Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

But, Chris - Don't you BEEEELIEEVE in life after Love?!

ha HA :)

Can't you feel something inside yourself? I really don't think you're strong enough, Chris.

die

Well, first of all, h., I don't really want to get someone fired. He's an okay guy, he just doesn't have good self-control. I don't feel "harassed" by his behavior - he's not trying to intimidate anyone. I feel more sorry for him than anything. Oh, he also did phone sex at work once with someone he met in a chat room. He seems really unhappy and this is an escape for him.

I don't like going over people's heads and playing boss unless they're bullying me, which he's not. Furthermore, he seems to have very low self-esteem and doesn't try very hard to boost his job skills - either that or he just doesn't know how - so he would have a difficult time finding another job, I think. He's just one of those people who hasn't adapted well to office culture and doesn't seem to get it. He's hurting himself more than anyone. I did privately speak to a male co-worker who is sort of friendly with this man, intimating that if x would listen to anyone, it would be another man.

I'd just rather have my own cubicle that is more than six feet away from him because I am toooo aware of his problems. I feel a little better about it lately because I have a new boss who seems to be a little more sensitive to my situation.

Secondly, he would never get into trouble for s.h. because it's a verrrry liberal environment and no one does anything like that. The only time someone got fir@d was when this woman, who was a hypochondriac and habitual liar, said that she lost relatives in 9/11 and needed to take some time off to grieve, which was just about the last straw.

Finally, I walked in on the dept. head looking at soft-core porn, so no one is going to point the finger at someone else. Since we partly deal in "erotica", I'm sure he could just say he was doing important research for the collection.

I happen to have the cd single of Believe by Cher in my cd player right now. It's a good song.

yes, it looks like April 30 is yet another day when hstencil comes about this close *pinches thumb and index finger together* from walking the fuck out of his office, never to return.

Well, I go into the bathroom today and there are pennies all over the place, like 20 of them. I find this weird and then realize one of the stall doors will not lock anymore. OUR BATHROOM DOOR WAS BEING HELD TOGETHER BY PENNIES. I don't know how or why but WE BUILD BUILDINGS FOR A LIVING HERE, PEOPLE.

that is amazing, Ally.

I don't know how you even hold a door together with pennies. I think McGuyver must work here.

if he did, he'd sexually harass you with a pocket knife, household bleach, and a foot of yarn.

(sorry)

No, then it would be chewing gum and a paper clip.

what, he works at your office then?

If this bitch tries to go over my head with one of her ridiculous requests and keeps second guessing every fucking thing I say, I will dump her over the balcony on the 16th floor. The end.

Are you kidding? The morons I work with barely know how to tie their own shoes, much less be useful at fixing anything.

Yeah, I bet your coworkers wouldn't invent penny mechanisms to hold together locks.

Now somehow it is my responsibility to fix this? I guess since I am the bathroom monitor. BETTER BUST OUT MY PIGGY BANK!

Try nickels.

I find nickels to be particularly useless change to begin with, does anyone ever actually use them?

no. Nickels and pennies should be destroyed.

If it was my office, my co-workers would complain "Oh, we don't have the budget for nickels!" People, we work at a bank with a $110 BN market cap. Don't be afraid to spend some money, for chrissakes.

I sort of like them, I don't know why.

Yesterday, I was sitting at a toll, and I dropped my dime in between the car seats. I had exact change! So I was fumbling around when someone who works the tolls came over to my car (as I was holding up traffic). I told him what happened. He reached his hand in the rejected coins container and pulled out a nickel. Then it turned out they accept pennies too and I had 5! So I was happy to have my little coins around.

I'm listening to my co-worker tell me all kinds of stories about big, gnarly spiders she's seen, run into, squashed, whatever, and ok, I'm a baby, but I fucking cannot deal with spiders, real or imagined. I've asked her to stop, and she's just not. I think she likes seeing me wigged out. Bitch. My plan is to set off a smoke bomb and belly crawl my way out of here.

Failing that, I'm going to vomit on her.

Yesterday, about a half-hour after I found out I won't be working in this group much longer, I was in a hour-long conference call (was supposed to be a satellite broadcast, but it got fucked up by whomever here is in charge of these things) in which my co-workers basically hooted, hollered and laughed through the entire thing. This wouldn't normally be so bad, except the project the call detailed is basically, in a sense, what I've been working on, albeit Bank-wide instead of our division. Thanks for the send-off, guys.

Oh, this thread is so classic. Thank you for sharing your horror stories; it makes me feel so much better, i.e. I'm not the only one here.

I have a co-worker who tut-tuts whenever I pass her cubicle. She's one of these people who absolutely has to wear designer fashions and who thinks I'm below her because I wear Cheap Generica. She also wears the most obnoxious-smelling perfume I have ever had the misfortune of smelling. I would rather smell someone else's perspiration, it's that bad.

Another co-worker of mine is an overgrown boy. He stashes comic books all around his cubicle, plays computer games every chance he gets, and tells pathetic, juvenile jokes we've all heard 1,000 times before but that he seems to find funny. If it weren't for the fact that he always manages to get his work done (he handles the paychecks for oncology, which is this huge department with hundreds of employees), I would be ticked off at him. As for now, I just roll my eyes and consider him pathetic while wondering how he manages to do it all.

Oh! Who around here has to share a printer with several other people? I do, as I'm sure many of you do, and what always ticks me off is when someone just throws around other people's print jobs without thinking, "Gee, maybe someone might actually want to find all of their printed pages. Perhaps I could leave a neat pile after picking up my print job, instead of leaving this messy pile where nothing is in order." I have my suspicions of who the culprit might be, but I've never been able to catch the person and I don't think it's one of the aforementioned people because the woman is a total neat freak and the man doesn't share the same printer with me.

