I Am In Hell

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The nightmare begins. Running late for flight. Arrive just in time only to win the special security lottery of the full looksy through everything, guards weighing my laptop, examining my hypodermic needles and blood glucose monitor, fanning through the books I brought, patting me down thoroughly, running a metal detector over me, etc. By this time, I've missed my flight to Austin and, of course, all the rest are booked, putting me on eternal stand-by as I wander the airport like a damned soul. Finally, knowing I HAVE TO BE IN AUSTIN TODAY so I can do my work tomorrow, I buy another goddamn ticket and now I wait for 5 hours in the airport and looking at my new ticket, since its a one-way, I get to go through the special security again. FUCK ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This trip is already beginning in disaster.

― jack cole (jackcole), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 15:49 (twenty-one years ago)

You won't be in Hell Proper until you finally touch down in Texas.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:24 (twenty-one years ago)

You are so right. I couldn't even find a decent record store to check out while i'm there, all the one's i knew about having all fucking closed down. Now everyone keeps calling me on the company cell phone, remindng me why I REFUSE TO HAVE ONE.

― jack cole (jackcole), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry Jacques, just remember:

RISE ABOVE YOU'RE GONNA RISE ABOVE YOU'RE GONNA RISE ABOVE YOU'RE GONNA RISE ABOVE

― gygax! (gygax!), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm tryin', man. Oh Lawd am I tryin'.

― jack cole (jackcole), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:49 (twenty-one years ago)

GET ONE NACHO
http://www.azcentral.com/offbeat/articles/0523yearbook-mistake23-ON.html

― The Sensational Sulk (sexyDancer), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Can't we give Texas back to Mexico or would that be cruel to Mexico?

― jack cole (jackcole), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0002DRDCI.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― The Sensational Sulk (sexyDancer), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:55 (twenty-one years ago)

This'll cheer you up:

"Sonic Youth Prepare
Deluxe Goo Reissue"

― Tim Ellison (Tim Ellison), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 17:08 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.26pigs.com/scream/scream-lg.jpg

― jack cole (jackcole), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 17:12 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.monsterlandtoys.com/video/From%20Hell%20It%20Came.gif

― The Sensational Sulk (sexyDancer), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 17:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Hour 5 @ the Airport:

Now sitting in the food court. No more phone calls for about an hour. Surround by a dispora of travelling Snopes eating french fries and Wendy's chili with extra fingers. To my right a guy with Down's Syndrome is woofing like a dog and throwing his food in the air, his companion attempting to subdue him. Catty corner to me an older woman is wearing an aquamarine pants suit, her and husband her saying goodbye to their daughter and screaming grandchildren.

Four more hours to go.

― jack cole (jackcole), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 17:21 (twenty-one years ago)

One elderly woman is wearing a rather wide, orange and brown splotchy scarf that has time travelled here from the 70s. I should ask it if it knows a way for me to return to the beginning of the day and rectify the plethora of problems pounding my head.

― jack cole (jackcole), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 17:23 (twenty-one years ago)

What sucks the most about travelling alone is always having to lug one's bags around, no ports from the storm ever available. For example, I sure as hell got to take a leak but I don't want to have to pack all my shit up again and then come back, my bladder emptied, to find another table to set up at.

― jack cole (jackcole), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 17:25 (twenty-one years ago)

http://i.xanga.com/whonose/office_toilet.jpg

― The Sensational Sulk (sexyDancer), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 17:38 (twenty-one years ago)

You're not still at the airport, are you jack?

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Thursday, 26 May 2005 17:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I missed my flight on Tuesday

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Thursday, 26 May 2005 18:25 (twenty-one years ago)

i made it to austin last night around 11pm. now i'm dealing with the fact that the business trip has gone completely south -- "terminate me" south.

― jack cole (jackcole), Thursday, 26 May 2005 21:27 (twenty-one years ago)

TODAY'S NEWS (TO HELP CHEER JACK):

"Pixies Begin New
U.S. Tour Tonight"

― Tim Ellison (Tim Ellison), Thursday, 26 May 2005 21:46 (twenty-one years ago)

i am so close to having a nervous breakdown in austin. i feel like i am a soldier in the foreign legion trapped in some god forsaken outpost on the edge of the world. my despair at the shambles of today was only slightly mollified by kick ass mexican food at a place with a neon sombrero sign and getting some good stuff at a record store called Sound On Sound followed by a nice four mile walk through the less college or capitol affected parts of the city. Tomorrow, though, will be only more sadness as the dread of returning home and being fired is renewed.

