Sex Droughts

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed

I know we've discussed this here before, and I know there are posters who've gone years without sextime, but I'm curious what the overall over/under is, so to speak, and how one deals with lengthier droughts before reaching that preternatural calm of "I just don't need sex anymore, and people that do seem strange to me."

Right now I'm at 4 months, and it's the longest I've ever had to go. I know that probably seems like a pittance to a bunch of you, but at moments it is really shitty to deal with the lack of human contact and general loneliness.

So. There we go. Now you.

p.m.s.b. (pre-mall smoke bomb) (zorn_bond.mp3), Monday, 20 September 2010 21:47 (seven years ago) Permalink

4-6 months is the worst iirc -

sarahel, Monday, 20 September 2010 21:58 (seven years ago) Permalink

I'm at 7 months now, and a full year before that. I once went five years.

Johnny Fever, Monday, 20 September 2010 22:01 (seven years ago) Permalink

As much as I love sex and intimacy, I find it surprisingly easy to go without for long periods of time. But I'm not a hooker-upper...I'm a relationship guy.

Johnny Fever, Monday, 20 September 2010 22:03 (seven years ago) Permalink

And so like, it's normal to feel like shit on Tuesday nights and every touch from someone new is like an electric shock that fizzles out unless they turn out to be the one?

p.m.s.b. (pre-mall smoke bomb) (zorn_bond.mp3), Monday, 20 September 2010 22:04 (seven years ago) Permalink

I mean yeah I'm the same way man, but for me it's less about bustin one out and more about having a real moment with someone that means something to you. I can go pay to get off, but it wouldn't fix what sucks about this.

p.m.s.b. (pre-mall smoke bomb) (zorn_bond.mp3), Monday, 20 September 2010 22:05 (seven years ago) Permalink

Haha that was oddly worded but I think you get my meaning?

p.m.s.b. (pre-mall smoke bomb) (zorn_bond.mp3), Monday, 20 September 2010 22:05 (seven years ago) Permalink

Ever since I was a kid, I've been perfectly capable of living happily in solitude. It's even been an issue in a couple of relationships...clingy girlfriends getting in the way of my alone time.

Johnny Fever, Monday, 20 September 2010 22:07 (seven years ago) Permalink

yeah - no it makes sense - some people have an easier time separating the emotional stuff from the physical.

sarahel, Monday, 20 September 2010 22:08 (seven years ago) Permalink

Had a little over a year once, and I'm the kind of dude who does NOT do well without close human contact. Just kept being shitty until it ended. Definitely one of the main things that spurred me to change up my life for the better, though.

It's basically worthless advice because it's near impossible to put into practice and also duh, but don't worry about it, try to push it to the back of your mind and focus on self-improvement/yr ART/whatever and shit just ~happens~ ime.

ENERGY FOOD (en i see kay), Monday, 20 September 2010 22:08 (seven years ago) Permalink

It's basically worthless advice because it's near impossible to put into practice and also duh, but don't worry about it, try to push it to the back of your mind and focus on self-improvement/yr ART/whatever and shit just ~happens~ ime.

― ENERGY FOOD (en i see kay), Monday, September 20, 2010 3:08 PM (3 seconds ago)

yep.

sarahel, Monday, 20 September 2010 22:09 (seven years ago) Permalink

i sort of go crazy after around the 5-6 month range

J0rdan S., Monday, 20 September 2010 22:09 (seven years ago) Permalink

When I see other people my age (mid 30s), or especially younger, freaking out about "never finding love" or wondering if they're going to be single for the rest of their lives, I just want to say "chill the fuck out!"

I really don't give it a ton of thought. I'm sure I could find someone that's a perfect match, someone who appreciates space and needs her own as well. But at the same time, if I'm just having occasional relationships that last a few months or a couple years at a time until I die, that's cool too.

