Your favourite jokes about churches

What does The Terminator say when he's walking down the middle of a church?
Aisle (I'll) be back!

What's an Islamic moth's favourite place of worship?
A mothque (mosque)!

Q. What do you call it when Roman Flügel interrupts a sermon to talk about how good he is at making dance music?
A. Altar Ego!

mosques are off-topic, please delete ^^^

What's the pope's favourite type of music?
Pope (pop) music!

Who are a Christian's favourite indie band?

Jesus Jones or Bishop Allan or The Church or Future Bible Heroes

What did the big church say to the little church
Stop hiding behind that tree!

Q. What is a Romanian's favourite church?
A. Saint Spyridon Church of Bucharest!

What's Superman's favourite church?
He doesn't have one!

Q. What did the altar boy say when the priest went shopping two minutes before mass started?
A. Hey, don't leave me in the church! (lurch)

What is a church's favourite Addams family character?
Church (Lurch)!

What does a Jewish pirate like to drink?
Synagrogue! (Grog)

Q. Who is a priest's favourite TV presenter?
A. Terry Christian!

Q. Why are so many Mexican people called Jesus?
A. Because they like God!

Q: Who is the ideal person to fix the church's roof?
A: Christian Slater

Q. What do you call a controversial journalist who damages a church roof and is then forced to pay for its repair?
A. Duly Church-Billed! (Julie Burchill)

Q. Which actor is best suited to the role of clearing the hay in the church field?
A. Christian Bale

What do you call a church fan who is either elected to the position of mayor in some parts of Canada or a bailiff in medieval times?
Christian (Christopher) Reeve!

Q. What do you call a church-going prostitute who repairs the bottoms of boats?
A. Christian (Christine) Keeler!

Q. Which internet music critic is sometimes used by confused churchgoers as a bench?
A. Paul Edward Wagemann (P. E. W. - "pew")

What annoying fox puppet can be used to clean a certain part of a church?
Basil (Basilica) Brush!

Q. What large church used to present Blue Peter?
A. Cathedral! (Katy Hill)

Q. Which son of a '90s supermodel is likely to grow up a church attendee?
A. Helena Christensen's (Christian's son)

Q. Why did the Bishop cross the road?
A. He was late for church!

What did Superman say to the bishop?
Stop hiding behind that tree!

q: what do deep thinking churchgoers sing?

a: hmmms (hymns)

When were crude italian defensive tactics mentioned in the Bible?

When Jesus went up for the cross, but got nailed.

Q. Which ILX funny man most reguarly attends his local church?
A. The stickman from the hilarious "xk church d" comics

Q. Who is the most christian member of hip hop group Public Enemy?
A. Church D

What's a church's favourite type of lollipop?
Chupa-Church (Chup)!

THESE ARE THE BEST JOEKS I HAVE EVR READ
DOM YOU KEEP MAKING THESE PUNS AND MY SETEEM FOR YOU WILL EXPONENTIALLY GROW

RIP digitiser

A church walks into his local bar and has nothing to drink. The bartender was curious and asked him why he wasn't drinking anything.
The church replies, "I don't drink anymore... Last night, I blew chunks."
"Oh that's nothing", the bartender replies. "Everyone gets a little sick after drinking at times!"
"No, No", the church replies. "You don't understand. Chunks is my dog!"

A blonde church and a brunette church are walking down the street together when the brunette church spots her husband in a flower shop across the street.
Brunette church: Oh, no! He's buying me flowers again!
Blonde church: What's wrong? I love when men buy me flowers!
Brunette church: Well, he's going to come home with them tonight and expect me to spend the next week on my back with my legs in the air.
Blonde church: Why don't you just buy a vase?

Why don’t women churches need a driver's license?
Because there’s no road between the kitchen and bedroom!

mosques are off-topic, please delete ^^^

-- MPx4A, Monday, June 23, 2008 4:26 AM (Monday, June 23, 2008 4:26 AM) Bookmark Link

Don't be intolerant against jokes of other faith.

What book would Alexander Dumas written if he had been a muslim?

The Man In The Iron Mosque (Mask!)

What's a church's favorite tree?
A birch (church)!

What motorcycle did Jesus ride (er, to church)?
"The sound of his Triumph was heard throughout the land"

Q. Why do people call Richard Dawkins a wanker?
A. Because he's often seen bashing the bishop(s)!

(Richard Dawkins is a prominent critic of religion)

Q. What did Martin Poother (Martin Luther) nail to the door of Castle Church?
A. His Ninety-Five Feces (Ninety-Five Theses)!

Q. What is a church's favorite Australian rock group?
A. The Church (The Church is an Australian rock group)!

Q. What do you call a Serbian footballer who develops a nasty rash while praying in a church?
A. Aleksandar "Saša" Ćurčić! (church-itch)

oh god...

these aren't jokes at all...

Why did The Church's fence fall down?
Because there weren't enough posts to sustain it

What the favourite condiment of Republican churchgoers?

Mayonnaise have seen the glory of the coming of the lord.

Why did The Church's fence fall down?
Because there weren't enough posts to sustain it

-- The stickman from the hilarious "xkcd" comics, Wednesday, July 2, 2008 9:29 AM (6 days ago) Bookmark Link

can the church be renamed the graveyard cuz RIP

I wonder why the 38 people that voted for this board aren't here now, sustaining it with a rich tapestry of posts that reflect their varied, completely different personalities

Q. What do you call it when Roman Flügel interrupts a sermon to talk about how good he is at making dance music?
A. Altar Ego!

I wonder why the 38 people that voted for this board aren't here now, sustaining it with a rich tapestry of posts that reflect their varied, completely different personalities

-- MPx4A, 09 July 2008 08:44 (1 week ago) Bookmark Link

church holidays?

Q. What do you call it when Roman Flügel interrupts a sermon to talk about how good he is at making dance music?
A. Altar Ego!

-- MPx4A, Monday, 23 June 2008 11:26 (1 month ago) Link

He better read from this though!

there was once a parish... no, fuck it, it's gone.