― jack cole (jackcole), Friday, 27 May 2005 02:58 (twenty-one years ago)

THIS JUST IN:

"The Cure Announce Summer Festival Dates"

― Tim Ellison (Tim Ellison), Friday, 27 May 2005 13:50 (twenty-one years ago)

TIM IS ON HIS SHIT. YOU SHOULD START A SITE, WHERE YOU BREAK NEWS ABOUT TOURS AND/OR THE WHITE STRIPES, MAYBE SOME POORLY WRITTEN RECORD REVIEWS AND MAYBE BANNER ADS OF CHUBBY GIRLS THAT LOOK LIKE PIN CUSHIONS.

― ddb (ddb), Friday, 27 May 2005 14:05 (twenty-one years ago)

jack, just remember:
http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com
m.

― msp (mspa), Friday, 27 May 2005 14:39 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.jonnyglow.com/peedude/

― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 27 May 2005 18:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Day 2

In a giant ballroom listening to the Fertility Rite Brothers on the tinny speakers of the laptop -- late 80s Rochester garage rock with Tim Poland (Coffee, Nod) on bass -- competing with the hum of the ventilation system and flourescent lights. Anomalously, it is hotter in PDX than it is here. I'm not sure if I can stand 2 more days of this sitting around. On the brighter side, I had great pork tamales smothered in chili, but that has left me yearning for a nap without a pillow in sight.

― jack cole (jackcole), Friday, 27 May 2005 19:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Day 2

Last night, midnight, while smoking a cigarette in front of the hotel, I watched the bats circle around the dome of the Texas capitol building.

Looking through the Austin Chronicle, there aren't even any good bands playing in the next few days. Last weekend, though, Rusted Shut played -- that would have been frickin' great, "would" being the operative word.

I will say nothing of the call i received from the Powers That BE this morning. Sweet Jesus . . .

― jack cole (jackcole), Friday, 27 May 2005 19:16 (twenty-one years ago)

HOOKERS

― The Sensational Sulk (sexyDancer), Friday, 27 May 2005 20:36 (twenty-one years ago)

jack, out of curiosity, what is your job? SOUNDS BAD

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Friday, 27 May 2005 22:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I never get sent anywhere in my job.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Friday, 27 May 2005 22:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Jack, I decided I would transcribe some SWA lyrics to help keep your spirits high. This one is "So Long"

Well, I been lookin' 'round for so long, baby
Yeah, I been lookin' 'round for so very long, yeah
Yeah, I been searchin' here for years now, baby
But I don't know if I'm lost or I been found
Head in the clouds and feet off the ground
Seems that I haven't been down
For so long, so long, so long

Yeah, and I been waitin' here for so long, baby
You kept me hangin' on for so very long, yeah
Seems like I been alone for so long, baby
Yeah, and I'm not sure if this boy can be that strong
Am I right or is it wrong
To keep me waitin'
For so long, so long, so long?

Oh, what am I to do?
After all that we've been through
You kept me waitin'
For so long, so long, so long

I been waitin'
I been wantin'
For so long
I been pleadin'
I been beaten
For so long
I been dyin'
I been cryin'
For so long, so long
Missin' you and lovin' you
For so long

Yeah, I been missin' you for so long, baby
I ain't been kissin' you for so very long, yeah
Yeah, and I been lovin' you for so long, baby
But I don't know what it is that I should do
After all that we been through
Guess I'll just have to say,
"So long. So long. So long. So long. So long."

― Tim Ellison (Tim Ellison), Saturday, 28 May 2005 16:09 (twenty-one years ago)

jack's in hell, and Tim breaks out the pitchfork

― Amon (eman), Saturday, 28 May 2005 17:14 (twenty-one years ago)

DAY3

yesterday ended a whole lot of worse, shrapnel everywhere, the bomb exploded in my hand as i became the Human Shield, picking metal out of my skin and gushing the red everywhere. barely saved it all. the last cryptic remark from the base, "We will meet about this as soon as you get back." Uh oh. so long me.

― jack cole (jackcole), Saturday, 28 May 2005 19:48 (twenty-one years ago)

by far the best moment was watching at dusk the swarm of bats swoop out from underneath the bridge in austin. the, of course, the downpour began and i was drenched.

