Exercise For Credit: Five Names For A Fictional Open Mic

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This is for a book. I need five fake band / songwriter names that would play an open mic night at a generic, sub-Starbucks campus cafe. (for instance: someone would definitely be named Jamie).

The best entries, I solemnly swear, will be properly credited to their inventors.

― joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Sunday, 16 July 2006 14:50 (nineteen years ago)

The Fond Affections.

― More Tongue Feldman (noodle vague), Sunday, 16 July 2006 14:55 (nineteen years ago)

Ashley C Granger
The New Jugglers
The Ripped Mat Syndicate
Shire Reality
The Tableaus

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 16 July 2006 14:58 (nineteen years ago)

The Boho Dance

― More Tongue Feldman (noodle vague), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:00 (nineteen years ago)

Lil' Edith

― More Tongue Feldman (noodle vague), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:00 (nineteen years ago)

"Ashley C Granger" is genius.

I also feel there needs to be a sensitive guy with a Polish last name, like "Josh Verbitzky."

― joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:04 (nineteen years ago)

Holden Slumbers

― More Tongue Feldman (noodle vague), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:05 (nineteen years ago)

PAUL EDWARD WAGEMANN

― More Tongue Feldman (noodle vague), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:06 (nineteen years ago)

Yahoo Spam sez:

Skylar James
Kevin Kelley
Maria Knight
Saul Hernandez

― Roz (Roz), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:08 (nineteen years ago)

I also feel there needs to be a sensitive guy with a Polish last name, like "Josh Verbitzky."

I like that idea. He needs to have a boyish first name as well. Chrissie Wolski. Petey Kubica. Andi Sycz. DD Jarowski

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:09 (nineteen years ago)

PAUL EDWARD WAGEMANN

-- More Tongue Feldman (noodle_vagu...), July 16th, 2006. (noodle vague) (later)

PAUL EDWARD WAGEMANN AND THE EMO EXPLANATIONS

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:10 (nineteen years ago)

PAUL EDWARD WAGEMANN'S EMU

― More Tongue Feldman (noodle vague), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:12 (nineteen years ago)

INSTEAD OF GOOSING PARKINSON IT'D JUST ASK HIM TO DEFINE "BLING BLING".

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:18 (nineteen years ago)

But we digress.

What about Derek "Tao" Jones?

― More Tongue Feldman (noodle vague), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:23 (nineteen years ago)

Focus on Sanity
Boyzenberry Jam
Shaggin Wagon
Elizabeth Colby
The Other Side

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:23 (nineteen years ago)

hahahahaha Derek "Tao" Jones is a definite winner.

Roz, your Yahoo spam is surprisingly human-sounding! I tend to get correspondents like tduesr fontvollc.

― joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:25 (nineteen years ago)

Ha, I only just got that.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:35 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.taojones.org/main1.html

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:36 (nineteen years ago)

If there's one abiding lesson the interweb has taught me, it's that there's no such thing as an original idea.

― More Tongue Feldman (noodle vague), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:39 (nineteen years ago)

haha well Skylar James is plugging "xofag VIagERA".

xps

― Roz (Roz), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:40 (nineteen years ago)

"Focus on Sanity" somehow has the best verisimilitude so far...

― Doctor Casino (Doctor Casino), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:40 (nineteen years ago)

Belmondo's Last Gauloise
Cindy Cantantarello
Ed Flint & His Spontaneously Combustible Sheep

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:42 (nineteen years ago)

Jeff "Guitar" Elliott
Bohemian Rap City
The Poetry Project
Global Warning

― Fetchboy (Felcher), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:43 (nineteen years ago)

Oh I LIKE Global Warning

― More Tongue Feldman (noodle vague), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:47 (nineteen years ago)

Rivendellica

― More Tongue Feldman (noodle vague), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:49 (nineteen years ago)

Melodyman

― sibsi (sibsi), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:51 (nineteen years ago)

Sunset Over Lakewood
Morning Dew
Don't Blame Me I Voted For Kerry
Wandering Eyes

― Fetchboy (Felcher), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:55 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, Global Warning might be my favorite so far.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:56 (nineteen years ago)

Ladies In Waiting (couple of barista chicks from said cafe with acoustic guitars)

― Fetchboy (Felcher), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:58 (nineteen years ago)

Lyrical Limbo

― Fetchboy (Felcher), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:59 (nineteen years ago)

PIRGatory

― Fetchboy (Felcher), Sunday, 16 July 2006 16:04 (nineteen years ago)

Women of Mass Destruction
Mutual Admiration Society
Hare of the Dog

― russel swensen (solecism), Sunday, 16 July 2006 16:15 (nineteen years ago)

Jeff "Guitar" Elliott

I love the excruciating boredom that radiates from each of these three words.

― joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Sunday, 16 July 2006 16:21 (nineteen years ago)

The Fret Boys
Passionessence

I also feel there needs to be a sensitive guy with a Polish last name, like "Josh Verbitzky."

I like that idea. He needs to have a boyish first name as well. Chrissie Wolski. Petey Kubica. Andi Sycz. DD Jarowski

There needs to be someone called Josh. As with "open mic night", the name is redolent of well-meaning insipidness.

Josh Anthony?

Apologies to anyone called Josh, BTW.

― Ben Dot (1977), Sunday, 16 July 2006 17:06 (nineteen years ago)

What's Yours is Mind

― Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Sunday, 16 July 2006 17:10 (nineteen years ago)

These are all awesome. I will announce the five finalists in a bit.

― joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Sunday, 16 July 2006 17:24 (nineteen years ago)

There really needs to be at least one "funky" guy doing Ani Difranco style spoken word over his feverish M Doughty rhythms. I think his name has to have "Papa" in it too. Maybe Papa Josh?

― Doctor Casino (Doctor Casino), Sunday, 16 July 2006 18:43 (nineteen years ago)

Epsilon Rising. How could we forget so soon?

― More Tongue Feldman (noodle vague), Sunday, 16 July 2006 18:45 (nineteen years ago)

Spaceman Joe

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 16 July 2006 18:46 (nineteen years ago)

satori feldman

― celebrity mole: hawaii (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 16 July 2006 18:49 (nineteen years ago)

Where's the white, dreadlocked "spoken word artist"?

Eric "Jah" Harrington?
Josh "J-Dub" Wetzler?
Alex "Sasha" Pendleton?

Some more good spam names:

Lydia Godfrey
Leticia Coates
Earline Blake
Kitty Kimball
Ananth Boyce
Scott Von Heldt (writing to me about Baron Von Sloth, which could be a band name)
Catalina Leitz
Ramona Sawyer
Agnes Petersen
Olimpia Tash
Henri M. Ramon
Bernadine Prescott
Maurice Chaparall
Toussain Swaby
Luther Eldridge

And my personal favorite, Enumerates G. Purview

― max (maxreax), Sunday, 16 July 2006 18:53 (nineteen years ago)

It's pronounced E-nu-mer-AH-tees.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 19:01 (nineteen years ago)

Jeff "Guitar" Elliott

I love the excruciating boredom that radiates from each of these three words.

-- joseph cotten (josephcotte...), July 16th, 2006.

This made me LOL

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 19:01 (nineteen years ago)

I want to know what the "G" stands for.

― max (maxreax), Sunday, 16 July 2006 19:04 (nineteen years ago)

Speaking of radiating boredom, this dude name Keith C8rpent3r just myspaced my band.

Genre: Bluegrass/Folk/Rock

Band Members Just Myself
Influences Eric Clapton, BB King, John Mellencamp, Bill Monroe
Sounds Like Folky Blues and Bluegrass
Record Label Docwoody Studios

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 19:05 (nineteen years ago)

For your token hardcore kidz band:

The Illuminati Solution
Defeat of Denial
Hillbilly Jim

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 19:09 (nineteen years ago)

For the dude, or dudes, with those floppy hats you get at Old Navy and Chuck Taylots

My Life, Her Heart, Our Wound
Blood by Blood, Fate by Fate
Miranda's Last Farewell
One Sunday In June
Quel'que Chose
Unrelenting Vengeance
Sheep in Wolves Clothing

― Emily B (Emily B), Sunday, 16 July 2006 20:32 (nineteen years ago)

Alex "Sasha" Pendleton?

i like this -- i grew up in a russian neighborhood and i knew at least six alex-sashas.

― celebrity mole: hawaii (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 16 July 2006 21:24 (nineteen years ago)

Bongo See, Bongo Do

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Sunday, 16 July 2006 21:50 (nineteen years ago)

Jessi Saugerties

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Monday, 17 July 2006 01:05 (nineteen years ago)

Skipping 41 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

"Terror
is not far
there is a steering lock
in your car!"

That's one of the dude's poems, no joke.

― Fetchboy (Felcher), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 16:31 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.poetryband.com/music-room.html
to hear songs

― Fetchboy (Felcher), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 16:33 (nineteen years ago)

J-Dub's spoken word stylings will shake you all from your safe, bougie, liberal points of view to really consider the prominent issues of our time, from racism to poverty. And hunger, too. And, like, popular rap music.

