this is the thread where you copy and paste whatever other posts on ilx made you laugh out loud

"they're pretty much looking for what any critic might: tenderness, flavor, aroma etc. "
oops, I thought this was the "what do men want out of a relationship" thread!

-- Horace Mann

-- Mark C (boyincorduro...), Today 11:18 PM. (later)

That sounds like something from a gangster's handbook.
-- N

i wanted to be loved for being myself. now i dont give a shit.

-- donna (donnalorele...), Today 11:33 PM.

-- Bill E (bill_...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

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That would be hilarious.

-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

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(for both parties)

-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

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"Hello ILX, this is my date (please limit ravishing to five minutes each thx)."

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

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"(and *I'll* deal with the double-penetration, thanks)"

-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

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To anyone reading this thread out of context, that looks totally appalling.

-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

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Isn't that the porno version of 'Planes, Trains and Automobiles'?
-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 11th, 2003.

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(the boat bits are boring)
-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 11th, 2003.

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It's Irish for 'Wine, women and song'.
-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 11th, 2003.

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"PHWOAR LOOK AT THE KEEL ON THAT ONE"
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 11th, 2003.

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Shall I drop anchor for you Dan?
-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 11th, 2003.

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"MY GOD YOU CAN SEE HER BARNACLES!"
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 12th, 2003.

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Shiver your timbers?
-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 12th, 2003.

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"I'VE NEVER SEEN PORTHOLES LIKE THAT, I BET THEY'RE FAKE"
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 12th, 2003.

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 11th, 2003.

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Yes, Dan, his name was John and apparently he later wrote a hit novelty song about the experience.
-- nabisco (--...), February 11th, 2003.

(from the "Why haven't I had my period" thread.

-- Matt DC (runmd...), Today 2:55 PM. (later) (Matt DC)

I think it would be even better if you walked up to a group of people already deep in conversation and said, "Pardon me. I am so sorry for interrupting you, but I need to make a proposition to this fine lady..."
-- Sarah McLUsky (x77tigersxu...), Today 3:01 PM. (later) (coco)

Actually, to be truly chivalrous, you have to ask their father first.
-- Matt DC (runmd...), Today 3:03 PM. (later) (Matt DC)

What if you don't fancy him?
-- Andrew Thames (cleanbridges

-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), January 22nd, 2003.

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Has the one on the left eaten the one that uses the middle bowl?
-- Martin Skidmore (martin.skidmore...), January 22nd, 2003.

[snipped current picture of Kip Winger]

-- janni (jannyank...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

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I had a neighbor once who was at one time full of Winger. But that's what you get for being a groupie and having low self confidence.

-- Carey (flembac...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

-- fletrejet (fletreje...) (webmail), Today 11:32 AM. (later) (link)

-- Chris Piuma (chri...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

-- donut bitch (do...)

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

I like the idea that it could be about vaginal fisting (use your hands, indeed) , but it probably isn't. I hate everything else about it.

-- edward o (edward...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

-- g.cannon

-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

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femidoms. remember them?
-- DV (dirtyvica...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

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And the lubricant issue is solved *how*?
-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

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you just have to work at it.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

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Working at it involves more squeaking than I am willing to deal with.
-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

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obvious solution: WD-40.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

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THINK OF THE SHEETS.
-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

-- lawrence kansas (lawrence_kansa...), February 13th, 2003.

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Since I have no idea what the other Raggetts look like, I am forced to imagine a half-dozen Neds sitting around the living room watching tv and giving each other back massages.

-- Chris Piuma (chri...), February 12th, 2003. (Chris Piuma)

We couldn't tell if they were fucking or if he was smacking her around with a phone book. We finally decided that he must have been climbing on top of the dresser next to the bed and taking flying leaps at her.

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), Today 3:44 PM. (later) (Dan Perry)

-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 13th, 2003. (Lara)

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iYou can only give a good back rub if you want to. I often get bored as massaging a semi-naked boyfriend's with oil has a tendency to make my mind wander... The temptation to rub oil on myself takes over and then slip, slip, slide!!

-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 13th, 2003. (Lara)

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http://www.yesterdayland.com/images/popopedia/shows/toys/ty1286.jpg

-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), February 13th, 2003. (coco)

-- stevem (bluesk...), February 13th, 2003.

-- nabisco (---...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

(P.S., Ned: I read this section of that thread to my bandmate... ;-)

Wanking at Tatu does not count as creativity, Tom.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 14th, 2003.

-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), February 14th, 2003. (later)

-- felicity (felicityredwel...), February 14th, 2003. (later)

-- Amateurist (amateuris...) (webmail), Today 11:31 AM. (later) (amateurist) (link)

The idea of footnoting the explanation of "people" just caught me really funny :)

-- Andrew Thames (cleanbridge...), February 14th, 2003. (later) (Andrew Thames)
WARNING: DO NOT ALLOW ANDREW THAMES TO PERFORM ORAL SEX ON YOU.

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 14th, 2003. (later) (Dan Perry)

-- nabisco (--...), February 15th, 2003. (later) (link)

So is Graham. So is N.

Graham is very talented with computers.

Tom E: you know how you and I agree about doing Creative Things that are not posting to ilx? I have got a grebt idea for a Creative Thing that I would like you to do. It involves changing one large word on my recent Lloyd Cole article.

-- the pinefox (pinefo...), February 14th, 2003. (later) (link)
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-- jazmin cusse (jazchudios...), February 15th, 2003.

-- janni (jannyank...), February 15th, 2003 8:15 AM.

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How could I take that the wrong way? What, like as a suppository?
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), February 15th, 2003 8:52 AM.

When Avatar scores a point against alpha male / runt, hisses erupt from stalls. 'Leave off, he's not feeling himself today!' Avatar realises he has fatally failed to check phatic / grooming threads before weighing in.

Avatar, switching metaphors dangerously now, calls star witnesses to court; Shakespeare, Picasso, Chomsky and Lenny Bruce. 'Audience' pronounces Shakespeare, Picasso, Chomsky and Bruce cunts.

Thread continues for 536 more posts, 385 of which are from Avatar.

Avatar leaves message board for six months / minutes, or however long it takes for shagging and making pop records to seem less interesting than spinning out threads.

-- Avatar (nic...), October 27th, 2002 4:30 PM. (link)

AND, Sorry Martin:

Admittedly, I quite like being insulted, admittedly. It keeps my interest intact. And is anyone else up for insulting? As Steve Gerber demonstrated in issues 113-121 of Daredevil, the dark veneer conceals a hideous underbelly. And is anyone else up for comparing me to Ross Kemp? Admittedly my features might be somewhat obscured today by the 543 Proper 4CD box sets which I bought at a rock bottom price in the HMV sale. I must alphabetise these and prioritise their listening order, with enough free time to enable me to reach the Glasshouse Stores by, oh I'd say, 5:47 pm.

-- Martyn Skidmark (marcellocarli...), October 28th, 2002 12:33 PM. (link)