non-narrative music

I mean Bach's the king of ending minor and starting major (and vice versa), ending in different keys, using unusual passing chords, etc.

your probably right about that; my ears aren't classically trained. but i feel that most of that stuff is at the "fine grain" level and that most of what i've said holds at a coarser-grained scale.

Bach's music is just as "narrative" as the classical music that would come after. It's only easier to zone out to because it's more texturally complex and you need to be more trained/listen more intently to follow the "narrative."