imdb memorable quotes

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0352314478/104-6080373-6375912?v=glance&n=283155

Whitney: The piranhas...
Buck Gardner: What about the goddamn piranhas?
Whitney: They're eating the guests, sir.

Maggie McKeown: That guard is still out there.
Paul Grogan: Fine, I need you to distract him.
Maggie McKeown: What for?
Paul Grogan: So I can get away.
Maggie McKeown: So YOU can get away? What about me?
Paul Grogan: Well suit yourself. Just come onto him, tell him what an admirer you are of Army or something like that.
Maggie McKeown: What if he's gay?
Paul Grogan: Then I'll go and distract him!

Wade Garrett: This place has a sign hangin' over the urinal that says, "Don't eat the big white mint".

Morgan: What am I supposed to do?
Dalton: There's always barber college.

Wade Garrett: That gal's got entirely too many brains to have an ass like that.

Emmett: Calling me sir is like putting an elevator in an outhouse. It don't belong.

Dalton: Pain don't hurt.

Dalton: Nobody ever wins a fight.

Red Webster: Don't ever marry an ugly woman, she'll suck the life right out of ya.

Doc: Do you always carry your medical record around with you?
Dalton: Saves time.

Tinker: A polar bear fell on me.

Dalton: My way... or the highway.

Jimmy: I used to fuck guys like you in prison.

Wade Garrett: [Eyeing the sign over the Double Deuce] The Double Douche!

Dalton: All you have to do is follow three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it's absolutely necessary. And three, be nice.

Dalton: Take the biggest guy in the world, shatter his knee and he'll drop like a stone.

Jimmy: Prepare to die.
Dalton: You are such an asshole.

Jimmy: Damn, boy. I thought you were good.
Dalton: Go fuck yourself.

Dalton: People who really want to have a good time won't come to a slaughterhouse. And we've got entirely too many troublemakers here. Too many 40-year-old adolescents, felons, power drinkers and trustees of modern chemistry.

Dalton: If somebody gets in your face and calls you a cocksucker, I want you to be nice. Ask him to walk. Be nice. If he won't walk, walk him. But be nice. If you can't walk him, one of the others will help you, and you'll both be nice. I want you to remember that it's a job. It's nothing personal.

Dalton: I want you to be nice until it's time to not be nice.

Steve: Being called a cocksucker isn't personal?
Dalton: No. It's two nouns combined to elicit a prescribed response.
Steve: What if somebody callas my mama a whore?
Dalton: Is she?

Emmett: It ain't the money ya understand, but if I don't charge ya somethin' the Presbyterians around here are likely to pray for my ruination. How does a hundred dollars a month strike ya?
Dalton: Fine.
Emmett: Can ya afford that much?
Dalton: If it keeps you in the good graces of the church.
Emmett: Ain't it peculiar how money seems to do that very thing?

Doc: Your file says you've got a degree from NYU. What in?
Dalton: Philosophy.
Doc: Any particular discipline?
Dalton: No. Not really. Man's search for faith. That sort of shit.
Doc: Come up with any answers?
Dalton: Not too many.
Doc: How's a guy like you end up a bouncer?
Dalton: Just lucky I guess.

Cobra: God, you were good - but hey, so was I.

Mark Austin: I'd like to suck the polish off your toes.

Chris Cannon: [after blowing up a Chinese assassin] You should have read your fortune cookie.

Charlene Tutt: He don't sleep in, he don't live in! You tell Shelby Overman for me he can take a flying leap in a rolling doughnut on a gravel driveway!

Untraceable (2008)
Quotes:
[from trailer]
Jennifer Marsh: He hacked into my car.
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Taglines for
Traxx (1988) More at IMDbPro »

This man has just blown away six terrorists, dynamited a drug smuggling compound, and baked a dozen cookies

from thundercrack!

