Are you good at performing oral sex?

Why is the advice always 'put your finger up their butthole – they will love it!'

As a hitherto exclusively cunnilingual head-giver I feel uncomfortable answering this poll. Certainly my experiences have been good, but I feel I'd need to bite schlong before an accurate self-assessment could form. I shall have to assume my attributes are transferable.

Why is the advice always 'put your finger up their butthole – they will love it!'

because sometimes they do?

People don't like it bcz I have no idea how to get my teeth out of the goddamn way

people can't figure this out?

The thing is the advice suggests the butthole is the magic lock to orgasm magic & your finger is the key...and (conversely) you can get yrself in a lot of trouble if the butthole-owner panics when it is touched.

The moral is: sex advice is not universal (except, I wld say, "ask first" and "say if you don't like something").

btw I mean oral sex here either w/a male or female partner, ain't taking sides here

exactly ... the butthole thing is presented as universal, similar to "all women love receiving oral sex" ... when it isn't universal.

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_56a.jpg

^^ please stay away from me k tnx bye

No way I'm using my regular sn for this one but, I've been told by erm, more than one person, that I gave the best head they ever received so voted "I have been told consistently and sincerely that I am a giver of awesome head". I really enjoy doing it so I think that's maybe why I guess I do it really well? I'm talking fellatio here but I've also gone down on a couple girls although not sure if I'm as skilled at that. I think the reason I enjoy doing it is because it's just amazingly empowering to make someone feel that awesome.

I don't want to brag, but I've received compliments from several different people, and I have no reason to doubt them, so I have to choose the first option.

Inside - How legalization took the fun out of sodomy

and I have no reason to doubt them

obviously they weren't mods!

I don't want to brag

Whereas I totally do.

This is the TMI board. Brag away.

This is something I am really, really good at.

I have in the past thought that I could not get any better at it, but I was so wrong.

What's the correct voting option for 'I have been told I give good head and I am also confident that this is true'?

The first one.

Next poll: Are you good at performing oral sex...on a train?

get this motherfucking sex off my motherfucking train

You have that backwards, I think

Would you, could you,
in the rain?

I would not, could not, in the rain.
Not in the dark. Not on a train,
Not in a car, Not in a tree.
I do not like it, Sam, you see.
Not in a house. Not in a box.
Not with a mouse. Not with a fox.
I will not lick you here or there.
I do not like it anywhere!

Ok I'll give you the mouse and the fox bit. That's pretty out there.

As someone who was a child in the 70's, I would totally do it with a fox.

...a Samantha Fox!

I eat the fucking fuck out of Linda Carter, if that's what you mean.

I would, I should say.

Sorry, lost in the moment.

any broad who sticks a digit in my crapper is getting it snapped off by my vise-like clenched anus

Sexist.

^^^^_^^^^

any broad who sticks a digit in my crapper is getting it snapped off by my vise-like clenched anus

That might dampen her ardor a tad, no?

The snapping off is metaphorical, the vice-like clenching is literal, and the soiling of the ceiling is curiously unmentioned.

"snapped off" could read like some sort of delicious manual euphemism

It might make her bite down. (xxp)

Yeah, that would NOT be optimal

oh god

Now I've got "everybody loves a little headman" stuck in my head and I've been trying all afternoon to get it out.

I don't think I've ever dated a man who didn't somehow believe he was AMAZING INCREDIBLE A#1 at head. And refused to accept the fact that I didn't like it. They'd be all "oh no, you'll LOVE it the way I do it" and then you have to go through the ignomy of trying to figure out... OK, wow, will they be really upset if I tell them that nope, still don't enjoy it - or should I lie and say it's great, which will save their ego, but it means I'll have to put up with that awful horrible snuffling around down there for the rest of the relationship...

Christ. This makes me so not miss sex at all.

haha I believe you, Kate. Frankly, I don't go crazy for blowjobs myself, even though I've had all kinds, both ineffective and extremely effective. Whatever, I'd rather have more time and more full-body contact than just a blown load and a nap. I understand from what I hear that this puts me in somewhat of a minority.

Wow I am normally not at all shy when it comes to TMI stuff but let's just say I really appreciate the wise poster who logged out before posting on this particular thread.

That doesn't mean I won't keep reading of course.

So will I. Someone else say something. It's not my turn anymore.

Does that mean you appreciate them because you can identify with their position? xp

I only rarely come from oral, fact fans. Normally there has to be a whole lot of manual action augmenting it. Only truly out-of-this-world oral gets me off, but it's worth it when it happens. Otherwise it's just like wanking (or being wanked) into their mouth and while this is usually still hot'n'happening for both parties, it's not proper fellatio.

This is probably tmi, too, but even if a girl couldn't come from getting head, I'd probably ask her if I could give her some anyway. No cunnilingus would be a bit of a deal breaker for me.

Louis - ┐('～`；)┌

Mwhite OTM

I don't want to brag

Whereas I totally do.

― Le présent se dégrade, d'abord en histoire, puis en (Michael White)

me too.

Louis, I think "it's just like wanking (or being wanked) into their mouth" pretty much describes what a blowjob is. What did you think it was? Was it like, "Look ma, no hands!" and bobbing up and down on your dick like a penguin or something? No, that doesn't work for anyone.

It has actually worked, once. I'm talking about when the hand motions (mine or theirs) are so vigorous they completely outshine the oral aspects. When it's largely the mouth bringing pleasure, a rare delight is discovered.

