Did VICE just write the dumbest music article ever?

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I mean, holy shit. If this is a satire of thug-lad culture, it's brilliant. If it's serious...

― Nate Patrin, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

...then I guess I won't be shopping at their upscale fashion boutique.

― Nate Patrin, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yep, it's brilliant.

"The Talking Homos, more like."

― DylanK, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Funnier than most things of this sort. The Beatles part in particular.

― J Blount, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

the disses of the "seminal bands" were funny but the "ones you listen to" section was just confusing - paris? i guess it was trying to aim for humor through absurdity, but making fun of biz markie was way funnier

― brains, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Great, now I'm all "ROXY MUDD CLUB DANCETERIA, ...!"

― Hunter, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

BEST music article EVER.

― geeta, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Article gets points for giving Land Of The Loops props alone.

― Brian MacDonald, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I would've put Godflesh in with the bands people secretly are bored shitless by! (I wrote an endless review praising 'Pure' to the skies for my student paper, so I should know!) Godflesh = Jesus Lizard for Bruce Sterling fans

― dave q, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

So weird, I seriously listened to Skrewdriver AND Paris (the latter for the first time in about 5 years) yesterday!

― Kris, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, and too, too right about Guitar Wolf. Apply to noodle-pop in general

― dave q, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"Pure" was totally great, no doubt about it. O and the "10 Bands" article = genius. Everybody secretly loves Skrewdriver. Awesome.

― John Darnielle, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Is Vice just the whole pigfucker ethos with a $2,000 suit and a job in advertising? Must be!

I said "homo" and I'm so naughty! Tee-hee! I derive much enjoyment from shaking up people's preconceptions because it is so much fun! I feel giggly all over now! Tee-hee!

― Michael Daddino, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

If they reversed the titles for the 2 lists, maybe I could relate to this piece.

― Jeff W, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

When a girl is into some weird indie hardcore band like The Jesus Lizard or Slint her boyfriends’ buddies start using words like “wife material.”

IT'S FUNNY 'COS IT'S TRUE. Discuss.

― Kate Spiren, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It has moments but I think Vice has done a lot better. Actually it's pretty good until they get to the second list. I've at least heard every band on the first list but maybe 2 on the second list.

BTW they've been doing the mock-homophobe thing every issue for years. (A classic review went something like "This album is gay, both in the 19th-century sense of the word and in the Grade 5 sense of the word.")

― sundar subramanian, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I of course put Evol on while cleaning the apartment all the time.

― sundar subramanian, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

vice is fun to read if you remeber that whoever has written the article a)is probably uneducated and on drugs and b) knows nothing about the subject they're writting about and did it in a rush

― dyson, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Me too, Sundar, me too.

― RickyT, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

And your objections to people who are 'uneducated and on drugs', please?

― dave q, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

They can't spell for shit.

― Sterling Clover, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

you’d go “aw, fuck!” and stare out the window thinking to yourself “fuuuuuck!”

Terrific.

But sweet holy Jesus are Generation X awful.

― misterhungry, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

when i first saw this article i was tempted to start a thread on it. then i read it and it seemed less interesting. i think it was the "you never actually listen to" part that rubbed me wrong. but ok, the first part, sure, i'm all for blasting away at the big names. and i found myself recently questioning why i have all these sonic youth records, so again, yeah. but the one thing i must say is PARIS FUCKING SUCKS ASS.

Also, i have decided i like vice mag because they have nudie pics in there.

― Ron, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

my objections to people that are uneducated and on drugs are none whatsoever. i'm almost one of them.

― dyson, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

when you guys are like "yeah but Paris sucks" that's the whole point with the second list, that it's not got built-in auto-approbation like the canonical bands he lists at the top. that's why Skrewdriver's in there!

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

maybe that was obvious. anyway, I like the article a LOT! venereal warts!! my favorite act on STD rekkids!

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

They need a spellchecker...and fact checker... and editor...and better writers.

― C-, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

What exactly sucks ass about Paris? That first album was fantastic, one of my favorite things at the time and such a brilliant, throbbing dirty-funk anomaly given where rap was and went afterwards. Dude wanted to kill George Bush -- a political program that keeps on giving! The first Skrewdriver album is pretty good too, and probably less racist than Paris. The writer of that article is, at the very least, an idiot-savant (though I admit, I didn't read it).

