Tonight's Celebrity Deathmatch:
Professor of Philosophy Joe "The Juggernaut" Moore
(prominent metaphysician of Amherst College)
vs!
Bear "Derrida was a fucking bear" Bear
(prominent bear of the Dimension of Pure Bears)
in a no-holds-barred struggle ad absurdum of the analytic
tradition's finest argumentation against RAW BEAR INSTINCT!
ANNOUNCER: Hey folks, this is Bob Unctuous, coming to you live with
ringside interviews of this evening's contestants! With us now is Joe
"The Juggernaut" Moore, warming up before what could be the toughest
fight of his career! Prof. Moore, are you feeling confident about this match?
JM: Well, Bob, it may seem a little off-putting that my opponent is a
bear, but any self-respecting historian of philosophy will tell you that
monism went out with the pre-Socratics and never came back! No argument
that says everything is made of bears is going to last two seconds
against the Juggernaut's patented Flying Syllogism of Pain! I'll rock his
furry noumena so hard that Kant'll roll over in his GRAVE!
ANNOUNCER: Big words from the Juggernaut, but can they fend off the sheer
piledriving power of the Bear Postulate? Let's find out in this corner.
Bear, you've acquired quite a reputation as a vicious interlocutor, both
in your own dimension and in ours! Is that why they call you "the Bear"?
BEAR: No. Everything in my dimension is a bear, even our names.
ANNOUNCER: Well then! You must have had quite the training, growing up
among so many voracious carnivores!
BEAR: Well, Bob, when even the most abstract philosophical concepts have
razor-sharp claws and a gnawing appetite for rich red meat, you've got to
be quick on your feet to survive. Let me tell you, it's a fucking bitch
to have a hungry dialectical materialism -- which is a bear where I come
from -- chasing you and slavering after your tender ass! But I survived
thirty-five years there -- years are also bears, by the way, makes
birthdays a living hell -- and I'm ready to rip this pussy human philosophy
into bloody little bears! That is, shreds!
ANNOUNCER: All right! We're in for a great show tonight, folks, and I
hope some of you viewers are tuning in from the Dimension of Pure Bears
to see your compatriot fight for his ideals -- though I understand it's
kind of hard to get good reception when you're watching a bear instead of
a TV, heh heh. Well, then, let's focus on the ring and
watch the fight!
REFEREE: I want this to be a clean fight: keep all your arguments firmly
grounded in logic, no appeals to religion or intuition, and for God's
sake, absolutely NO post-modernism! You understand? All
right... begin!
― GUSTAV VON LECHNER (LECHNER), Thursday, 2 February 2006 21:23 (twenty years ago)
Started by: lechner Topic: OH NO I AM STUCK IN THE DIMENSION OF PURE BEARS!! 09-19-04 8:49
lechner 03-07-03 12:21 PST (US)
PLS SEND SNACKS... AND LESS BEARS :(
lechner 03-07-03 12:29 PST (US)
THE DIMENSION OF PURE BEARS IS AN ALTERNATE DIMENSION COMPOSED ENTIRELY OF BEARS
lechner 03-07-03 12:33 PST (US)
THE DIMENSION OF PURE BEARS IS A DIMENSION NOT UNLIKE YOUR OWN EXCEPT FOR THE SUBTLE DIFFERENCE OF BEARS OF ALL CONCIEVABLE SIZES AND SHAPES MAKING UP ALL MATTER/ENERGY!
marieanne 03-07-03 12:36 PST (US)
BOY CHRIS THAT SOUNDS DANGEROUS. (EDITOR'S NOTE: MAN I MISS MARIE, THAT BITCH IS CRAZY)
waytoblue 03-07-03 12:37 PST (US)
i wish this bear would get off of me for once in my life :(
lechner 03-07-03 12:38 PST (US)
IF YOU WERE TO SUDDENLY COALESCE INTO THE DIMENSION OF PURE BEARS THROUGH SOME SORT OF QUANTUM FISSURE, YOU WOULD NOTICE THAT THE CHAIR WHICH SUPPORTS YOUR WEIGHT HAS BECOME A VERY COMFORTABLE BEAR! UPON CLOSER INSPECTION, YOUR DESK, COMPUTER, MONITOR, KEYBOARD, ETC.. HAVE ALL BECOME ODDLY SHAPED BEARS. SO CURIOUS ARE YOU BY THIS CHANGE, YOU BREAK OUT AN ELECTRON MICROSCOPE TO ANALYZE SOME ARBITRARY MATTER ONLY TO DISCOVER THAT *ALL MATTER IS MADE UP OF TINY, INTERLOCKING BEARS*
marieanne 03-07-03 12:40 PST (US)
GET BETTER BEARS?