Johnny Fever, Monday, 20 September 2010 22:11 (seven years ago) Permalink

I have kind of veered off topic, though. sry

Johnny Fever, Monday, 20 September 2010 22:12 (seven years ago) Permalink

tmi is where we do tmi iirc so

p.m.s.b. (pre-mall smoke bomb) (zorn_bond.mp3), Monday, 20 September 2010 22:14 (seven years ago) Permalink

went 18 years without sex, was long enough tbh. wouldn't do it again.

i dont love everything, i love football (darraghmac), Monday, 20 September 2010 22:19 (seven years ago) Permalink

someone masturbating in front of you as an infant doesn't count iirc

sarahel, Monday, 20 September 2010 22:21 (seven years ago) Permalink

given that the four of us went through puberty sharing a room for long stretches, i'm glad to hear it tbh

i dont love everything, i love football (darraghmac), Monday, 20 September 2010 22:22 (seven years ago) Permalink

i don't recall that, d.

sarahel, Monday, 20 September 2010 22:23 (seven years ago) Permalink

also pretty sure i went through puberty well before z_b was born.

sarahel, Monday, 20 September 2010 22:24 (seven years ago) Permalink

i think i went for two years once?

generally speaking, if you're a young-ish adult i think it's not terribly healthy to go w/o sex for long durations

dude (del), Monday, 20 September 2010 22:25 (seven years ago) Permalink

The only thing I regret about my 5-year drought (which lasted between the ages of 24-28) is that by the time I finally had sex again, I had revirginized.

Johnny Fever, Monday, 20 September 2010 22:28 (seven years ago) Permalink

generally speaking, if you're a young-ish adult i think it's not terribly healthy to go w/o sex for long durations

eh i'm not sre it's unhealthy either as such

i dont love everything, i love football (darraghmac), Monday, 20 September 2010 22:29 (seven years ago) Permalink

i admire the mental fortitude it must require to not have sex between the ages of 24 and 28

J0rdan S., Monday, 20 September 2010 22:29 (seven years ago) Permalink

eh i'm not sre it's unhealthy either as such

depends how unhealthy dying from the inside is

Mo Tucker Mo Problems (Noodle Vague), Monday, 20 September 2010 22:31 (seven years ago) Permalink

ah sex is no cure for that

Mormons come out of the sky and they stand there (Abbbottt), Monday, 20 September 2010 22:32 (seven years ago) Permalink

lol 'mental fortitude'

some ppl aren't inundated with offers, yknow

i dont love everything, i love football (darraghmac), Monday, 20 September 2010 22:32 (seven years ago) Permalink

my drought took place at ages 24-26 or thereabouts. and was completely avoidable. but i was an idiot and ridiculously picky and also tried to avoid one-night stand situations for some stupid reason and also was too thick to pick up on ppl having crushes on me, etc.

if i lived that period over again my bedpost would be sawdust at this point from notch-whittling fatigue

oh well

dude (del), Monday, 20 September 2010 22:33 (seven years ago) Permalink

also i guess i slept with an ex- a few times during that period, so never mind

dude (del), Monday, 20 September 2010 22:38 (seven years ago) Permalink

I guess 3-4 months was the longest I ever went after the initial 17 years but I never had that feeling like, "Man, I need to get laid" because I could probably take care of those purely sexual needs better myself. I always hated the kissing/cuddling droughts more.

master of retardment (ENBB), Monday, 20 September 2010 22:38 (seven years ago) Permalink

i admire the mental fortitude it must require to not have sex between the ages of 24 and 28

My first girlfriend/fiancee/nightmare fucked me up but good. I essentially didn't want to have anything to do with women during that time.

Johnny Fever, Monday, 20 September 2010 22:39 (seven years ago) Permalink

dang

J0rdan S., Monday, 20 September 2010 22:40 (seven years ago) Permalink

i once went 16 years without sex tbqf

('_') (omar little), Monday, 20 September 2010 22:41 (seven years ago) Permalink

I guess 3-4 months was the longest I ever went after the initial 17 years but I never had that feeling like, "Man, I need to get laid" because I could probably take care of those purely sexual needs better myself. I always hated the kissing/cuddling droughts more.

i kinda wanted to say exactly this, but yknow i'm a dude so didn't really want to but it's true for me too.

i dont love everything, i love football (darraghmac), Monday, 20 September 2010 22:46 (seven years ago) Permalink

:D

master of retardment (ENBB), Monday, 20 September 2010 22:48 (seven years ago) Permalink

My "birth - _____" drought was only 11 years. Granted, it wasn't actual copulation, but I learned about everything else including fellatio and cunnilingus from my 15 year-old aunt. I realize this is probably even TMI for ILTMI, but sometimes it just takes a weight off to get it out there.

