this is the thread where you copy and paste whatever other posts on ilx made you laugh out loud

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(what about my subsequent explanation of the 'awkwad' typo?)

― Nate Patrin (Nate Patrin), Monday, 10 February 2003 05:05 (twenty-one years ago) link

from ILM:

what does the street POV have to do with, for example, "rapper's delight," the beastie boys, LL, or de la soul?

-- gabbneb (gabbne...), Today 12:37 AM.
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de la soul raps about potholes, can't get much more street pov than that

-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), Today 12:40 AM.

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, 10 February 2003 05:57 (twenty-one years ago) link

I tried to listen to In A Silent Way this morning in the bath, but I'd got about a minute into it (and my feet just into the bath) when the fucking phone rang and my parents announced the football match they'd gone to see had been called off and they were coming back, and so rather than having a bath in an empty house with all the doors open and Miles ringing out loudly and languidly, I had to close the door and listen to FiveLive instead. Gutted.
-- Nick Southall (n.j.southal...), February 9th, 2003.

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― erik, Monday, 10 February 2003 07:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

from the "Sigur Ros thread (for random Googlers only)" on ILM:

One time, when I was in high school, this guy got up on the stage at the Christmas assembly wearing jeans and a santa hat - with his guitar and a bow - and made lots of noise for about five minutes. At the end came the most confused round of applause I've ever heard - everyone was looking around at everyone else to see what they should be doing. Just sayin'.
-- Kim (grimstitc...), November 10th, 2002.

― Tad (llamasfur), Monday, 10 February 2003 10:20 (twenty-one years ago) link

The point is, Bush see the world as a series of enemies instead of a series of consciousnesses. The issue with Enron (the sort of company the humble non-corporate Japanese would call a zaibatsu ) shows how he sees the rest of the world, and Serge Gainsbourg understood this. It's a world of ambiguity, and that is how I can be a homosexual without ever having put my penis into another man (and being constantly followed by a nonsexual harem of beautiful Asian women). So I say, let's be more like Gainsbourg, and less like Bush. I know my next album will.

-- ethan (ethan...), February 18th, 2002.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 10 February 2003 10:46 (twenty-one years ago) link

Amateurist you are a hipster. ....

-- nabisco (--...) (webmail), Today 8:05 AM. (later) (nabisco) (link)

― Amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 10 February 2003 18:09 (twenty-one years ago) link

http://www.weebl.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/b3ta/monstacat.gif

-- Alan Trewartha, April 18th, 2002.

Oh my god this had me in tears here at work.

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Monday, 10 February 2003 19:51 (twenty-one years ago) link

I feel it's bad form of exes to use your friends as a reservoir for new mates.
My exes do not feel that it is bad form.

-- DV (dirtyvica...), Yesterday 11:07 PM.

― James Blount (James Blount), Monday, 10 February 2003 20:17 (twenty-one years ago) link

I'm perfectly willing to go to my office in a bikini. If they take me to a water park or something, it's just a bonus.

-- Ally (mlescau...), February 11th, 2003. (later)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 February 2003 20:32 (twenty-one years ago) link

She looks like she's delivering some sort of Jackie Mason spiel.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), February 10th, 2003 7:37 PM. (later)

― gareth (gareth), Monday, 10 February 2003 20:43 (twenty-one years ago) link

She spiels like she's delivering Jackie Mason.
-- me

― Amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 10 February 2003 20:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

(thx I'll be here all week etc.)

― Amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 10 February 2003 20:46 (twenty-one years ago) link

THE MULTIPLE LEVELS OF TEXT DIALECTIZATION THREAD (Unanswered, posted at 8:29 pm, unread)

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 10 February 2003 20:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

Homosexuality isn't particularly conducive to making a lot of babies, but it is conducive to the community having a lot of babies survive. Gay folks in tribal societies are often preservers of information and help the breeders raise their kids.
-- teeny (teen...), February 11th, 2003. (later)

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also nice curtains etc
-- mark s (mar...), February 11th, 2003. (later)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 February 2003 21:51 (twenty-one years ago) link

haha, I just arrived here with the same thing in my clipboard, Dan.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 10 February 2003 21:56 (twenty-one years ago) link

even the section on lesbian hedgehog cunnilungus is less, um, exuberant than it sounds

-- mark s

You should have heard the gufaws issuing forth from my work area.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Monday, 10 February 2003 22:39 (twenty-one years ago) link

The Outhere Brothers/Autechre bootleg should be called "Assfuchre," no doubt.
-- Jody Beth Rosen (edito...), November 4th, 2002.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 10 February 2003 23:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

(JBR in I-make-me-laugh shocker!)

― Amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 10 February 2003 23:22 (twenty-one years ago) link

Instead of reprinting the entire Outhere Bros. thread, my greatest hits:

Don't Look Back In Anger While I'm Fucking You In The Ass (mr swygart)
can't get you out of my ass (geeta)
Last Night a DJ Fucked Me in the Ass (jody)
Stop Me If You Think I've Fucked You in the Ass Before (mel w)
I Am Trying To Fuck You in the Ass (doug)

― nabisco (nabisco), Monday, 10 February 2003 23:27 (twenty-one years ago) link

Wow, that bird is flaming.
-- Amateurist (amateuris...), Today 3:37 PM. (amateurist)

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 10 February 2003 23:55 (twenty-one years ago) link

I've tried this, I hope you get a good response and not an evil yawning silence. Those are the worst.

-- Amateurist (amateurist@h) (webmail), February 10th, 2003 8:13 PM. (amateurist) (link)
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-- felicity (felicityredwell@) (webmail), February 10th, 2003 8:16 PM. (felicity) (link)
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-- felicity (felicityredwell@) (webmail), February 10th, 2003 8:16 PM. (felicity) (link)

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 00:47 (twenty-one years ago) link

please explain unfinished sympathy to me

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 03:37 (twenty-one years ago) link

Can this be the place where I say that I think my Tullycraft joke on the Outhere thread is the cleverest thing ever, or at least the cleverest thing I've ever personally thought up? (If you agree could you just make a little noise so I know I'm not weird?)

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 05:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

I hope I never hear of such songs. For the Obvious Reason. ahem.

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 05:55 (twenty-one years ago) link

I don't know how they do it, but god damn it, the Rolling Stones are still the greatest rock'n'roll band in the world.
-- Mark (mar...), February 10th, 2003. (later)

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 08:04 (twenty-one years ago) link

I almost posted that!

― James Blount (James Blount), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 08:06 (twenty-one years ago) link

Short answer. Let's assume that if homosexuality is genetic, it is tied to a recessive gene. That seems a reasonable assumption. For those where the 'gay' gene is expressed, it is often not passed on (though it can be - the equipment is there). However, recessive genes are hard to select out, because carrying the gene doesn't have any consequence for most of the carriers, because the gene is not expressed....

-- Aimless (aimles...), February 10th, 2003.

I laughed out loud cause I found this so insulting both to gay people and serious geneticists.

― marianna, Tuesday, 11 February 2003 10:35 (twenty-one years ago) link

fictional characters who were clearly virgins
------------------------------------------------

Becky Lucas

-- Millar (tmilla...), February 11th, 2003

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 11:18 (twenty-one years ago) link

Do I finally get around to replacing that originally-green mattress cover, or wait until the whole thing is a grainy off-white and tell ppl that that was the color it was when I bought it?
-- dave q (scape10...), January 26th, 2003.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 12:02 (twenty-one years ago) link

I like drummers because they've strong and dexterous fingers

And they keep getting faster.

-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), February 11th, 2003 9:44 PM.

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And they are easily replaced by machines.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 11th, 2003 11:04 PM.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 12:16 (twenty-one years ago) link

The Tragedie of Michael Jackson, King of Pop

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 12:29 (twenty-one years ago) link

The old woman who lived in the shoe
-- Matt (Mat...), Today 2:30 PM. (later) (Matt)

― Graham (graham), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 18:35 (twenty-one years ago) link

"GONY"

― Graham (graham), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 18:38 (twenty-one years ago) link

GONY GONGS

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 18:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

Yesterday at the dog show I overheard one judge say that it is easy to figure out which is the best dog -- and he had no doubt that there was one best dog -- it is just hard to figure out so quickly! He wished that the judges were allowed a couple of hours, after looking at the dogs, to sit alone with their eyes closed and ponder.
In some cases it's obvious. I spotted the best Great Dane and Boxer right away. But I was sitting right by the Samoyeds and they all looked identical to me.

I think it's silly to play favorites when there are so many lovely dogs.

-- Paul Eater (list...) (webmail), Today 10:10 AM. (later) (eater) (link)

― Amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 20:11 (twenty-one years ago) link

On some Westminster Dog Show coverage I just saw they showed the most gorgeous Newfie -- if they didn't slobber so much I'd be tempted to get one.
-- j.lu (flavi...), February 11th, 2003. (later)

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I wonder if it was my old roommate Steve from Goulds, boy did he slobber.
-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...), February 11th, 2003. (later)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 20:15 (twenty-one years ago) link

More from the genius of Horace Mann...

