Are any Louis Walsh bands any good at all?

Sorry DV even from the pits of drunkennesse I fail ye. Louis Walsh is a cockfarmer true and all his bands are rubbish.

some band who sold no records at all and are rumoured to be a tax dodge

The poor Cranberries. They've seen better days.

As I read your list I realised I'd already completely forgotten about the existence of Boyzone, but noticed that B Witched weren't there. Weren't they an evil Louis band, in their Reynolds Girls denims? Where do ex-boy/girl bands retire to in Ireland? Is there a farm full of them, like the Donkey Sanctuary in South Devon?

I think B*Witched work down in Busaras now.

Yeah the Cranberrys ARE shit don't we all agree? But why then does noone else HATE DB Boulevard? The singer sounds so fucking like Dolores O'Riordan. I thought it was the Cranberrys "new direction" at first.

What nonsense you do talk Ronan - Boulevard-woman is much less shrill. I feel guilty about liking it because of its Dido-with-beats wive not because it sounds like O'Riordan.

I misread that as "Dido with Breasts".

Hurr hurr hurr.

why i mistyped "vibe" as "wive" I do not know unless I secretly want to marry Dido.

It's when she says "poooooooooin of viewwwwww" that I think of Dolores O'Riordan.

Also I think the music at the start sounds like "My Everything" by Barry White. I'm still all about Junior Jack really, although I hear stories of a brutal remix doing the rounds so be warned.

(NB-I'd be quite pleased if I managed to ruin the song for someone now by making them think of the Cranberries each time they hear it. Quite pleased indeed.)

I love the DB Boulevard single: it's Shakira who sounds unpleasantly like O'Riordan.

Stupid Cranberries lyric number 4,327: "To all you parents with sleepless nights, sleepless nights / Tie your kids onto their beds / Clean their heads / Clean their heads!" She actually wrote that ...

Here's another one: 'Suddenly as I was having a cup of tea/A thought suddenly occured to me/I was feeling very depressed/I was feeling utterly stressed'

Shakira wrote that song by sticking the parts out of about 20 fortune cookies together.

Singer from DB Boulevard sounds a lot loke the divine ms Geri Haliwell, despite that handicap it's still a great record.

Stupid Cranberries lyric number 4,327: "To all you parents with sleepless nights, sleepless nights / Tie your kids onto their beds / Clean their heads / Clean their heads!" She actually wrote that ...

Not that stupid Robin, it works a treat. Just wait till you have children then you'll see. And sending them up a chimney's a great way to tire them out.

Yeah, that's Incantation's "Cacharpaya" on the Shakira song, isn't it?

Anyone must agree, though, that the following piece of O'Riordan wisdom couldn't help even the most disenfranchised child:

"Bosnia was so unkind / Sarajevo changed my mind / Rummmpatitum, rummmpatitum / Traboo, traboo, traboo ..."

Or the statement "You must have nothing more with your time to do / There's a war in Russia and Sarajevo too". And "It was a fearful night of December 8th / He was walking home from the studio, late / He had perceptively known that it wouldn't be nice / Because in 1980 he paid the price / With a Smith & Wesson 38 / John Lennon's life was no longer a debate". Like shooting particularly irrelevant fish in a completely empty barrel, this.

could you stop talking about De Cranberries? this is a thread about Louis Walsh bands.

Jesus.

Yes, let's. After all, they make his creations sound good :).

I heard that Six have covered "There's A Whole Lot Of Loving" by Guys and Dolls ... Jesus and, indeed, Christ.

Ha ha it's only a matter of time before some boyband covers that poxy song off Bugsy Malone which gets played at indie discos and then it won't be any more thank christ.

The best thing about Six is hearing all the kids at their shows and imagining they're screaming "we love sex", which doesn't take a major mental leap.

Of course I'm not entertained by 12 year olds screaming "we love sex" in anything but the most wholesome possible way.