this is the thread where you copy and paste whatever other posts on ilx made you laugh out loud

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My friend had an affair with one of our philosophy professors and he admitted to her that while he was ineptly explaining Hegelian dialectics to the class he was slyly trying to guess her cup size.
He wrote her a bad poem which we enjoyed and he gave her a CD of an Italian disco singer and he wore hemmed married-man jeans.

She broke up with him after going to meet him on a corner and finding him waiting for her with a David Copperfield-ish leather bomber jacket slung nonchalantly over his shoulder.

-- estela (estelaisale...), February 1st, 2003.

― Genevieve, Thursday, 6 February 2003 00:36 (twenty-one years ago) link

How about making people sound like idiots or foreigners when they pronounce your band's name:
The Beat Tells
The Rawling Stoons
Moody Vawters
Starry O Lab
The Baych Boys
My El's Dove Is

-- Oops (buttch9...), February 5th, 2003.

[now that's good corn]

― Aaron A., Thursday, 6 February 2003 01:10 (twenty-one years ago) link

oops
do you masterbate ?
-- anthony easton (anthonyeasto...) (webmail), February 6th

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 6 February 2003 01:13 (twenty-one years ago) link

Hi, i'm Chantelle and i am indeed the girl from the video. I was directed to this site earlier by a friend and i'd like to say this: ROLCI U R A FUCKING STINKING DULLARD PERVERT WITH A HARE LIP AND A DIALATED PUPIL FROM WHEN U GOT POKED IN THE EYE BY THE GIRL WHO U TOUCHED UP IN MATHS FOR FUCK SAKE IM LIKE 12 GO OUT AND GET LAID OR START PRACTICING PICKING UP SOAP WITHOUT BENDING OVER CUZ U CAN GO TO PRISON FOR THIS TYPE OF PERVY BORDERLINE PAEDO BULLSHIT
WANKER

-- Chantelle from the Missy video (sea...), February 6th, 2003.

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Will this fiery apocalypse somehow be induced by a frenzy of dance moves? Please say yes.
-- mark p (m*****...), February 6th, 2003.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 February 2003 02:59 (twenty-one years ago) link

teen wolf!! the best horror flicks come from canada!!

-- geeta (geet...), Today 9:47 PM.

― James Blount (James Blount), Thursday, 6 February 2003 09:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

From the gay thread:

"Please use clear words?
How bout these: go fuck yourself"
I don't see that this would have any survival value.

-- Rockist Scientist (rock...), February 6th, 2003. (link)

― RickyT (RickyT), Thursday, 6 February 2003 10:01 (twenty-one years ago) link

More accurately, you could say "A penis is used for peeing and inseminating", and that would be accurate -- although it would allow other things to be done with a penis, such as playing minigolf.

-- Chris Piuma (chris...), February 6th, 2003 1:24 AM.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 6 February 2003 11:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

What Archel said! *wets himself*

― Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 6 February 2003 13:25 (twenty-one years ago) link

So, Mark, were you and Stevie playing *heh heh* minigolf last week?

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 6 February 2003 14:22 (twenty-one years ago) link

No, we were playing Maxigolf! We used full sized clubs and everything! Long, difficult holes! Although Stevie did use Vicky's - make of that what you will...

― Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 6 February 2003 14:54 (twenty-one years ago) link

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 6 February 2003 15:09 (twenty-one years ago) link

(Is it wrong to copy your own posts?)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 February 2003 15:16 (twenty-one years ago) link

(No. Why? Because Ms. Lucas did it?)

― Wintermute (Wintermute), Thursday, 6 February 2003 15:18 (twenty-one years ago) link

(No, I just wrote something and then almost fell on the floor laughing:)

I keep having psychotic visions of women developing the Keeper so that they could have an even more disgusting way of throwing menses at people.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 6th, 2003.