― jack cole (jackcole), Monday, 30 May 2005 01:43 (twenty-one years ago)

I spent 5 hours in Dallas-Ft. Worth International on Saturday trying to keep an extremely energetic and curious 6 year old entertained. Eventually we just got on the shuttle-train and road around the airport like 6 times in a row, running in place.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 12:35 (twenty-one years ago)

i was there yesterday. rushed in and out of security so i could have a smoke. slept all the way from dallas to pdx. IM HOME! PRAISE FUCKING JESUS!

― jack cole (jackcole), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 15:07 (twenty-one years ago)

DFW really, really sucks now for someone without a ticket.

It sucked pretty hard before, too.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 18:03 (twenty-one years ago)

i snuck into the corp building to drop stuff off from austin, sucessfully avoiding everyone and THE QUESTIONS.

― jack cole (jackcole), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 18:21 (twenty-one years ago)

YEAH, LIKE WHY WERE YOU LATE IN THE FIRST PLACE???

― The Sensational Sulk (sexyDancer), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

THAT WILL BE THE LEAST OF ?s SINCE I PAID FOR MY NEW TICKET OUT OF MY OWN MONEY.

― jack cole (jackcole), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 18:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Fingers crossed for you, JC!

― gygax! (gygax!), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 19:10 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, for real. for real.
m.

― msp (mspa), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 19:39 (twenty-one years ago)

"The White Stripes
Announce Summer Tour"

― Tim Ellison (Tim Ellison), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 21:42 (twenty-one years ago)

i have never seen them in the same room at the same time. of course, the same has been said of me and lou barlowe.
m.

― msp (mspa), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 22:09 (twenty-one years ago)

i am in knoxville. it sucks here and i don't have an internet!

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 17:14 (twenty-one years ago)

did they cancel the interwarb over there?

― msp (mspa), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 17:18 (twenty-one years ago)

How are you on noize board with no intarnets?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 17:18 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm on the library computer that's supposed to be used for research purposes only! my id only works in the math computer lab! i can't register my computer because i have an illegal copy of windows and the patch won't install. i'm an idiot! it's too hot here and everyone talks weird and my roommates keep praying all the time.

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 17:22 (twenty-one years ago)

i officially hand over the thread to caitlin with my condolences.

― jack cole (jackcole), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 17:22 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm sorry i stole the thread! the math part seems ok though; my advisor is a british, just like adam!

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 17:23 (twenty-one years ago)

you no steal. me give, as it should be in any noisebot's time of need.

― jack cole (jackcole), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 17:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 64 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

and now pretend it's no big deal, casual mentions of her application essay on a sunny day that silently scoop out my brain like a melon baller.

― jack cole, a senior citizen who lives alone with his cat (jackcole), Monday, 4 July 2005 15:57 (twenty years ago)

(fucking)

GOD!

Condolences.

― Jeanne (Tim Ellison), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 20:46 (twenty years ago)

dear arch nemesis at work:

don't you have anything better to do than constantly fuck with me, especially considering i will never reciprocate? i realize you have decided that i am the weakest link and do not live up to your Noam Chomsky skate boarding standards but maybe you should consider the fact that your self-righteousness is really no better than that of the evangelical republicans. don't get me wrong. i'm flattered that you pay me so much attention, spending so much time plotting and planting your monkey wrenches, but i question if i am really worth your focus. don't let me sway you though. i can't wait to see what you have incubating for next time and, probably, you will win in the end through pure erosion.

thanks!
jc

― jack cole, a senior citizen who lives alone with his cat (jackcole), Wednesday, 6 July 2005 15:53 (twenty years ago)

Noam Chomsky skate boarding standards!!

(OTM regarding pushy self-righteous pricks from any side though)

― sleep (sleep), Wednesday, 6 July 2005 18:33 (twenty years ago)

In today's episode of I Am In Hell:

uncontrollable blood sugar creeping high and higher without reason.

― jack cole, a senior citizen who lives alone with his cat (jackcole), Thursday, 7 July 2005 07:18 (twenty years ago)

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Thursday, 7 July 2005 10:29 (twenty years ago)

two months pass...

in this weeks episode -- 11 days in Seattle in the horrible U-District surrounded by purple clad Huskies fanatics, clueless sority girls, jock guys discussing their workout regimines, and hippies playing "I'm Waiting for My Man" on their beat up acoustic guitars for coins.

