Band Names in an Alternate Universe

camouflage my crotch, an asexual punk band naturally.

These queer squat art-school punks from London are making a name for themselves with their funky music about their struggles with lice, let’s give a warm welcome to:

Oh, the punch line was Buggy Hair, took me a minute to remember

I came here because I needed to write down "Jian Gholgameshi and the Mike Bullard of Heaven" somewhere, for dumb posterity

If we take a scientific approach, and if we hypothesise an alternative universe where atomic interactions are more vigorous, the Red Hot Chilli Peppers would be called the White Hot Chilli Peppers.*

In that universe John Frusciante would be an amorphous cloud several hundred miles in diameter and the band's music would be lethal to regular organic life.

* Or would they? On one level I'm mixing up chemical and atomic energies, but on another level chilli peppers aren't literally red hot, or even hot at all. That universe would still have a metaphor for the hotness of chilli, and it would be more extreme because everything would be more extreme.

And yet the Red Hot Chili Pipers would still exist in that universe

Alternatively, if there was another universe where gravitation was much weaker, the only way for human-style life to exist would be in pockets of air trapped underground - the surface atmosphere would just float off into space. From our perspective these humans would lead an unutterably bleak life, doomed to die in a cave, having never seen the stars, leaving essentially no trace whatsoever.

Just like the rabbit warren in Watership Down. In the long run their civilisation would rise and fall, leaving a musty, dead cavern full of skeletons and rock carvings. And yet from their point of view an underground life would seem normal, and they would have happiness and joy just as we do, albeit of a different kind. They would develop a language alien to us and their culture and metaphorical framework would be alien as well - they wouldn't "reach for the stars" or "feel the wind on my face" etc - but the underlying human emotions would be the same. And, who knows, perhaps they might explore the stars in pockets of air propelled into space from blow-holes.

Nonetheless in that universe Grand Funk Railroad would be called Grand Funk Underground Railroad.

R.E.M. (Repeat E Minor)