An empty cigar tube filled with wasps makes a good vibrator.

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

Not all messages are displayed: show all messages (188 of them)

View Previous Page...

surely the wasp vibrator is not vegan friendly

― Ed (dali), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:38 (twenty-one years ago) link

Which end were you thinking of, N?

The other end from Tom was?

― Graham (graham), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:39 (twenty-one years ago) link

Maybe there is something that is like a wasp, but not harmful. Like, a um, a, um. um. I dunno.

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

Are there wasp masochism sites?

What about jumping beans alix?

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

a fly?

― michael wells (michael w.), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

Humming birds? They are quite tiny I believe.

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

i mean flies. just one would be pretty underwhelming, i imagine.

― michael wells (michael w.), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:43 (twenty-one years ago) link

There was an old lady who inserted a fly...

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:43 (twenty-one years ago) link

Archel, well done for bringing a little prettiness to this ugly ugly thread.

― Tim (Tim), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:44 (twenty-one years ago) link

what about some sort of a small electric motor?

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

Still not vegan friendly though (jumping beans are moth larvae).

― Graham (graham), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

Moths. I was thinking of the non-inserted end, just in case the sting pokes through. But you might want that danger. It's horses for courses.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

Horses?

― Tim (Tim), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:46 (twenty-one years ago) link

I wonder if there are sites where womens' clothes get all eaten off by moths?

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:47 (twenty-one years ago) link

N. doesn't have the time for those boring middle verses.

― Graham (graham), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:47 (twenty-one years ago) link

Jumping beans are plastic! And would be rubbish, unless you were in some kind of gyroscope. I think Gillander's small electric motor might be the answer, although possibly someone has already thought of this. Apparently the woman who founded Ann Summers moved into a house down the road from my parents. Imagine the village gossip. Or don't.

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:48 (twenty-one years ago) link

angry wasps in a condom add a certain pleasure both to the fellow and his lady friend

― WilliamR (WilliamR), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

Imagine Tom's poem taken to it's logical conclusion...

"There was an old lady who inserted a horse,
She came of course..."

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

barbed for her pleasure?

― Alan (Alan), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:50 (twenty-one years ago) link

This is the best/horriblest/most wrong thread EVAH!

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:51 (twenty-one years ago) link

ITS A WASP. YOU DON'T WANT IT NEAR YOUR BITS. Although there are people that enjoy stinging nettles in this way.

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:51 (twenty-one years ago) link

Have you tested this yourself, Nick?

I can imagine a porn film set in an adult toys' factory's quality control department -- Inspected by Number 69.

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

Not me, obv.

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:53 (twenty-one years ago) link

all home science experiments EVER (as found in Usborne's "So Your Kid is A Precocious Shit and wants a chemistry set for christmas" series)started "you'll need two expty cigar tubes". i never ever had any. or friends. i could do the electric experiments -- they needed brass split pins, wire, a battery, aluminium foil and a matchbox (to make home-made lamp holders)

― Alan (Alan), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:54 (twenty-one years ago) link

Are you trying to clean up this thread, Alan?

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:55 (twenty-one years ago) link

That's what I meant by wasp porn - it's the next step from the nettle thing innit?

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:55 (twenty-one years ago) link

My stepdad used to work as a packer at an Ann Summers factory. They were allowed to take home any damaged chocolate phalluses. I don't think wasps were involved though.

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:55 (twenty-one years ago) link

the next step being?

blue ringed octupi, spitting Cobras, box jelly fish?

― Ed (dali), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:56 (twenty-one years ago) link

But it's in a cigar case!

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:56 (twenty-one years ago) link

Hamlet's only come in thin cellophane.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:59 (twenty-one years ago) link

I'm sure there's a joke to be made there.

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

anyway, the Usborne "So your Kid has worked out how to wire up a bulb and battery, woo hoo" series had a home made vibrator on page 46*. It started "For this you will need an empty cigar tube." I also wanted to be a spy when i was a kid, and liked making code wheels. Mirrors were also fascinating for some reason. And Pinhole cameras, obv.

(*Does that make things better, Alix? Though that bit is a lie)

― Alan (Alan), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:01 (twenty-one years ago) link

"Ophelia kink depression suicide shockah" etc

― g.cannon (gcannon), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:04 (twenty-one years ago) link

Thank you for filthying things up. I actually was a spy when I was younger. This too is a lie. I was fascinated by periscopes though.

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

I have one inserted at the moment, and I certainly would extoll its pleasing virtues. I'm sorry - I've just come.

