running boners from the unbearable shit for brains guest analyst (name tk) on tonight's jays broadcast

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jamie campbell: "you mentioned earlier that the twins were a scrappy team, but the jays are a scrappy team as well!"
numbnuts: "yeah." "the jays are a scrappy team."

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 27 May 2005 22:30 (twenty-one years ago)

dammit my joke got ruined by bad html! this doesn't bode well.

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 27 May 2005 22:31 (twenty-one years ago)

numbnuts: "yeah." (four beats) "the jays are a scrappy team."

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 27 May 2005 22:32 (twenty-one years ago)

he just went on some extended, labyrinthe solioquoy about how, strictly speaking as a catcher, he'd rather face the on-deck batter (jacques jones) with 2 outs and none in rather than with 1 out and a few runs already in.

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 27 May 2005 22:35 (twenty-one years ago)

every time there's an instant replay he starts with "okay, let's check this out..."

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 27 May 2005 22:36 (twenty-one years ago)

"since his cy young winning season, johan santana has been the talk of the town."

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 27 May 2005 22:37 (twenty-one years ago)

"like the jays and russ adams, starting a rookie at shortshop, so's the twins"

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 27 May 2005 22:38 (twenty-one years ago)

"now that's the shannon stewart what i'm saying. good swing!"

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 27 May 2005 22:40 (twenty-one years ago)

haha "that's quite a bit of taters for shannon stewart!"

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 27 May 2005 22:40 (twenty-one years ago)

HELP

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 27 May 2005 22:40 (twenty-one years ago)

holy shit i just found out who it is! nooooooooooooooooooooooo

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 27 May 2005 22:44 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.canadianbaseballnews.com/BlueJaysPlayers/darflet.jpg

― anyone but d-fletch (Mark P), Friday, 27 May 2005 22:44 (twenty-one years ago)

it'd be nice if he stopped referring to gregg zaun as "zawnie"

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 27 May 2005 22:57 (twenty-one years ago)

he just concluded his counterpoint in an extended debate on the merits of pulling josh towers with "know what i'm saying?"

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 27 May 2005 22:58 (twenty-one years ago)

jamie campbell just relayed some random, cute anecdote and d-fletch responded with "you know, that's the stuff i love! the inside stuff!"

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 27 May 2005 23:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I caught some of the game (before I saw this thread). Mark's isn't exaggerating, either.

Joe Carter (who was the colour man for this network's Jays broadcasts for one season -- I think it was 1999) was the king when it came to this type of "analysis".

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Saturday, 28 May 2005 01:12 (twenty-one years ago)

"The Twins made a lot of changes in the offseason ... letting Koskie come to Toronto ... Guzman to the Nationals ... a rookie at SS ... and at first base, Mon___ -- what's his name again?"

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Saturday, 28 May 2005 19:27 (twenty-one years ago)

IT CONTINUES

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Saturday, 28 May 2005 19:27 (twenty-one years ago)

MONROE. HE WAS IN TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT. THANKS DARRIN.

― David R. (popshots75`), Saturday, 28 May 2005 23:14 (twenty-one years ago)

On Aaron Hill: "It's easier to play on everyday than .... (long pause, producers desperately want to cut to commercial as the inning ends) ... sparingly (immediate cut to commercial).

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 29 May 2005 16:19 (twenty-one years ago)

After a Halladay strikeout: "You can't hit that ... watch how Zaunie sets up ... it comes in, it starts outside, it almost breaks AROUND the plate, and hits the outside corner"

YES, THAT IS HOW A CURVEBALL WORKS. HOW ABOUT THAT. AND WHAT WAS ZAUNIE DOING? YOU DIDN'T TELL US.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 29 May 2005 16:24 (twenty-one years ago)

On Shea Hillenbrand: "He hits the ball hard. That's the way you do it".

I am so happy right now. Jays broadcasts haven't had this sort of comedy since the aforementioned year that Joe Carter was in the booth.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 29 May 2005 16:27 (twenty-one years ago)

He just went on this crazy rant about how guys shouldn't be afraid to swing at the first pitch, but they should also make adjustments and learn to work the count. Also, the fastball is the toughest pitch to hit but is also the easiest pitch to hit. The fastball inside can be tough. The fastball over the middle of the plate can be easy.

WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 29 May 2005 16:30 (twenty-one years ago)

After Hill gets a base hit: "I hope he hits .400. But the averages say no".

(i.e. I hope he hits .400, but chances are he won't)

AARON HILL? BETTER THAN TED WILLIAMS? STAY TUNED TO BLUE JAYS BASEBALL!

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 29 May 2005 16:44 (twenty-one years ago)

It also bears mentioning that he's been saying "Roy HOLLIDAY" for the entire game. Soon, he had the PBP guy, Jamie Campbell, doing it too. I assume somebody got in his ear about this, but rather than correct it, he's settled on "Doc" or simply "Roy".

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 29 May 2005 16:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Campbell: There's a saying from Warren Spahn that says "hitting is timing and pitching is upsetting timing". That's what Halladay is doing today to the Minnesota hitters.