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(haha MENSES FIGHT! ew)
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 6th, 2003.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 February 2003 15:44 (twenty-one years ago) link

I said it before and I'll say it again, your a sick mang Dang

― smee (smee), Thursday, 6 February 2003 15:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

Arrgh! So disgusted by the menses stuff I wrote your instead of you're - I must be punished!

― smee (smee), Thursday, 6 February 2003 15:46 (twenty-one years ago) link

I did say "psychotic"...

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 February 2003 15:51 (twenty-one years ago) link

DO YOU WANY YOUR FUCKING HYMN BOOK FUCKER ?
-- anthony easton (anthonyeasto...), February 5th, 2003

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 6 February 2003 17:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

Dan, if you could just copy every funny thing you write into this thread, it would save me a lot of energy trying to track down all the threads you post funny things to. It would be a public service, really.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 6 February 2003 18:38 (twenty-one years ago) link

is rolci disrespectful to dirt?
-- jm (jimmythemo...) (webmail), February 6th, 2003 3:39 PM. (jtm) (link)

--------------------------------

No.
-- rolci (rolc...) (webmail), February 6th, 2003 3:48 PM. (link)

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 6 February 2003 19:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

''Oh Mark S, I bet Courtney, when she gets over the hangover and lives down the mortification of her latest public embarrassment after downing too many prescription tablets and Jack Daniels will be scouring the web looking for mention of her and her vile habits. Maybe she'll email you and thank you?
Nick Broomfield - why should he be shot? He's a filmmaker - perhaps your gung ho attitude to guns is one of the reasons society's so gnarled up nowadays.
Still, best thing that happened to Cobain, the shotgun.
Made a distinctly average musician and songwriter into a martyr.
Hey presto.
-- russ t (russ.thoma...), February 6th, 2003.

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i didn't say NB shd be shot, i said he shd be set on fire and have his kid taken away!!
however it's true, my gung ho attitude to pyromania and child abduction *are* two of the reasons society is so gnarled up today

-- mark s (mar...), February 6th, 2003.''

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 6 February 2003 19:07 (twenty-one years ago) link

From the Terrific Breakups thread:

I was devastated when Steve Perry left Journey and they broke up. Although it seemed terrific at the time because "Oh Sherry" is fucking fantastic.

-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), February 6th, 2003.

― Simona (Simona), Thursday, 6 February 2003 19:21 (twenty-one years ago) link

MAN O MAN.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), February 6th, 2003.

― stupelo, Thursday, 6 February 2003 20:21 (twenty-one years ago) link

I would recommend learning at least some basic HTML, and you will prob find that you *want* to learn it the more you add to your own website anyway.

I learnt my HTML from :-
http://hotwired.lycos.com/webmonkey/">Webmonkey
I really hope that link works, or I'm gonna look like a right plonk aren't I.

I don't know much about web hosts, I use an expensive one because I need the quality of the server and a proper domain name. There are tonnes of free hosts out there though, just shop around.

-- Fuzzy (fozzi...), Today 4:26 PM.
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and it didn't work, oh great

should be
http://hotwired.lycos.com/webmonkey">http://hotwired.lycos.com/webmonkey

-- Fuzzy (fozzi...), Today 4:28 PM.
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Is ILX not working with HTML or something ?!?

-- Fuzzy (fozzi...), Today 4:30 PM.

Graham I have changed my mind - you must keep this ~~bug~~ feature in forever.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 6 February 2003 21:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

"Did you not read my post? I said Zimbabwe."

This may be the greatest response ever.

― A Nairn (moretap), Thursday, 6 February 2003 23:38 (twenty-one years ago) link

Books told from the perspective of vegetables

A brief history of Time

Runs for cover...

-- Dave B (REMOVETOREPLYdave.boyl...), February 6th, 2003 10:35 PM.

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 6 February 2003 23:59 (twenty-one years ago) link

(Your email handle is REALLY Commander Slappy???)
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), Today 3:20 PM. (Dan Perry)

it really is. is that funny?
-- amanda (cmdrslapp...), Today 3:23 PM.

