old dreams

do you have records of dreams past? i have a text file of some from spring of 2006. here's the first:

5/23/06
i'm at a school out in the country. i'm in some class full of middle age people. it feels like something about having a baby or children. i'm only wearing my boxers, which i don't realize until someone scolds me for it. i go to put on some clothes and decide not to return to the classroom, instead going outside, where there is another class going on. there is a mass of people out on a field, running around chaotically. there are strange animals. i soon find myself on the ground, face down. i get up and someone (the instructor?) comes over to me and tells me that i have a bloody hole in my back. i can see and feel it, but i'm not really in pain. one of the animals got me, a boar-like creature. we go over to a wooden lodge, huge structure by a road, to get me fixed up. <don't remember any of that part>. in the parking lot, i meet my dad and ask him how to get back to college park (where i guess i thought the classroom was). he starts talking about route 333 or something i've never heard of. another person starts talking about a better way to get there. i get in the car, which is really old and has kind of those curvey side things, open top. i'm rolling down these country roads, turn off into a neighborhood, ride around and realize i'm lost. stop at an intersection, there's another car there, a very posh looking woman in a nice car. she asks me if i'm lost and we start talking. i end up following her back to her house, which is a proper mansion. we go up to her room. we have a lot of expensive food. the atmosphere is playful and somehow turns sexual. another guy comes in at this point, not sure what his relationship to the woman is. we're having a threesome. she and one of us are blowing the other guy (can't remember who was who), and it's gets really competitive and kind of rough, nasty. this is when i wake up.

I used to have dreams about sexing David Bowie at least a couple times a year. Weird. Also had a recurring dream about being at a carnival/freak show type thing where animals that aren't supposed to swim swam in enormous tanks and I was always dangerously close to falling in one of those tanks. Haven't had either of those dreams in a while thankfully.

- at an awards ceremony, giving Mick Hucknall an award for "Biggest Wanker".

- being escorted out of a White House party by Secret Service agents after farting very loudly and bringing the room to a shocked silence.

- on a London bus with David Bowie, he's talking about what it's like to be famous.

- I watch as Jonathan Ross is abducted by aliens.

- I'm sculpting a statue of the Virgin Mary out of butter.

- I was cloned and had to fight the clone.

- commanding a group of tanks in an attack on the fortress of... Richard Stilgoe.

- helping a cyborg policewoman track down the boy band Busted.

- Dave Lee Roth is in his mansion excitedly showing me all these terrible spandex outfits, while comedian Bill Bailey stands there wearing a thong.

- laughing at Fearne Cotton because of the crap pizza restaurant she's chosen to eat out at.

- Jamie Oliver driving a double decker bus and lying to the passengers about where the bus is going.

- meeting Bjork in Brighton to see her new art project called "Cheesecake Smeared Cafeteria In An Office Block At The End Of A Seaside Pier". She beats up a Bono impersonator.

- Jim Morrison and his friends are stealing cardboard boxes full of stuff from my house.

- I'm in a cafe having breakfast. Roger Daltrey walks in, orders a mug of tea and then sits down opposite me. Then he says "I hate Weetabix, especially the new one made from oats".

- Robin Williams is a delivery driver being chased through the streets by thugs and junkies.

- at a school prize giving, Valerie Singleton calls me up on stage and starts shouting abuse at me.

- sitting in a pub beer garden with Stephen Fry.

- Simon Amstell arrives at my house in a big white van full of artillery shells.

"She beats up a Bono impersonator." of course she does. beautiful.

celebs I've dreamed about: Charlize Theron, both members of Basement Jaxx, Tori Spelling (she was a bank robber), Sandra Oh, Matthew Perry (we made out), and Nelly (we were engaged).

Well in the dream Bjork had some kind of long standing beef with Bono, and she thought she was beating him up, while I was shouting "it's not the real Bono, it's an impersonator!". Oh also there was an awkward moment where I asked her "when you eat a puffin, do you keep the beak as a souvenir?". Bjork stared at me and responded by opening a door through which flew dozens of ravens who proceeded to tear the cheesecake smeared cafeteria apart.

"when you eat a puffin, do you keep the beak as a souvenir?"

LOL i love this

i don't think famous people are in my dreams very much. might try to channel bowie tonight for dreamsex.

6/9/06
lots happened before the part i can remember. i enter into a hotel room. it seems more like an apartment. people have left their stuff in there. i start going through some of the drawers and find a gba with a collection of games, some snes. the snes games are tiny and fit into the gba. includes yoshi's island and some others. one of the walls consists almost entirely of one huge window. i think it overlooked a pool. i walk into another room to find a woman sleeping in bed. she wakes up and explains what's happening with the place. i don't really understand, but i think her son used to live there also. we decide i should talk to the management and try to get another room. a group of people come into the room with several enormous dogs. these dogs are so big, you can easily ride them. they're calm and docile. i go out dog riding with some of the people. we end up in a mall arcade. the games were all strange.

i don't think famous people are in my dreams very much. might try to channel bowie tonight for dreamsex

He's errr pretty good at it iirc.

when I was 8 or 9, I dreamt that I attended a wake for a grotesque monster that had died. it took place in a big, empty warehouse or hangar. the monster stood upright in the middle of the room, supported by a metal frame. it stood maybe 12 feet tall & was naked. its upper body was a mess of shredded flesh and exposed muscle, but its humanoid legs were perfectly preserved. my parents and I joined a line of mourners at the corpse's side. each person approached it in turn and touched one of its legs as a sign of respect. my parents both touched its leg when they reached the front of the line, so I imitated them, even though it totally freaked me out. the leg was hairy and pale and cold to the touch, and it sickened me.

what a strange dream for a little kid to have! I shat brix a decade later when I first saw Francis Bacon's Painting (1946).