If you had five minutes of undivided attention with a band you like or respect but think they could improve in some way, who would you go after and what would you tell them?

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...?

― Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 22:43 (nineteen years ago)

"Heya Kevin. Trust me, we'd love to hear those tapes."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 22:46 (nineteen years ago)

"Psst..Thom...word on the street is that Phil sounds like every other British drummer - I don't mean that as a compliment"

― Zachary Scott (Zach S), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 22:48 (nineteen years ago)

"Bono, you're not piloting a spaceship. Edge, you're bald. We get it."

― Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 23:00 (nineteen years ago)

To the Eagles: "When I am driving through the American hinterlands, only able to pick up one dusty 70's station, please please please please for the love of god stop taking it to the limit..."

― J. Grizzle (trainsmoke), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 23:00 (nineteen years ago)

this happened to me! with the modey lemon. i told them they should get rid of their bass player. more or less. they didn't listen though AND WHERE ARE THEY NOW I ASK YOU.

― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 23:05 (nineteen years ago)

Kayne:

u are one of the real ones and i admire your work. u know u need to get at me cuz u got tight beats and I could lace the track u know how I do.

― tremendoid (tremendoid), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 23:11 (nineteen years ago)

Luke Vibert - reprise Plug, please?

― boney (b0n3y), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 23:46 (nineteen years ago)

MBV - hurry the fuck up!

― Hoosteen (Hoosteen), Thursday, 26 October 2006 00:24 (nineteen years ago)

"this happened to me! with the modey lemon. i told them they should get rid of their bass player. more or less. they didn't listen though AND WHERE ARE THEY NOW I ASK YOU."

in pittsburgh, recording. playin a few shows here and there. watchin football.

― edde (edde), Thursday, 26 October 2006 01:08 (nineteen years ago)

"Bruce, you should ask Bob Dylan to produce your next album. And keep it simple, dude. Also, spend more time working on those melodies and lyrics. We'll always love you, guy, but you really haven't written any memorable songs since 1988. And I say that as a friend."

― Josh in Chicago (Josh in Chicago), Thursday, 26 October 2006 01:30 (nineteen years ago)

Are there any bands or solo artists that would actually listen to five minutes of constructed criticism from someone they didn't know?

― Zachary Scott (Zach S), Thursday, 26 October 2006 01:33 (nineteen years ago)

I told my friends band who I think sound a little bit like jefferson airplane, or what I imagine jefferson airplane to sound like if I ever bothered listening to them, that they should ditch their instruments and all play commodore 64s on stage. They laughed. I was drunk.

― badg (badg), Thursday, 26 October 2006 01:36 (nineteen years ago)

Dear Mr Wire: let James Dean Bradfield write the lyrics for the next album, okay thx bye

― Morley Timmons (Donna Brown), Thursday, 26 October 2006 04:28 (nineteen years ago)

"dear touring act: might i suggest adding 'freebird' to your setlist tonight?"

― cocksure triumphalism at its most vacant (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 26 October 2006 04:32 (nineteen years ago)

Dear Metallica, read your early 80's interviews and realize what ridiculous hypocrites you are. Get over it. Then, have the balls to try again. Not for me or for you, but for all those downtrodden boces kids whose reality you stomped on with fashionable, expensive boots.

― Portable Dorkness (Dick Butkus), Thursday, 26 October 2006 04:32 (nineteen years ago)

Dear Prince, remember purple?

― Portable Dorkness (Dick Butkus), Thursday, 26 October 2006 04:49 (nineteen years ago)

Dear Mouse on Mars, drop the vocals, mmkay?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 26 October 2006 05:23 (nineteen years ago)

You were so much better back when you weren't trying to be like everyone else.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 26 October 2006 05:26 (nineteen years ago)

dear all dance dudes

please stop trying to show the world "another side of yourself" with your full-lengths

― The Lex (The Lex), Thursday, 26 October 2006 06:41 (nineteen years ago)

dear justin

i think we should be together

sincerely yours
lex

― The Lex (The Lex), Thursday, 26 October 2006 06:42 (nineteen years ago)

daer _________, time to call it a day, don't you think? cheers !

― frenchbloke (frenchbloke), Thursday, 26 October 2006 06:45 (nineteen years ago)

Andy... stagefright, really? Try it again now. The crowds might be smaller.

― Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Thursday, 26 October 2006 06:52 (nineteen years ago)

hey josh....can you ask nick and lanegan to re join the band...and see if grohl can play drums permanent.

― toe-foo (toe-foo), Thursday, 26 October 2006 07:29 (nineteen years ago)

all right there, stuart, hi barry, what up dom...any chance you could get back to writing 10-minute songs again, please? And can you also admit that your latest record was a horrendous, boring misstep? Cheers, LJ.

― You've Got Scourage On Your Breath (Haberdager), Thursday, 26 October 2006 07:38 (nineteen years ago)

Haha, like Stuart would listen to anyone.

― Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Thursday, 26 October 2006 07:46 (nineteen years ago)

Hey, Prince -- why don't you go all "alter ego", say 'Camille', and just write a record of songs about f*cking? Just f*cking. No GOD, no "I am Prince and I am 2 cool 4 U" songs. Just f*cking. And have Moodymann produce you.