Family reunions are still awkward, because I wonder how many other cousins could tell the same story.

Johnny Fever, Monday, 20 September 2010 22:48 (seven years ago) Permalink

whoa

('_') (omar little), Monday, 20 September 2010 22:49 (seven years ago) Permalink

^^ that

So wait - you were messing around with your aunt who was only a couple of years older than you? Is that right? Just want to be clear.

master of retardment (ENBB), Monday, 20 September 2010 22:50 (seven years ago) Permalink

iltmi seem like a pretty easygoing bunch.

dude (del), Monday, 20 September 2010 22:50 (seven years ago) Permalink

Yeah, my aunt (my mom's youngest sister) is only 4 years older than I am.

Johnny Fever, Monday, 20 September 2010 22:51 (seven years ago) Permalink

I guess 3-4 months was the longest I ever went after the initial 17 years but I never had that feeling like, "Man, I need to get laid" because I could probably take care of those purely sexual needs better myself. I always hated the kissing/cuddling droughts more.

i kinda wanted to say exactly this, but yknow i'm a dude so didn't really want to but it's true for me too.

think this is exacerbated by the fact that us/uk are not particularly big touch-oriented cultures

so yeah, that's a big problem during these droughts

dude (del), Monday, 20 September 2010 22:52 (seven years ago) Permalink

like i guess leo buscaglia has been out of fashion for the last few decades, but i think that his idea of taking people very serious as individuals and not being hesitant about very basic things like hugging people should be run with more. nothing is more healing than acceptance, affirming people be it through touch or otherwise

dude (del), Monday, 20 September 2010 22:56 (seven years ago) Permalink

Yeah, my favorite part of relationships is just simple closeness. Watching movies together in bed/on the couch, backscratching, just the smell of a person other than yourself.

Johnny Fever, Monday, 20 September 2010 22:58 (seven years ago) Permalink

Seriously, I would marry someone just to get my back scratched once a day.

Johnny Fever, Monday, 20 September 2010 22:58 (seven years ago) Permalink

My "birth - _____" drought was only 11 years. Granted, it wasn't actual copulation, but I learned about everything else including fellatio and cunnilingus from my 15 year-old aunt. I realize this is probably even TMI for ILTMI, but sometimes it just takes a weight off to get it out there.

Family reunions are still awkward, because I wonder how many other cousins could tell the same story.

― Johnny Fever, Monday, 20 September 2010 23:48 (8 minutes ago) Bookmark

i had a slighty older female cousin who used to ask me to strip off in front of her and her mates. never actually did it. think she was just doing it for the lulz, tho. at least, i'd like to think so. her weird mate used to feel my arse as well.

max arrrrrgh, Monday, 20 September 2010 23:00 (seven years ago) Permalink

28 YEARS OLD I WAS

max arrrrrgh, Monday, 20 September 2010 23:00 (seven years ago) Permalink

johnny fever all kinds of otm

i dont love everything, i love football (darraghmac), Monday, 20 September 2010 23:01 (seven years ago) Permalink

i was watching sleepaway camp 2: unhappy campers the other evening, and thinking about how the proprietor of the camp is named "Uncle John", and that "avuncular" has sort of become synonymous with creepy at this point

dude (del), Monday, 20 September 2010 23:03 (seven years ago) Permalink

'ad uncle

i dont love everything, i love football (darraghmac), Monday, 20 September 2010 23:04 (seven years ago) Permalink

Max, you were 28 when this was going on? My situation was a taboo adolescent curiosity thing, but your cousin is straight up kinky.

Johnny Fever, Monday, 20 September 2010 23:13 (seven years ago) Permalink

let's go mets

mookieproof, Saturday, 3 January 2015 04:52 (two years ago) Permalink

still nothin'

poor fishless bastard (Zora), Saturday, 3 January 2015 13:12 (two years ago) Permalink

Just like the Mets!

tokyo rosemary, Saturday, 3 January 2015 15:31 (two years ago) Permalink

2014 was a desert.