― max (maxreax), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 16:43 (nineteen years ago)

xp The first two minutes of the Poetry Band's "O Mercy Me" does sound like bad Jim Morrison -- and a lot like Joy Division's "Interzone". Much as I love Ian Curtis, you can really see how a lot of his singing and lyrics came from poorly imitating th' Lizard King.

― O-Keigh (O-Keigh), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 03:59 (nineteen years ago)

"Square Root of Truth" and "Mutual Admiration Society" are both amazing.

― cdwill (cdwill), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 05:15 (nineteen years ago)

(William Bloody Swaggart)

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 08:33 (nineteen years ago)

"Baslamendo" - a two piece accordian and woodblock duo. With snakes.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 09:50 (nineteen years ago)

(William Bloody Swaggart)

Whoops! Sorry!

― joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 12:34 (nineteen years ago)

Whoops! Sorry!

That's the winner!

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 13:20 (nineteen years ago)

one year passes...

I'm bumping this mainly because it took me seriously half an hour to figure out the right search crap to find it, since of course I remembered that the thread was pretty much continuous LOLs but not any of the specific names.

What about Derek "Tao" Jones?

― Doctor Casino, Friday, 31 August 2007 07:03 (eighteen years ago)

one month passes...

A well-deserved bump: the book containing the final ten has just sold to FSG and should be on the shelves in mid-2008. All the winners get credit, obviously!

― Erroneous Botch, Tuesday, 23 October 2007 20:10 (eighteen years ago)

Hot damn: FSG! Congratulations! Is the deal announced and listed everywhere yet? Kinda curious who you wound up with there.

― nabisco, Tuesday, 23 October 2007 20:58 (eighteen years ago)

Actually, not yet, so shhh until next week. Do you know people at FSG? feel free to email me off-board...

― Erroneous Botch, Wednesday, 24 October 2007 18:16 (eighteen years ago)

nine months pass...

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=hdSo4yFuDdo&watch_response

― DJ Mencap, Saturday, 2 August 2008 09:53 (seventeen years ago)

Mutual Admiration Society

-- russel swensen (solecism), Sunday, 16 July 2006 16:15 (2 years ago) Link

"Mutual Admiration Society"

-- cdwill (cdwill), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 05:15 (2 years ago) Link

This is the name of the group comprising Glen Phillips (the Toad the Wet Sprocket one) and Chris Thile (Nickel Creek), of all people. Apparently they admire each other and they made a record a while back.

― ellaguru, Saturday, 2 August 2008 18:08 (seventeen years ago)

So what's up with the book?

― Hurting 2, Saturday, 2 August 2008 18:31 (seventeen years ago)

ten months pass...

The book is finally coming out! The official publication date is August 4, Amazon begins shipping it July 21. AMAZON LINK HERE.

The thank-yous in the end include all the contributors plus the instruction to google the phrase "Five Names For A Fictional Open Mic" for full results.

― Joseph Cotten, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 03:35 (sixteen years ago)

Congrats!

― i yelled "BIG HOOS" but i was yelling at my steen (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 03:57 (sixteen years ago)

Awesome!

― THESE ARE MY FEELINGS! FEEL MY FEELINGS! (I eat cannibals), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 04:15 (sixteen years ago)

Hahaha well done Joseph.

― Pimp My Hearse (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 09:24 (sixteen years ago)

I just came up with AtmosphEric (singer's name is Eric).

― Garri$on Kilo (Hurting 2), Thursday, 9 July 2009 18:38 (sixteen years ago)

congratulations man

― rip dom passantino 3/5/09 never forget (max), Thursday, 9 July 2009 18:41 (sixteen years ago)

ive been looking for a sagely wry novel to read

― rip dom passantino 3/5/09 never forget (max), Thursday, 9 July 2009 18:41 (sixteen years ago)

amazing

― Michael tapeworm much talent for the future (s1ocki), Thursday, 9 July 2009 18:47 (sixteen years ago)

six months pass...

Wow, I missed all the later revives - congrats on the book! I totally want to read it. Just for S&G I'm gonna re-render the thread as an ILM poll in a few...

― Doctor Casino, Saturday, 23 January 2010 17:26 (sixteen years ago)

three months pass...

A college friend of mine just posted a show announcement and one of the band they're playing with is called Tr1bal S3eds. I immediately thought of this thread.

― hills like white people (Hurting 2), Friday, 7 May 2010 18:51 (sixteen years ago)

eleven months pass...

http://www.theawl.com/2011/05/my-two-weeks-as-a-russian-tabloid-sensation

― ban drake (the rapper) (max), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 21:32 (fifteen years ago)

"My thing," said Germanika, "is black bogs of despair."