Chandler: You’re very observant.
Bond: So are you. I been noticin’ you scrutinizin’ me for a long time now. What was it you was scrutinizing? My nose? Was there a piece of snot hangin’ from my nose?
Chandler: No.
Bond: Well I got a cold, you know, waitin’ out there in the rain until you picked me up. I’m mighty grateful … to you, what with all your sweet music and your fancy-smelling pipe tobacco.
Chandler: What’s the matter? You don’t like Tchaikovsky?
Bond: I’m not complaining, Chandler.
Chandler: Well, I’m sure he would have liked you.
Bond: Like I said, I’m mighty grateful, it’s just that…
Chandler: What, Bond ?
Bond: Well, it’s just…
Chandler: My gazes, my admiring glances at your rather *ahem* extravagant torso? Put you ill at ease?
Bond: Well, no. It’s just that that’s all you’re doin’ is just lookin’.
Chandler: You were expecting me to do something else? Me, Chandler Wilson, heir to the Wilson fortune and widower of Sarah Lou Phillips from The House of Phillips Unlimited?
Bond: You mean The House of Phillips, that big girdle manufacturing plant down in Waco?
Chandler: Yes, that’s exactly what I mean. That big girdle factory in central Texas, where everything grows bigger, especially the middle-aged gut.
Bond: I’m scared of that.
Chandler: Scared of what?
Bond: Middle-aged gut.
Well, you’ve got nothing to worry about, Bond. From the looks of things, it looks like your gut is made out of … coiled steel.
Bond: You really think so, Chandler?
Chandler: Pull your shirt down!

Bond: Wait, wasn't there a fire? Wasn't your wife killed in a fire?
Chandler: You're very observant, Bond. Is that where you got your good-lookin' body? From chasin' fire engines down the street?
Bond: I worked hard to get this body lookin’ the way it does.
Chandler: Well, I bet you have. And is the investment paying off?
Bond: Not tonight it isn’t.
Chandler: Bond, i uh … I find you … very attractive. So attractive that I want to throw you out of this car!

Mrs. Gert Hammond: Who is it that speaks to me with the voice of a woman?!?

Mrs. Gert Hammond: My name is Mrs. Gert Hammond. Welcome to Prairie Blossom, the name my husband and I chose for the estate you are now standing on.
Sash: What happened to your head?
Mrs. Gert Hammond: Please. Let me finish? Our home, built upon a stretch of prairie between the Chickasaw and Thunderbird rivers, was built by hand with love and care by my husband, Charlie, who now lies buried in the wine cellar beneath our very feet.

Chandler: You wanna know how she died, the stupid fool? She got it at a garden party one afternoon. She took her girdle off and she held a match to it as a sign of her liberation. But what she didn't know was that the girdle was flammable and would blow up in her goddamn face! It blew up right in her face, and her head was covered in flaming liquid rubber! Everyone at the garden party started screaming. And then they threw their drinks on her to douse out the flames. Only they'd forgotten how much alcohol they were drinking... The horror of the moment was so great, to all extents and purposes we were just staring at this flaming, screaming scarecrow running across the green lawn in a panic. Then we all started laughing. I laughed so hard that tears were running down my cheeks. We all roared hysterically until there was this hideous hiss, and a white column of steam that boiled skyward from the swimming pool where she fell in. Then there was silence. Dead silence.

Willene: May I have something to eat?
Mrs. Gert Hammond: By all means! Help yourself.
Willene: This looks refreshing. Oh! It’s a cucumber. Are you in the habit of peeling your cucumbers in advance?
Mrs. Gert Hammond: Yes, it, ah ... ages the flavor.
Willene: It certainly does. Boy, does this taste odd.
Mrs. Gert Hammond: Eat up! You’ll soon acquire a taste for it. I’d like for you to. It would make for a much closer friendship between us.
Willene: I’m afraid i can’t finish it. Would you like to share it?
Mrs. Gert Hammond: No. I’ve already had it, thank you.
Willene: Do you mind if i throw it away?
Mrs. Gert Hammond: Not at all, my dear. Most things of that nature are disposable. Please throw it in the bag under the sink.
Willene: Why Mrs. Hammond! You’ve got a whole pile of them in here.
Mrs. Gert Hammond: Call me gert, Willene. I feel that you’ve gotten to know me more intimately. Yes, those cucumbers did not age properly enough to suit my hungry lips. So i had to get rid of them.