Johnny Fever, Saturday, 3 January 2015 16:08 (two years ago) Permalink

12-14 barren in their entirety.

ljubljana, Sunday, 4 January 2015 13:27 (two years ago) Permalink

our house has two children in it, one very small. we are lucky if we have an hour to ourselves, and during that hour, we are very tired and tend to nap. anybody on this thread needs action I'm a very considerate and discreet dude sooner or later the children will be in school.

The Complainte of Ray Tabano, Sunday, 4 January 2015 14:29 (two years ago) Permalink

Pretty sure the rest of my life will be a drought, aside from pouring the occasional bottle of water over my own head, metaphorically speaking.

the magnetic pope has sparked (WilliamC), Sunday, 4 January 2015 17:34 (two years ago) Permalink

ew on your head?

een, Sunday, 4 January 2015 18:34 (two years ago) Permalink

three months pass...

http://i.imgur.com/b9zobm6.png

gr8080, Saturday, 25 April 2015 14:30 (two years ago) Permalink

Er, well, yes. That was unexpected.

1993 forever (Zora), Monday, 27 April 2015 15:05 (two years ago) Permalink

Never thought a drought of two weeks would feel long, but.

Eric H., Monday, 27 April 2015 15:07 (two years ago) Permalink

to clarify: did not make like bunnies with gr80

1993 forever (Zora), Monday, 27 April 2015 15:09 (two years ago) Permalink

2 weeks. bless.

1993 forever (Zora), Monday, 27 April 2015 15:09 (two years ago) Permalink

h8 this thread tbh

the fuckin catalina wine mixer (sleepingbag), Monday, 27 April 2015 15:16 (two years ago) Permalink

Who's sleeping in your sleeping bag, sleepingbag?

, Monday, 27 April 2015 15:17 (two years ago) Permalink

it's more of a sad sack

the fuckin catalina wine mixer (sleepingbag), Monday, 27 April 2015 15:22 (two years ago) Permalink

Look, my drought lasted for 3 or 4 years prior to last month.

Eric H., Monday, 27 April 2015 15:24 (two years ago) Permalink

mine was 4 years since a disappointing one-off preceded by 1 year

1993 forever (Zora), Monday, 27 April 2015 16:24 (two years ago) Permalink

Re: the "disappointing" part, I'm starting to suspect having droughts is in part responsible for how meh the sex is after the wait

When you take that first drink of water after crossing the desert, it fires up the sandpaper in your throat.

Eric H., Monday, 27 April 2015 16:31 (two years ago) Permalink

Three months for me. My skin's getting pasty.

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 27 April 2015 16:33 (two years ago) Permalink

8 months :(

een, Monday, 27 April 2015 16:33 (two years ago) Permalink

15 months, more or less

WilliamC, Monday, 27 April 2015 16:38 (two years ago) Permalink

Didn't we talk about starting a thread for posting 'my sex drought is over' posts so as not to look all fucking smug in this one?

1993 forever (Zora), Monday, 27 April 2015 17:02 (two years ago) Permalink

Probably not worth the trouble. I'm happy other people are getting laid.

Johnny Fever, Monday, 27 April 2015 19:17 (two years ago) Permalink

Have there been any agreements on definitions in this thread?

Je55e, Wednesday, 29 April 2015 17:38 (two years ago) Permalink

I mean, on one hand, I sort of think I've had a drought since 2010. I've had sprinkles, but were they enough to be considered a break in drought?

Je55e, Wednesday, 29 April 2015 17:43 (two years ago) Permalink

Actually if someone could come up with terms to use in extending the metaphor, that would be great.

Je55e, Wednesday, 29 April 2015 17:47 (two years ago) Permalink

By my standards, skin-skin contact in the no-no zone counts.

Eric H., Wednesday, 29 April 2015 18:58 (two years ago) Permalink

Yes I've had some of that over the years but it's becoming like afternoon cloudbursts that just make it feel muggier.

Plainly put, since 2009: 0 PIB, a couple PIM a few years ago, handful of vigorous cuddles & pawing, and among all that, only 1 completion back in Fall 2009. That last part is weird. Like its just not done anymore or we're too shy.

