Next on the agenda: I expect they'll be having dirty anal sex on my white couch.

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Well, check yer e-mail etc, more later.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:42 (nineteen years ago) link

(and milo... that's terrifying...)

also: look at the snafu by the base of the toilet: the hair would be bad enough on its own, but ... dear mother of pearl necklaces ... what is that brown crap http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v208/jcoombs/hair.jpg ?

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:45 (nineteen years ago) link

Dude, tell him that after a week he owes rent because your roomie didn't clear this with you.

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:45 (nineteen years ago) link

Hahah wow man, you would HATE visitng my house if you think that is dirty :(

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:46 (nineteen years ago) link

As someone who has had massive roommate troubles, I'd like to chime in with another "that fucking sucks, dude". It's such a horrible feeling to come to the place you go to escape the problems the world throws at you, only to have to deal with more crap there.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:48 (nineteen years ago) link

thanks, all.

(xpost)

Trayce - if it were my roommate's it wouldn't bother me as much. Or if it were mine (though this is, for a number of reasons, unlikely), I'd deal with it. But this. is. gross.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:49 (nineteen years ago) link

so is your insurance policy likely to be voided when they stumble drunkenly off down the bottle shop leaving the door and window open, thus warmly inviting passersby to steal your stuff?

― gem (trisk), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:50 (nineteen years ago) link

likely, yes.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:50 (nineteen years ago) link

you really have to ask how long he will be staying and insist he pays partial rent if it's longer than a few days. also, keep us updated on their antics

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 03:09 (nineteen years ago) link

ugh, will do. I am going to go clean the bathroom.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 03:09 (nineteen years ago) link

Wield the 409 well.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 03:15 (nineteen years ago) link

You should take j4y aside at some point and let him know that it wasn't cool to simply inform you of a major change in your living situation. He probably did it that was because he knew exactly what would happen-- you'd feel like it was a fait accompli and you wouldn't say no. That's lame, and rude, and should never happen again.

― Laura E (laurae55), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 04:41 (nineteen years ago) link

Spray Glen-20 all up in his face and wait how long it takes him to ask WTF.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 04:44 (nineteen years ago) link

Or like, die.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 04:45 (nineteen years ago) link

Thing is about roommates is that there are two kinds. One will completely respect your needs as well and understand that certain types of behavior are not really polite, the other will at the very least take advantage of your good nature and hope that you won't call them on their transgressions and if you do, they'll resent you and make you feel like the "square" roomie.

I speak from experience, natch.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 04:47 (nineteen years ago) link

yep i've been the guilt-tripped "square" roomie too. hence my refusal to share my abode, ever again. my home is my castle etc, i reckon it's unacceptable to have to put up with other people's crap there when i just want to go home and relax from my insanely busy life.

― gem (trisk), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 04:49 (nineteen years ago) link

Gear, you're totally OTM - I was worried about the resented, 'square' feeling, but the fact that you've pinned it so closely sorta indicates to me that this isn't a singular situation. And that makes me feel slightly better. Insofar as spraying Glen 20... not much of that around here; perhaps a half-dose of WD-40 would work as well? & Laura - I'm sure he did it because he knew I wouldn't be able to get mad - curses!

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 04:51 (nineteen years ago) link

(err, xpost, but the x'ed post was good too).

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 04:52 (nineteen years ago) link

Tell me about it - when I mentioned the fucked up friendship earlier, it was a formerly close friend who moved in with me, until the girl menagerie came into the picture - he had about 4 girls on the go and didnt bother mentioning to me "oh by the way, none of them know about each other, so stumm" - some of the girls in question were also friends. I had no idea, I just assumed they were all cool with the casual thang, so I made the mistake of mentioning something about one girl on LJ, another one read it, and the leavings verily struck the air-moving implement. Like it was my bloody fault he's a lying toerag.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 04:53 (nineteen years ago) link

My roommate is ok some of the time though I kinda feel like I've been pushed into my room lately. I despise her boyfriend, though, but I guess he's a lot better than the last guy she was with so I shouldn't be too upset. I really won't miss listening to them fuck when we split up, nor will I miss the smell of her raunchy farts and shoes. I'm always the square roommate.