Fletcher: I CALL IT THROTTLING.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 29 May 2005 17:26 (twenty-one years ago)

haha i was just coming here to post that .400 thing. he said it like he was presenting a critical, woefully undercited factoid.

― mark p (Mark P), Sunday, 29 May 2005 20:03 (twenty-one years ago)

this thread is fantastic

― j blount (papa la bas), Monday, 30 May 2005 01:46 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm learning to love him! darrin fletcher indirectly got me laid!

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 30 May 2005 02:53 (twenty-one years ago)

(which is more than i can say for pat tabler.)

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 30 May 2005 02:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Mark, teach me how to procure sex by invoking Darrin Fletcher.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Monday, 30 May 2005 02:55 (twenty-one years ago)

it involves having a conscious moment where you say to yourself "fuck watching a baseball game, maybe i'll call [x] instead."

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 30 May 2005 04:33 (twenty-one years ago)

(it helps to be drunk)

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 30 May 2005 04:34 (twenty-one years ago)

it involves having a conscious moment where you say to yourself "fuck watching a baseball game, maybe i'll call [x] instead."

I'm too addicted to baseball right now, so this likely won't work for me.

(it helps to be drunk)

This advice is better. But I already knew that, so thanks for nothing :)

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Monday, 30 May 2005 05:27 (twenty-one years ago)

He's been better during this Cubs series ... he's been speaking in complete sentences, a skill that Joe Carter never developed even after six months in the booth. He's still engaging in dumbassery, making pedantic comments, little in the way of "analysis", asking dumb questions right out of the blue, and in the WTF file:

Fletcher [Cubs with two on and two out in the seventh, with the score tied 3-3]: This is the most important at-bat in the game right here. If he gets out, Blue Jays win. If he gets a hit, the Cubs win.

The batter walked. OH NO, A LOOPHOLE!! Sadly, Fletcher never provided any follow-up to explain how this unexpected turn of events affected his theory.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 01:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Corey Patterson unleashed a *spectacular* throw from deep centre field to third base (on the fly) and threw out Vernon Wells, who was trying for a triple.

Fletcher: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ... he was safe BY A MILE!!!

Then he went on a diatribe about how the ump anticipated the out, which is absurd, because anticipation would lead you to believe that the runner was safe because the throw was so incredible. So they looked at a bunch of replays, which revealed that Wells was indeed out. At the very least, it was a very close play.

Patterson's astounding throw was never mentioned.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 01:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Guess what, everybody? "Derrek Lee's bread and butter is defense". Who needs hitters with an 1150 OPS when you have defense?

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 01:28 (twenty-one years ago)

HA haa haa! This sounds so terrific!

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 04:07 (twenty-one years ago)

wow, i had NO idea that d-fletch was calling the cubs games. he's really turned himself around, it's like night and day. i was scowling at the commentator last night (barry nailed the major gaffes) but i still had a moment where i thought "ah well, at least he's better than fletcher"

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 11:44 (twenty-one years ago)

he's really gotta stop brazenly predicting pitches, though, it makes him look like an even bigger boob.

"look for a forkball in the dirt here" = high fastball

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 11:46 (twenty-one years ago)

The new analysts are turning out OK. Candiotti is very good, and Fletcher is much easier to listen to when he speaks in complete sentences. He might still be saying the same dumb things, but at least we can understand him and have the occasional laugh about it.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 13:29 (twenty-one years ago)

"centre" field?!?!?!?

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 15:08 (twenty-one years ago)

stence you pedant

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 15:17 (twenty-one years ago)

pronounced "son-truh", no?

― jonathan quayle higgins (j.q. higgins), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 15:18 (twenty-one years ago)

i think spelling it "rogers centre" is concession enough. no way no how am i gonna refer to the center field of rogers centre as "centre field"

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 15:23 (twenty-one years ago)

From the Toronto Star's recap:

"The Cubs tied the game in the fourth, but gave the run right back in the fifth when centre fielder Cory Patterson made a terrible throw home on a pop-up to shallow centre by Alex Rios with Reed Johnson on third."

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 15:37 (twenty-one years ago)

The Cubs' fielding was pitiful in that game. Cost them at least two runs.

― ojitarian (ojitarian), Thursday, 9 June 2005 04:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Imagine a Canadian using the Queen's English! Utterly bizarre!

― Leeeeee (Leee), Thursday, 9 June 2005 14:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I have been in Canada for almost a week, the baseball coverage is almost as strange as Japan's. I like all the proud recaps of the Canadian-bo(u)rn players.

― gygax! (gygax!), Friday, 10 June 2005 17:55 (twenty-one years ago)

T/s: Rogers Sports Net vs. "Sports Centre".

― gygax! (gygax!), Monday, 13 June 2005 15:06 (twenty-one years ago)

one month passes...

At least he doesn't trip over his words like he used to, but the dumbassery is still in effect. Generally, Fletcher is like a goofy uncle who tries desperately to be cool when the kids are around.

This was McCarver-esque ... 6-4 Royals, Jays batting in the top of the 9th. Runner on second, nobody out, Rios at the plate with a 3-2 count.

Campbell: The Blue Jays won't mind if Rios walks here.