― Kris, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I like Generation X too, but I don't really listen to em much. What is thug-lad culture?

― Kris, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You know that Lee and Herring sketch, the world's most ironic man? The Gary Bushell type in a pub going "The Queen Mum? You're aving a laugh ain't ya? Guy Ritchie? 'e's aving a laugh ain't 'e?". Springs to mind immensely.

― Dom Passantino, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

And I hate the Talking Heads about as much as I hate like the Eagles or something.

― Kris, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm loving any mag that does a Wu-Tang interview that closes with "new album's in stores now... but don't buy it cuz it sucks" - hahaha even if it's not true I'm like "don't change a thing!!"

btw: "satire" = "serious"

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Did VICE just write the dumbest music article ever?
No, I am quite sure there's worse out there.

― nathalie, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Vice do the best record reviews. And the fashion features dos and don'ts crack me up every time. PS their store is not upscale at all, just another skate/hip-hop wear place.

― Ben Williams, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

VICE is free. VICE is in NYC. VICE isn't from NYC.

So, yes, they can get away with listing their record picks, redefining what we know and love, establishing absurdist rhetoric for the teeming masses in the 'Burg that read it ultimately holding a positiong of far too much influence that its staffers can't manage and in the end won't claim responsibility for...

That's when they'll all be huddled around their Tee Vee's watching "True Stories" back in fucking Montreal trying to sort through their lives adhering to "journalistic" integrity...

― Steve K, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I like Slayer.

― jel --, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"their store is not upscale at all, just another skate/hip-hop wear place."

Well, they did call it "classy". They also said it "didn't suck a dick". Erm.

― Nate Patrin, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

(A classic review went something like "This album is gay, both in the 19th-century sense of the word and in the Grade 5 sense of the word.")

I remember that! It was a Pansy Division review or something along those lines. But it was back when the paper was called The Voice (before the Village Voice said "We're the only Voice!" thus changing their name and making it more or less a magazine aboot sex and drugs).

― Vic Funk, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

classic.

― marek, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It's very much a Vice article. This much is clear. (I will agree with Mr. Darnielle on Pure's worth, at the least!)

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 29 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"vice is fun to read if you remeber that whoever has written the article a)is probably uneducated and on drugs and b) knows nothing about the subject they're writting about and did it in a rush"

If Careless Talk had more writers like this I'd probably read more than, like, three pages per issue.

― london, Sunday, 30 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

10 "SEMEN STAINED" BANDS YOU LISTEN TO EVERY DAY
________________________________________________________________
10 Siouxsie and the Banshees. I thought everybody listened to them. Turns out I was the only one.
9 The Beta Band. I keep hearing ABOUT them, but never hear them.
8 Biz Markie. [HONKY MORON MODE=ON] Didn't Tupac shoot him? [/MORON]
7 Venereal Warts. Changed their name to the Hives.
6 Fela Kuti. Swahili for "Bob Marley"
5 Slayer. Rendered irrelevant by Metallica.
4 The Beatles. The Most Overrated Band of All Time.
3 The Fall. 35 Albums in less than thirty years. Even Mark E. Smith hasn't heard all their music.
2 Sonic Youth. "When was the last time you decided to put Evol on while you cleaned your room?" Never. Sonic Youth is for playing when you recaulk the tub.
1 The Talking Heads. Another band I used to think was uber-mainstream but I was one of the only people I knew to ever listen to them.

10 BANDS YOU LISTEN TO EVERY DAY
________________________________________________________________
10 Paris. Who?
9 Duran Duran. Yeah....I listened to them. When I was 11.
8 Land of the Loops. Who?
7 Kurtis Mantronik. Who?
6 Anal Chinook. Who?
5 James Iha. Apparently Billy-Bob Corgan hired him for "Maximum Visual Impact®©"; But his solo albums was dull.
4 Nina Hagen. Oh yeah the "99 Luftballoons" Girl [/MORON]
3 Skrewdriver. Heeg Siel! Heeg Siel! Heeg Siel!
2 Godflesh. "Nobody says shit about Godflesh..." Because theres nothing to say. They got bored and turned the cd off and went to bed.
1 Generation X. Ballsack Idol bites the big one. Film at 11.

