Ask Jonathan Ballsup

Do people ever call you Jonathan Ballsack by accident or on purpose?

Only nasty little scallawags such as yourself would revert to such behaviour. My namesake was bestowed upon my great-great-great uncle who was awarded the prestigious title of Balzap-de-As by none other than the Baron Guillaume Horné of Aquitaine during the Anglo-Frankish two-and-a-half year war. The conflict was bloody and vicious but my uncle fought like a true Brit, conquering the French town of Cress and holding Horné to siege.
On returning home, my uncle was treated to a banquet by our beloved Queen herself and was retitled Sir Ballsup of Buntingford.

So heed my words, - before you open your foul mouth to disgrace a good and honest family name. You may also like to try ripping your eyes away from your VDU once in a while. All this modern technology is sterilising the literacy of young people today - please spell your name correctly next time you address my good self. The liberal nature of "the neurotic awakening of s" does not sit with me at all.

Now fuck off before I set the dogs on you.