Wheeeeeee!

These new swivel barstools are all the rage......

They'll have you making sounds like a 1960's batman fight scene in no time flat!

Ahem. Well, then. Enough of that for now. Quite invigorating, really. Good for the old sweetbreads I always say. Can't do enough for the old sweetbreads, if you know which end is up. Capitol business all around.

So, in a roundabout way, what you are saying is that you never really liked Batman...... hmmmmmm?

That you never really appreciated their particular peculiarities and pedantic predilections, per se?

That you never really bought into the whole "caped crusader" facade?

That you never really got beyond the "campy" 1960's parody of Dragnet?

That you really do blame one Millionaire Playboy Bruce Wayne for your misfortune, discontent, and incontinence?

That you singlehandedly took it upon yourself to start a movement in America the "Men in tights look 'gay'", for the sole purpose of trying to disgrace BOTH Batman and the boy wonder Robin?

Your Honor.....

In light of these serious accusations, nay, truths..... surely you can arrive at no other conclusion than that this person.....

<<<<< turns dramatically sliding across the courtroom skidding to a halt with his index fingertip a fraction of an inch from the defendants souse reddened nose >>>>>>>

Aimless, <<<<< spoken with the most dramatic Shakespearian tremor >>>>>> IF that is your REAL name.

Is none other than that despised denizen of the underworld.

The Wonder from Down Under.

The most HEINOUS of super criminal MASTERMINDS known as...... <<<<<< cue thunderclap outside the courthouse and cut the lights >>>>>>

GASP!!!!!

<<<<<< cue voice over announcer >>>>>>

WILL Aimless be exposed as The Piddler?

WILL the bulge in Batmans tights move involuntarily when Robin mentions "The Bat Pole" again?

Will CJ step forward to replace what's her name as a younger hotter wet tee shirt wrestling champion Aunt Harriette?

To find out, tune in next week....

Same BAT TIME

Same Bat CHANNEL

(Aimless cocks a bleary eye at finger poised in front of his nose; he considers it with a puzzled look; his face registers the gleam of a thought; he leans forward and uses said finger to dislodge a mouldering piece of cod from between his front teeth.)

Wheeeee! Whoop-de-do! Zut alors! First dibs on the cognac!

(hiccoughs quietly as a look of profound satisfaction spreads over his countenace; falls out of witness box)

(while passed out on the floor, he piddles himself and dreams of naked maidens sharing a hot tub with him; a beatific smile is pasted on his rubicund face)

(wakes up, dusts off clothes, feels thirsty, wanders off)

(Realises has exited via wrong wing, wanders back on)

(realizes has existed via wrong realm and dissipates into thin air with a mild sparkle of green light and a faint whiff of bourbon)

(rematerializes himself by rubbing two sticks together - until some days or hours or other bits of lost time pass - and he is sober enough to locate his wherewithal, which, funnily enough, was just pushed up on his forehead the whole time)

You know.... there was this one time at the University when this really Cute Redhaired Girl was totally checking me out. She kept sneaking little sly quick glances my way and smiled the most beautiful smile you have ever seen when I caught her looking.

I decided to make my move and chat her up a bit, see what happens, you know....

She was all smiles and giggles.

About twenty minutes into the conversation I noticed MY wherewithal was hanging out! OMG!!!!!

She locked eyes with me that very same instant so there was no chance of a smooth cover up, so to speak.

I simply said "Please pardon my wherewithal"

She said "More like a wherewithalmost isn't it?"

I ran screaming like a little girl........

And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes our program for the evening. Please be careful of the revolving door.

*applauds heartily*

<<<<< stands staring in disbelief as the crowd leaves the theater>>>>>>

<<<<<< mutters, barely audibly to Aimless >>>>>>

No curtain calls?

Not even a standing ovation?

No one gathering by the stage door seeking autographs and offering sexual favors?

After all of these months of preparation and practice and THIS is the thanks we get?

<<<<< notices a thud off to his left >>>>>>

Someone get a stagehand, Aimless is down again!

<<<<< hurries off to audition for a part as a munchkin in an off broadway production of "The Wizz" >>>>>>