― WilliamR (WilliamR), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:09 (twenty-one years ago) link

I'm shocked that no one actually commented on the SIZE of hummingbirds as a strike against their usefulness in a vibrator context (TAKE INTO ACOCUNT THE WINGSPAN, PEOPLE!).

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:09 (twenty-one years ago) link

ACOCUNT?!

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:10 (twenty-one years ago) link

WilliamR has a periscope inserted at the moment? "I was just looking up an old friend" ho ho

― Alan (Alan), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:11 (twenty-one years ago) link

a rattlesnake would make a much better vibrator.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:11 (twenty-one years ago) link

A periscope has many pleasing virtues.

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:13 (twenty-one years ago) link

"acocunt" = female genitalia shared by multiple people

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:22 (twenty-one years ago) link

Other than looking over conveniently heighted walls?

― Graham (graham), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:23 (twenty-one years ago) link

(I hope that was in response to Alix...)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:34 (twenty-one years ago) link

So Dan, the amount of money you're paying me to not directly alert Joei to the existence of this thread and your presence on it is...?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

Imagine the fun you could have with a Periniumscope!

― Simeon (Simeon), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:43 (twenty-one years ago) link

"Joei, did you know that Dan's posting on a thread about wasp vibrators? Oh, and BTW 'Joei wasp vibrator' will eventually come up with a Google hit. No he didn't mention your name, I did. HEY PUT THAT KNIFE DOWN!"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

Dan may have been right about the hummingbirds:

The average weight of an adult female is about 3.3 grams. The average weight of an adult male is about 3 grams.

Ruby-throats are about 3 to 3 3/4 inches long.

The average length of a male's wing is 38.5 mm. The average length of a female's wing is 44.5 mm.

The average length of a male's bill is 16 mm. The average length of a female's bill is 18 mm.

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:48 (twenty-one years ago) link

You think this will save you, Mr. Perry.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

How about baby hummingbirds?

― Tim (Tim), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:51 (twenty-one years ago) link

Every sex toy should be cruel towards baby animals.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:55 (twenty-one years ago) link

Skipping 88 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

ding ding ding

― ^@^, Wednesday, 7 November 2007 14:04 (sixteen years ago) link

I'd love to test it, but I doubt there exists a shop which'd let you test vibrators before buying one.

― Tuomas, Wednesday, 7 November 2007 14:12 (sixteen years ago) link

Actually no, I think some sex stores have tester vibrators their customers can check out. But I don't think you can test it in, er, real use.

― Tuomas, Wednesday, 7 November 2007 14:13 (sixteen years ago) link

two months pass...

"think"

― Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃, Sunday, 27 January 2008 22:32 (sixteen years ago) link

I lol'd.

― Bodrick III, Sunday, 27 January 2008 23:15 (sixteen years ago) link

This fucking thread.

― Dom Passantino, Sunday, 27 January 2008 23:51 (sixteen years ago) link

three months pass...

OK, I admit it I'm intrigued...

― omar little, Monday, 19 May 2008 23:46 (fifteen years ago) link

http://www.theconevibrator.net/images/product.jpg

― omar little, Monday, 19 May 2008 23:46 (fifteen years ago) link

I can't see how that would be fun for anyone.

― HI DERE, Monday, 19 May 2008 23:58 (fifteen years ago) link

http://amandaziegler.com/tn_oglethorpe1.gif would hit it

― iiiijjjj, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 00:03 (fifteen years ago) link

one year passes...

http://xhamster.com/movies/191509/my_homemade_1_50_dollar_store_sex_toy.html

― Tracer Hand, Sunday, 6 September 2009 23:35 (fourteen years ago) link

that's really, really NSFW by the way.

― Tracer Hand, Sunday, 6 September 2009 23:37 (fourteen years ago) link

xhamster???? no thanks.

― ian, Sunday, 6 September 2009 23:38 (fourteen years ago) link

dying @ How Long Can You Last? ad on the side.

― clotpoll, Monday, 7 September 2009 00:38 (fourteen years ago) link

two years pass...

Wait, what?

http://gizmodo.com/5909857/the-bizarre-history-of-the-vibrator-from-cleopatras-angry-bees-to-steam+powered-dildos

I thought Tom invented this?!

― Alba, Monday, 14 May 2012 08:10 (eleven years ago) link

There really aren't any new ideas, huh

― I'M THAT POSTA, AAAAAAAAAH (DJP), Monday, 14 May 2012 08:31 (eleven years ago) link

"cleopatra's angry bees" would be a neat band name. Possibly.

― Pureed Moods (Trayce), Monday, 14 May 2012 08:53 (eleven years ago) link

eight months pass...