Tonight: going to a lousy industrial/noise festival to see Tom Recchion only to have him not show up due to a something bad happening in his family and having to suffer all of the industrial goths and a lousy by the numbers noise trio laying down the white noise cliches.

― Jack Cole (jackcole), Monday, 12 September 2005 05:03 (twenty years ago)

I CANT BELIEVE I WATCHED THAT TERRIBLE QUEEN LATIFAH/JIMMY FALLON MOVIE ON HBO!!!

― Jack Cole (jackcole), Monday, 12 September 2005 05:06 (twenty years ago)

haha "white noise"

― Fushigina Blobby: Blobania no Kiki (ex machina), Monday, 12 September 2005 12:40 (twenty years ago)

ROWS FULLL!
m.

― msp (mspa), Tuesday, 13 September 2005 05:03 (twenty years ago)

I SMELL LIKE HELL

― President Busch (dr g), Tuesday, 13 September 2005 05:05 (twenty years ago)

DATELINE: TODAY

addled geriatrics, my arch nemesis arrives, the blood sugar minefield of pizza, and Grosz' Ecce Homo (which is beautiful).

― Jack Cole (jackcole), Tuesday, 13 September 2005 06:09 (twenty years ago)

caitlin hell?

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 13 September 2005 15:16 (twenty years ago)

i smell bad

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Tuesday, 13 September 2005 15:29 (twenty years ago)

horrible U-District

calm your existential dread with a fine vietnamese sandwich while you're there dood

― Old School (sexyDancer), Tuesday, 13 September 2005 16:09 (twenty years ago)

There used to be a decent record store in the U-district ca. 1990.

― gygax! (gygax!), Tuesday, 13 September 2005 16:16 (twenty years ago)

cellophane square still there?

― Old School (sexyDancer), Tuesday, 13 September 2005 16:27 (twenty years ago)

cellophane square was gutted after being bought by the horrific django.com.

― Jack Cole (jackcole), Thursday, 15 September 2005 05:29 (twenty years ago)

go to campus and visit the Burke and Henry Museums, then walk down to South Campus along the water and visit the fish hatchery and salmon return pond

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Thursday, 15 September 2005 06:41 (twenty years ago)

hey jack i might be in pdx for that show on the 21st after all! details forthcoming via email.

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 15 September 2005 15:46 (twenty years ago)

i will check, h. i havent checked my email in 5 days. i dont leave here until monday. the past three days have been pretty terrible what with my arch nemesis here also stirring up shit. so much for being mr nice guy and bringing him. oi vey.

― Jack Cole (jackcole), Friday, 16 September 2005 03:03 (twenty years ago)

I love you Jack. Trust that shit.

― LeCoq (LeCoq), Saturday, 17 September 2005 09:22 (twenty years ago)

this may be too late.. but i was just at the Electric Heavyland store for the first time, and I was pretty impressed. They have a huge section of these three dollar CDs on the Dolor Del Estámago label in Mexico... I want to go back and sample those.

Anyway, it may be walking distance from you, JC. It's on 45 St. NE and Thackary place... it's on the east end of Wallingford/west end of the U-district.. a blew blocks west of the I-5 overpass. I'm not sure if going there will make your experience less hellacious though.. but I can guarantee you no sorority girls or fratboys there.

― donut Get Behind Me Carbon Dioxide (donut), Sunday, 18 September 2005 01:47 (twenty years ago)

They also have about 30 or 40 Jandek CDs for $8 a pop.. which is still high, considering the deal you can get from Corwood mail-order.. but at least this store doesn't fall into the trap of making all their in-print items really expensive because "our TRUE customers will pay the price anyway to keep an important venue like this open, man" (which is often the quick death knell for that strategy of record store business.). Yeah, they mark up out-of-print stuff.. but who doesn't. :/

― donut Get Behind Me Carbon Dioxide (donut), Sunday, 18 September 2005 01:50 (twenty years ago)

wait, was that you at the Cripples/Unnatural Helpers show at the Funhouse? if it was, i was the guy looking at you confused wondering if it was indeed you or not.. in any case i was too shy and awkward and lame (as usual) to take the initiative to say "HI, WE MET FROO DA INTARWEB", and I should have... (i probably would have said something different though..)