Je55e, Thursday, 30 April 2015 04:07 (two years ago) Permalink

two months pass...

My gf and I have been having some weird friction, from her stressful demanding job, my general cluelessness/inexperience at being in a relationship, a lot of other things, and we haven't had sex in over two months. Which is a sudden drop from an average of about 10-12 times a week, and it is driving me up the fucking wall.

You guys are caterpillar (Telephone thing), Sunday, 19 July 2015 21:56 (two years ago) Permalink

Has it been noted and discussed, or has it just crept up on you? The "oh this will be for a while" and the while keeps getting longer is a bit of a killer.

Andrew Farrell, Monday, 20 July 2015 12:42 (two years ago) Permalink

was that avg at the start of the relationship

irl lol (darraghmac), Monday, 20 July 2015 13:15 (two years ago) Permalink

TT i'm in a nearly identical spot

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 20 July 2015 19:58 (two years ago) Permalink

also 2 wisks

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 20 July 2015 19:58 (two years ago) Permalink

Which is a sudden drop from an average of about 10-12 times a week

well that's clearly unsustainable

lil urbane (Jordan), Monday, 20 July 2015 20:24 (two years ago) Permalink

yeah but you don't usually go from that much to overnight NO MORE SEX.

have either of you guys actually talked to your GFs about this?

just1n3, Monday, 20 July 2015 20:33 (two years ago) Permalink

i have, and i know exactly what it's about, and there's not a lot i can do about it, unfortunately.

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 20 July 2015 21:18 (two years ago) Permalink

I have here as well, and it's complicated, to the point where we considered breaking up. That was a month ago, and we're working on turning it around, but with her new work schedule I hardly ever get to see her. That was the average as of about 6 months into the relationship; part of what was so great for both of us was finding somebody who was going to keep up... Also not helping: I finally ditched Zyrtec for Claritin D, and while I'm finding I can breathe easily through my nose for the first time in years I'm also learning that the dose of Sudafed in a 24-hour Claritin D makes me MAD horny :/

You guys are caterpillar (Telephone thing), Monday, 20 July 2015 21:39 (two years ago) Permalink

good tip.

how's life, Monday, 20 July 2015 23:51 (two years ago) Permalink

Is there still physical intimacy? Is the no-sex situation likely to ease off within a finite period? The sex thing isn't a result of your actions or words?

If yes to all these questions, just chill and get yourself off. Nbd.

If sex is so important that you can't live without it for long period, maybe you're not suited to each other.

just1n3, Tuesday, 21 July 2015 00:27 (two years ago) Permalink

i was being serious, not snarky, with that last sentence btw.

if there's a current lack of any kind of physical intimacy, i'd be pretty concerned, though.

just1n3, Tuesday, 21 July 2015 03:51 (two years ago) Permalink

if there's a current lack of any kind of physical intimacy, i'd be pretty concerned, though.

― just1n3, Tuesday, July 21, 2015 3:51 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i am.

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Wednesday, 22 July 2015 04:25 (two years ago) Permalink

tfw when ur 40 and 5-6 pints ruins u

rip van wanko, Wednesday, 22 July 2015 06:37 (two years ago) Permalink

L

UYD: Oxys, Percs, Vics, Addys, Rit-Dogs and Xannys (sunny successor), Saturday, 25 July 2015 14:22 (two years ago) Permalink

one month passes...

met a woman who refers to ending a sex drought as "getting the poison out"

gr8080, Monday, 14 September 2015 14:36 (two years ago) Permalink

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeOcCo77k0Q

welltris (crüt), Monday, 14 September 2015 14:42 (two years ago) Permalink

2 wisks

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 15 September 2015 23:59 (two years ago) Permalink

went on a first date with someone who managed to tell me what an amazing time she was having immediately prior to shoving my hand down her shirt and grab my junk...and then pretty much lose interest in me two days later. the drought continues.

(actually not that bummed about it. I was somewhat taken back by how aggressive she was on a first date when we barely knew each other and I wasn't at all approaching it as a "friends with benefits" arrangement. woulda been up for more, didn't work out....probably for the best)

Hammer Smashed Bagels, Wednesday, 16 September 2015 04:51 (two years ago) Permalink


You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.