Could be relationship nervousness, too. For some people, anxiety kind of keeps things from happening and things work differently once they're more comfortable with the other person in sexual situations.
― mh, Sunday, 30 October 2011 20:48 (twelve years ago) link
It may be something he's always had, and this is how he's gotten around it. And maybe you're the first to notice. I would say don't make an accusatory question out of it, just frame it more like "what can I do in return" thing. There's always a chance that he has more specific needs, maybe a fetish that he takes care of himself. He could be embarrassed about that.
(Totally running with the scenario, may not be that at all)
― Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 30 October 2011 21:15 (twelve years ago) link
Maybe he's a big Dr. Strangelove fan
― mh, Sunday, 30 October 2011 21:40 (twelve years ago) link
Does he drink only rainwater and pure grain alcohol?
did he ever play bass for the Police?
― pplains, Sunday, 30 October 2011 21:41 (twelve years ago) link
in a big drought at the moment, i suppose i could end it if i tried hard but meaningless sex doesn't appeal to me much....or at least i don't feel i need it.
― When a German communicates, you listen (LocalGarda), Sunday, 30 October 2011 22:57 (twelve years ago) link
wrong thread imo, think you're looking for braggin/first world problems or some hybrid
― interim dn (darraghmac), Sunday, 30 October 2011 22:59 (twelve years ago) link
no definitely feel at home in "Sex Droughts"
― When a German communicates, you listen (LocalGarda), Sunday, 30 October 2011 23:06 (twelve years ago) link
np not gonna threadpolice it
― interim dn (darraghmac), Sunday, 30 October 2011 23:16 (twelve years ago) link
I have had a good time without the big O.
― Dr Morbois de Bologne (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 30 October 2011 23:33 (twelve years ago) link
(on occasion, I mean)
― Dr Morbois de Bologne (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 30 October 2011 23:34 (twelve years ago) link
I have had many good times without it as well, but I am a lady. That seems more common.
It's not a relationship I'm dealing with here, more of an occasional hook-up. Which is part of the reason I'm not exactly bending over backwards (ahem) to find out what he needs.
― Virginia Plain, Monday, 31 October 2011 03:11 (twelve years ago) link
Wait wait wait I thought we just had a conversation about those and how you didn't understand how they worked and now you're participating in one already??
― Parker Posey as herself dancing to house music in NYC in 1995 (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 31 October 2011 07:19 (twelve years ago) link
::Sigh:: Less than a dozen times in the past twelve months, and in an otherwise happy long term, many-year relationship. Rejected on a weekly basis. Partner is unwilling to discuss the problem, and goes out of the way to avoid sex. Should I pull the trigger on the whole thing, even though I love this person immensely? Therapy isn't an option because partner doesn't think it's an issue. Just thinks they have a "low sex drive." Even alluding to the problem brings up fights. I can't live the rest of my life with sexual fulfillment.
Can I?
― [Posted by mod for anonymous], Monday, 31 October 2011 11:17 (twelve years ago) link
I take it you mean "without" in that last sentence.
I think it's a very bad sign that he/she is unwilling to discuss the problem. If anything, "an otherwise happy long term" relationship should allow room to speak about each other's woes and worries, no? The fact your partner doesn't want to at least explain his/her loss of sex drive, or listen to your concerns about this, seems more worrying to me than not having sex.
Partner needs to realize that it is an issue. It might not be for partner (though I think partner's in denial here), but if it's an issue for you, it is an issue for the both of you. So it will need to be addressed and partner needs to realize this. Otherwise it's almost as if partner is 'giving up'.
― Y Kant Lou Reed (Le Bateau Ivre), Monday, 31 October 2011 11:57 (twelve years ago) link
Haha Stevie, it's not exactly working for me (I'm going through cycles of attachment, disappointment, indifference) but there's no real compelling reason for me to end it (besides the above).
Anonymous poster, I was your girlfriend once (not literally). I was living in such close quarters with someone that they ceased to be attractive to me. I actually didn't think I had a problem and had no desire for anything to change. I can't believe he stayed with me for as long as he did. No advice, except for that sometimes people go through asexual stages?
― Virginia Plain, Monday, 31 October 2011 15:30 (twelve years ago) link
As a guy who takes a very long time to climax (due to my neurological condition), I can speak to changing the focus of the act.Sex is just as enjoyable without one, imo.
― Trip Maker, Tuesday, 1 November 2011 15:01 (twelve years ago) link
it takes me forever due to my anti-depressants. My doctor had me cut them down, gave me wellbutrin to raise the dopamine to counter act the effects. It helps, and when i do bust a nut the mother fucker hits the ceiling.
― Cindy Mancini can ride my lawnmower anytime (thebingo), Tuesday, 1 November 2011 19:58 (twelve years ago) link
I do love tmi
― mh, Tuesday, 1 November 2011 20:06 (twelve years ago) link
http://cdn2.maxim.com/maxim/files/2007/08/22/man-juice-at-movies/scary_movie.jpg
― encarta it (Gukbe), Tuesday, 1 November 2011 20:08 (twelve years ago) link
bet mh feels p stupid about his post now
― Abattoir Educator / Slaughterman (schlump), Tuesday, 1 November 2011 20:11 (twelve years ago) link
oh look, maxim images don't load at work
I'm saved!
