shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

It must be true.

Now we know what to put on the fourth plinth: a giant marble Pret sandwich. Hell, let's replace Nelson with a big old hoisin duck wrap.

NBC Develops Winery-Set Supernatural Soap

Porpoises rescue Dick Van Dyke

EU officials envy quality of US diplomatic cables

Some Egyptian officials blame the Mossad for the deadly shark attacks in Sharm El-Sheik last week:

http://english.ahram.org.eg/NewsContent/1/64/1343/Egypt/Politics-/Experts-shoot-down-theory-that-Israel-is-behind-sh.aspx

the new york times

http://www.wired.com/threatlevel/2010/07/digital-drugs/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZcgUEkBIX0&feature=player_embedded#!

You can apparently get your digital fix here.

H.R. 2: Repealing the Job-Killing Health Care Law Act

Still love this guy

http://images.forbes.com/media/commentary/jflint.jpg

Officials fear bath salts are growing drug problem

Vice President Biden called for jury duty in Del.

(AP) – 1 hour ago

WILMINGTON, Del. (AP) — Joe Biden may be the nation's vice president, but that doesn't mean he can avoid fulfilling his civic duty.

Aides say Biden reported Monday morning for jury duty along with 100 others at the New Castle County courthouse in Delaware after receiving a jury summons.

"I don't consider myself different than any other person," Biden told The News Journal of Wilmington, Del. "This is important ... It is an honor to be a part of the system."

Biden and several Secret Service agents waited with other prospective jurors in the jury assembly room. During a break, staffers and security poured in from a side door to consult with the vice president. Biden said he had to make several calls on a secure telephone during the break, including one to President Barack Obama.

There was no word yet on whether Biden will be chosen to participate in a trial.

"Where you from, honey? Elsmere? Oh yeah, I know a great place over there that serves the best wings… Oh, hold on."

*cups the receiver*

"It's the President…"

*Screensaver appears on display*

Jodi Bieber won the World Press Photo award for her picture of a Middle Eastern woman who was disfigured by the Taliban.

Headlines, mostly in Belgium and Holland, apparently, where they're only just discovering such childish click-attracting misleading tabloid tactics:

Bieber Wins World Press Photo

wrong thread!

SEO hall of fame

ah
ok, sorry

Okay it's been 15 minutes and I still haven't stopped laughing at this

You know what? We saved money. I lost weight. Gained energy. And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

Whoopee time is good, but the whoopee time is better.

is it like the cushion?

Depends how much flab has been lost.

It's funnier if you actually picture somebody saying it. The whole thing just reminds me of this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rv9qs5WVHS8

"We had the whoopee time" is impossible to imagine without some think foreign accent for me.

thick*

I think ilx needs a thread about that article alone; it's terrible on so many levels and yet perfect in its own way.

http://www.nytimes.com/imagepages/2011/02/13/JP-SEARCH-2.html

http://www.nytimes.com/imagepages/2011/02/13/JP-SEARCH-2.html
"Google’s spam cop, Matt Cutts, was not pleased about a campaign to make JCPenney.com seem more popular."

http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2011/02/13/business/JP-SEARCH-2/JP-SEARCH-2-popup.jpg

"TSA was considering collecting DNA samples via Q-tip swab from the mouths of prospective airplane passengers. Steve Doocy pointed out how easy it would be to fake, saying 'all you gotta do is put someone else’s DNA in your mouth.'"

Will link a video when one shows up.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/03/110307130215.htm

Holy shit! Oh man thats great.

this was posted on I Love Vinyl but deserves a wider audience imho: http://www.bostonherald.com/entertainment/arts_culture/view/20110322young_people_with_old_souls_prefer_records_to_cds/srvc=home&position=recent

"her delicate hand on diamond-tipped stylus"

lol

Between this and
today's best piece of "rock criticism"

happy dadrock day, y'all.

lolling over these from that Herald article

She has a job, college plans, but also a peculiar passion for a 16-year-old: She’s a vinyl junkie.
That’s right, analog

...her delicate hand on diamond-tipped stylus to spin from the dusty stash of records she found in the basement of her grandfather — yes, grandfather

"SAY WHAAA-?" (spits out coffee)

that's right, analog. and yes -- grandfather.

lmbo

xpost

analog? SERIOUSLY?
her grandfather? YOU DON'T SAY

(exaggerated record scratch)

has the same tone as an NPR story, all wide eyed about what 'the kids' are doing these days

http://www.parade.com/news/backpage-OLD/mitch-albom/100418-take-in-a-real-game.html

Mitch Albom wrote an awful column on the "evil of fantasy baseball" that's way worse -

Spring is here, and throughout the land, baseball fans don their caps and root, root, root in the glowing warmth of...

...their computers?

Cliche...cliche...whaaaa?? **record scratch**

It's as if you took the best lines from Shakespeare and formed your own play. Or took rock's best guitar solos and strung them into "your" song. Fantasy baseball uses the talents but loses the stage. And in so doing, it loses much more.

The whole article is based on the completely ridiculous premise that fantasy players use it as a substitute for real baseball, which is something that absolutely no one does.

"Maybe people do it to feel like they're in charge of a real team. But it's nothing like a real team, believe me. A real team has personal problems, injuries, the long grind of the season. You plug in fantasy players, it's like robots. You're missing the human pulse."

The human pulse. Exactly. If you program a computer correctly, it can play an entire fantasy season without you. Try winning a real game without a human being on the mound.

You can practically see the smirk on his face right now!! "Yeah! You try winning a real game with a bunch of...of...robots!!"

I worry for this growing fantasy-sports world, not for what its followers are experiencing, but for what they're not. If you're so busy computing stats, you miss the real-life drama, you miss the physical artistry, you miss the electricity of a stadium and the unity of your neighbors cheering alongside you. Remember, no one does the wave alone in his basement.

Even if his premise was plausable at all, are we to accept the reason why you need to break out of your robot filled fantasy world is the wave"???

Baseball minus such things is just math. And let's be honest. Wasn't math class when we snuck the earphone from the transistor radio and enjoyed our original fantasies about the game?

*head explodes*

xpost I'm irrationally annoyed by Americans referring to vinyl records as "vinyls".

That's right, "vinyls".

didn't realise this was a US thing, if it is, but yeah fucking stop it

(loosely related: someone tried to clown me a couple of days ago for saying that 'records', as in, say, "I have a big record collection" or "I can't wait for the new Linkin Park record to come out" could legitimately be used to refer to music releases in general, not just vinyl, as he asserted. Am I dumb and/or weird for using it this way for the last 15 years or so?)

it should be ok. we say "album" still and you can't really say "CDs" anymore so it should be fine

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/38/20110324/tod-man-goes-on-shooting-spree-over-burr-045b8e8.html

http://www.newburyportnews.com/lifestyle/x1527122058/Port-teen-joins-Aspergers-comedy-troupe

omg

     
     This is not
       what a
      feminist
     looks like.
      Feminists
       are not
       shirts.