one.white.iris 03-07-03 12:42 PST (US)
ARE THE BEARS HELD TOGETHER BY THE EXCHANGE OF TINY PARTICLES CALLED BEARONS? OR ARE THEY HELD TOGETHER WITH QUANTUM HONEY?
lechner 03-07-03 12:42 PST (US)
A BETTER BEAR IS AN IMPOSSIBLE BEAR IN THE DIMENSION OF PURE BEARS
WHEN ALL THINGS ARE BEARS, THERE IS ONLY BEAR
marieanne 03-07-03 12:43 PST (US)
GRAPE FLAVORED GET BETTER BEARS ARE THE BEST INVENTION EVER.
lechner 03-07-03 12:49 PST (US)
QUANTUM HONEY IS THE "SCHROEDINGER'S CAT" OF THE WORLD OF THEORETICAL DIMENSION OF PURE BEAR PHYSICS. THE IDEA THAT THERE ARE INFINITE NUMBER OF QUANTUM HONEY BINDING MATTER AND ENERGY INTO A COHESIVE CAUSAL UNIVERSE INVITES SCOFFS FROM MANY IN THE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY
LIKEWISE, A RIFT SEPARATES THOSE IN THE SCIENCE WORLD ON THE MATTER OF A DETERMINITE BEAR UNIVERSE FULL OF MATHEMATICALLY PLOTTABLE BEARONS OR A DIMENSION COMPOSED OF RANDOM BEARONS
BenjaminBunny 03-07-03 12:59 PST (US)
QUICK! GO DOWNLOAD SOME TUNES FROM BEARSUIT - WWW.BEARSUIT.CO.UK. THEY'LL RELEASE YOU.
one.white.iris 03-07-03 1:01 PST (US)
"WE DO NOT SEE THE BEARS AS THEY ARE, WE SEE THE BEARS AS THEY ARE EXPOSED TO OUR METHODS OF OBSERVATION."
~HEISENBEAR
BenjaminBunny 03-07-03 1:09 PST (US)
Professor of Philosophy Joe "The Juggernaut" Moore
(prominent metaphysician of Amherst College)
vs!
Bear "Derrida was a fucking bear" Bear
(prominent bear of the Dimension of Pure Bears)
in a no-holds-barred struggle ad absurdum of the analytic
tradition's finest argumentation against RAW BEAR INSTINCT!
ANNOUNCER: Hey folks, this is Bob Unctuous, coming to you live with
ringside interviews of this evening's contestants! With us now is Joe
"The Juggernaut" Moore, warming up before what could be the toughest
fight of his career! Prof. Moore, are you feeling confident about this match?
JM: Well, Bob, it may seem a little off-putting that my opponent is a
bear, but any self-respecting historian of philosophy will tell you that
monism went out with the pre-Socratics and never came back! No argument
that says everything is made of bears is going to last two seconds
against the Juggernaut's patented Flying Syllogism of Pain! I'll rock his
furry noumena so hard that Kant'll roll over in his GRAVE!
ANNOUNCER: Big words from the Juggernaut, but can they fend off the sheer
piledriving power of the Bear Postulate? Let's find out in this corner.
Bear, you've acquired quite a reputation as a vicious interlocutor, both
in your own dimension and in ours! Is that why they call you "the Bear"?
BEAR: No. Everything in my dimension is a bear, even our names.
ANNOUNCER: Well then! You must have had quite the training, growing up
among so many voracious carnivores!
BEAR: Well, Bob, when even the most abstract philosophical concepts have
razor-sharp claws and a gnawing appetite for rich red meat, you've got to
be quick on your feet to survive. Let me tell you, it's a fucking bitch
to have a hungry dialectical materialism -- which is a bear where I come
from -- chasing you and slavering after your tender ass! But I survived
thirty-five years there -- years are also bears, by the way, makes
birthdays a living hell -- and I'm ready to rip this pussy human philosophy
into bloody little bears! That is, shreds!
ANNOUNCER: All right! We're in for a great show tonight, folks, and I
hope some of you viewers are tuning in from the Dimension of Pure Bears
to see your compatriot fight for his ideals -- though I understand it's
kind of hard to get good reception when you're watching a bear instead of
a TV, heh heh. Well, then, let's focus on the ring and
watch the fight!