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 04:55 (nineteen years ago) link

Oh. I guess my negative contribution is totally my gassiness. If he wants to wage roommate war, he could always just point out that I'm fulla more air than a dirigible.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 04:57 (nineteen years ago) link

one of my soon-to-be-ex roommate's negative traits is her excessive gassiness, which makes her, um, "history" all the more nasty

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 05:16 (nineteen years ago) link

Sorta mushroom scented?

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 05:16 (nineteen years ago) link

I like to get back at roommates in subtle ways, sometimes in ways only I know about. For instance, I almost always piss in the sink here which seems fair.

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 05:18 (nineteen years ago) link

I'm secretly proud of the fact that all of my threads turn biological after a few legitimate posts.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 05:23 (nineteen years ago) link

what if they just eat pussy in your closet jer

― Free the Bee (ex machina), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 05:26 (nineteen years ago) link

The worst is when you're the calm, well adjusted mid-point between a neurotic, tidy housemate and a demonic slob housemate and you have to put up with all of their excesses AND the constant passive-aggressive power struggle between the two.

― Michael Philip Philip Philip Annoyman (Ferg), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 05:50 (nineteen years ago) link

I solve all this by being a slob and living with one. Mind you this means we are about close to being on Today Tonight for being dug out of our flat or something, but hey.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 05:58 (nineteen years ago) link

Tell J4y that the other guy has to move out by the weekend. Tell him that's all there is to it, no buts, no arguments. Don't waver.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 12:10 (nineteen years ago) link

Markelby OTM. I've been in this situation before. You need him out within a week. No ifs, no buts.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 12:14 (nineteen years ago) link

A little cheery wave in a flouncy kind of way should be OK though. Just to underline emphatically that you mean what you say.

xpost

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 12:15 (nineteen years ago) link

Gear, Mr. Trucker Hat was just trying to push all that smell back in.

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 12:44 (nineteen years ago) link

i had a similar problem once.
being "cool" with this will be seen as a sign of weakness. this is war and these people are now your enemies. if you do not burry them now you will never be rid of this "g14n" character.

― dysøn (dyson), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 17:16 (nineteen years ago) link

Okay... I just need some pep talk before I go into the next room and begin this schtick.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 02:57 (nineteen years ago) link

you can do it jeremy! just think of the white couch being besmirched by nasty cheap red wine and bong water. mmmmmm smelly bongwater mmmmm

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 02:58 (nineteen years ago) link

... getting closer.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 02:59 (nineteen years ago) link

Get off the Internet and CAUSE A COMMOTION!

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:01 (nineteen years ago) link

and think about all your favourite cds being pinched by opportunistic petty thieves spotting open doors and windows!

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:01 (nineteen years ago) link

MY TOWEL

Fucking kill him.

― Andrew (enneff), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:07 (nineteen years ago) link

that's it. I'm gone. Will report on the flip side.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:16 (nineteen years ago) link

I know someone called G14n. I did that annoying and incredibly rude thing where we said his name to each other for five minutes while I try to comprehend how to pronounce his name. I hate that. I knew I was being rude, but after a few attempts I had too much invested to stop. Probably not the same person though.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:19 (nineteen years ago) link

Next on the agenda: I expect they'll be having dirty anal sex on my white couch.

are they hot?

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:21 (nineteen years ago) link

I did that annoying and incredibly rude thing where we said his name to each other for five minutes while I try to comprehend how to pronounce his name.

Is it really that rude? I imagine if I had an odd name I'd appreciate people taking the effort to get it right.

― Andrew (enneff), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:22 (nineteen years ago) link

I'm excited, Jeremy's roomie troubles hold great promise!

