Summarise a Novel in 25 Words

ugly guy falls in love with beautiful lady. she turns him down. this goes on for years. eventually, the deserve each other.

Monkey-faced mockney regurgitates cooking ideas established long ago by greater chefs, but is worshipped for saying "pukka" repeatedly. Sits back and waits for advertising deals.

OR

a knyght ther waf, his sone, yeman, frere, monk,
marchant, millere, nonne, doctour of phyfic,
sergeant of lawe, and the refte, sharing smalltalk while traveling.

OR

"a compaignye of sondry folk, by aventure yfalle in felaweshipe, and pilgrimes were they alle that toward Caunterbury wolden ryde . . . ech . . . telles tales tweye"

Crap.My bitch's dead-ill goto the future so theres a story and get some shit answer and stay in the future

Does exactly what it says on the tin

Oi, wanker.

"Mostly Harmless." Earth is a supercomputer ruled by mice. Earth explodes but another is made. Repeatedly saving the universe, towels, time/galaxy travel, odd things.

Screwing Elizabeth Taylor's gaping wounds in a wrecked automobile. Mmmmmm...

Isn't being on the road fun? Actually, wait, it's kinda depressing.

1803. Tom runs away to live with homeless starving London prostitute. Goes to Eton and learns Greek. Starts taking opium. Dreams. Takes more, then less.

(I have sinned by doing this. I think it should be FIFTY words... at a min.)

Seabiscuit
Laura Hillenbrand
P.S. This thread is FABU!

Poisonwood Bible
Barbara Kingsolver

I asked a friend what she thought of the movie, The Passion of The Christ. She said, "It was great! They should write a book about it."

The Old Man and the Sea

Middlesex by Eugenides

A Prayer for Owen Meaney by John Irving

Lone wolf detective is turned on by scheming woman, helps her outwit queer, fatso and goon, then sends her to the chair anyway. Falcon worthless.

I don't want to work in advertising. I want to be a poet. No wait, actually I want pussy more. Okay, I'll work in advertising.

Do you sit or stand to piss, Beer, Burning Sheep

Vicar gains divine power, uncovers massive cover-up/conspiracy. Dies. Comes back. Discovers best mate is evil. Beats him up. Gets shot. Loses power. Finally happy.

The Lord of the Rings:

Loads of malarkey over a bit of bling.

The Black Dahlia (James Ellroy):

Cop is obsessed with dead girl. Alienates everyone, ruins life. Discovers gardener did it. No, boss did it! No, daughter did it!! Everyone did it!!!

Dead Air (Iain Banks):

9-11. Shock Jock annoys everyone on air. Sleeps with gangsters wife. Gets beaten up. The end.

Man: Hello. Come in to my small Parisian apartment overlooking the river.
Woman: I can't stay but a minute.
Man: Come closer...take off your corset.
Woman: You're pretty fresh, you are.
Man: A kiss!
Woman: Somebody might see!
Man: We can go somewhere private.
Woman: It's too far...my sister...
Man: Cognac?
Woman: I'm not thirsty.
Man: Stupid thing! My treasure!
Woman: You're tearing my chemise...oooh...
Man: I love you! Let's screw!
Woman: No! Oh, okay.

Later -
Man: (weeping)
Woman: What's your name again?

Meat. Meat. Eggs. Meat. Cheese. Meat. Meat. Fry-Up. Meat. Meat. Cheese. Cheese. Meat. Meat. Meat. Lard. Meat. Egg. Meat. Meat. Cheese. Meat. Meat. Meat. Meat.

I know it's not a novel, but I coudn't resist.

I had so much sex and drugs last night that now I’m depressed. Let’s go drive someplace. Whatever. Superficial is, like, SO my middle name.

Jeffrey Eugenides - The Virgin Suicides Men spend their lives obsessing about women they didn't bang.

Link, please? Or cut-and-paste the text? Or something like that?

"Not the chopped liver, you schmuck."

Own a Prizm? Onanism!

http://enjoyment.independent.co.uk/books/features/story.jsp?story=502722

Bourgeois 80s fad limps towards death. Runs low on cash, sacks journalists and ends up being written by anonymising webcrawler. Andreas Whittam Smith Ha ha

Nameless French girl surrenders in taxi, chateau, Paris Apartment. Loses clothes but gains a piercing. The pleasures of a simple life...

God is bad, Science is good as are superintelligent ships and giant ring worlds. Pirates and agent seek sentient computer on dead world. Unhappy ending.

Guy rides motorcycle while gazing at own navel (wouldn't he crash?)

Pussy whipped cuckold cries a lot on the way to Newfoundland. Takes some photos of car wrecks and drags house across island, thus redeeming himself. Aaaah.

"Shift happens!"

Impossibly angelic sailor gets shafted. Gets rich, alienated and bitter. Gets revenge. Realises it's all just fate. Movie directors unamimously ignore irrelevant sojourn in Rome.