's proverbial crank.

"Jerkin' Back & Forth," however......

― Alex in NYC, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Devo's "Penetration in the Centerfold" (later covered by Pussy Galore) should be added to the list.

― Alex in NYC, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Morrissey - "Nobody Loves Us" b-side to "Dagenham Dave" (the title of a gay British porn series BTW)

Lyrics are here - look under lyrics for My Early Burglary Years, but I prefer the Japanese guesses and mistranslations because they seem more salacious, e.g., damp hands at trouble for dab hands for trouble, Long times find never mind for Nine times fined, never mind and the next great womb instead of the next great wound. Also what is sung is actually different from what appears in the lyric booklet.

― Melinda Mess-Injure, Thursday, 14 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Book of Love - "I Touch Roses"

― Melinda Mess-Injure, Thursday, 14 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

seven months pass...

Surely, the High and Mighty feat. Kool Keith - "Hands On Experience". It's fantastic.

― Tom Armitage, Sunday, 22 September 2002 18:30 (twenty-one years ago) link

Wank by Maow. "You're about to explode, you have to go home, and blow your load cos I know, tonight, you wanna be with mee-ahhh..."

― Mr Swygart (mrswygart), Sunday, 22 September 2002 18:33 (twenty-one years ago) link

"The Beat" is much better than "Pump It Up" as far as masturbation songs on This Year's Model go. "Pump It Up" is much more about nightlife than masturbation anyway ("pump it up/when you don't even need it"? You ALWAYS NEED IT!!)

― Daniel_Rf, Sunday, 22 September 2002 21:17 (twenty-one years ago) link

ermmm something by the Lords of Acid.

― Aaron Grossman (aajjgg), Sunday, 22 September 2002 21:24 (twenty-one years ago) link

Pixies - The Holiday Song: "Here I am with my hand"...

*NOW* Can someone tell me who wrote the magnificent "Solo Project", my favourite wanking song evah?

It goes a little something like this:

I get restless
And when I'm like that
I find something to do
I just need something
I need excitement
Have to get away from the dull routine

I've tried everything over the years
But it's no use
And they say
This solo project
Makes you blind

Please, somebody identify this track for me! It's driving me nuts (ha ha).

― Charlie (Charlie), Sunday, 22 September 2002 22:36 (twenty-one years ago) link

TWEET!

― minna (minna), Monday, 23 September 2002 00:10 (twenty-one years ago) link

"Get a Grip" by Semisonic. It's lovely.

― My name is Kenny, Monday, 23 September 2002 01:51 (twenty-one years ago) link

The Who - "Pictures of Lilly"

― kinski (kinski), Monday, 23 September 2002 08:14 (twenty-one years ago) link

Oh someone said that. ok, Gene's "Olympian" maybe

― kinski (kinski), Monday, 23 September 2002 08:16 (twenty-one years ago) link

Sex Pistols, "Friggin' in the Riggin'"

― Underclocked, Monday, 23 September 2002 08:33 (twenty-one years ago) link

didn't billy bragg also sing something like: "with my own hand / making love to your memory" (also in an essex accent)

― dbini, Monday, 23 September 2002 17:19 (twenty-one years ago) link

didn't billy bragg also sing something like: "with my own hand / making love to your memory" (also in an essex accent)

It's "Saint Swithin's Day", also covered by Dubstar on their first album.

Would it be cheeky to suggest that "Sexual healing" was at least inspired by some one-armed-banditry rather then the real thing ?

― Darren, Tuesday, 24 September 2002 18:25 (twenty-one years ago) link

Loads of tracks by the Japanese noise outfit Gerogerigegege, which at one point featured a member called "Gero-30", a 50 year old exibitionist who wanked with on stage while the band played. Some of his chicken choking was captured on tape and Gero-30's grunts and groans are included on various songs, such as "Violence Onanie" (Onanie being the Japanese word for masturbation) which features Gero-30 blowing his load to the sound of machine guns being fired, bombs exploding, etc.