Fletcher: They won't mind one bit. Rios doesn't need to hit a home run here, because if they get two runners on, a double to the gap will score the tying run.

[Rios singles to score a run, 6-5 Royals]

Fletcher: See, you don't want to rely on the home run to tie the ball game for you.

[Hill GIDP to end the game]

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 24 July 2005 19:55 (twenty years ago)

During yesterday's game, his scouting report on David Bush was "they drafted him high, he's well-liked in the clubhouse, so they'd like him to perform well at the major league level".

Stop the presses: MLB TEAM WANTS ITS PLAYERS TO PLAY WELL, FULL STORY AT 11.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 24 July 2005 19:57 (twenty years ago)

i liked how he insisted on referring to matt stairs as either "matty" or, uh, "stairs-y"

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 25 July 2005 02:36 (twenty years ago)

six months pass...

a cookie for the person who can correctly identify the jays' three good broadcasters from this list:

http://toronto.bluejays.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/team/broadcasters.jsp?c_id=tor

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 8 February 2006 22:09 (twenty years ago)

Rance Mulliniks is such a great name. Rance!

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Wednesday, 8 February 2006 22:29 (twenty years ago)

I think I had Rance's baseball card actually. RANCE!

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Wednesday, 8 February 2006 22:42 (twenty years ago)

a few of us here actually know a guy named rance!

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 8 February 2006 22:50 (twenty years ago)

Jerry, Mike and....
uh...
Pat?

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Wednesday, 8 February 2006 22:54 (twenty years ago)

RANCE NEEDS A PITCHER

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 8 February 2006 22:59 (twenty years ago)

NOT A BELLY ITCHER.

― c(''c) (Leee), Wednesday, 8 February 2006 23:03 (twenty years ago)

RANCE!

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Wednesday, 8 February 2006 23:58 (twenty years ago)

Thermo OTM.

Tabler isn't too bad. He has his moments.

― NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Thursday, 9 February 2006 00:00 (twenty years ago)

i'm pretty sure that rance mullniks was the name of a john wayne character in a little known western called rio feroz.

― jonathan quayle higgins (j.q. higgins), Thursday, 9 February 2006 00:32 (twenty years ago)

cookie-eligible posters on this thread: 0

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 9 February 2006 18:17 (twenty years ago)

Is Rance eligible for a cookie?

― Rance Cufflinks (Alex in SF), Thursday, 9 February 2006 18:18 (twenty years ago)

I'm starting to think this was a trick question and that no cookie was actually available. It's too bad because I'm down to my last three Chunks Ahoy.

― NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Thursday, 9 February 2006 18:44 (twenty years ago)

Jerry, Mike and....
uh...
mark p?

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 9 February 2006 18:45 (twenty years ago)

jamie campbell isn't bad!

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 9 February 2006 19:29 (twenty years ago)

four months pass...

He's back and he's dumber than ever. He's been in the booth for the last week or so but I don't think I can take this anymore, particularly not when the Jays are losing.

Sample: Jamie Campbell is discussing AJ Burnett's rehab start (happening in AAA tonight) and musing on his potential return date.

Campbell: We could see him back in late June. There's another pitcher who will probably be returning to the majors around that time.

Fletch [in a completely serious tone]: WHO?

Campbell: It's Roger Clemens. [sarcastically] I wonder who's return will get more press?

Fletch: In Toronto, AJ Burnett's return will get a lot of press ... [launches into rambling diatribe about how Burnett was a coveted free agent and chose to play in Toronto].

This happens at least twice a game, in which Fletcher completely misses the purpose of the conversation and starts babbling about something meaningless.

― NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Tuesday, 13 June 2006 00:23 (twenty years ago)

yeah, well, o's fans have to put up w/ strategic mastermind buck martinez a few times a week as color guy. jim palmer can be kind of a cock, but he's earned the right, i'm not sure what buck's bona fides are.

― jonathan quayle higgins (j.q. higgins), Tuesday, 13 June 2006 15:46 (twenty years ago)

yeah, well, try having that jackass run the fucking team!

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Tuesday, 13 June 2006 16:41 (twenty years ago)

oh, i can only imagine. his reign of terror as mgr of team usa was quite enough, thank you.

― jonathan quayle higgins (j.q. higgins), Tuesday, 13 June 2006 17:06 (twenty years ago)

three months pass...

I LOVE THIS THREAD

(& Canada by proxy)

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 4 October 2006 17:11 (nineteen years ago)

haha omg meatloaf just sat in for two innings of the jays' radio broadcast. here's a sample:

(aaron hill comes up to bat)

meatloaf: "hey, someone told me that aaron hill hit home runs in all three games against the devil rays this weekend."
jerry howarth: "actually, it was just a couple, but boy were they memorable."
meatloaf: "well, you know what they say -- TWO OUT OF THREE AIN'T BAD!! HAHAHAHAHAHA"
jerry howarth (totally doesn't get it): "uh, no. no it's not."
meatloaf: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

-- ^@^ (^@^) (webmail), September 18th, 2006 8:29 PM. (map) (link)

― ^@^ (map), Wednesday, 4 October 2006 19:58 (nineteen years ago)

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