― shlongdong, Sunday, 30 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

er it's 'sieg heil'

― geeta, Sunday, 30 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

No, THIS is the most useful article VICE ever published.

― Lord Custos III, Sunday, 30 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

er it's 'sieg heil'
Huh?

― Lord Custos III, Sunday, 30 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

er it's 'sieg heil'
moron skinhead don't know how to read. they have to do it all from memory. and they sometimes remember it wrong. so: "heeg siel! heeg siel! alfred hitler was a man of great courage 'cuz he was an auntie samite which means he was like that guy in rain man."

― shlongdong, Sunday, 30 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

jawohl, mein fuehrer

― geeta, Sunday, 30 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Couldn't they just sing Spike Joneses "In Der Fuhrers Face" and get the same effect?

― Lord Custos III, Monday, 1 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

speaking of bigots, I added an even more annoying VICE article to the "Arcane Racism" thread.

― Lord Custos III, Monday, 1 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I just read the new Vice and I frickin love that magazine. I think it's co-edited by ethan and dave q

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 1 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Found a thread about the article from their forum and well er yeah.

― Nate Patrin, Monday, 1 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

and Ramosi must be like "Editor Emeritus"

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 1 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

sounds like the perfect magazine.

julio would have to be somewhere on the editorial board, too.

― geeta, Monday, 1 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Y'know. I saw it coming. I knew that the most angry response to the article would be an inarticulate Beatles fanatic who feels soiled by the sacrilidge of someone saying something bad about the Beatles.

[SNIP]you have crabs? fuck off loser. you are nothing but an antagonistic shit head who is trying to get a reaction out of the readers by posting argumentative bullshit. yeah taking the flip side of the issue is real hard. i hear howard stern makes a living doing that shtick on the radio. or are you too ugly to be on radio?[/SNIP]

Feh. The Beatles Bite the Big One.

― Lord Custos v2.3, Monday, 1 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"I think it's co-edited by ethan and dave q."
"and Ramosi must be like "Editor Emeritus""
"sounds like the perfect magazine. julio would have to be somewhere on the editorial board, too."

Don't forget the soft, quilted newsprint.

― Nate Patrin, Monday, 1 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ever notice that when somebody uses the phrase 'faggot asshole', one of the words is invariably spelt incorrectly?

― dave q, Monday, 1 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

God damn it, Nate, I would subscribe to it in a heartbeat! Shit, I'd provide the financial backing for a magazine like that if I had the dough. And call me a sap, I even have a soft spot in my heart for Calum. He could do a "Point-Counterpoint" anti-USA vs anti-Britain column with Dave Q, who could also collaborate with Julio on a regular section about Journey - Ethan could write stream of consciousness notes in lowercase about Eminem and why indie rap sucks - I fail to see how this magazine would be anything less than the greatest thing ever. Julio (who is rapidly gaining on becoming one of my fave ILM posters) could start the mag with an extended rant that begins "Why the fuck do you people always have to talk about fucking Wilco? I fucking hate Wilco! Can't we talk about Fushitsusha and Journey for once", etc. Oh yeah, and Anna Rose on rap, too!!

And am I the only one on this bitch who really misses Ethan's posts?

― geeta, Monday, 1 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i wonder when summer camp's gonna be over

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 1 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

even taken seriously, at least aside from the obnoxious "someone had to say it" pretext, it's a fair article. and the arbitrariness of the second list is pretty hilarious. paris!!

― marek, Monday, 1 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yet more compelling reasons for me never picking up Vice. I'm sure this is fantastic stuff for 16-year olds, though.

― Sean Carruthers, Tuesday, 2 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

t he vice guide to U.S. foreign policy is righter and more straightforward than anything in the new york times

― Tracer Hand, Tuesday, 2 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

this is of course the least convincing thing one could say about it. let's try again: more straightforward and to-the-point than anything in Z magazine. Stratfor should hire these guys.

― Tracer Hand, Tuesday, 2 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

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