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:23 (nineteen years ago) link

It seems rude to me, or I feel rude doing it. Every time I mispronounce it I feel like I'm adding an extra 'really' to 'your name is really wierd'. And he is asian, so it adds to my white guilt complex that I can't pronunce his name with ease.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:24 (nineteen years ago) link

Oooooookay... I did it. Here's what I said:

Me 'How long ago did you know G14n was coming?'
J4y 'Day before he arrived.'
Me 'Did you think of telling me?'
J4y 'It was late at night and ... I dunno, I don't keep tabs on what people are doing and I wasn't sure he'd come to LA, and I dunno... I dunno...'
Me 'How long will he be staying?'
J4y 'I dunno, why do you care? I mean, I dunno...'
Me 'I don't care if we're having a guest (though it would be nice to know in advance' but I do care if I come home from work and find that I have a new roommate. How about we try to keep this visit under a week?'
J4y 'I dunno, I mean...yeah, I guess so.'
Me ''cus otherwise I'm going to start collecting rent; this is a two-bedroom apartment, and it's small, and I didn't bargain for a third roommate. If it's a guest situation there's no problem, but if he's here for more than a week I'm going to ask him to pay. '
J4y 'Oh, I dunno... I don't think it's a long-term thing. But I don't see why you're freaking out about it.'
Me 'I'm not freaking out, I'm just trying to be as direct as possible. Anyways, make sure it doesn't hinder your looking for a job too much, because I know from experience what that can be like, and ... '

... conversation drifts off topic.

What's the appraisal?

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:33 (nineteen years ago) link

SASS

― why do old people and old users of ILX such bastardos (deangulberry), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:34 (nineteen years ago) link

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:35 (nineteen years ago) link

it's ace that you raised it and were so calm about it. but did you actually extract a straight answer from the other bloke? sounds like there was a lot of "uh i dunno" going on.

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:36 (nineteen years ago) link

Yeah, well, that's as good as I got. The two left immediately afterward. I was so nervous my voice cracked! I feel like I've stated my position clearly, though, in case of future argument. And I can always bring up this thread as proofz.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:38 (nineteen years ago) link

Skipping 169 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

I hate that I'm a doormat, but when I try to stand-up for myself I either come off as whiny & insincere or totally dick-headed and arbitrary. See, I think if you spend your life taking more shit than you give, people are always surprised when you respond appropriately and feel you're being nasty/mean. The idea, as far as I've figured it, is to be constantly open about one's misanthropy, and never be in a situation where one has to defend shit.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 06:40 (nineteen years ago) link

Yeah Rems, you're a dick. Congratulations. Here you go.
http://www.phantomranch.net/images/beads/namebadge_dick_03_small.jpg
"Semper dick-headed et arbitrary"

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 29 March 2005 06:45 (nineteen years ago) link

I'm seriously considering buying some shit on itunes w. J4y's credit card.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 06:47 (nineteen years ago) link

iTunes? oh jeez are you going to light him up for $1.98??? Doesn't he owe you $2K? J&R Music & Computer world, son.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 29 March 2005 06:50 (nineteen years ago) link

Hey, I do need a new monitor...

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 06:53 (nineteen years ago) link

Uhh Jer, despite everyone's hasslin' on you here, I know where you're coming from. Some of us dont find it easy to do a beatdown, especially on supposed friends. Yeah sure maybe we're doormats but it isnt easy. I hate having to lay down smacketh then feel like I'M the bitch the rest of the day.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 06:58 (nineteen years ago) link

Conversely some people seem to think everyone is a generous hippie..."yeah man, come and crash, here eat everything. Yo, bongwater spill, nah its ok, I'll clean it". ARGH.