May U Live 2 Sing About F*cking 1nce Again,

― Jay Vee's Return (Manon_69), Thursday, 26 October 2006 07:56 (nineteen years ago)

F*CKING! F*CKING! F*CKING! F*CKING!

― Rodney... (R. J. Greene), Thursday, 26 October 2006 07:59 (nineteen years ago)

Interpol: give Timbaland a call.

― mark 0 (mark 0), Thursday, 26 October 2006 08:36 (nineteen years ago)

meat loaf plz get steev mike to produce next album

― pscott (elwisty), Thursday, 26 October 2006 10:15 (nineteen years ago)

Are there any bands or solo artists that would actually listen to five minutes of constructed criticism from someone they didn't know?

OTFM.

― Going Through The Motions (kate), Thursday, 26 October 2006 10:44 (nineteen years ago)

"hey josh....can you ask nick and lanegan to re join the band.."
OTmuthafuckinM!!!!!!!!!!

― edde (edde), Thursday, 26 October 2006 11:09 (nineteen years ago)

Never listen to the fans.

― ;_; (blueski), Thursday, 26 October 2006 11:16 (nineteen years ago)

Or, do.

― ;_; (blueski), Thursday, 26 October 2006 11:21 (nineteen years ago)

Hello Joan As Police Woman. My name is Hank, and here's my advice for you. If the phone should ring, and Starbucks is on the other end, please hang up. Now, shall we spend the rest of our 5 minutes making out?

― hank (hank s), Thursday, 26 October 2006 12:38 (nineteen years ago)

Dear Coloured Musicians.

Stop making a shame of your race with ugly, violent, amelodic, rhythm-dominate hip op noise and begin to make inspiring melodic songs as evinced in the work of such greats in your fourfathers as Lew Rolls and Harry Balafanti.

You are sincere :)

― Comstock Carabineri (nostudium), Thursday, 26 October 2006 12:45 (nineteen years ago)

haha i actually did chat to stuart braithwaite for about 5 minutes. it was very hard to engage him, certainly no undivided attention there.

keeping on topic,

'mr. stipe and mr. buck, i'm sure you think you've got a good collection of songs fit for a new release, but trust me, it's better shelved."

― Charlie Howard (the sphinx), Thursday, 26 October 2006 12:46 (nineteen years ago)

Lux and Ivy: you proved a band didn't need a bass guitar to be heavy and that you could be raunchy without resorting swear words. Constraints are not restraints.

― bendy (bendy), Thursday, 26 October 2006 13:28 (nineteen years ago)

dear junglists...ANYTHING can happen. the break is a gateway to the mmultiverse.

― alicer (alicereed), Thursday, 26 October 2006 13:34 (nineteen years ago)

Heh. I had this happen at a bar where I ran into some musician that I didn't know (but had mutual friends with). After buying me a few beers, he lured me to his truck and got me high while making me listen to his demos. He seemed really into the criticisms, which were all basic things like "I'd like the drums mixed a little higher, and can you cut out the random distortion on that mic," and promised me a "producer credit" on the next album.
While it was kinda flattering, it was also kinda uncomfortable because I was just drunk and rambling and he seemed to take everything I was saying as if it were a considered opinion and not just spitballing from a sauced stranger.

Aside from that— Yo La Tengo, could you please make some loud and fun music again?

― js (honestengine), Thursday, 26 October 2006 13:56 (nineteen years ago)

dear XTC, let me produce you. I know I'd probably end up pissing you off and being another Todd Rundgren, but it would be a good record! Seriously!

― Dominique (dleone), Thursday, 26 October 2006 14:14 (nineteen years ago)

New Pornographers:

Carl, sing less. Neko, sing more. Dan, go die.

― darin (darin), Thursday, 26 October 2006 15:33 (nineteen years ago)

hahha darin
the old 'too many cooks...' theory does threaten to eclipse my fondness for new pornographers. i think you're on to something

― Charlie Howard (the sphinx), Thursday, 26 October 2006 15:35 (nineteen years ago)

axl: get over it, call up slash and duff and izzy, apologize to them all, and return henceforth so that we all might be saved.

― Emily B (Emily B), Thursday, 26 October 2006 16:23 (nineteen years ago)

Caribbeaneri likes/respects coloured musicians?!

― M. Agony Von Bontee (M. Agony Von Bontee), Thursday, 26 October 2006 20:25 (nineteen years ago)

emily at first i was going to point out that the criteria for this thread was a band you like or respect, then i realised you probably do. i love the variety of tastes at ilm :)

― Charlie Howard (the sphinx), Friday, 27 October 2006 01:54 (nineteen years ago)

ugh

― Fetchboy (Felcher), Friday, 27 October 2006 02:34 (nineteen years ago)

Hey, faggot! Yeah, you, I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU! PUSSY! QUEER!

(overheard at my first dance recital)

― Portable Dorkness (Dick Butkus), Friday, 27 October 2006 02:47 (nineteen years ago)

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