― smee (smee), Friday, 7 February 2003 15:24 (twenty-one years ago) link

So I'm coming from the deep skepticism (penis has no real point)

Have you tried whittling it?

-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 7th, 2003 12:36 AM.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 7 February 2003 15:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

14DD

― ron (ron), Friday, 7 February 2003 16:32 (twenty-one years ago) link

We have had this discussion before! Did you not read the bra thread?
What's your favourite bra colour?

― smee (smee), Friday, 7 February 2003 16:34 (twenty-one years ago) link

no. i just quickly looked at it, don't see what yr getting at. it just made me laugh because surely that's impossible, i thought she was making a funny

― ron (ron), Friday, 7 February 2003 17:01 (twenty-one years ago) link

Bra sizes in NZ = dress size + cup size.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 7 February 2003 17:02 (twenty-one years ago) link

thx d. i had pictured some kind of antimatter torso making the bust measurement smaller than the actual boobs :)

― ron (ron), Friday, 7 February 2003 17:04 (twenty-one years ago) link

The odd round of vaginal peristalsis has also been known to get the creative juices flowing.

-- o. nate (syne_wav...), February 7th, 2003.

― Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Friday, 7 February 2003 17:06 (twenty-one years ago) link

i shall make my fortune as the creator of and sole contributor to the All-Ambiguous All-Music Guide!!

Nirvana: nevermind. This is great < / sarcasm > haha. A++ in the sense of D --. In fact so D-- it's B!! ;-) A back-in-the-day front-of-the-bus triumph of a disaster. *You'll* "love" it of course (but hey, you KNOW what I think of you...) Pah (as we here at Guilty Pleasure Central say). DO YOU SEE?!!

-- mark s (mar...), February 7th, 2003.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Friday, 7 February 2003 17:30 (twenty-one years ago) link

our dress sizes are different to maerican anyway. our 14 is, i think, possibly an american 10. but please lets not draw any more attention to this.

― di smith (lucylurex), Friday, 7 February 2003 19:40 (twenty-one years ago) link

i feel so laughed at. :-(

― di smith (lucylurex), Friday, 7 February 2003 19:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

"Just one boob? "

― A Nairn (moretap), Friday, 7 February 2003 20:44 (twenty-one years ago) link

it wasnt funny like "haha you foolish nz with your crazy dress sizes what are you thinking"

nevermind

― ron (ron), Friday, 7 February 2003 21:56 (twenty-one years ago) link

"I mean, honestly; look back over this thread and tell me where ANY exchange of ideas has occurred on either side of this debate. It hasn't because everyone who has engaged in it has done the intellectual equivalent of whipping out their dicks and screaming "FEAR MY MIGHTY PHALLUS!" in each other's faces."
--Dan Perry

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Friday, 7 February 2003 23:03 (twenty-one years ago) link

Oh, in that case (living on the edge) we're talking that extreme sports shit......well there's the good natured cheery bearded kind that just loves the outdoors.....then you got the younger snowboarder types that just have fun and hit jumps to WU-Tang....bohemian painter snowboarders are the worst though because it's a very 'bro-down' sport and everyone praises each other regardless of everything......much utopian precious nonsense.......*then* you got those corny pinched-face, overtanned, plus-one "PUSH THE ENVELOPE" Max Powersauce niggas.....dude i'm SOOO STOKED, 100%!!!....unbearable to hang with......they gleek-spit all over the place, got tore up kneecaps.....don't bring this zen psycho shit in my area you Oakley rockers.....you try to eat dinner with them and they get all restless....."dude, i need a new rush, fuck, new challenges, push the envelope......let me drink this whole canister of soy sauce and slap some olive oil on the waiting bench....grind that shit!!!"
-- Ramosi (olafsonski...), March 14th, 2002.

----

What is this thread about?
-- the pinefox (pinefo...), March 14th, 2002.