― donut Get Behind Me Carbon Dioxide (donut), Sunday, 18 September 2005 07:32 (twenty years ago)

This thread is like an unaired season of Lost.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 18 September 2005 07:37 (twenty years ago)

i thought it might be you but i wasnt sure. i was there with Jane who had driven up with her parents (who had flown in from michigan) -- i was pretty freaking tired from a good day of buying the product.

― Jack Cole (jackcole), Sunday, 18 September 2005 15:30 (twenty years ago)

now if only i can make it to Wall Of Sound on monday before leaving, life will be good.

― Jack Cole (jackcole), Sunday, 18 September 2005 15:31 (twenty years ago)

i walked by electric heavyland a few nights a go, but thought it was some sort of goth industrial skinny puppy sort of place - maybe i will try to check it now.

― Jack Cole (jackcole), Sunday, 18 September 2005 15:33 (twenty years ago)

Remember that Brainbombs song?

I am in hell
Writing you to tell

― Tim Ellison (Tim Ellison), Sunday, 18 September 2005 15:35 (twenty years ago)

i must admit, though, i found some decent used shit, even if it's English. and i got a copy of the Oil Tasters LP on one of those black, waxy discs.

how is the Ellison? Do you want to play my show for me next weeks so I dont have to?

― Jack Cole (jackcole), Sunday, 18 September 2005 15:36 (twenty years ago)

yo jack cole, go to p*****s and get some phil dick jams (to give away on halloween to the children.)

― Ian John50n (orion), Sunday, 18 September 2005 19:18 (twenty years ago)

palmer eldritch dropped in every trick or treat bag?

― Jack Cole (jackcole), Monday, 19 September 2005 00:25 (twenty years ago)

three weeks pass...

nowhere else to put this

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y174/CenterArts/tomrecchion.jpg

― I was CRYING when Huell Howser's head exploded in a local feed store (dr g), Thursday, 13 October 2005 19:36 (twenty years ago)

doo.d();
m.

― msp (mspa), Thursday, 13 October 2005 19:39 (twenty years ago)

― Lion-O (nordicskilla), Thursday, 13 October 2005 19:41 (twenty years ago)

yah that sounds like hell alright

― howell huser (chaki), Thursday, 13 October 2005 19:41 (twenty years ago)

yeah i think i may check out the halloween jamz

― I was CRYING when Huell Howser's head exploded in a local feed store (dr g), Thursday, 13 October 2005 19:42 (twenty years ago)

i guess i could've put this in the halloween thread - oh well

― I was CRYING when Huell Howser's head exploded in a local feed store (dr g), Thursday, 13 October 2005 19:42 (twenty years ago)

i like it when chaki says "yah"

― Lion-O (nordicskilla), Thursday, 13 October 2005 19:45 (twenty years ago)

you really do have an american fetish

― strng hlkngtn: what does it mean? (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 13 October 2005 19:48 (twenty years ago)

yes I do.

― Lion-O (nordicskilla), Thursday, 13 October 2005 19:52 (twenty years ago)

I've been to 27 states! or maybe 28.

― Lion-O (nordicskilla), Thursday, 13 October 2005 19:53 (twenty years ago)

The crap ones are the best, obv.

― Lion-O (nordicskilla), Thursday, 13 October 2005 19:53 (twenty years ago)

REED COLLEGE 4EVA

― gygax! (gygax!), Thursday, 13 October 2005 19:54 (twenty years ago)

you've been to more states than i have! shameful

― strng hlkngtn: what does it mean? (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 13 October 2005 19:54 (twenty years ago)

dr. g-spot - have you heard mr. recchion's music? i heard the birdman cd once but didn't know what to make of it. was he in l.a.f.m.s. or am i mistooken?

― amon (eman), Thursday, 13 October 2005 21:33 (twenty years ago)

he was one of the prime movers in LAFMS. man, i wish i could go to that show.

― Jack Cole (jackcole), Friday, 14 October 2005 06:00 (twenty years ago)

two weeks pass...

It was awesome. It's Halloween was really funny and campy. Maniac was absolutely nuts and the music was the same. Really glad I caught this.

― captin crunchheart (dr g), Sunday, 30 October 2005 19:55 (twenty years ago)

two months pass...

In heaven
everything is fine

― Steve Shasta (Steve Shasta), Thursday, 12 January 2006 01:49 (twenty years ago)

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