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Tuesday, 24 September 2002 19:20 (twenty-one years ago) link

'Would it be cheeky to suggest that "Sexual healing" was at least inspired by some one-armed-banditry rather then the real thing ?'

Not cheeky at all. In fact the 12" mix of said song is indispensable for your c90, for its coda-and-fade 'pleeease don't procrastinate/don't want to have to masturbate'.

It's true, pop-pickers - go listen!

― jon (jon), Wednesday, 25 September 2002 08:47 (twenty-one years ago) link

two months pass...

http://nowscape.com/mast/slang_mast.htm

all go here for some corkers

― sonicred (sonicred), Sunday, 1 December 2002 20:38 (twenty-one years ago) link

y'all tripped out on the best (or at least a personal favorite!). On "Phase III" The Osmonds have this great track called "My Drum" on which one of the older brothers notes that when he's got the frustration and the aggrivation he goes up to his room, gets out his sticks and bangs his drum, to which a male choir responds "KICK IT!" And then there's stuff about he needs no tranquilizers or Dr. Myzer but he needs to keep within reach of drum. Then there's a big drum solo while the boys chant "ooh yeah Huh! Come on!" He also prays the lord his soul keep - keep within close distance of his drum that is. Yow! Frisky for mormons.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Monday, 2 December 2002 00:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

Then there's the famous rugby club adaption of Rolf Harrises 'Two little boys'...

Two little boys had two little toys/each had a little (blank). Gaily they played, each sunny day both (blank) of course.

It goes on and on like this.

― jon (jon), Monday, 2 December 2002 09:48 (twenty-one years ago) link

Country Teasers:
"I Got a Good Pair of Hands"
"Go Down Mighty Devil"
"Only Whittlin' Mom"

All three on Moral Nosebleed double lp.

― Paula G., Monday, 2 December 2002 20:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

Elvis Costello-"Black and White World"

― Colin Beckett (Colin Beckett), Tuesday, 3 December 2002 04:48 (twenty-one years ago) link

DQE-- Masturbation Made a Mess Out of Me
Tori Amos-- Icicle

― Blood and sparkles (bloodandsparkles), Tuesday, 3 December 2002 05:28 (twenty-one years ago) link

two months pass...

Gary Numan - Down In The Park
"Down In the Park With My Friend Called FIVE"
Actually theres lots of numan songs about wanking.*Cue comments bout Numan being a wanker*

― Reg Deadman, Friday, 14 February 2003 02:56 (twenty-one years ago) link

one year passes...

Revive!!

And of course The Flaming Lips' "She Don't Use Jelly" should be in there as well....

How is that song about crankin' it??? They're talking about putting vasoline on TOAST, aren't they?? ("She'll make you breakfast, she'll make you toast, but she don't use butter..." etc.)

― Mr. Snrub (Mr. Snrub), Monday, 26 April 2004 22:07 (twenty years ago) link

Britney Spears - Touch Of My Hand
JC Chasez - Come To Me
Tori Amos - Icicle
Missy Elliott - Toyz (do vibrators count as masturbation?)

― The Lex (The Lex), Monday, 26 April 2004 22:11 (twenty years ago) link

The Flaming Lips - "The Southern Oklahoma Cosmic Trigger Contest" is without a doubt, the best masturbation song EVER!!! EVER!!!!

― Mr. Snrub (Mr. Snrub), Monday, 26 April 2004 22:23 (twenty years ago) link

"Spank Through" - Nirvana

― billstevejim, Monday, 26 April 2004 22:24 (twenty years ago) link

one year passes...

I really hope Numan's "Park" isn't about his penis...

Down in the park
Where the chant is "death,
death, death" until the sun cries morning

― Hotdogman, Saturday, 24 December 2005 20:12 (eighteen years ago) link

The Fabulous Poodles: "Twist & Sprout"

(I'm not sure I've even actually heard it.)

― Rockist_Scientist (RSLaRue), Saturday, 24 December 2005 21:09 (eighteen years ago) link

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