Philosophical Inquiry

The whole premise of this question is unsound.

I hear what you're saying there Aimless!

Thus proving, once and for all, that you're not a Hen.

But I do float....

Am I wood?

Bread?

A small stone?

Pumice floats, too, and is often used as an abrasive. {...narrows his eyes at еdë §téè£...strokes his chin} I say! I have some very tough callouses on my feet. {holds bare foot out} These yellowed ridges right here. Y'see? Could I borrow you for a minute?

Thank You! that was absolutely the very best back scratching I have EVER been the proud recipient of in my entire LIFE! sorry about all the grit in the carpeting, or matted dog hair, or dry rotting mold, or whatever you have there for floor coverings.

An exceedingly pleasant parquet. Fret not. I'll summon M. White's valet to sweep.

Dear me! Do you think my valet handles anything but my wardrobe?

According to graffiti, yes.

That was the LAST valet, Matt.

one Godrick, a verie effeminate faced youth

The rate you go through them, Michael old sport, it's terribly hard to keep up.

I think they make a pill for that now, Matt.

That would explain why none of the cases ever made it to court, terribly hard to build a case when the prize witness has freaked out and gone to spend some time on a kibbutz.

None of the cases made it 'cause we drank them all, Matt, and you know that as well as I do.

Having never been able to keep a wine cellar in the past (the bottles never made it that far) I have compromised by keeping all my empties racked in the cellar where I can visit them. As a precaution, I have padded the cellar stairs. It helps.

I think you'll find that a well-appointed drinking helmet affords you greater latitiude, Aimless.

Having been forced to visit one of those apalling bars where the tenders faff about with spinning bottles and what have you instead of simply pouring me my damn drink, I was inspired by their rubberised floors, placed to guard against misplaced glassware. This, coupled with the helmet (Webley and Pebb do an excellent range, I recommend the "Inkerman", full bonce-coverage with optional bib) should afford you ample protection.

Those new Japanese full sized sippy cups are also a stylish way to prevent unwanted spillage.

Are those full sized in comparison a full sized person or when compared to a more diminutive Japanese sized person?

The later would be better compared to a shot glass......

(notice how I pulled out a unit of measurement that was sure to be recognized by everyone here?)