The Thread Where Rock Goes To The Doctor

Bob Dylan --
"I went to the doctor the very next day
To see what kinda words he could say." (Talkin' World War III Blues)

Loudon Wainwright --

"I went to the doctor and the doctor said, "Son,
You look older than me and I'm seventy-one."

"I went to the doctor, guess what he told me"

Peter Tosh - Reggaemylitis ("I Went to the doctor / To find out the matter / Doctor said son / You have a Reggaemylitis")

My favorite is when the doctor diagnoses the patient with some sort of music-related pun disease.

Cocaine: Jackson Browne
"I went to the doctor, down at the hospital. He said son it says here you're twenty seven, but that's impossible."

Harry Nilsson, "Coconut" -- "I said doctor doctor ain't there nothin' I can take?"

Jon Langford's great song about Hank Williams, "Nashville Radio," has the "doctor doctor" lyric as well:
"Doctor, Doctor, sign my prescription, I'm in trouble again"

What's with the compulsion to say "doctor" twice?

Weird Al Yankovic's "Stuck In A Closet With Vanna White": "Doctor can you help me am I goin' insane / Was it something I ate or something wrong with my brain?"

Somehow I feel like there has to be a P-Funk song that does this.

"Coconut" is the best one though, it's like 90% of the song.

"She went to the doctor and got lypo with your money"

Doctor I haven't been able to paint
For two weeks now and I'm feeling faint
Is there anything I can do?
Is there anything you can do?

I try and concentrate but my body aches
And my head goes round and my hands begin to shake
Is there anything I can do?
Is there anything you can do?

Perhaps I could have some little blue pills
Like you gave me when I was ill
Oh I hope you can stop
This feeling that I've got
Please help me
Please help me

Doctor I haven't been able to sing
For three weeks now and I feel poorly
Is there anything I can do?
Is there anything you can do?
I get on the stage and I see the crowd
And suddenly everything's twice as loud
Anything you can do?
Anything you can do?

Perhaps I could have some little blue pills
Like you gave me when I was ill
Oh I hope you can stop
This feeling that I've got
Please help me
Please help me

My heads going round and round

Somehow I feel like there has to be a P-Funk song that does this.

Duh, what was I thinking? "Dr. Funkenstein" is sung from the perspective of the doctor, prescribing his funk, while the chorus represents his patients praising his work. The Beatles' "Doctor Robert" is kind of similar in that nobody specifically goes to the doctor, but the narrator is sending them there and seems really convinced that the doctor will be able to solve the problems in question.

I'm not clear on the details, but Falco's "Wiener Blut" definitely contains a "Doktor, doktor!" sequence and something about "we have the medicine - the decadence" or something to that effect.

Black Sabbath-Rock n Roll Doctor

Ted Nugent-Just what the Doctor Ordered

i was gonna say "doctor rock" by apple, but no one really goes to the doctor in that song IIRC. the doctor, however, rocks.

Bob Dylan - Leopard Skin Pillbox Hat

Well, I asked the doctor if I could see you
It's bad for your health, he said
Yes, I disobeyed his orders
I came to see you
But I found him there instead
You know, I don't mind him cheatin' on me
But I sure wish he'd take that off his head
Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat

More Nugent - "Cat Scratch Fever"

The first time that I got it
I was just ten years old
I got it from some kitty next door
I went and see the doctor and
He gave me the cure
I think I got it some more

The Who, Doctor Doctor
The Kinks, Permanent Waves

doctor doctor, give me the news
i got a bad case of lovin' you

how is this not already on here?

another obvious one: "good lovin'" by the rascals

i said doctor (doctor)
mr. m.d. (doctor)
now can you tell me
what's ailin' me

Dead Or Alive: My Heart Goes Bang (Get Me To The Doctor)

In Motorhead's 'Doctor Rock', rather than chronicling a trip to the doctor from the point of view as the patient, the song presents the listener a situation where Lemmy is the Doctor. Doctor Rock. Also mentions Dr. Spock, although it is not made clear whether this is the well known deceased paediatrician or the sadly more well known fictional alien character. Surely it deserves a mention on this thread, and this is it.

Hank Williams - "Low Down Blues"

Lord, I went to the doctor
He took one look
Said: "The trouble with you ain't in my book
I can tell you what it is
But it ain't good news
You got an awful bad case of them low down blues."

"Crash Course in Brain Surgery" - Metallica

Er... Budgie, originally

But Metallica had the better t-shirt, so they win.

I showed my heart to the doctor: he said I just have to quit.
Then he wrote himself a prescription,
and your name was mentioned in it
Then he locked himself in a library shelf
with the details of our honeymoon,
and I hear from the nurse that he's gotten much worse
and his practice is all in a ruin.

Flamin' Groovies, Slow Death

"I called the Doctor
Up in the morning
I had a fever
It was a warning

She said there's nothing I can prescribe
To keep your raunchy bag of bones alive
I got some money
Give me one more shot
She said go kill yourself
I said 'Thanks a lot'"

Bowie - "Blackout"

GET ME TO THE DOCTOR

Black Sabbath - Fairies wear boots

"I went to the doctor see what he could tell me"

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed.
One fell off and bumped his head.
Called the doctor and the doctor said,
"No more monkeys jumping on the bed."