REFEREE: I want this to be a clean fight: keep all your arguments firmly
grounded in logic, no appeals to religion or intuition, and for God's
sake, absolutely NO post-modernism! You understand? All
right... begin!
BenjaminBunny 03-07-03 1:12 PST (US)
lechner 03-07-03 1:35 PST (US)
BenjaminBunny: one of my good friends is an Amherst graduate and had a philosophy class with that professor. hence, I bring it to makeoutclub
yayyY!@#
one.white.iris 03-07-03 1:37 PST (US)
O.M.G.
BucketsOfFlowers 07-10-03 11:34 PST (US)
Langston 06-14-04 1:41 PST (US)
http://www.timnortonart.com/paintings/symbolic/angry-bear.jpg
LECHNAR 06-14-04 2:04 PST (US)
HAHAHA
MEL 06-14-04 2:09 PST (US)
i had a dream last night that i was in another dimension entirely comprised of people with anemia ?
robotspacer 06-14-04 2:53 PST (US)
this was pretty much my favorite thread ever.
the_audient 06-14-04 3:09 PST (US)
I LOVE THIS THREAD. AND I LOVE ANGRY BEAR. I AM SO GLAD I FOUND YOU, ANGRY BEAR. IT IS LOVELY TO THINK THAT YOUR PAINT IS MADE UP OF TINY CHROMOTOGRAPHIC BEARS.
mindless_deadite 06-14-04 3:10 PST (US)
*ALL MATTER IS MADE UP OF TINY, INTERLOCKING BEARS*
andrew 06-14-04 3:11 PST (US)
this thread cracks me the fuck up.
foryourlungsonly 06-14-04 3:13 PST (US)
they have purple bears on lollipop sticks that are actually cough drops and they taste bad
reclaimed_ID 06-14-04 3:15 PST (US)
this thread makes me happy on so many levels
im totally gonna use this at camp
it'll be rad
and then ppl will stop expecting me to say goat
"da, in old country, there is only goat. no oven, just goat. to eat, you had to cook inside a live goat. live goat not like you to cook in it.
we did not eat often.
of course, the only thing there was to eat was goat. and after a while, goat supprise just gets booring.
there is no supprise in old country, just goat
so roughly translated, we would eat goat, goat goat, goat.
my personaly favorite is goat with goat goat.
there are no prepositings in old country....
ya
lol
its rad.
THIS IS BETTER
treeswithoutleaves 06-14-04 3:17 PST (US)
bear halitosis is what lighting bolts are made of!
the scientific discovery of the milennia!
LECHNAR 06-14-04 3:17 PST (US)
foryourlungsonly - posted 06-14-04 3:13 PST (US)
they have purple bears on lollipop sticks that are actually cough drops and they taste bad
*TUMBLEWEED* (EDITOR'S NOTE: LOL!)
Langston 06-14-04 3:18 PST (US)
You just murdered Santa Claus.
lindsey! 06-14-04 3:18 PST (US)
andrew - posted 06-14-04 3:11 PST (US)
this thread cracks me the fuck up.
LECHNAR 06-14-04 3:19 PST (US)
reclaimed_ID - posted 06-14-04 3:15 PST (US)
this thread makes me happy on so many levels
im totally gonna use this at camp
it'll be rad
and then ppl will stop expecting me to say goat
"da, in old country, there is only goat. no oven, just goat. to eat, you had to cook inside a live goat. live goat not like you to cook in it.
we did not eat often.
of course, the only thing there was to eat was goat. and after a while, goat supprise just gets booring.
there is no supprise in old country, just goat
so roughly translated, we would eat goat, goat goat, goat.
my personaly favorite is goat with goat goat.
there are no prepositings in old country....
ya
lol
its rad.
THIS IS BETTER
http://muextension.missouri.edu/explore/wildthing/images/cricket.jpg
*SOUNDS OF CRICKETS*
the_audient 06-14-04 3:20 PST (US)
http://www.timnortonart.com/paintings/symbolic/brothers.jpg
IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE, MATTER IS UNDERGOING A FUNDAMENTAL TRANSMUTATION INTO SALMON.
Langston 06-14-04 3:20 PST (US)
GIBBY DELETE THE INTERNET PLZ
whatsyourcrisis 09-19-04 8:49 PST (US)
AMAZING
[THIS IS THE FAGGIEST POST I'VE EVER MADE ON ILX]
― Milhouse is not a meme. But 'Milhouse is not a meme' IS a meme. (Adrian Langston, Thursday, 2 February 2006 21:50 (twenty years ago)
two years pass...
three years pass...
one year passes...