― Mark G, Thursday, 5 May 2011 11:26 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.victorian-cinema.net/trainspotting.jpg

― got a whole lotta gloves (snoball), Thursday, 5 May 2011 11:34 (fifteen years ago)

great article!

― 40% chill and 100% negative (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 5 May 2011 12:07 (fifteen years ago)

nine months pass...

reading Ground Up right now and thoroughly enjoying it :D

― dayove cool (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 15 February 2012 08:27 (fourteen years ago)

two years pass...

Women of Mass Destruction

― my jaw left (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 1 October 2014 03:09 (eleven years ago)

Once encountered a real band, playing the social night at a phil conference, called 'The Critique of Pure Rhythm'. Nearly too clever, but also yuck.

― Fine Toothcomb (sonofstan), Wednesday, 1 October 2014 03:43 (eleven years ago)

god this thread is so good

― Doctor Casino, Wednesday, 1 October 2014 05:19 (eleven years ago)

three weeks pass...

The Other Side
― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), zondag 16 juli 2006 15:23

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SxAw2LJHX0

― Kibbutzki (Jaap Schip), Friday, 24 October 2014 19:43 (eleven years ago)

one month passes...

http://www.nj.com/hobokennow/index.ssf/2014/12/live_local_bands_returning_to.html#incart_river

It's going to be a loud night, with three bands known for amped-up guitars and roaring vocals. Dead Fish Handshake, whose last EP was produced by Sevendust's Clint Lowery, describe their sound as "unadulterated rock 'n' roll...with a no bells-and-whistles approach." Crewman Number Six (the name is a Star Trek reference) have been pounding out their "heavy, soul-funkin' hard rock music" for more than a decade, while Ed Smith & The Ego are longtime Hoboken scene vets.

― 18th Century Celebrity WS of Shame (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 2 December 2014 21:18 (eleven years ago)

two weeks pass...

The Donors Like You

― how's life, Friday, 19 December 2014 13:46 (eleven years ago)

That's great

― man alive, Friday, 19 December 2014 15:10 (eleven years ago)

six years pass...

Saw the below flier and thought The Grateful B.R.O.s was worthy of this thread
https://scontent-lga3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/192755816_3542630525837102_2893181263667135789_n.jpg?_nc_cat=102&ccb=1-3&_nc_sid=825194&_nc_ohc=2jRNyASmYYwAX86zVml&_nc_ht=scontent-lga3-2.xx&oh=36b868021ee333863c5ddc6f567c0e99&oe=60D8D8C4

― longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Monday, 31 May 2021 04:32 (five years ago)

two years pass...

http://www.nj.com/hobokennow/index.ssf/2014/12/live_local_bands_returning_to.html#incart_river

― 18th Century Celebrity WS of Shame (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 2 December 2014 21:18 (nine years ago) link

"longtime scene vets" is such a cruel backhanded complement

― longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Wednesday, 17 January 2024 16:37 (two years ago)

Compliment even

― Pictish in the Woods (James Redd and the Blecchs), Monday, 22 January 2024 23:26 (two years ago)

Anyway that post is solid gold so nice revive!

― Pictish in the Woods (James Redd and the Blecchs), Monday, 22 January 2024 23:27 (two years ago)

Once encountered a real band, playing the social night at a phil conference, called 'The Critique of Pure Rhythm'. Nearly too clever, but also yuck.

― Fine Toothcomb (sonofstan), Tuesday, September 30, 2014 10:43 PM (nine years ago) bookmarkflaglink

LMAO

― budo jeru, Monday, 22 January 2024 23:50 (two years ago)

also Ken Zoan is ace. great thread. also kind of amazing that this book ended up being published by FSG. did anyone ever read it?

― budo jeru, Monday, 22 January 2024 23:50 (two years ago)

It’s in my giant pile of I’ll get to it one day.

― Pictish in the Woods (James Redd and the Blecchs), Monday, 22 January 2024 23:55 (two years ago)

Jeff "Guitar" Elliott kills me every time.

― B. Amato (Boring, Maryland), Tuesday, 23 January 2024 02:48 (two years ago)

In my orbit, too many pickup band names are lazy AF, referencing their practice time or their practice space or how often they rehearse. I probably shouldn't name them here but there are some decidedly lazy band names out there.

― Wine not? (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 23 January 2024 03:21 (two years ago)

to be fair, some of the greatest bands in musical history had the laziest, most unimaginative names

― budo jeru, Tuesday, 23 January 2024 15:44 (two years ago)

Like, The Band

― Wine not? (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 23 January 2024 15:51 (two years ago)

or The Beatles

― Pictish in the Woods (James Redd and the Blecchs), Tuesday, 23 January 2024 18:15 (two years ago)

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