Can centaurs masturbate?

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

Not all messages are displayed: show all messages (53 of them)

ost people are curious
Some wanna get dirt on
The Centaur; I'm famous
I walk around with no shirt on
The easiest way would be for you to lie face down
I'm a man
But I'm built like a horse from the waist down
People are afraid of me but act like they love me
Feast your eyes upon my nudity
I am Beauty AND the Beast
I have plenty to say
But nobody listens because my cock is so big
And the end of it glistens; so I'm famous for it
"Freaky" is what everyone's name is for it
Sure, it's larger than yours
I'm a CENTAUR for Chrissakes!
I like to eat rice cakes and listen to classical music
I'm told passion is my specialty
But really I'm old-fashioned
I'm quite well-built
As fas as physiques go
So people seem to think that I belong in a freak show
They wanna have pictures taken
Constantly assumin' that my sex drive
is three times that of a normal human
Askin' silly questions like I'm their personal mentor
All they care about is my big dick because I'm the centaur
The porno industry
Wants to pay me lots of money to appear in books and movie
'Cause they think I look funny
But I'm lookin' for true love
Not groupies and freaks
More than a huge cock - I have a complicated mind
I'm not the favorite kind of companion
For the average person
Sometimes things start well
But eventually worsen when sex becomes a problem
Or else they're unimpressed with the attention that you get
Bein' a centaur's love interest
You don't care about my next life
Just my ex-wife and the intimate details of our sex life
Most people are curious
Some wanna get dirt on
The Centaur; I'm famous
I walk around with no shirt on
The easiest way would be for you to lie face down
I'm a man
But I'm built like a horse from the waist down

― Whiney G. Weingarten (whineyg), Sunday, 8 October 2006 03:27 (seventeen years ago) link

thanks whiney, i was about to post that, also my favourite peice of Centaur Art:

http://artyzm.com/obrazy/bocklin_centaur.jpg

― anthony easton (anthony), Sunday, 8 October 2006 04:25 (seventeen years ago) link

oh a presupposition fallacy

― a name means a lot just by itself (lfam), Sunday, 8 October 2006 04:32 (seventeen years ago) link

i somehow find it more disturbing that the centaur in ian's picture has a curly john oates-style mullet than a horse-cock.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Sunday, 8 October 2006 05:03 (seventeen years ago) link

centaurs are asexual, like mules.

― jel -- (jel), Sunday, 8 October 2006 09:49 (seventeen years ago) link

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/00/pics/00tcentaur2.jpg

― AaronK (AaronK), Sunday, 8 October 2006 13:12 (seventeen years ago) link

I didn't think mules were asexual, just sterile.

― Andi Headphones (Andi Headphones), Sunday, 8 October 2006 22:33 (seventeen years ago) link

Your search - asexual mule - did not match any documents.

― Eppy (Eppy), Sunday, 8 October 2006 22:36 (seventeen years ago) link

my favourite peice of Centaur Art

Centaurt

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Monday, 9 October 2006 11:02 (seventeen years ago) link

I see no one's bothered to answer the actual question.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 9 October 2006 11:03 (seventeen years ago) link

Replace 'actual' with the more accurate 'asinine and meaningless' and perhaps you'll have a clue why.

― It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (Austin, Still), Monday, 9 October 2006 11:32 (seventeen years ago) link

Oh, I see, this is a place for serious and meaningful questions only.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 9 October 2006 11:39 (seventeen years ago) link

Okay Tuomas the answer is YES centaurs can masturbate, however they need to either be very limber or utilize a specialized grappling doohickey. Why is this important? Are YOU a centaur?

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Monday, 9 October 2006 11:43 (seventeen years ago) link

I saw this thread and thought it was the title of the next Fighting Fantasy album.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 9 October 2006 11:44 (seventeen years ago) link

> Oh, I see, this is a place for serious and meaningful questions only.

Not at all. But perhaps you should adjust your expectations about replies based on which question you ask.

― It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (Austin, Still), Monday, 9 October 2006 11:50 (seventeen years ago) link

More important questions...

Can horses masturbate?
Can elephants masturbate?
When hobbits masturbate, are their loads proportional to their diminished size, or do they launch full-sized man-loads?

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Monday, 9 October 2006 14:30 (seventeen years ago) link

i was under the impression that centaurs didn't have privates. you know, NOTHING DOWN BELOW!!

― gunther heartymeal (keckles), Monday, 9 October 2006 21:51 (seventeen years ago) link

Like anyone with the face and torso of a classical hero and the penis of a horse needs to even think about masturbation...

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 9 October 2006 21:56 (seventeen years ago) link

catherine the great to thread

― You've Got Scourage On Your Breath (Haberdager), Monday, 9 October 2006 21:58 (seventeen years ago) link

centaur_clit-on.jpg

― gbx (skowly), Monday, 9 October 2006 22:04 (seventeen years ago) link

Okay Tuomas the answer is YES centaurs can masturbate, however they need to either be very limber or utilize a specialized grappling doohickey. Why is this important? Are YOU a centaur?

maybe he wants to market his services to the not-so-limber folks in the centaur community?!?

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 9 October 2006 22:07 (seventeen years ago) link

Oh noooo, the first disk of first season has a "very long" wait. : (((( Jib, you will be ahead of us.

― Laurel (Laurel), Monday, 9 October 2006 22:11 (seventeen years ago) link

Wrong thred. Obv.

― Laurel (Laurel), Monday, 9 October 2006 22:13 (seventeen years ago) link

centaurs totally don't bang.

― gunther heartymeal (keckles), Monday, 9 October 2006 22:26 (seventeen years ago) link

If Zeus and Odin got into a fight, who would win?

This question has apparently never been asked on ile! :0

― The Vintner's Lipogram (OleM), Monday, 9 October 2006 22:34 (seventeen years ago) link

it's a centaur sex story site, & it's called boytaur.net, & it makes me uncomfortable

― King-a-Ling (King-a-Ling), Monday, 9 October 2006 23:23 (seventeen years ago) link

If Zeus and Odin got into a fight, who would win?

this question really needs to be posted in one of those dark/deathmetal threads.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 9 October 2006 23:44 (seventeen years ago) link

four weeks pass...

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 6 November 2006 23:40 (seventeen years ago) link

Hello, how could anyone even say Zeus could even give Odin a purple nurple, much less destroy him!

― Abbott (Abbott), Tuesday, 7 November 2006 00:12 (seventeen years ago) link

two years pass...

http://stormwreath.livejournal.com/84030.html

― velko, Tuesday, 25 August 2009 03:47 (fourteen years ago) link

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.