I lost a v good friend in a situ very like this. I dealt with it badly but at the time I didnt know how else to handle it. He left owing me money and its taken some years for us to now be civil again. Meh. People are poo.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 07:00 (nineteen years ago) link

So what did you do, Remy, buy all the Criteirion DVDs ever? That'll set you back a few thousand -- or rather, set him back.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 12:54 (nineteen years ago) link

Ooh... she was up this morning, walking around the kitchen in just her (skimpy lime-green) undies. Hungover. I only met her last night, but she was well-familiar with me and hung on my arm when I offered her coffee.

Otherwise... I'm just keeping J4y's credit card for an opportune moment, since he has no idea where it is and is too inept to report it stolen.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 19:02 (nineteen years ago) link

Maybe you should share the credit card # with ILE. Since we've all been so supportive and given you such great advice.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 19:06 (nineteen years ago) link

I don't know that I would advocate doing anything that would get you arrested (like, say, credit card fraud) but you could totally call the credit card company and say you have Random Person's card, give them the info off of it and get it cancelled.

Also, it is imperative that you hit it with hot girl. On the couch.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 19:07 (nineteen years ago) link

Share her with us too.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 19:09 (nineteen years ago) link

For real Jer, even with all this crazy shit going on, still no one has had dirty anal sex on your white couch yet.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 19:15 (nineteen years ago) link

i can't see how one can have "clean" anal sex.. i mean. you're stabbing at poo

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 19:23 (nineteen years ago) link

You've never heard of using a milk enema during foreplay?

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 19:37 (nineteen years ago) link

When I am curled up in the foetal position tonight and gibbering to myself, my ask will ask me "What's wrong with you?" and all I'll be able to say is "YOU'RE STABBING AT POO".

― The Ghost of Phrase Of Nightmares (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 19:38 (nineteen years ago) link

Don't you mean your wife will wife you?

― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 19:42 (nineteen years ago) link

YOU'RE STABBING AT POO

― The Ghost of It's Starting Already (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 19:48 (nineteen years ago) link

one month passes...

I just lobbed a kitchen bag full of water at a couple having sex in the backseat of a car behind my building. Sadly the digital camera is broken or we would have taken pictures as it happened.
No word on if it was anal sex.

― Rufus 3000 (Mr Noodles), Saturday, 28 May 2005 21:42 (eighteen years ago) link

what's wrong with sex?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 28 May 2005 21:43 (eighteen years ago) link

yeah man.. it's not as if he did it at the backseat of YOUR car.

― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 28 May 2005 21:46 (eighteen years ago) link

It wasn't his parking spot.

― Rufus 3000 (Mr Noodles), Saturday, 28 May 2005 21:47 (eighteen years ago) link

I haven't read this thread since it reappeared (until now) and I am convulsing with giggles at the "stabbing at poo" thing. I am giggling just typing it, and it's not even really *that* funny, but there is something about the phrase "stabbing at poo" that is really really getting to me right now.

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 28 May 2005 21:50 (eighteen years ago) link

HATER (xpost)

― Community Cornerstone (deangulberry), Saturday, 28 May 2005 21:54 (eighteen years ago) link

Don't fuck 10 feet away from me while my patio window is open.

― Rufus 3000 (Mr Noodles), Saturday, 28 May 2005 21:59 (eighteen years ago) link

I'm going to.

― Community Cornerstone (deangulberry), Saturday, 28 May 2005 22:03 (eighteen years ago) link

You won't, but that's alright.

― Rufus 3000 (Mr Noodles), Saturday, 28 May 2005 22:06 (eighteen years ago) link

Start filling that bag, bro.

― Community Cornerstone (deangulberry), Saturday, 28 May 2005 22:11 (eighteen years ago) link

But that's what he was doing to get us to this point in the first place.

― Rufus 3000 (Mr Noodles), Saturday, 28 May 2005 22:18 (eighteen years ago) link

You should have applauded and held up a sign saying 7.0

― Trayce (trayce), Sunday, 29 May 2005 04:09 (eighteen years ago) link

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