Still, at least it's not that bad. I can manage, and sometimes I feel that all of the above add a bit of color to the work environment. And my bosses are fab. I lucked out there; in my telesales job, I had bitches on wheels for bosses. In fact, everyone there was bitchy, because we had to deal with a lot of bullshit from people. Never again.

In my office, if a FAX comes through unaccompanied by a cover sheet, it tends to be tossed straight away. It's rather embarassing when I'm on the phone with another agent and she says, "But I sent that fax a week ago!" And I have to ask, "Did it have a cover? No? It was probably thrown away." "But I wrote your name at the top!" "OH, sorry, it was probably thrown away none-the-less."

Me again! We have this new guy who is situated at a cube directly across from my office door. He is LOUD as hell. He's been cold-calling all day and using the same lines and jokes in every call trying to pick up sellers (as I'm in real estate). He even started one call with, "Hey! Remember when we used to go out??" Then he laughs REALLY loudly and obnoxiously in this very fake-sounding way A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT. AND he stands up at his cube so that his voice projects around the office instead of sitting the Fk down. Thank you. THat is all for now.

We were just doing a big singing and dancing routine to "White Lines" and my boss came out and told us to turn it down and knock it off. FUCKING KILLJOY.

the woman in the cube next to mine has listened to I Will Always Love You repeatedly today, and at one point was kind of humming & singing long quietly.

it's not that annoying, really, but just sort of huh office space is REAL.

So, which version? Dolly or Whitney?

Whitney.

And aaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiistill goin strong, 5 hrs and cou-in'

oh she just hummed along with a melisma there.

the stupid annoying co-worker has just found out I'm single again and so responded by saying "I suppose you'll be off to (insert name of Oxford niteclub here) tonite then?" which I wouldn't have minded if anyone else had said it, but as it was the stupid annoying co-worker I felt like whacking him around the head with my chair.

I emailed a file to someone today. I was later informed she was "way too busy" to print it, and was told to print it out ten times and walk it to her (in a building 3 blocks away). Keep in mind I'm going to be here til about ten tonight (she isn't) and I had to give up one of my two vacation days because it wasn't "acceptable" for me to take both.

There's one guy here who stubbornly, steadfastly refuses to have ANYTHING to do with computers other than the most cursory things. He once asked me, in all seriousness, "Does g*ldmansachs.com have a website?" Unfortunately, he also is the main designer for a bunch of our projects for tech-inclined clients: I shudder in horror to think how clueless he must come off to some of them.

Maybe I'm just irritable today, but everyone is bugging the hell out of me. I jokingly-but-not-really yelled at my coworkers because they've been bitching about the Xerox machine not working right for the past three weeks, but no one has called the repairman. When I mentioned this, they were like "Well, did you call him?" No, but I haven't been the one griping about it.
Also, there apparently hasn't been a nonrainy weekend in Richmond for the past two months. How do I know this? Because the ladies at the front talk about it EVERY SINGLE DAY. Incessently talking about the fucking weather, the fucking rain. Yes, we have windows in the office, we can see that it's raining outside. And even days like today, when it's not raining and there's even a little sun, they're like "Well, it's probably really muggy."
Finally, no one in my office learned about indoor voices in kindergarden. Everyones normal speaking voice seems to be a low bellow, which is great when you're sitting at your desk trying to read a report and everyone's yelling across the office about the rain and low-calorie recipes and Michael Jackson.

NA - IT'S BLOODY RAINING AGAIN! *ducks*

Ha ha! sorry I complained about the weather first thing after stepping off the Greyhound yesterday, Nick! :)

there's a guy a couple cubes down who's in a blues-rock cover band. He talks to me abt it occasionally. Today he was playing his new demo cos there was suddenly really loud passable amateur versions of Midnight Hour and some Santana song I think ringing throughout the office. People were oohing and aahing abt it.

abt an hour ago he came up and gave me a cd and told me to listen to his new demo. I'm hoping it's a COPY that I can just take home and not like the actual THING that I would have to listen to promptly and then talk to him about.

sigh.

goddammit he just came by to ask what I thought.

his solos are crap.

Did you kick him in the nuts and say, "That's what I thought, BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-yotch!"?

fuck i'm gonna have to divert him with another gear conversation. "so what kind of mic setup did you use YOU DELUDED BOOMER HOBBYIST BORE"

or I could kick him in the nuts.

SMOOTH OPERATOR seriously what the fuck am I gonna say?

ask 'im if it goes up to 11.

yeah tech conversations are probably your best bet. What is the demo for...getting gigs or what?

Tell him that you are the A&R rep for a major label, and that you've just been working undercover at your office in order to scout out new talent. Then tell him his band sucks and kick him in the nuts.

yeah, gigs I guess. PEOPLE I AM IN SERIOUS SHIT HERE COME ON. I think he has the inkling that I'm not really in the jake n elwood demographic, but he's obviously proud of his thing, too.

GAAAH ok the horns on Midnight Hour are really keyboardy and fake, but that's nothing I can compliment him on.

I mean the horn break ends up sounding like late Undertones!! a little < /rationalizing>

Oh yeah if you want to fuck with him a little tell him the brittle keyboards are satie-like in their jarring simplicity or some such.

Not stupid or annoying, but I had one of these weird moments at work when you realise your values and ideas are incommensurable with someone else's. One of our senior managers dropped me a line thanking me for some good work I've been doing, and said he'd make sure that it gets a mention in the director's 'weekly brief', his notes to the division. I had a moment thinking 'why?' before realising this was his idea of a reward, of some prize I'd earned. I do want him to tell the director about my good work, but that's because the director will have a very big say in whether I get promoted or not in some months, but the 'brief' thing is 100% irrelevant.