If you think there's a right and a wrong way to cum... well, what can one say? Stop thinking that.

It's not a right or a wrong way, just that one feels a bit more organic and natural not to mention pleasurable during the actual act rather than the fruition anyway gah I am no longer in the mood, enough

Milk aisle?

nick; does katy perry say something about the milk aisle in this song
joe; yes she's talking about the soft place between her boobs

― don't try to church it up (nickalicious), Thursday, August 6, 2009 10:07 PM (Yesterday)

fyi i'm tryin to make "milk aisle" "happen"

Ah, one learns something new every day.

sb between t's?

not now sugartits

I think "milk aisle" does have promise.

milk aisle at my local supermarket always smells v bad : (

is that how guys refer to their women where you live?

yeah cept they wouldn't say "their women" cos that's hella sexist

y'know, not everyone in Oakland says "hella" ... the band by that name is great, though. Zach Hill is the best thing about it.

http://pagesperso-orange.fr/webzine.musique/albums/hill/astrological.jpg

This is better imo 4 ZH enthusiasts

it's a pretty awesome album. He has really amazing kick drum technique.

it is his "thing"

predicting huge landslide for option 1, you smug bastards

need to find speakers now to play this, btw Sarahel you have awesome taste in music

see, most people, when they watch him play, seem to focus on what he's doing with his hands/arms ... (granted it's the most visible from a standard audience position). A lot of what he's doing are variations of paradiddles and double paradiddles, etc. His kick drum technique is a lot "harder" ... I've seen plenty of drummers that can't do what he does, even with a double bass pedal.

could only tell from utube vids because I live in ireland land of no awesome loud rock shows : (

there's a hella dvd with a lot of concert footage, but the only part that shows his footwork is a brief bit at a show where he injures his ankle. My friend lent it to me. It was very long, and I wasn't paying attention when he said "skip the first hour and a half."

lol, when I first got into Lightning Bolt, I read about how their shows were really insane and really short and I used to try to recreate the atmosphere of being at one of their shows by listening to Dracula Mtn at full volume in my room really loudly with the lights out and jump around a lot until I was out of breath which took around 15 mins, so I have a short but passionate attention span (aka 2hr Hella doc don't seem so intrstng all in one go imo)

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

see, most people, when they watch him play, seem to focus on what he's doing with his hands/arms ... (granted it's the most visible from a standard audience position). A lot of what he's doing are variations of 'paradiddles' and 'double paradiddles', etc. His 'kick drum' technique is a lot "harder" ... I've seen plenty of 'drummers' that can't do what he does, even with a 'double bass pedal'.

― free jazz and mumia (sarahel), Friday, 7 August 2009 23:38 (18 minutes ago) Bookmark

one slight amendment

also now i will be more confident gloryholing at a world FAP

LJ, what the fuck was the amendment? also, wow

the introduction of quotation marks to make it more on-topic, also XD

xp - seriously, there are plenty of good drummers, no quotation marks needed, that can't play what he does on the kick drum. Granted, double bass is a different animal, especially because of balance issues ... unless your quotation marks are for the purpose of innuendo.

I like the idea of this thread encompassing topics from every other ilx subboard ...

it was a slightly clumsy gag, especially coming at this thread's climax, kinda fluffed the crucial moment tbh

.... so, the gag reflex ... anyone?

the teeth thing is not nearly as much of a challenge as the gag reflex.

Wow, so people on this board think they're so damn excellent at oral. Wonder what the results would be if we actually got their historical partners to vote instead of them. ha ha.

Now come on, on a thread about oral sex, I don't understand why bicycles came up, but seriously - teabagging and profiterols are totally on topic.

aw man, this thread had to happen in the like only 5 days this summer i've not been here d'oh.

ha, IN THE MILK AISLE!!!!!!

i don't feel like it's that hard to get a girl off fwiw; like, okay here's the clit, toss around a couple tongue/mouth variables etc and before you know it you've got ladyjuice dripping out yr beard

to be fair though i was terrible at it before i went out with a girl who was sort of a bitch about it until i started getting it right

Ha, these results. ILX: cocky and underconfident.

If the "instructional" video I saw the other day is any indication, not anywhere near as good as I'd thought...

wow lou jag KILLED it itt.

Wait, I thought this was about performance art...

"ILX: Cocky and Underconfident" needs to be a board description.

superbowl rings

like a basketball player

As a hitherto exclusively cunnilingual head-giver I feel uncomfortable answering this poll. Certainly my experiences have been good, but I feel I'd need to bite schlong before an accurate self-assessment could form. I shall have to assume my attributes are transferable.

― hello you are very gnocchi i would like taco you in the (country matters), Monday, August 3, 2009 4:11 PM (eleven years ago) bookmarkflaglink

yeah I already FP'd whoever wrote that

i'm pretty good. my boyfriend has a small mouth but as long as he sticks to the tip of my penis (which is massive) he's ok. great butt though.

the sheer quantity of flex itp is almost admirable tbh

I was good at it in the before times when I was having sex.

aka the Obama era

oh this is the thread with the hilarious penguin post

prompted by:

I only rarely come from oral, fact fans. Normally there has to be a whole lot of manual action augmenting it. Only truly out-of-this-world oral gets me off, but it's worth it when it happens. Otherwise it's just like wanking (or being wanked) into their mouth and while this is usually still hot'n'happening for both parties, it's not proper fellatio.

― cockles (country matters), Thursday, August 6, 2009 8:24 AM (eleven years ago)

The sexiest form of oral is a good conversation imo