It’s been ages since I listened to the top 40… ‘it still feels like school tomorrow’… memories. Cripes.
Anyone buys Trucks instead of Felix Da Housecat or The Datsuns, I kiiiill them.
Shit me – seven new entries.
10) OXIDE AND NEUTRINO – DEM GIRLS: Return of the uber-townies, then. Why is Neutrino reminding me of that Ali G single? Blow-job reference, right…so, to summarise this, Neutrino is getting obsessed over by crazy psycho bitchez. The backing sounds a bit Howard Jones. Somewhat less hard than usual. And not much good, neither.
9) BEENIE MAN & JANET JACKSON – FEEL IT BOY: They’ve nicked Oxide’s Casio. Bastards. Hmm. Janet is sexy? No she isn’t. Really, they have teefed Oxide’s keyboard. Perhaps it’s a novelty thing, they’ve got the acapellas of the top 10 and got Les Alanos in to provide live backing. Quite how Aqualung will sound, God only knows. Fade in something else, Goodier. Now. Perhaps Mr Beenie Man is trying to be the new Wyclef. I do not know.
8) SCOOTER – NESSAJA: Quality on TOTP, but on the radio… I do not know white-hair man’s name. Let us call him Udo. “3 AM! THE PAINTED COW!” bit identikit German techno aside from Udo. But he’s top. He is a junglist soldier. Do you remember Raggaman Gary off of Maxx? Swedish feller. Bit like him. What’s the thing they sample in the middle… that’ll do my head in for a bit. But yes. Nice. Udo = good thing.
7) AQUALUNG – STRANGE & BEAUTIFUL: Narrowly fails to become second unsigned act to go on TOTP. Chris Cowey should get Bis back on. But anyway. This feller used to be in Ruth, then he was in The 45’s, who were basically Ruth but with a worse name (perhaps we could do a TS on this). But I like it. Even if it is Music To Sell Cars To. Could I stand an entire album of this? No. But compared to, oh, Dirty Vegas, it’s ace. Plus which, Dirty Vegas is an even worse band name than The 45’s.
6) LIBERTY X – GOT TO HAVE YOUR LOVE: Haaa. Did you see them making twats of themselves on CD:UK, having been given the Saturday Chart #1, they did Atomic Kitten’s crappy #1 finger gesture thing? Then they actually came in at #2. Ha. This is a cover of an early 90’s thing. It sounds like it. I would have them down as being like the new Steps, cos that one that’s a bloke but not called Kevin is quite clearly the new Lee, and the one that is called Kevin is quite clearly the new H… but Jessica is screwing up the equation a bit. Steps did not, from memory, have a psycho East German PE teacher woman in their number. But the blokes are pretty solid.
Craig David and David Gray. Hmm.
5) BON JOVI – EVERYDAY: Drudge-rock. Jon Bon Jovi is ordinary. See. He wears jeans. Hmm. Which is more tedious – this or Nickelback? More to the point, who’s copying who? I swear they must have been good at some point. My mum likes this. I don’t. It goes on a bit. Their new album is called Bounce. Probably to empathise with launderette workers. Or something. It still hasn’t finished. Yeah, fuck off now. Goodier sounds excited about it. Poor man. Only a couple more months to go, mate. Stick in there.
4) EMINEM – CLEANING OUT MY CLOSET: The Jacknife Lee remix is much better than this. What odds Eminem will threaten to kick his bitch ass? That ‘I have no snare’ bit is a direct rip of God Bless The Child off The Simpsons Sing The Blues. Eminem and Lisa Simpson are separated at birth. Must be. But yes, exorcise your demons, I will try to heal them…this top 10 listening is harder than it used to be. Used to do it in the bath, y’see. Couldn’t reach to turn it off. Yes, ‘welcome y’all to the Eminem show’, difficulties of fame and such and such… put some guitars on it, this could be Muse. No, it could. It would need Eminem to go ‘EEEEEEEEEe-OOOOOOO-AAAAA-OOO-ooo-OOO’ at some point, though. Which I somewhat doubt he would do. Oh hurry up and finish, you boring old trout. Maybe he’ll get Udo in for his next single. That’d be quite fun.
3) BUSTED – WHAT I GO TO SCHOOL FOR: New Dum-Dums, innit? How the fuck is this number three? It’s like a1 sniggering at porn. No, no, actually… do you remember LFO? Lyte Funkie Ones, yeah? Steal your honey like they stole your bike, y’know? This is like that. But British. And worse. Semi-funny, with the full emphasis on semi…No, sorry too much credit. Tadge, pure and utter.
2) ATOMIC KITTEN – THE TIDE IS HIGH (GOT THE FEELING): I slide squarely into the wondering what exactly the point of Atomic Kitten is camp, so ignoring the song (you’ve heard it, you must have done – no trouble if you haven’t, you will one day. These kind of things just happen) aside from noting that there’s several bits that don’t scan, I’ve got this theory. I think they’ve been subconsciously challenging Holly Valance to a fight via their dance routine. They do that whole putting their fists up and shuffling thing, bit like she does. Secret body language. However, there’s two of them, one of her, so either she’ll have to bring someone else along, or it’ll just be one of them fighting her. Or I could just be talking shite. Forgive me. I’ve been listening to Busted too fucking much…
Ryan Adams no longer one-hit wonder. And Disturbed got top 40. Shite.
Why do no songs ever go up the chart anymore? What kind of message that to send to da kidz?
Why didn’t Supergrass go top 10? Not fair. Still, higher than Puddle of Mudd. Grateful for small mercies and that, I suppose…
Intensive weekend DJ course is a prize on Dave Pearce’s show. Irony rocks, eh?
1) PINK – JUST LIKE A PILL: There’s a somewhat negligible interview. Pink wants Goodier to shut up so she can go to sleep. He ain’t twigged. Sigh. It’s her first number one anywhere, apparently. Where is Kelis now? The intro sounds like JJ72. Oh, actually, I heard this the other day. She says ‘bitch’ a lot, cos that’s hard, like Meredith Brooks. Or whateva. Hmm, drugs/boyfriend allegeories… umm… Toploader, yeah? Sorry. Mind goes laaa. Does she get slagged off by her teacher for being angsty at the mirror in the video for this one, like she did in that other one that I can’t remember either? What was that teacher on, anyway? “YOU CALL THAT ANGSTY KICKING?” Yeah, well, this is kind of dull. The song is like something Mariah Carey might sing, but Pink is more bearable than her, so it’s not quite as bad as all that. Somehow I feel happy for her. Weird.
God, that Busted song is shite.
― Mr Swygart (mrswygart), Sunday, 22 September 2002 17:21 (twenty-three years ago)