― chzd (synkro), Friday, 7 February 2003 23:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

Those The Pinefox "what is this 'Beatles' of which counsel speaks?" moments are always good.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 7 February 2003 23:10 (twenty-one years ago) link

BOB MARLEY survives his battle with throat cancer. Convinced that Jah has forsaken him, he, during a ganja-fueled obsession with Sammy Davis Jr., converts to Judaism. He goes off the radar for many years, only to reemerge and form a dynamic duo with fellow recluse, Cat Stevens. Combined, the two blow more middle-aged white minds than previously thought possible (from the research performed at the Caucasian Institute).
Then, in 1996, he switches up his style on y'all bitches, uniting forces w/Masta P. Their musical partnership bears such sweet fruit as the classics "3 O'Clock Road Ungh!", "Punany Conqueror", and "May I Please Have Some Carrots."
-- Oops (buttch9...), Tuesday 1:58 PM

― Meredith Clark (kudzu), Friday, 7 February 2003 23:32 (twenty-one years ago) link

ILM best album title thread:

"Trapdoor Fucking Carburettor Dung" by Terry Knight And the Pack.
-- Duane Zarakov (pfaiga...), January 26th, 2001

― spectra, Saturday, 8 February 2003 00:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

we're like still 50 behind the dicks

-- mark s (mar...), February 8th, 2003.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 8 February 2003 01:09 (twenty-one years ago) link

I think mantitties sounds like some some capital city in Sub-Saharan Africa.

-- Millar

― Anna (Anna), Saturday, 8 February 2003 17:25 (twenty-one years ago) link

From the now legendary and unwieldy 'Who do you fancy?' thread...

Yes. Chen Kenichi can cook my dinner anytime!

Sakai has to be the truly lover-man of them all. But in the end, there is no denying the power:

The only celebrity I think I would actually want to be.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), January 16th, 2003.
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fukui-san?

-- Aaron Grossman (aajjg...), January 16th, 2003.
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"GO, Ohta!"

...
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), January 16th, 2003.

― jm (jtm), Sunday, 9 February 2003 01:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

The grotesque glorification of the "boyfriend" chimera has its roots in the lamentably unreported 1974 stand-off between the Cheltenham miners and Heath's handpicked poltroon squad, latterly liberated from Robert Mark's base camp in deepest Dartmoor (subdivision 2a: Dulux Reflex). NO-ONE WHO VOTED TORY IN FEBRUARY 1974, STILL MUCH LESS IN OCTOBER 1974, SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND AS THEY ARE CORRUPT, VILE, AFFLUENT EFFLUENT! Fuck it. Tommy Boyd was, as ever, so accurate in his Human Zoo thinkpiece on 6 December 2001 when he said to Ash "You'd never have a boyfriend, would you, my inverted capitalist pal?"
I refer you to the third line of the fourth stanza of "No Horse For Henry" by Fairport Convention, to be found on their new boxset retrospective. As a piece of anti-urban polemic it is outranked only by MC Squared's shattering 1989 masterwork "Harringay In A Handcart (3 Wise Men Mix)."

-- Robin Carmoffit (onlykiddin...) (webmail), June 7th, 2002 1:00 AM.

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― naked as sin (naked as sin), Sunday, 9 February 2003 02:27 (twenty-one years ago) link

I hope they find the cure for heterosexuality soon. I'm sick of straight chicks.
-- toraneko (torakonek...), February 6th, 2003. (later)

― di smith (lucylurex), Sunday, 9 February 2003 04:44 (twenty-one years ago) link

the pain of being hit in the testicles is beyond excruciating. It is not just ordinary pain like bumping your elbow. There are no words to describe it! A women will never be able to understand how much it hurts. I truly feel that an intentional attack on a man's testicles for no valid reason is sexual assault, women will laugh at this statement, but like I said, they will never understand!
-- Stephen Ancroid (Ancroi...), February 9th, 2003 4:58 AM. (later)

― gareth (gareth), Sunday, 9 February 2003 10:04 (twenty-one years ago) link

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