So, I'm the only person on here that really likes the Dave Matthews Band, then?
-- Evan, February 11th, 2003. (later)

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No no no.. We all love him.
-- dave225, February 11th, 2003. (later)

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right. this is all constructive criticism here, we just want him to be EVEN BETTER. or better yet, something else.
-- Horace Mann, February 11th, 2003. (later)

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 20:20 (twenty-one years ago) link

and a bit more...

"they're pretty much looking for what any critic might: tenderness, flavor, aroma etc. "
oops, I thought this was the "what do men want out of a relationship" thread!

-- Horace Mann

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 20:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

Tep, smashing answer. Not a lot I could add to that, though I second the "if there's something that needs sorting out, sort it out".

-- Mark C (boyincorduro...), Today 11:18 PM. (later)

That sounds like something from a gangster's handbook.
-- N

― Fuzzy (Fuzzy), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:26 (twenty-one years ago) link

From 'So what exactly do *women* want out of relationships?'

i wanted to be loved for being myself. now i dont give a shit.

-- donna (donnalorele...), Today 11:33 PM.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:35 (twenty-one years ago) link

The solution, Martin is to take your date to the FAP!

-- Bill E (bill_...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

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That would be hilarious.

-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

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(for both parties)

-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

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"Hello ILX, this is my date (please limit ravishing to five minutes each thx)."

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

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"(and *I'll* deal with the double-penetration, thanks)"

-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

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To anyone reading this thread out of context, that looks totally appalling.

-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 12 February 2003 00:14 (twenty-one years ago) link

Especially since it seems to imply that Martin is capable of performing the double penetration with but his single Martin. (Unless there's something I don't know about Martin, etc.)

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 12 February 2003 00:48 (twenty-one years ago) link

He is a god among men.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 12 February 2003 00:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

Well, yes, but I didn't realize he was a double-donged deity.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 12 February 2003 01:06 (twenty-one years ago) link

Goats, boats and women.
-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 11th, 2003.

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Isn't that the porno version of 'Planes, Trains and Automobiles'?
-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 11th, 2003.

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(the boat bits are boring)
-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 11th, 2003.

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It's Irish for 'Wine, women and song'.
-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 11th, 2003.

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"PHWOAR LOOK AT THE KEEL ON THAT ONE"
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 11th, 2003.

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Shall I drop anchor for you Dan?
-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 11th, 2003.

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"MY GOD YOU CAN SEE HER BARNACLES!"
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 12th, 2003.

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Shiver your timbers?
-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 12th, 2003.

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"I'VE NEVER SEEN PORTHOLES LIKE THAT, I BET THEY'RE FAKE"
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 12th, 2003.

― Curtis Stephens, Wednesday, 12 February 2003 01:26 (twenty-one years ago) link

Apparently it works in reverse, too: I asked someone else about this and she said she once slid something under her bed so a guy would have to come back for it (she would not reveal what the thing was).
Was it his penis?

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 11th, 2003.

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Yes, Dan, his name was John and apparently he later wrote a hit novelty song about the experience.
-- nabisco (--...), February 11th, 2003.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 12 February 2003 05:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

.
-- donut bitch (do...), Yesterday 10:31 PM.

(from the "Why haven't I had my period" thread.

― g.cannon (gcannon), Wednesday, 12 February 2003 14:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

"My dear woman, could I tempt you to some intercourse?"
I am *very* tempted to try this one at the weekend.

-- Matt DC (runmd...), Today 2:55 PM. (later) (Matt DC)

I think it would be even better if you walked up to a group of people already deep in conversation and said, "Pardon me. I am so sorry for interrupting you, but I need to make a proposition to this fine lady..."
-- Sarah McLUsky (x77tigersxu...), Today 3:01 PM. (later) (coco)

Actually, to be truly chivalrous, you have to ask their father first.
-- Matt DC (runmd...), Today 3:03 PM. (later) (Matt DC)

What if you don't fancy him?
-- Andrew Thames (cleanbridges

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 12 February 2003 15:07 (twenty-one years ago) link

-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), January 22nd, 2003.

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Has the one on the left eaten the one that uses the middle bowl?
-- Martin Skidmore (martin.skidmore...), January 22nd, 2003.

― j.lu (j.lu), Wednesday, 12 February 2003 17:40 (twenty-one years ago) link

it could be far, far worse.
ILM could be full of Winger.

[snipped current picture of Kip Winger]

-- janni (jannyank...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

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I had a neighbor once who was at one time full of Winger. But that's what you get for being a groupie and having low self confidence.

-- Carey (flembac...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 12 February 2003 21:21 (twenty-one years ago) link

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