― mh, Tuesday, 1 November 2011 20:14 (twelve years ago) link
What is that, a girl going through a car wash?
― Everything else is secondary (Lee626), Thursday, 3 November 2011 17:12 (twelve years ago) link
Oh, and I'm another guy in total agreement with Trip Maker
― Everything else is secondary (Lee626), Thursday, 3 November 2011 17:30 (twelve years ago) link
God bless you, end of university year. Drought over for now!
― Trayce, Tuesday, 8 November 2011 21:55 (twelve years ago) link
not sure whether anonymous is male or female, though i guess the question applies in both cases -- is it any and all sexual activity or just intercourse?
― sarahel, Tuesday, 8 November 2011 21:59 (twelve years ago) link
My long distance crush is coming into town tonight for a three day weekend.Pretty excited. Pretty nervous.
― Trip Maker, Friday, 6 January 2012 22:01 (twelve years ago) link
Hit that, TM!
― I just got back from a dream attack (sunny successor), Saturday, 7 January 2012 00:39 (twelve years ago) link
Yay!
― Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 7 January 2012 00:46 (twelve years ago) link
Awesome.... I only get nervous when I really care about the outcome, so i've come to embrace nervousness.
― everything else is secondary (Lee626), Saturday, 7 January 2012 01:10 (twelve years ago) link
4-6 months is the worst iirc -
― sarahel, Monday, September 20, 2010 4:58 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
kill me now
― i love pinfold cricket (gbx), Saturday, 7 January 2012 01:28 (twelve years ago) link
I'm somewhere close to my 1 yr anniversary, I think that means you all have to get me either paper or clocks. Whatever those categories mean.
― It means why you gotta be a montague? (Laurel), Saturday, 7 January 2012 01:45 (twelve years ago) link
misread clocks there for a moment
― the white plies (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 7 January 2012 01:50 (twelve years ago) link
split the difference, paper clock
― Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 7 January 2012 02:14 (twelve years ago) link
I think my recent decision to go on a break from drinking is going to bring the drought issue to the forefront when I don't have whiskey to numb my brain
― mh, Saturday, 7 January 2012 05:07 (twelve years ago) link
have sex before the 1 yr anniversary. better than paper or clocks!xp
― obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Saturday, 7 January 2012 05:08 (twelve years ago) link
2011: The year I learned that one nighters are kind of disappointing and get turned off of seeking out intimacy in general
and for some reason I felt good about it?
― mh, Saturday, 7 January 2012 05:16 (twelve years ago) link
2012: the year you get turned on by intimacy again
― obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Saturday, 7 January 2012 05:34 (twelve years ago) link
it is important!
― obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Saturday, 7 January 2012 05:39 (twelve years ago) link
even tho it is also kind of scary sometimes! eeee
― obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Saturday, 7 January 2012 05:40 (twelve years ago) link
http://cdn2.gbot.me/photos/LJ/Br/1298909610/when_it_rains_it_pours___-Matthew_Town-20000000001560247-375x500.jpg
― bene_gesserit, Saturday, 7 January 2012 06:03 (twelve years ago) link
:D
― obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Saturday, 7 January 2012 15:40 (twelve years ago) link
2011 was a year of foul tips, whiffs, and failed bunt attempts for me
― Neanderthal, Saturday, 7 January 2012 15:40 (twelve years ago) link
all sounds rather rude...
― Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 7 January 2012 18:38 (twelve years ago) link
i'm at 15 mos D:
― guapele (The Reverend), Saturday, 7 January 2012 19:41 (twelve years ago) link
sex- when it pains i roars
― carpy deems (darraghmac), Saturday, 7 January 2012 19:54 (twelve years ago) link
Surely "foul tip" doesn't mean what it sounds like.
As a gay male living in a big city, I could find sex literally almost any time, any day I want, but semi- to fully-anonymous hookups have become worse than nothing at all. Unfortunately, over the last year I have found exactly ZERO opportunities for anything even remotely intimate or not-empty.
I've given up hope for romance, but it would be nice to have something that wasn't just a mutual release of biological urges.
Anyway, 5 months. There was a drought of 6 months before that, broken by a cloudburst from getting so drunk that I was able to pretend I liked the guy long enough to mess around.
― the Smurf who'll snatch your money (Je55e), Sunday, 8 January 2012 01:08 (twelve years ago) link
anything with 11s is some asskicking bad luck. i have eternal hope for all in 2012.
― I just got back from a dream attack (sunny successor), Sunday, 8 January 2012 06:09 (twelve years ago) link
18 months now, I think. My roommate thinks I must be chomping at the bit, but I don't really miss sex in and of itself. I've passed on casual opportunities, I don't see the drought breaking unless I meet anyone I feel like dating.
― Kiarostami bag (milo z), Monday, 9 January 2012 06:03 (twelve years ago) link
Three day weekend visit has turned into six days.I'm over my head, sure feels nice.
― Trip Maker, Wednesday, 11 January 2012 20:08 (twelve years ago) link