The Most Mediocre Supergroup Imaginable

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A thought came to me last night whilst listening to the Bluetones (Bluetonic rules fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou). The Britpop era is meant to have produced some of the most mediocre, uninteresting music imaginable. It was certainly responsible for some distinctly mediocre musicians becoming quite famous for a bit (by which I mean Rick Witter). Now, pooling together the collective talent pool of this era, which combination would make the most mediocre, uninteresting sound imaginable?

The final results looked a bit like this:

ON DRUMS: Alan White, Oasis

ON BASS: Mark Hamilton, Ash

ON THE ELECTRONIC KEYBOARD: 'Dot', Kenickie

ON THE LEAD GUITAR: 'Pottsy', Monaco

ON THE LEAD VOCALS: Chris Helme, The Seahorses

Note that Keyboards can be replaced by any suitably unnecessary instrument.

Thoughts?

― Mr Swygart, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i'm not convinced that kenickie were britpop

― gareth, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Alan White - no!!! He's a muso type - might accidentally (the only way possible) play something 'interesting' and that would ruin everything. Why not Mick Dale from Embrace instead? (I had to Google the band to find out the guy's name which makes him a doubly appropriate choice!)

― dave q, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

That Oasis loser was called Alan White?!? I always knew Alan White was no Bill Bruford!

― Kris, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

White is in by virtue of him being the only member of Oasis that wasn't interesting enough to have a nickname bestowed upon him. I also don't believe he's ever opened his mouth in public...

Kenickie were ace, but they were Britpop-era - Britpop by association, then - though admittedly 'Dot' (think that was her name) was only around for their second album.

Oh yes, and I'm going on just one representative per band. So no, Dom, you can't just nominate the whole of Catatonia. Somehow I've managed to avoid mentioning any member of Space, either...

― Mr Swygart, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

See I get ALOT of abuse for sticking up for Sleeper - but I must admit the period produced some trash. I never liked Kenickie as it so happens. I quite liked 'Acetone' but the album 'At the Club' was terrible.

― Calum Robert, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

calum, you didn't get abuse for sticking up for sleeper, you were challenged because you started spraying abuse in every direction when people disagreed (as you yourself admitted when you said it was more fun to wind people up)

the only exception to this is julio, who also stooped to pointless abuse

― gareth, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

White is in by virtue of him being the only member of Oasis that wasn't interesting enough to have a nickname bestowed upon him. I also don't believe he's ever opened his mouth in public...

Not true. I remember seeing Oasis onstage collecting awards at the Brits some years ago. White, apparently drunk, started shouting something moronic into the mic. He was quickly silenced by Noel Gallagher though.

― David, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

''calum, you didn't get abuse for sticking up for sleeper, you were challenged because you started spraying abuse in every direction when people disagreed (as you yourself admitted when you said it was more fun to wind people up)''

That is very true.

''the only exception to this is julio, who also stooped to pointless abuse''

Only a bit, but for the most part it was taking the piss. And he fell for it!

― Julio Desouza, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

wow, how awful do you have to be to earn the designation "member of Oasis that Noel doesn't allow to speak for fear of damaging their reputation"?

― Dave M., Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Why are "Space" lumped in with all this dull britpop rubbish? They were witty and had good choons!

The Space forelash(?) starts here.

― phil, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Space were Britpop revivalists. Did you not hear Diary Of A Wimp?

― Mr Swygart, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Mr Q is correct again.

Alan W = muso and NOT mediocre.

Many other medicore drummers available from period, surely. How about Sleeper's?

REALLY mediocre = Candyskins and that band that did the LP with the chimp on the front.

― the pinefox, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

medicore!!

― mark s, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Medicore = Nurse With Wound (whoever they are)

― the pinefox, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

No no no I used to love the Candyskins. Admittedly they were a very mediocre band, but they had much better songs than similarly- mediocre bands, and they didn't seem to think they were anything other than mediocre -- in fact they seemed like a local pub band whose records were mysteriously mass-released.

(Okay, okay, I know I'm never going to be able to mount a plausible defense here. But "Wembley," man, "Wembley!")

― nabisco%%, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Pinefox= Nurse with wound are bettah than any Britpop because:

1) their 'songs' go on for abt 15 minutes.

2) They are smart enough to realize that 'songs' are rub. and therefore they do psych-industrial 'jams', which are much more 'fun'.

3) They are keen on 'drug-related' cover art, which is best of course.

Any Britpop is shit compared to this.

How can you judge which britpop drummer is better than another one. I mean, they only play in 4/4 time (and even then they don't hit the drums hard enough and are mostly a bunch of lazy bastards).

― Julio Desouza, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

tony oxley plays "free" because he can't count to four

― mark s, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Mark- I think he can but he's smart enough to realize that the number is EVIL and tehrefore chooses not to count to four. Don't rub. his numerical abilities.

― Julio Desouza, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Nah, Julio. It's FIVE that is the evil non-number, not four.

― RickyT, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

hence dave brubeck = evilXoR

― mark s, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

No, the true vocallist for the band: Mark Morris.

― Dom Passantino, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Morris doesn't count, seeing as how he's the only member of the Bluetones that most people might actually be able to name.

