Blame tehresa

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HEY GIRL WHO DRINKS GIN AND TONIC AT VERTEX WHO I ASKED TO STEP ON ANTS, LET'S STEP OUT!

Rememeber that time in boston when it looked like we killed a chicken in the bed? Your pussy was so sticky, but your ass was tight and smooth. it was worth the wait. what was that, 10, 11 years ago? that was the first time. then there were the dozens more. the phone calls, regailing me with tails of the newly shaved cunt that needed nothing more than my lips on it. the days, begging me to fuck you on the desk. (i should have) the evenings, with a bottle of red wine and space ghost - always punctuated with my cock in you. i can still hear your moan, with my cock balls deep in your ass, your juices running down your leg.

then, i had to leave town. it was two more years before i came back. i brought a dog collar. you wore it tight around your neck. tighter still when your neck was filled with cum. the last time i saw you, you said "you weren't supposed to come back." then, i left again.

i'm selling the house this summer. i'm going to make an excuse to come back. i'll find you, you know i know how. we'll meet at the usual location - the old toad. you'll be wearing your collar, just like a good dog. i've learned some new tricks. at one point during the evening, you'll be crying as my fist is inside you. in between sobs, you'll cum. you'll cum so hard that you'll forget all about using the shower massage. then i'll leave again. and you'll be broken, looking for another master, another cock, another fist. this time, i'll probably never come back.

write me, you know the address.
or don't. i'll still find you.

* this is in or around naughtyland
* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* yes -- ok to transmit this posting into outer space

what on earth is this? mashed potato and scurvy?

the toad is so "authentic"!!!!!

http://theoldtoad.com/

Great beer selection.

i like this beer!

i'm a fun-lovin grad student,
and happen to have a few boxes of lego lying around.
let's build some dirty toys out of lego
and have some fun--

it'll be like being a kid again!!

I have a feeling there's a kaleidescope in your head. Or a disco ball.

But you look like gold on the outside..no one would ever know you have LSD instead of genes.

I am crazy in love with a former co-worker, although I've never told him. He's not handsome or tall or anything like that, but I'm crazy about him. I left that job and went to another company and I no longer see him every day, but I still have to call him because our companies work together a lot. Every time I hear his voice, I get crazy again and start thinking about him. Our mutual friends think he's gay and in the closet, but I just don't want to believe it.

Reply to: [email protected]
Date: Tue Jun 01 08:29:29 2004

To the judgemental hipster girl who works at my video store and smirks every time I rent a "Sex and the City" tape and actually ROLLED HER EYES the third time I rented "Win a Date With Tad Hamilton" (Josh Duhamel = Dreamy.) This girl is so condescending that I question my worthiness to even own a VCR. Now, for every "Cheaper by the Dozen" rental (Tom Welling. Enough said) I feel obliged to throw in a documentary or anything with subtitles so I am not made to feel totally soulless.

Well, judgemental hipster girl, on Saturday afternoon I saw you walking out of... STARBUCKS!!!! And you were not empty handed, oh no. You had a venti (thats the biggest) cup of something and a little wax bag for some type of pastry. Starbucks? You are so hip and urban I would expect you to be over at La Colombe gnawing on beans with the rest of the coffee fascists in this city.

Your secret is out judgemental hipster girl. You go to Starbucks. That probably means you devour every issue of People magazine as soon as you can get your hipster hands on it. I bet at the end of your hip, judging workday you go home and unwind by putting your hair up in a pony tail, slipping on a pair of Juicy Couture terrycloth sweatpants and slipping in a tape of your favorite episodes of "Friends." Your freezer is full of Lean Cuisines and chocolate ice cream. Your fridge is stocked with Diet Cokes and wine coolers (Wild Berry .) You know everything there is to know about the Olsen twins (Mary Kate is your favorite) and in college you belonged to a sorority. You were known to all the other Tri Delts at Bucknell or Lehigh or Penn State for your collection of scrunchies.

Judgemental hipster girl- embrace your inner cheesiness. Don't be ashamed of your devotion to Matt Damon and your hobby of decoupaging lampshades with pictures of unicorns and bunnies. You go to Starbucks and that means that for every Saturday night you spend downing PBR's in a cloud of clove cigarette smoke at McGlinchey's or Bob and Barbara's you secretly wish that you were extending a french manicured grip around a big pink cosmopolitan at a Stephen Starr restaurant surrounded by our So Jer sisters from across the bridge. For all your smug, judging hipness you are just like the rest of us.

