Mmm yes hello I am Garrison Keillor.

pwnd

as long as herb kent the smooth gent is still on the air, chicago radio might not be too bad.

this is my favorite one-two subject/first post punch on ilx

i woke up today to the alarm playing garrison keillor reading a poem about a cow

I like GK and Prairie Home Companion and I liked his Mr Blue column on Salon and I want to massage his balls 4ever.

I went to a Minnesota symphony orchestra performance outside beside a lake today and the Keillorgeist was so thick. So many rich white people and their dogs and their jogging strollers.

I once took a check from a woman at the Minneapolis liquor store I worked. Her last name was Keillor, so I asks, "ha, any relation to Garrison?" And she coldly, coldly replied "Why yes. He is my cousin."

...but doesn't he look almost like Laura Palmer?

Prairie Home Companion represents the limit of my ability to understand whiteness*. my dad is an NPR junkie and sometimes he'd try to listen to it when I was in the car. when it got to the "punchlines" and people softly laughed we would look at each other like "wtf could possibly be going on right now?"

*for comparison, Car Talk seems to involve a kind of whiteness, but it's much more accessible. that's my favorite NPR program (my dad's, too; as far as I know it's the only thing that makes him laugh.)

For fucks sake. Car Talk feels like a calculated attempt to tack a blue collar on the NPR rundown... everyone who calls in seems to be the same insufferable grad school douche with an '82 Volvo that he keeps around cuz it makes him feel all Nantuckety, VOMIT

Keillorgeist vs. Nantuckety

http://letsturnthisfuckingwebsiteyellow.com/yellowcounter.php

I once took a check from a woman at the Minneapolis liquor store I worked. Her last name was Keillor, so I asks, "ha, any relation to Garrison?" And she coldly, coldly replied "Why yes. He is my cousin."

-- Pleasant Plains, Monday, September 17, 2007 12:50 AM (4 days ago) Bookmark Link

haha my friend in college used to date his niece (i think that was the relation, either way her last name was keillor)...she had kind of the same reaction, she was like "oh yeah i know GARY"...she always made a big point of calling him "Gary" cuz I guess that's actually his name and he just made up the "Garrison" deal and his family thinks he's a douche cuz of it and maybe other reasons.

i like this show okay. it reminds me of being a kid, grandma loves it.

http://fivepointsofattack.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/flat-face.jpg

otm

hahahahahaha

JOINING US TODAY WILL BE TEXAS TERRY AND HIS FIDDLE-DE-DEE FIDDLERS FOUR AND ANNE MCCARTHY, GOSPEL SINGER, 98 YEARS YOUNG.
::SINGS LIMERICKS ABOUT TOWN HE IS IN::

― INSANE CLOWN FOSSE (Adrian Langston), Friday, June 2, 2006 10:59 AM (2 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
he sounds like he is perpetually massaging his own balls

― INSANE CLOWN FOSSE (Adrian Langston), Friday, June 2, 2006 11:00 AM (2 years ago) Bookmark

vintage aidsy

he sounds like he is perpetually massaging his own balls

― INSANE CLOWN FOSSE (Adrian Langston), Friday, June 2, 2006 11:00 AM (2 years ago) Bookmark

actually, he is perpetually massaging your balls

the 95 Theses 95 in the Lake Wobegon Days book is completely and utterly classic

http://baptism.co.nz/95theses95.html

http://i34.tinypic.com/4l4jut.jpg

i don't think i've ever seen a gk pic before but now i'm immensely creeped out by him

― tehresa (tehresa), Saturday, June 3, 2006

i don't think i've gotten over this yet.

getting over kasell's absence will be hard but i've been prepared by edwards and stamberg

wrong thread lol

57. You taught me that, no matter what I thought, it was probably wrong. The world is fundamentally deceptive. The better something looks, the more rotten it probably is down deep. Some people were fooled but not you. You could always see the underlying truth, and the truth was ugly. Roosevelt was a drunk and that was that. New Deal? What New Deal? A sham, from beginning to end. There was no Depression, a person could get work if they really tried. There was more to everything than anyone knew. This teaching has led me, against my better judgment, to suspect people of trying to put one over. At the checkout counter, I lean forward to catch the girl if she tries to finesse an extra ten cents on the peaches. That's how Higgledy-Piggledy makes a profit. That's why cashiers ring up the goods so fast, to confuse us.

Knew I'd heard that before somewhere.

Also if you'll forgive me I think the correct way to evoke his voice is to suggest that there's always someone motorboating his nuts.

http://img219.imageshack.us/img219/130/checkob9.jpg

theres a guy around town that looks exactly like garrison keillor.

http://www.commongoodbooks.com/NASApp/store/Search?s=results&initiate=yes&ks=q&qsselect=KQ&title=&author=&qstext=9780143115274

It was beautiful, the candles, the linen and silver,
The sun shining down on our northern street,
Me with my hand on your leg. You, my lover,
In your jeans and green T-shirt and beautiful bare feet.

How simple life is. We buy a fish. We are fed.
We sit close to each other, we talk and then we go to bed

http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2009/SHOWBIZ/09/09/garrison.keillor.stroke/art.keillor.gi.jpg

mmm yes hello i suffered a minor stroke how sumptuous and delightful ah mmm yes

http://img691.imageshack.us/img691/1019/dsc095202.jpg

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Pictures-of-Garrison-Keillor-Looking-at-an-Erect-Male-Member/146289608725651

he sounds like he is perpetually massaging his own balls

― INSANE CLOWN FOSSE (Adrian Langston), Friday, June 2, 2006 12:00 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

cannot listen to garrison keillor say anything anymore without thinking of this post

http://www.startribune.com/entertainment/tv/132931758.html

'Prairie Home' sound effects master Tom Keith dies

*ker-thunk!*

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Pictures-of-Garrison-Keillor-Looking-at-an-Erect-Male-Member/146289608725651

― ENBB, Tuesday, November 30, 2010 8:38 PM (11 months ago) Bookmark

My dad listens to this ALL THE TIME and a couple months ago I he had it on in the car which, of course, made me think about this thread/that fb group. I literally LOLd started telling him about the facebook group when I was like wait what am I doing? I can't tell my dad about this. Then I was all, oh nm.

ah damn that sucks. i saw prairie home companion live once and i'm a total geek for foley effect stuff, cool to see how he did everything

"You and Pictures of Garrison Keillor Looking at an Erect Male Member"

he sounds like he is perpetually massaging his own balls

― INSANE CLOWN FOSSE (Adrian Langston), Friday, June 2, 2006

one of my top ten favorite ilx posts, i think.