post your made-up tom waits lyric

i threw out my old cubano
traded it for nicaruag'
pissed up at the rainbow
it landed on the log
man troll gas beany jim-jam

and the duke sidles up to the bar
a dollar in this town only goes so far
his vest of silk straight from Siam
man troll gas beany jim-jam

Perfume and pine tar fill the air
a ragtag midget sells his ware
Says if I buy, he'll treat me right
I hear his laughter all through the night

Back on base, the sargeant growls
Says we ain't gonna make it anyhow
The infantry snaps, cause a big scene
When morning breaks, I'll fiddle the bean.

http://www.officialtomwaits.com/music/m_lyrdic.htm

Murder in the Red Barn
[Murder in the Red Barn/Bone Machine]
Murder In the Red Barn actually refers to a murder in Victorian rural England. A man called Richard Cawdaw? had a relationship with a dairy maid. But after an argument he killed her with a spade in a red barn on the farm and buried her under a pile of straw. He then ran off to the Isle of Man, but wrote to the girl's mother pretending to be the girl herself, telling her that she had settled down with a man. However, a woman had a dream of the murder and the body buried beneath the straw. After the body was found, Richard Cawdaw was found guilty on the strength of the dream and was sentenced to be hanged. The British public was intrigued by the murder and the court case, and foot lengths of the hanging rope were sold for a guinea each. The story was made into a musical melodrama, called, funnily enough, The Murder In The Red Barn.

a dollar-fifty wedding gown
in a trunk that came over on the mayflower
the rats i think ate that thing
silver dollar wedding ring
christ it's coming all unwound
might be time to get outta town

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

he said jesus forgot how to forgive
a crippled waltz is all that he can give
father jackson's playin' find the lady
the slaughterhouse girls know how to drive you crazy

our lime green curtain of death
casts aglow and ashimmer our flight
and the borealis glows in forever night

thought the compass points east
we're still facing north
with bacchus' gale blowing off towards course

so dream of dwarfs tonight
so dream with dwarfs tonight.

(kazoo and turntable solo)

up on the tightrope sittin with the band
dollar glass of whiskey in my red right hand
meet my baby on the Nashville line
in a train track jungle by the crooked line

(eerie whistling fades into train noises)

Now up gets up old blood moon
Whistling his old sea shanty tune
I Shoot him down like an old tin can
Man troll gas beany jim-jam

It's another runaway night on Sunset
As the cars all swim by with their fins
A busted sweetheart walks lopsided
Candy-caned and covered with gin...

(*acoustic guitar, piano*)

two fried eggs and some cornbeef hash
a one-eyed dog and thirty dollars cash
one man's treasure is another man's trash
outside Toledo in the fall

Drunken piano
Man troll gas beany jim-jam
Free Hogwash: two-bits

Heebie-jabba
Dooba-jabba
Fiddlestick Pine
I'm headed east on the Burlington Line

Laissez-faire, moneterists, classical scam
Sleeping in my hat, eatin' all my ham
Heart-o-gold hooker kickin' an old tin can
Man troll gas beany jim-jam

Then I cried my deep gratituted
to hard drugs and paper money
And back out on the freighter
could smell my dick already

this thread still has the power to make me laugh uncontrollably. so great.

a little backstage drama
never hurt nobody's mama
but i'm sleeping in garbage
my dinner's a clam

she called me a liar
said my "pants were on fire"
and that's the way it'll end up
man troll gas beany jim-jam

Some of these are amazing.

And it's hey hey,
my my,
put your money on the nickel and you'll never die,

but the blessed don't care
and the dirt don't cry.

is my favorite

wow, revive. I wish english was my first language so I could even try to come up with something worthy.

"Don" is really good at this.

He's got his shreveport motorcade hangin off his nose
and his alabaster cummerbund's higher than a crow
hes throwin strikes in a bowling alley bathroom stall
man troll gas beany jim-jam

Hmm, the early Sean Connery filmography can be fashioned in to Waits lyrics
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000125/

Dixon's on the green dock, a sailor of fortune
changed his name to Achmed for a blood money portion
was a Titanic deckhand on the night to remember
There's no road back for the ladies of the manor

Hire an opera singer for the armchair theater
The man who would be king doesn't want to meet her
The boy with the meat axe is standing above
The woman of straw and a woman in love.

well the seagulls are angels and the wind's a minuet
and i been chased out of des moines by bent cops and bad debts
and the sunset's a hurdy-gurdy just crankin out regrets
i told ya rosie, i'd do all i can

and the car won't turn over even with a skeleton key
you know it hasn't seen service since robert e. lee
saginaw or san diego , baby it's all the same to me
man troll
gas beany
jim-jam.

"When morning breaks, I'll fiddle the bean."

that's a really sad line

"Broken Leg Monsoon" would be a hell of a name for a tribute band.

Oft overlooked is the influence that Jim Morrison had over a young Tom Waits.

Well, I just got into town about an hour ago
Took a look around, see which way the man troll
Gas beany jim-jam Hollywood bungalow

Six miles out of Shreveport
I gave my necktie to the aftershave midget
Your Windsor knot isn't gonna save you now, son

Heart-o-gold hooker kickin' an old tin can
Dying

Smoke between your turkey legs
The guests were getting all the eggs
How do you tell a shrimp from a sherbet?
Six-tenths of a bullet and the horse Giselle
Swirling out his wishing well
If the Irish were more Scottish, this place wouldn't smell

Giddy-up corndog
Rattlesnake and carbo-load
Sidewalking seadog
Cut you in the harbour soak
Two-faced mackerel monkey
Can o'worms for leggy junkie
Two-miles stone your quarter
Circus master hobble-daughter
A side of beef dirty thief
Gone off tin of ham
Man troll gas beany jim-jam

this could easily go to the ilx dreams thread as well but i had a dream where i was singing made-up waits songs deep into the night and everyone yelled at me for keeping them up. i said they kept me up all night too, with their mandolin playing, but they said that was different because their music was good and waits was a hack that anyone could easily copy so to prove them wrong i challenged them to a waits-off. i won, because it was my dream, with a frank's wild years spoken-word style groove:

old beans mcginty lived in a shoe box
underneath the 5th street bridge
he'd been a night porter on the
chesterfield line, back in the days
when a man could get his bow tie shined for a nickel
the wind those days was a terrible machine
that blew dust and bad news up your nose
when it wasn't bringing the rain

not saying that's actually good, but in the dream it slayed.

Convincing!

Sailin my ship made a Okies
It's a dust bowl will never touch down
Cause my Beany jim-jam next ta Pokey's
Already soaked up the last round.

Cling clang steamboat
Willy-silly Billy Goat
Stinkin like a sailor
On a broken whiskey railroad
Hat boom circus-dircus freak bone man
Man troll gas beany jim-jam

Saginaw Pete is alone at last
It happened too late but it happened too fast
Angelita's shacked up with some jailbird cholo
Man troll gas beany honkin' on bobo

The railyard's dark and the boxcar's cold
His blood's running hot but his bones is old
His heart's hard and dull like an old lost coin
He was honkin' on bobo all the way to Des Moines