Helme, however, was the frontman of the Seahorses but was overshadowed by his guitarist. If anyone bothers remembering the Seahorses, they'll remember it as John Squire's side project, with that bloke that used to do the busking singing. Plus which, at least Morris's vocals were in some way distinctive...

That said, Crispin Hunt out of the Longpigs could just outdo them both, by virtue of his guitarist (Richard Hawley) having a better voice than him.

And drummers... oh, god knows. You could try Alan Leach as replacement (out of Shed Seven), due to his wonderful comments that all women are crap at drumming and everything.

― Mr Swygart, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

On Guitar/lead vocals/principal songwriting duties, please step forward, Mr Ken Power fron Cast.

On Bass, please give a warm hand for, er, thingie from Powder.

And finally, on drums, the God given genius of Mr Stuart Cable from the Stereophonics.

(The whole audience get up and leave as one)

Does anyone remember Ellis, Beggs and Howard? The only (to my mind) supergroup. from bands that were far from famous in their own right.

― Kris England, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Gah. Stewart Cable does appear to be dead on the money. His testicular cancer stress balls could be the band's hilarious gimmick.

thing is, though, that there's at least two fundamental laws of Britpop contravened there - at least four members (ideally five, six if you want to be avant-garde), and, unless Powder person qualifies, at least one bowl cut needed.

And on harmonica - thingy out of Marion...

― Mr Swygart, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

At least one powdermember had a pudding bowl, not sure if it was thingie though.

like your Marion suggestion but what about him who didn't do anything for a couple of years in Suede? was he called Neil? surely we can accomodate him.

― Kris England, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ooh no. Neil Codling had cheekbones. The girls used to fancy him deeply. Plus which he was on keyboards, and that's 'Dot' out of Kenickie's position. You can't have two keyboards, because that'd be dance, and all dance music is the sworn enemy of Britpop (see OCS' 'Mechanical Wonder'). One keyboard, however, is alright, because then you sound like the Doors. Sort of.

Suede do chuck up another contender, though, in him that replaced Bernard Butler... most noteworthy event - his mum saying nice things about him in the local paper thus causing him to get well embarassed.

― Mr Swygart, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Didn't realise he was on keyboards, I thought he just appeared in the videos.

― Kris England, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Can he not just appear in the videos? oh please, please!

― Kris England, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

True, you do need an attractive person in the band (Cast survived alright though)... get him on 'assorted percussion', like Groove Armada have.

Which just reminded me. Catch. Their singer roars into frontman contention by virtue of not only being a self-important twonk, but then going on to form the awesomely mediocre Thirteen:13, whose career peaked when they supported Ooberman (though I do like Ooberman).

― Mr Swygart, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Surely we could include one or more of the Warm Jets in here? And possibly also the Supernaturals?

― Mark, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Warm Jets singer is disqualified for having been linked with Zoe Ball. Far too interesting for our purposes.

Supernaturals, though... Hmm. Thing is, I'd prefer people that people might have half a chance of recognising as being outstandingly mediocre in their field, not from unanimously uninteresting groups. Mark Hamilton, for example - Tim Wheeler and Charlotte Hatherley are notorious indie teen wet dreamers, and Rick McMurray is vaguely interesting due to his gradual metamorphosis into a potato with a mohican, but no-one actually cares about Mark, do they? Even before they became a four piece, he was easily the least interesting person there.

― Mr Swygart, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

With the Supernaturals, you have James McColl, and no-one else, really. Is how that paragraph was meant to finish.

THinking of Mark Hamilton reminded me of Fergal Matthews out of JJ72, and how much of a scowling get he is too.Might have to do this for turn of the century British indie, too... Som Wijay Wardener, keyboard bloke out of A, Fergal (obviously), the guitarist out of Travis that isn't Fran or Dougie or the one with that fucking beard...

― Mr Swygart, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

What about that person with the pork pie hat from Dodgy? not sure what he did but my guess is he's a drummer as he bears an uncanny resemblence to Rockney the Cockney from Chas and Dave.

2 of the 3 members of Dodgy now work at "Music and video exchange" in Notting Hill and I have it on good authority that they are both very nice people.

― Kris England, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

What about that person with the pork pie hat from Dodgy? not sure what he did but my guess is he's a drummer as he bears an uncanny resemblence to Rockney the Cockney from Chas and Dave.

Not mediocre enough in my view. Not limp and bland like so many of those Brit Indie drummers. He did a passable imitation of Keith Moon on some of their records.

― David, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hmmmm. Drummer from Dodgy isn't mediocre, because he was a media whore at some point. Matt Priest his name was, wasn't it? How about the second Dodgy vocallist, the one that joined the band after they'd stopped having hits?
And I'm sure there's room for a member of either Electrasy or Swirl 360 in this band.

― Dom Passantino, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Surely someone from Cast must be in there? They were, after all, the kings of mediocrity. We'll let John Power off, due to his involvement in A Good Group, but what about one of the other no-marks? I'm fucked if I can remember ttheir names.

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Power is right there up front simply by virtue of the fact that he was relentlessly shit in a britpop manner for a long period of time.

So that's settled then. Ken Power it is then.

No arguments.

― Kris England, Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

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The Most Mediocre Supergroup Imaginable - Britpop