Also mentions Dr. Spock, although it is not made clear whether this is the well known deceased paediatrician or the sadly more well known fictional alien character

Pretty sure that Lemmy knows the difference between Dr. Spock and MR. Spock! (Not that that's necessarily something to be proud of)

Also: Blue Cheer's "Doctor Please" ("I need a painkiller shot inside of me" etc.)

Pink Floyd, Take Up Thy Stethoscope and Walk

"Doctah! Doctah!"

The Who, Doctor Doctor

Jamie Lidell - Out Of My System

"My doctor told me I was not a machine
She told me that I better let off some steam
But I didn't hear a word she said
There's too much pressure building in my head
Gotta get this out of my system"

only sorta:
"Now if you see Saint Annie
Please tell her thanks a lot
I cannot move
My fingers are all in a knot
I don't have the strength
To get up and take another shot
And my best friend, my doctor
Won't even say what it is I've got"

Not quite Jarvis going to the doctor, but

Oh well I saw you at the doctor's waiting for a test
You tried to look like some kind of heiress, but your face is such a mess
And now you're going to a party and you're leaving on your own
Oh I'm sorry but didn't you say that things go better with a little bit of Razzamatazz?

& there's also

Doctor please, some more of these!
Outside the door she took four more..
What a drag it is getting old.

Marianne Faithfull - Vagabond Ways

Oh, doctor please
Oh, doctor please
I drink and I take drugs
I love sex and I move around a lot.

Heltah Skeltah: "Therapy"

A great tune where HS do the dialogue between a rapper and his therapist:

See that leather sofa over there?
- Yeah.
Sit back with this six-pack and a spliff
that have your mind twisted while we chit-chat
- I like that.
I think that, we should start with the session
- Uh-huh.
But before we begin let me ask you a few questions
- Uh-huh.
Have you been touched the wrong way?
- Nah.
Involved in gun play
- Yeah.
The town, let me guess, acquited like you was O.J.
- How you know?
Typical black life, you jack knifes under a sea biscuit
get specific an' stop fuckin' around wit that crack rock
- Yo, I don't smoke doze!
Yes you do Duke, I can tell
cuz you actin' funny, like when blacks get money.

Help me out! Dig!
All I do is grunt and groan
Hurts me to walk anywhere
Went to see my physician, Dr. Jones
He took my trousers off,
told me to cough
Doctor says there ain't
nothin' to discuss
He tells me any day I might
have to wear a truss

Living with a hernia
All the time, such aggravation
Living with a hernia
Gonna be my ruination
Living with a hernia
Got to have an operation
Feel so old

Went to the doctor said I look so hard
and with a smile on his face pointed me to a junkyard

Well come on doctor won't you give me a shot
I've feeling cold boy, feeling hot
Doctor said no boy you gotta learn
First I'll shoot up and then it's your turn

The Who, "The Real Me"

I went back to the doctor
To get another shrink.
I sit and tell him about my weekend,
But he never betrays what he thinks.

I wonder of HMOs will reverse this trend. Doctors are too busy to talk to now.

This thread would make such a great box set or clipped-together mix. To-do list for this summer...

2nd verse of this song is a great doctor verse:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Br8n2JBc67o

Also, Katy Perry's bridge in which she asks someone to call a doctor.

Doctors Wu, Robert, and Feelgood, Esq.

"Pills" by Bo Diddly has a classic "doctor, doctor" and also acknowledges the hardworking rocknrollnurse ...

"Jug Band Music" by the Lovin' Spoonful, where the title phrase is the doctor's prescription.
As well as Dr. Wu, Steely Dan mentions Dr. Warren Kruger in "West of Hollywood", although in neither song does the singer seem to be a patient of said doctor.

"Sister Morphine" is another nurse song.

The word "doctor" does not appear in the lyrics, but Motörhead's "Back at the Funny Farm" is a classic of the genre (especially the last line, which cracks me up):

Hammer pounding in my heart, I think it's gonna burst
Spring unwinding in my head, I don't know which is worse
I hear you talking but the words are kinda strange
One of us is crazy and the other one's insane

Stay calm, don't be alarmed
It's just a holiday
Back at the funny farm

Nothing in this cold white room to help me recognise
I don't understand why everyone is in disguise
I gotta leave right now, I can't stay here no more
But I'm afraid to try in case they lock the door

Can't find no windows but I gotta get outside
Can you help me stand? It feels like both my legs have died
What was that injection? 'Cos I think it's going wrong
I really like this jacket but the sleeves are much too long

"Dr Faustus" by the Fall
"Mr Pharmacists" by the Fall/The Other Half
"Doctor Dark" by Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band

Cracker - Take Me Down to the Infirmary
Van Halen - Somebody Get Me A Doctor
Kiss - Calling Dr. Love

Barry Manilow, "Tryin' to Get the Feeling Again":

Doctor, my woman is comin' back home late today
Could ya maybe give me something?

Doktor Faustus is great but isn't this

Dire Straits - "Industrial Disease"

Dr. Parkinson declared "I'm not surprised to see you here
You've got smoker's cough from smoking, brewer's droop from drinking beer
I don't know how you came to get that Bette Davis wheeze
but worst of all, young man, you've got industrial disease"

If you
If you wanna
If you wanna feel real nice just
Ask the rock and roll doctors advice

Spacemen 3 - “Call The Doctor”

"Doctor Blind" by Emily Haines and the Soft Skeleton.