Mrs. Gert Hammond: What about the potatoes?
Toydy: Here they are. Two lumpy ten-pound bags.
Mrs. Gert Hammond: You're very cruel! I should go away … but i can't.
Toydy: Why not?
Mrs. Gert Hammond: Because i would fall into the oven like the witch in Hansel and Gretel. That would leave you alone in the kitchen to eat all the cookies and peppermint sticks.
Toydy: And what would be wrong with that?
Mrs. Gert Hammond: You would get sick! And no one would be around to give you an enema.

Mrs. Gert Hammond: Too much talk in this kitchen and not enough action. Start cookin' me now, honey, before i go rotten.

Mrs. Gert Hammond: My son was big for his age. He was to be doomed with bigness.

Mrs. Gert Hammond: The one thing that made his life worth living has been crushed by the weight of his own testicles.

Chandler: Everything is a story here, but i don't mind. Just so long as i can clearly see the road to my mission.
Sash: And what road is that, Chandler?
Chandler: Highway 135 to Waco, Texas. The road to that girdle factory with the giant neon lettering branding the Texas sky, branding it with fiery red letters that spell “House of Phillips Unlimited.”
Sash: Why would you want to go back to that place after the terrible tragedy that happened to your ... w-wife, Sarah Lou Phillips?
Chandler: Because i want to forget Sarah Lou Phillips and her father, Leland Phillips, creator of The House of Phillips Unlimited. But how can i when they're still manufacturing those girdles by the tens of thousands?
Sash: Hasn't the government put a stop to the production of those flammable things?
Chandler: Well, there's a movement in the courts now to halt production until the company chemists can take out the volatile element. But until that time, those giant wooden looms are still churning out those stretchable death traps.
Sash: Has Leland Phillips no heart? What of all the women who don't realize they're purchasing a potentially deadly weapon?
Chandler: Leland Phillips is said to have a heart of gold, and it's true. But they fail to mention that he's also got lungs of silver, a stomach of copper and kidneys made out of tungsten.

Sash: What can free you of this crippling disorder?
Chandler: The destruction of The House of Phillips Unlimited. All it would take is a … Coca-cola bottle filled with gasoline.
Sash: That's Dr. Pepper country down there.

Bing: Every time I see that trainer puttin' those hula hoops on you and see those kids screaming with the Cracker Jacks flying out of their mouths and the cotton candy sticking to their chins it makes me sick! Sick, Samson! I wanna puke on 'em. God knows it wouldn't make any difference, not with all the mustard and ice cream dripping down their fat little necks. You can't even tell between the freckles and the … mashed popcorn. No Medusa. I, I wasn't talking about you. Gorillas are different from little children, they … have more hair.

Bing: She turned that massive head toward me and bared those giant yellow teeth in a smile of affection. I screamed! I screamed so loud that every creature in the circus went wild in their cages. The maintenance men found me lying by the calliope … calliope, trying to sing “I Love You Truly”. Medusa was lying there in the sleeping bag massaging her breasts. They said it took four, four, four men from the, the looney bin to … carry me away.
Sash: You were put under observation?
Bing: For a whole week. Then I was set free and I went back to work. Only this time, Medusa was observing me. Every second. And she made little lewd gestures with her toes. Made my flesh crawl.
Sash: So, why is she so dangerous, if she loves you that much?
Bing: Her love was forcibly repressed by the bars of a cage. When she realized she wasn't getting anywhere with me, she … tried making love to Señor Tostada, her trainer.

Bing: The way that gorilla looked at me, I knew exactly what she was thinking while she was gyrating.

Mrs. Gert Hammond: Shut the hell up, you god damn puppet! You’re nothing but a puppet for the weather bureau. And they pull the strings that make your mouth go up and down. I bet you don’t even know what the hell an ActiBar is. And don’t go tellin’ me it’s some kind of a popsicle, cuz it ain't.

fin

Carter 'Doc' McCoy: Now you're gonna have to walk on back to the border.

Cowboy: Oh that's alright. Don't worry 'bout me.

Carter 'Doc' McCoy: Hope you find what you're lookin' for.

[Shakes hands with the Cowboy]

Cowboy: Vaya con Dios. You too, maam.

[Walks away]

Cowboy: Take care, ya hear? God damn!

[laughing and walking]

Carter 'Doc' McCoy: [to Carol] Come on.

[Drives away in the most beat up truck I've ever seen]

Is that how it goes in the book?