Easiest way of doing this is to go through the mania card-
The Rock (duh) v. John Cena (80s Hogan)
Triple H (fucking awful) v. Undertaker (now looks like a cancer victim) reffed by retired Shawn Michaels. Hopes are that everyone involved with these 2 matches can fuck off after Sunday but Cena and Triple H will still cut shitty promos every week for the next 10 years.
Kane (gonna retire this year but he put the mask back on) v. Randy Orton (shit shit shit shit shit)
Jericho (has a christmas decoration jacket now) v. CM Punk (p awesome on the mic, can actually have a v. good match too)
Sheamus (he's an Irish stereotype but not shit? idk) v. Daniel Bryan (formerly indie legend Bryan Danielson, his gimmick is indie vegan guy possible abusive boyfriend and it is FUCKING GREAT. p much the only legit heel gimmick going.)
Some chick match. The one who can wrestle and is one of the Hart family has a gimmick where she farts a lot.
Cody Rhodes (son of Dusty. Had a fun heel gimmick earlier this year but they took it away from him and now he's back to being bland as they can make him) v Big Show (he wears a knit hat that says WMD on it)
And now breathe deeply...
Santino (legit lol midcarder), R-Truth (homeless crazy guy face character that is p much the best thing on raw), Kofi Kingston (once played a Jamaican, now just plays generic black athletic guy), Zack Ryder (has a youtube show, has been buried), The Great Khali (ok so TNA are actually making money in India so this guy is still on tv) and presumably Rey Rey (his body is fucked, thus making him pointless) w/ Hornswaggle (WWE have the rights for a new Leprechaun movie fyi)
v.
David Otunga (wears a bowtie, has a fun shit 80s gimmick like a modern day IRS), Mark Henry (FUCKING AWESOME YEAR AS A BEAST, now injured and being squashed and gonna leave after WM), Christian (kinda pointless, will soon retire), Dolph Ziggler (future legit guy, every match he is in is worth watching), Jack Swagger (has a lisp, not very good) and presumably Alberto Del Rio (quota of foreigner heel stereotypes must be met. Shit)
Basically...
AWESOME: Punk, Bryan, Ziggler, Henry, Santino, R-Truth
COULD BE GOOD IF GIVEN THE RIGHT THING: Rhodes, Sheamus, Kofi
THE REST: Either old or deserve to be fired.
Also from developmental or not mentioned:
The Miz - going to be fired soon. Some how was in the last match of WM27 (retaining the title!?)
Wade Barrett - currently injured, English and really fucking shitty. Won't get far.
Tag teams all get forgotten about p quickly (no tag team title match at WM for example).
Tyson Kidd - last Hart Dungeon trainee, legit awesome wrestler, looks like a creepy short weirdo.
Dean Ambrose - made his name as Jon Moxley in CZW, supposedly debuting after Mania, has huge potential.
Seth Rollins - Tyler Black in ROH. Shit on the mic but great wrestler, also supposedly in line to get called up.
Richie Steamboat - Thought of more as Curt Hennig than David Flair, you know?
The Kings of Wrestling - signed to save the tag division but Chris Hero has been renamed... wait for it... KASSIUS OHNO, instantly killing anything he'll ever want to do.
Lord Tensai - PRINCE ALBERT IS COMING BACK, SHAVED, TO FUED WITH CENA AFTER WM. NOONE REALLY GETS IT.
― Thoughts? You must have loads. (a hoy hoy), Monday, 26 March 2012 22:15 (twelve years ago) link