Well, judgemental hipster girl, I am putting you on notice. I am marching over to the video store and renting every "Sex and the City" tape chronologically, beginning with Season One Episode One (you know it. The one where Carrie meets Big for the first time.) I am going to rent cute Reese Witherspoon romantic comedys and The Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks combo films. I am going to have you retrieve every film that James van der Beek has EVER been in.

And maybe when I come in, I will bring you a Venti, decaf, non fat, no sugar, light whip, macchiaspressoccinomochalatte from Starbucks. Because you love them.


it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

You were cute girl w/ short hair and glasses in blue(?) shirt walking toward Mt. Hope. I was dude on bike in orange shirt. We exchanged a little look across the street. I don't have anything particularly sweet to say other than you looked cute even at 20 miles an hour.

Where were you going? I have never seen you before! It was too hot to be walking around like that. Do you like climbing trees?

this is in or around Elmwood Ave

cellino got pwnd by the bar for being a dirty uhttorney.

in a few months, they'll be back to crazy commercials again, though!

sticking to double cheesebugers

If you are Brendan, I enjoyed our Sim City discussion, and I wish I got your phone number so that we could discuss the current population of my city. No really... I wish I thought to ask before you had to leave.

You were at Soho's. You wore glasses & a black top. You also have dark hair. You were trying to go past the dance floor. There was a slight push, and you almost fell on me. You turned around said sorry. You took a step forward, turned around again, and gave me kiss on my cheek. Then u kept on walking. I wanted to talk to you, but I never saw you again in the club. YOU ARE ADORABLE. Can’t keep your pretty face off my mind. In case you see this e-mail me.
- The Middle Eastern / Indian looking guy.

and our saturday mornings.

* this is in or around 2001
* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Hey,
I AM really sorry about what happened the other morning. I didnt think you would wake up that early. I was really horny and you were passed out. You would be surprised how similar you two are, except she didnt say no to doing it up the ass. Anyways I would love to see you again. If your still pissed at me, tell your mom to call me.


* this is in or around Providence
* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Reply to: [email protected]
Date: 2005-08-15, 11:39AM EDT

Caught your eye in the mirror a couple times- you're cute, but seemed too straight to be interested... dare I hope that you were? I'm more "g0y" than "gAy" anyway (google it)... Anyway, nice haircut!

this is in or around Rochester, NY

Reply to: [email protected]
Date: Sat Jul 09 22:50:08 2005

SWM in dead-end job seeks dumpy neurotic for mutual psychological torture, tepid sex, and co-dependency. I enjoy drinking, smoking, pornography, and self-righteous indignation.

I can't stand movies, and the last album I bought was The Marshall Tucker Band's Greatest Hits. I have middling intelligence but try to appear smarter by affecting a world-weary air, memorizing useless facts, and chuckling at my own mean-spirited, agenda-driven jokes.

I'm 40, but look 50 and feel 60. You are a whiny, bitter shrew with a misplaced sense of entitlement and unrealistic expectations. In time you will become coolly hostile when I don't fulfill every unmet need you've ever had. Bonus points if you just finished screwing every guy in town and but now want to take it slow with me.

My perfect night would include getting hammered in a sleazy bar while you flirt with seedy old drunks, followed by an embarrassing screaming match. I would be open to an unsatisfying fling that leaves me filled with regret and dread but prefer a long-term, soul crushing descent into booze and pills. No friendships. I don't need any goddamn friends.

Age unimportant, but I will condescend to women under 30 and rehash mother issues with women over 40.

Serious replies only, please.


this is in or around Felony Flats

Reply to: [email protected]
Date: 2005-08-26, 2:51PM EDT

There were like 20 of you guys, but I tapped you all on your shoulders and you didn't know it was me. IT WAS AWESOME!

The most notable was the one who looked like he's trying to be Paul Banks from Interpol. Good job, short guy.

this is in or around Ottobar
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

YOU LOOKED LIKE A WIZENED OLD MAN, BAD POSTURE, TURBONEGRO SHIRT, CASTRO HAT, AVERSION TO SUNLIGHT

I WAS THE WOMAN WEARING THE GOLD GOWN. I WAS CRYING AND ALONE. YOU GAVE ME COMFORT IN MY TIME OF NEED.

CAN I REWARD YOUR KINDNESS WITH AURAL PLEASURINGS?

* this is in or around WILLIAMBSURG
* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests