The hallmark of a really good record review...

Oh, here's a quick anecdote: Back in, I think it was 1994 or 1995, I finally got cable TV again after a few lean years where I didn't even have a TV at all. I waited with great lust for the opportunity to see my fave show of all time once again: MTVs "120 Minutes"; I turn it on, and instead of being greeted with the friendly face of Dave Kendall, I'm greeted with the lumpen Uncle Fester-like prescence of Matt Pinfield. I kept watching the show religiously, even though I grew to hate that dull, joyless mumbling eyesore of a host. Eventually, I gave up on the show entirely. The new videos were not all that new or interesting, and I found Pinfield to be completely insufferable.
Then one day, as I was leafing through a magazine rack I read a record review for Marilyn Mansons Mechanical Animals. This was one of the most interesting and skillfully written I've ever read. And it was written by Matt Pinfield.
Imagine that.
A moment of satori reading review by a man I hated about a man I hated, and enjoying it immensely. Who woulda thunkit?
An so, Pinfield justified his existence...but I STILL miss Dave Kendall.

i agree. i think description trumps opinion even. i'd read opinionless descriptions over descriptionless opinions any day (say that 5x fast).

how can you really trust a random, anonymous person's opinion? even if it's a reviewer i'm familiar with, their opinions are tainted. and i'm not looking for a formal proof of an albums greatness. sure, mentioning some nice details (like a good cover or a guest musician) might entice me to buy something... but appealing to some sort of formula of why something is good or bad, still doesn't work. this is no "factual" science and things can still go awry.

ideally there's still both though...but with more emphasis on description... if something is dull as hell to you, tell us! describe why tho. m.

but descriptions are "tainted" too!! how d'you know the describer's not just making it all up?

in the old days of lps it was easy: as long as the numbers of songs per side is difft, the record is good => so the perfect capsule review for me was a [tick] (if nos. = difft) and a [cross] (if nos.=same). Now that there are CDs, which only have one side, the problem doesn't arise and all music is obviously good.

i'd read opinionless descriptions over descriptionless opinions any day (say that 5x fast).
i'd read opinionless descriptions over descriptionless opinions any day
i'd read opinionless descriptions over descriptionless opinions any day
i'd read opinionless descriptions over descriptionless opinions any day
i'd read opinionless descriptions over descriptionless opinions any day
i'd read opinionless dethpk...
OWW!
Uh bith muh thungh!

in the old days of lps it was easy: as long as the numbers of songs per side is difft, the record is good => so the perfect capsule review for me was a [tick] (if nos. = difft) and a [cross] (if nos.=same). Now that there are CDs, which only have one side, the problem doesn't arise and all music is obviously good.
"WARNING: Turn off the CD player after the music stops. Do not turn the CD over. There is no "Side Two", but if happen to find a "Side Two" do not listen to it. Do not operate a heavy vehicle or battle mech while listening. Use only as directed."

There's only one way to review records - with grades, like school.

1 = bad

5 = good

See how simple it is? Someone should tell a coupl'a editors.

Someone should tell Everett that.

Side issue: does it ever bug anyone that some reviewer gives high marks (8s, 9s, 10s) to "best that this artist put out" even if their best work is still shite? Mark Prindles site does that alot; so did the Spin Alt Guide that came out in 1995. Hence it gives the false impression that the least odious record by a hopelessly wretched band is equal in quality to the better albums by a truly talented and intersting act. Why? Because both albums got a 8 out of 10, of course!
Call me a rockist trainspotter, but I say Their Outta Be An Absolute Measurement!

Make it 0 or 1...

0 = yes I've listened to it

1 = no I didn't bother

0 = Haven't Heard it.
1 = Heard It.
2 = Like It.
3 = Love It.
4 = Live It.
5 = Worship It.

-1 = My name is Tanya Headon.