Ten year anniversary of this magnificent thread just passed.

― i would never inflict the process of making a sandwich on myself (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 25 January 2013 16:30 (eleven years ago) link

four years pass...

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/ground-wasp-nest-vagina-tighten-warn-gynaecologist-painful-sex-bacteria-hiv-a7766376.html

― how's life, Thursday, 1 June 2017 13:35 (six years ago) link

I neither know nor care what that story is because nothing could possibly top that url.

― Trockasturm Hoar The Ramming Battle Ceraton (Old Lunch), Thursday, 1 June 2017 13:38 (six years ago) link

i'd hate for you to miss out on this rare use of 'pro-tip' in a clinical context

“Here's a pro-tip, if something burns when you apply it to the vagina it is generally bad for the vagina,” Dr Gunter added.

― heck i've even been an 'oyster pirate' (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 1 June 2017 14:02 (six years ago) link

"Another pro-tip: if your arm becomes detached from your body it is generally good to have it reattached to your body," Dr. Gunter sagely advised.

― Trockasturm Hoar The Ramming Battle Ceraton (Old Lunch), Thursday, 1 June 2017 14:10 (six years ago) link

Dr. Gunter dispensing that arcane esoterica to which only the pro-est of tippers have access.

― Trockasturm Hoar The Ramming Battle Ceraton (Old Lunch), Thursday, 1 June 2017 14:11 (six years ago) link

I should have known someone else would beat me to reviving this thread with that article

― PJD PDJ DPJ (DJP), Thursday, 1 June 2017 21:16 (six years ago) link

i came here to post this story :)

― illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Friday, 2 June 2017 11:15 (six years ago) link

this is the beauty of ilx, really - how many other boards would have an extant thread suitable to put this story, and have three separate posters all think to put it there

― heck i've even been an 'oyster pirate' (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 2 June 2017 11:19 (six years ago) link

Do you check through the archive esoterica or just remember the threads years later?

― Stevolende, Friday, 2 June 2017 11:50 (six years ago) link

dude obviously no one who read it has ever forgotten this thread

― mark s, Friday, 2 June 2017 11:52 (six years ago) link

i can't speak for the others but the phrase 'an empty cigar tube filled with wasps makes a good vibrator' has been indelibly inked on my brain since i first read it years ago

― heck i've even been an 'oyster pirate' (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 2 June 2017 11:52 (six years ago) link

it's indelible bcz it's true

― mark s, Friday, 2 June 2017 11:54 (six years ago) link

the premise of this thread seems like it'd be good test of the limits of rule 34 but no fucking way am i going to be the one to conduct it

― heck i've even been an 'oyster pirate' (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 2 June 2017 12:00 (six years ago) link

one year passes...

i’m sorry we’re all out of cigar tubes filled with wasps, but i can interest you in this receptacle containing the world’s largest bee

https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/067f0fa3cb527f2a7c22badf68ff3a90a558d4ad/50_242_5381_3228/master/5381.jpg?width=1920&quality=85&auto=format&fit=max&s=90f70f0a19c0cfeb69f7a75f60b0aa23

― “Emotional Interest Underwear” (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 21 February 2019 16:11 (five years ago) link

― “Emotional Interest Underwear” (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 21 February 2019 16:12 (five years ago) link

one month passes...

Four Bees Living in Her Eye, Feeding on Her Tears

― mick signals, Wednesday, 10 April 2019 21:33 (five years ago) link

ten months pass...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CvqmD0CZao

― nothing in the dialog (unregistered), Monday, 17 February 2020 02:21 (four years ago) link

An empty cigar tube filled with wasps makes a good vibrator

sufjan stevens

― sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Monday, 17 February 2020 03:47 (four years ago) link

Great beehive

― Le Bateau Ivre, Monday, 17 February 2020 08:20 (four years ago) link

Was this thing a Viz Top Tip originally or did somebody plagiarise it and submit it as a top tip afterwards?

― Dadjokke (Sgt. Biscuits), Monday, 17 February 2020 12:23 (four years ago) link

i dunno if anyone can really 'plagiarise' just plain common sense like this tho tbf

― Homegrown Georgia speedster Ladd McConkey (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 17 February 2020 12:54 (four years ago) link

four months pass...

What if you were *inside* a giant cigar tube filled with... bees?

https://horizontalhive.com/honey-bee-images/bee-bed-sleep-apitherapy.jpg

https://horizontalhive.com/how-to-build/bee-bed-sleep-hive-plans.shtml

― Piedie Gimbel, Friday, 3 July 2020 16:09 (three years ago) link

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.