russell brand - C or D?

HI DERE I HVAE BAALSACK!

The video footage of them making the calls immediately made me think of Derek and Clive.

"I'll be happy if their careers are in tatters" - come off it Matt, if you were them you'd love every second of this and you want their lifestyle so much, as do we all. Be honest!

OH NO LAST NIGHT I DID A POO ON UR GRANDDAGHTER'S FLANGE

"I'll be happy if their careers are in tatters" - come off it Matt, if you were them you'd love every second of this and you want their lifestyle so much, as do we all. Be honest!

what does the first bit have to do with the second bit?

Not as easy as it looks, is it, Ken?

apropos Brand impersonation

Their careers in tatters = even more airtime for Graham Norton.

I can't say I do want their lifestyles, actually; I'm by nature a reasonably quiet and lazy homebody, and I don't imagine either of them has a great deal of time for lolling around with kittens.

i wish i can get paid £6m talking about my balls, but i also wish other people don't get paid £6m talking about their balls (or mine). i'm being v honest.

if you were them you'd love every second of this

erm, Brand didn't look like he was loving too much of it on the footage of him being hounded by journos. Just repeating Krishna over and over, very nervous.

And FUCK if you think we ALL want his lifestyle, how can you make such a bollocks claim?

xposts it was very easy

how can you make such a bollocks claim?

correct term is ballsack.

I think Marcello was being facetious, dudes.

no wai matt.

i wish i can get paid £6m being facetious.

I can't say I do want their lifestyles, actually; I'm by nature a reasonably quiet and lazy homebody, and I don't imagine either of them has a great deal of time for lolling around with kittens.

Jonathan Ross has a great deal of time for lolling around with his little pugs and whathaveyou, dressing his dog up in stupid clothes forms quite a large part of his patter on his Friday night show. He's not been terribly controversial up until this point, has he? (I'm assuming this now to actually be controversial, even though I think it's bollocks). Agreed that Brand looked a bit uncomfortable outside his house, but I think he often does seem uncomfortable for one supposedly so egotistical.

I mean, look at Jonathan Ross. Plenty of fuck you money, the freedom to do what he likes how and when he likes, he can buy all the games and gadgets he wants (buy? he probably gets them all sent to him free) and be a total geek with them. And he's probably a lot more of a homebody than he gets credit for. What's not to want?

The video footage of them making the calls immediately made me think of Derek and Clive.

so it turns out jayne mansfield did have someone to push lobsters up her arse.

― Shacknasty (Frogman Henry), Wednesday, 29 October 1978 10:11 (48 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I wish I could get paid to talk about my hair, watch films, and have a wife with a nice cleavage.

I already do the first two.

Ambition, Jel, ambition!

(xpost) your wife has just filed for divorce, and hired Max Clifford to be her publicist for the ensuing tabloid shitestorm...

He's not been terribly controversial up until this point, has he?

He made the front pages after asking David Cameron if he ever wanked to pictures of Thatcher, apart from that I think the major controversy as far as Daily Mail World is concerned is his wages.

I wonder why he never asked the late Alan Clark? He would have got a positive response, probably.

was led to believe Brand's on air response to CBB racism was "there's been some right bad racism abaht today and no mistake my liege, it's made Mr Winkie shrink right up into my balls it has, and my balls have only gone and gone up me arse" or similar, now feel betrayed

If it's wishing to be something you're not - aim a little higher.

When it's written out like that you realise that Brand's not that far removed from Wogan, just with added scatology.

I mean, Wake Up With Wogan is literally two hours of "and no mistake my liege."

Okay don't even go there comparing Wogan to Brand

Oh no. Brand's way funnier.

OK, he's no Fred Macaulay, I'll give you that...

JBrand today: "The Beeb..beeceee... in it's infinite wisdom...shalom..."

XPOST YEAH! LET'S GO comparing Wogan to Brand

Ross Abbot was in the Sarah Jane Adventures on Monday! In 20 years, Brand will be doing the same!

Wogan - septuagenarian disc jockey and unpleasant little right wing creep on the quiet who's traded off the same limited range of sub-Flann O'Brien whimsicalities for the best part of forty years.

Top stories from the Beeb

Woman loses assisted suicide case
Scores dead after Pakistan quake
Jonathan Ross TV show to go ahead

Still in the wrong order.

Jonathan Ross dead after assisted suicide

"But Sir David Attenborough, due on as a guest, says he is "discussing the situation with the BBC"."

Cripes.

Russell Brand might have to be a filler guest. David, don't give 'em your mobile number.

I understand Ricky Ger-vay is on standby.

So, if he drops out.. Hmm, who can they get at short notice, that would be reasonably expected to make ratings thicksoup?

xpost damn gave it away the punchline...

suddenly this has somehow turned into lose-lose!! how have they done this?

i actually have some sympathy for brand here; when you read what was actually said, brand was just running with something ross started - if ross hadn't raised the bar of blunt offensiveness so high at the beginning brand wouln't have had to go so far to "top" him, which is what these things always turn into

"overpaid drivelling celebs" - bit of envy there, Simon?

hahahah: of course there is! somewhere out there, maybe even lurking over this thread, is an ageing ILX0r with whom i once tried very hard to be funny on the radio ... sometimes, maybe for mere seconds at a time, we just about managed it. so yeh, as someone with a short and unimpressive history in radio (not just at a student level, either), i'm envious of people who are more talented than i am. i think that's natural.

where i get pissed off is when the talent stops trying. i've repped for RB round these parts more than once: i think he has the capacity to be a wonderful comedian, and his live show a couple of years back was magnificent. however ... well, nick nails it:

I think both are occasionally very funny indeed, but both are also massively prone to indulgent and aimless ego-stroking wittering. The two together is like a pair of schoolkids egging each other on to swear so much the teacher gives them detention. Which is kind of pathetic given how potentially talented they both are

this is the point at which envy of talent/justified success gives way to something more base and basically jealous, ie: dude, how the fuck are you getting paid so much for this shit?

i mean, prank calling is feeble. i remember doing it when i was a kid: bored shitless at a mate's house after his commodore 64 overheated, we started ringing up the operator and being stupid. it wasn't funny then and it ain't funny now (fonejacker: that includes you).

JR, let's not forget, is the man who claimed -- tongue perhaps in cheek -- that he was worth a thousand BBC journalists. you know what? he might well be more talented than most of the other BBC talent. trouble is, nobody can remember any more because his schtick is about as lazy as it can be.

this isn't just about RB and JR; it's about what passes for comedy, or worthwhile broadcasting. (and yes, the fact that every newspaper and news programme is full of it also says a lot about what passes for news reporting!)

i'm meant to be writing a lab report. perhaps i should sack that and dig out my unfinished (barely begun) sitcom. it actually had a couple of jokes in it, if i remember rightly.

"Miss, he started it!"
"Yes but you carried on with it"

xp

I took the "thousand journalists" comment as a sort of rap faux-braggadoccio. If he meant it then he really is a jerk. But somehow I don't think he is, except for that jibe at Rod Hull at the Comedy Awards whatever year of the nineties it was, even though that was scripted.

I mean, I hope he learned from that particular misjudgement.

Ar age 16, stoned out of our minds, we looked up teachers' phone numbers at 4am in the local directory. Found our (youthful, leftwing) English teacher's number. Called him. Asked if he'd ever licked a dolphin. Hung up. Seemed like the funniest fucking thing of all time, at the time. Not so much later.

And they've been suspended.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7696714.stm

Bailie said "they shoudl be sacked for inflating my celebrity standing and getting me booked out as a crap burlesque dancer until mid 2010".

Doesn't say anything about their being suspended on that link.